Let Your Walls Come Down (Letters to Jacob)
Summary: Seeing that Bella isn't recovering from her crippling depression, Charlie decides to take extreme measures to get his daughter back. Bella's journey to find herself and become stronger.
Chapter One: A Father's Concern
"The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature."
― Abbé Prévost, Manon Lescaut
Time passes even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
- Bella Swan
(Charlie's P.O.V)
She wasn't eating. He had been watching her stare into her bowl of cereal for the last ten minutes and she hadn't taken a single bite.
"Bella, are you going to eat that?" I asked, in concern.
She'd already been skinny before…but now…it was like looking at a skeleton. Her hair was limp and had lost its shine.
She continued to look in her bowl and she was holding her spoon in her hand but she wasn't doing anything. It's like she was a mannequin; Only there for show.
"Bella, you have to eat something," I pressed.
There were bags under her eyes making her look like a raccoon. Her eyes were glazed and unfocused. It's like she wasn't even aware that I was sitting here.
"Bella?" I called, snapping my fingers at her and her spoon slipped from her fingers, falling to the floor with a Clang.
She didn't even twitch.
My fist came down on the table.
"That's It, Bella! I'm Sending You Home!" I exclaimed, unable to take anymore.
Bella looked up from her bowl of, now soggy, cereal and stared at me in shock. She looked lost and I knew then that she hadn't been listening to what I was saying.
"I am home," she mumbled, confused.
"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," I clarified.
I had been thinking about it for a while. I thought that maybe, with some time, she would get better…but now…
She was like a ghost, haunting my house. She moved from room to room silently and just went through the motions. She screamed at night, howling in her grief. She didn't even register when people were talking to her anymore.
In the beginning, she'd been better at pretending. Especially with her mother hanging around waiting to take her back to Phoenix at any moment. She could concentrate on her school work until her work was done. She could hold a conversation as well as anyone. She fooled him with earnestness and if I didn't know her well…I would never have seen it.
She was… empty. Her eyes were blank, like her soul was gone, and she was just going through the motions. But once René was gone…all that effort stopped.
She stopped listening to music and I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read anymore and she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. It wasn't hard to see what she was doing. She was avoiding everything that might remind her of Carlisle's son.
It was like living in a landmine. The littlest things would make her flinch like she was being hit and I was so worried about saying something that would upset her. But she would just answer if I asked her something and she would talk to her mom when she called.
But she didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they all stopped calling. Well, almost all of them. Jacob still called to check on her from time to time but Bella usually just held the phone up to her ear without saying anything until he hung up.
After a while, she stopped even trying to function. Sure, she hadn't missed a day of school or work. But her grades were terrible. Her teachers called and said that most of the time she didn't even write her name. She just spent the whole hour staring into space. She never left the house anymore except to go to school or work and her cooking was bland and tasteless…. not that she was actually tasting any of it. Just a few bites, enough to keep her body going, then she'd just sit there, staring blankly at me, the wall, or her food, until our meal was over…and now here we were.
I frowned, as I waited for her to understand what I was saying.
"What did I do?" she asked, her face falling.
"You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything." I said.
"You want me to get into trouble?" she questioned, her brows furrowing.
This was the most attention I had gotten from her in the last 3 months and I was trying my best not to waste it. Already I could see the signs of her preparing to shut me out again.
"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!" I exclaimed and she flinched as if I had slapped her.
"I am not moping around." She protested.
"Wrong word," I reluctantly agreed. "Moping would be better—that would be doing something. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."
Bella flinched again and then sighed.
"I'm sorry, Dad." She said, but there was no feeling behind her words.
There was never any feeling in anything she did anymore. It was like she was a blank slate.
"I don't want you to apologize." I said.
She sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do."
"Bella," I hesitated, studying her reaction, if this conversation went badly, I might not get another chance at this. "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."
"I know that." Her face scowled but her eyes was lifeless and indifferent.
"Listen, honey. I think that—that maybe you need some help." I blurted.
"Help?" she repeated.
I paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," I started, frowning at the, still painful, memory, "and took you with her." I inhaled deeply, tying to keep my voice strong. "Well, that was a really bad time for me."
"I know, Dad," she mumbled, but I could tell that she really didn't get it and maybe she never would.
"But I handled it," I pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better." I stared at her and she looked down. "I think we both know it's not getting better."
"I'm fine." She lied and I ignored her.
"Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it…a professional." I suggested.
"You want me to see a shrink?" she asked sharply and I couldn't help but rejoice in the face of her anger.
"Maybe it would help." I pushed.
"And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit." She snapped and I examined her stubborn expression, and decided switched to another line of attack.
"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother—" I started, remember how much better she was when René was around.
"Look," she said in an unconcerned voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."
"That's not what I want," I argued, frustrated that she still wasn't getting it. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."
Understanding shined in her eyes and she hurriedly looked down at the table.
"I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out." She fibbed, and I never realized how terrible of a liar she was.
"I want you to be happy—no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks."
René was my first choice but if she really didn't want to go to Phoenix then I had one other option. Hopefully, it didn't come to that though.
Her eyes flashed with irritation.
"I'm not leaving," she stated.
"Why not?" I demanded.
"I'm in my last semester of school—it would screw everything up." She tried.
"You're a good student—you'll figure it out." I said, but honestly, I wasn't sure.
With the grades she was pulling, she probably wasn't going to graduate this year.
"I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil." She threw out.
"Your mother's been dying to have you back." I felt myself getting frustrated.
"Florida is too hot."
My fist came down on the table again.
"We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." I took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him."
She glared at me, her neck turning pink in her anger.
"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," she muttered, and how I wish that was true.
"Bella—,"I started, my voice thick as I struggled not to tear up.
Edward Cullen had broken my little girl and she was still waiting for him to come put her back together.
"I have to get to school," she interrupted, standing up and yanking her untouched breakfast from the table.
She dumped her bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I could tell that our conversation had affected her, I could only hope that it inspired her to want to live again…but I didn't want to get my hopes up.
"I'll make plans with Jessica," she called over her shoulder as she strapped on her school bag, not meeting my eyes. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."
She was out the front door before I could react.
I could only hope that hanging with Jessica would be good for her.
….
"You went to a bar!" I shouted, angrily.
Bella didn't look the least bit sorry.
"You wanted me to go out," she mumbled.
"Not to a bar and I certainly didn't tell you to get on the back of some strange man's motorcycle! What were you thinking? You could have been kidnapped or killed or…" I trailed off with a shudder.
"Relax, dad. He was just some boring middle age guy with a bike," she said, and I wanted to strangle her.
"But you didn't know that! You didn't just endanger yourself. What about Jessica? You left her back at the bar alone with two strange guys. What if you had come back and she was gone? What would you tell her mom?" I asked, and Bella looked at me unconcerned.
"Nothing happened," she said, and, thinking our conversation over, went to her room.
I knew then that I was in over my head.
Bella wouldn't go back to Phoenix with René and I knew that her mother wouldn't have the heart to force her.
What Bella needed was tough love and someone who could get through to her.
I made my way to my phone for option 2.
"Hey…. Yeah, it's me," Charlie took a deep breath, "I need a favor…it's about your niece,"
Author's note: Sometimes, I think that all Bella needed was a firm hand and some discipline. Just have Charlie bend her over his knee and spank her, Lol
Be updating other stories soon.