A Woman's Reflections on Politics, Public Service, & the Art of Motherhood

by Liss Webster

"Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct." – Thomas Jefferson
"To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself." – George Orwell
"Men are what their mothers made them." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

i.

There is too much going on in Maryse's life; she is fighting to keep her head above water. Her eldest child just tried to kill himself. She is craven and tells herself it was the spell. She cannot prioritise that right now.

ii.

Idris is alive with gossip and paranoia. Maryse has, over the years, occasionally wished she were less involved in Clave politics; now she thinks it wouldn't have made any difference. Everything is politics in Idris. Everywhere, people are talking about Valentine, about the Circle, about Clarissa Fairchild and the New York Institute. And the Lightwoods. And about Robert Lightwood, and did you hear. It is inescapable.

Maryse worked so hard to try and redeem the Lightwoods after they realised what Valentine Morgenstern was really planning. She had given everything she was to the Clave; she and Robert had brought up their children to do the same. Public service was their heritage and their duty.

It feels like her life, like her whole world, is crumbling away from her, like there's nothing to hold on to.

iii.

They took Jace in when he was ten; he is her son. How could she allow political strategizing to overcome that? Maryse sits at the table, drinking tea, as Max wolfs down his breakfast opposite her. Robert is not around. Maryse is silent, but she remembers, too clearly, mornings just the same when she talked about the importance of the Clave, of conforming, of Alec and Isabelle letting down the Lightwood name, of Jace being nobody to them.

She is ashamed. She clears her throat, and puts down her tea. Max looks up.

iv.

She does not know how to reach Isabelle. They have grown farther and farther apart since Isabelle was little more than a child. Maryse is afraid it will take almost nothing for the bond of mother and daughter to break entirely. She thinks about Jocelyn, and Clary's determination to save her mother. Maryse wonders if Isabelle would be so determined.

v.

There are rumours in Idris about Alec and Magnus Bane. Maryse has been ignoring them, unresponsive, hoping that the problem would solve itself. But she's beginning to realise that to hope Alec and Magnus come to nothing is to wish unhappiness on her son. She has always desperately wanted Alec to be happy – perhaps, she thinks now, because she unconsciously always knew that he wasn't. Magnus seems to make Alec happy; she should be glad about that. But Maryse understands their society only too well, and Alec has chosen a hard path. To the outside, Alec looks like a man who needs little protection from anyone else, but Maryse knows he's the most fragile of her children. (She thinks it may be her fault. By the Angel, she thinks it's her fault.)

vi.

There is a war coming.

Maybe the war is already here.

Maryse hopes her children will survive it.

Maryse hopes her children will not make the mistakes she has.

vii.

In the morning, Maryse is dressed and composed. She sees Max off, and notes – unemotionally – Robert's absence. The day is ahead of her, and Maryse still believes in the importance of public service and the Lightwood name. But today she acknowledges to herself that there are things that are more important, that deserve protection before the interests of the Clave.

She will not forget that again.

FIN