Title: Prelude to Vengeance
Author: silver_dragon
Rating: PG
Spoilers: A LOT from Jedi Apprentice 15: The Death of Hope. And some from pretty much every Jedi Apprentice book where Tahl is involved. Actually . . . I bet there's some from every Jedi Apprentice book. Hehe, ignore my babbling.
Summary: Takes place directly after The Death of Hope. Obi-Wan must help Qui-Gon try to recover from his loss, but Qui-Gon seems beyond help now and takes it all out on the one closest to him: Obi-Wan. Now their bond is in more danger than ever before.
******
Obi-Wan glanced at his master. Pace. Pace. Turn. Pace. Pace. Turn. He was getting dizzy from watching Qui-Gon, so he quickly looked at the wall. Eritha was standing off to one side, glancing blankly at the floor.
Obi-Wan could feel the surge of bitterness and despair in his Master, but he wasn't sure what to do. He just needed to say something. So he tried. "Qui-Gon, there was nothing you could have done to save Tahl. You did the best you could."
To his surprise, Qui-Gon glared at him. "There is something you could have done!" he snapped. "Maybe if you had saved the probe droid or managed to not injure yourself or maybe if you'd just not gone off to save a village that was already doomed to the fate of the Absolutes, then Tahl would be alive now."
Obi-Wan's jaw dropped as guilt swam through him. "I was trying to - "
"Do or do not," Qui-Gon said tightly. "There is no try. You would do well to remember that in the next few minutes."
Obi-Wan fell silent. He had seen Qui-Gon angry before, but this was different. Qui-Gon was beyond anger now. Obi-Wan lowered his head, struggling to bite back the rest of his hot words.
"Qui-Gon," Eritha said softly. "Obi-Wan was doing what was right when he went back to the village with Yanci."
There was total silence. At last, Obi-Wan heard Qui-Gon sigh softly. "I apologize, Obi-Wan," he said, sounding as if the words were being forced from him. They probably were, Obi-Wan thought. "I know that you were trying to do what was right. And - I know that it was circumstances that you couldn't control that caused you to delay us."
The words, when phrased in that manner, only caused Obi-Wan's guilt to double. "I'm sorry, Master," he said.
Qui-Gon only continued staring at the wall. Eritha had resumed her position in the corner of the room, but she raised her hand and shot Obi-Wan a sympathetic look. Obi-Wan sighed again. Any minute now the Council doors would open and they would be forced to relive every single second of that fateful mission that had killed Tahl. The Council would be both angry and saddened.
Probably angry at him for causing the death of a Jedi and sad because they had lost one of the greatest Jedi. And Obi-Wan still wasn't sure how Bant would react to this all. The only second he had seen her in his three days back at the Temple had been when she was running to her shared rooms with Tahl.
Her red-rimmed eyes, filled with accusation had glared at Obi-Wan before running out of sight. Obi-Wan sighed again and dropped his face into his hands. My fault. Everything was my fault. I should have remembered to protect our swoop. And the probe droid. And I should have obeyed Qui-Gon and just ignored the village massacre. But . . . how could I have?
Questions whirled around in his mind even as he sought to find his calm center. Why was he having trouble with it again? The last time I couldn't find my calm was back on Melida/Daan. Back when Qui-Gon and I had been torn apart for the first time. Is this foreshadowing of what will happen next?
He didn't have time to reflect on it, which was probably a good thing, because the council doors swung open with a soft hiss. He heard Qui-Gon flinch visibly. That same sound had been the last Tahl had made.
Slowly, methodically, Qui-Gon moved towards the door, Eritha following him, and then Obi-Wan. He could see the Council's impassive expressions even before he entered the room.
"Master Qui-Gon Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, Eritha," Master Windu began solemnly. "We have grave news from New Apsolon."
"Is it something we don't already know?" Qui-Gon asked sarcastically.
Windu's eyes flashed and he turned his fierce gaze on Qui-Gon, but Yoda shook his head slightly. Mace's face smoothed out and his eyes projected understanding. "No, Master Qui-Gon, this is a new development. Alani - " he shot a look at Eritha - "Is in grave danger."
****
"How so?" Qui-Gon asked coolly.
"The Absolutes have turned against her," Mace said. "Balog has raised them to what he calls his grand cause. He is exactly like her: using people when they are good, betraying them when they are not."
Eritha had grown paler, but she kept silent. Obi-Wan knew that the younger sister, who knew how to respect others, would not speak out her thoughts against the Jedi Council. So the role fell to him. "Are we to go back?" he asked. "It's only right that - "
"There goes that word again!" Qui-Gon burst out, taking a furious step towards Obi-Wan. "Stop. Trying. To. Do. What. Is. Right!" he spat out the last word. "Don't you understand anything, Obi-Wan? There is no room for high ideals anymore in a world where the one who inspires idealism is dead! Dead!" he cried hoarsely.
"Qui-Gon!" Ki-Adi-Mundi said sharply. "Restrain yourself!"
Qui-Gon backed off to his normal position and closed his eyes. Through their bond, Obi-Wan could sense Qui-Gon's internal struggle to push away his anger. Slowly, Qui-Gon opened his eyes again. "I'm calm now," he said, turning to Obi-Wan. "Padawan . . . "
"No," Obi-Wan said shortly. He himself was running short on patience. Qui-Gon could erupt in front of the Council and it would be okay, but if he, Obi-Wan, even clenched his fists, then he would get reprimanded. It wasn't fair. "I'm going," he said, giving the Council a nod of his head. "It's clear that I'm the one who is blamed here."
"Obi-Wan," Eritha started, making the Council turn in surprise. Few dared to speak out in front of the Council without permission. "Please. Stay."
Obi-Wan left.
tbc