(Scene opens with GATSBY lying on a table, supposedly dead. Enter NICK.)
NICK (to himself): This is terrible. I've been here for days. You would think that one person might take the time to come and pay their respects. But I suppose if no one is dangling free liquor in front of their noses, why would they bother to come? And I expected more from Daisy. After all, she's the real reason why this happened. Her and Tom! He's just as responsible for Gatsby's death as George Wilson.
GATSBY (whispering): Nick… Nick…
(NICK looks around perplexed.)
NICK: Must have been the wind. It is rather drafty in here.
GATSBY: Nick… Find someone. Find someone for me, Old Sport!
NICK (standing straight, slightly startled): Whoa. I could have sworn-
(He rapidly turns to GATSBY who lies back down, pretending to be dead.)
NICK: Ha. Must have just been my imagination. I really need to get some sleep.
GATSBY: Find her, Nick. Why isn't she here? Where is she?
(NICK turns a bit more quickly this time to see GATSBY who is now starting to sit up. NICK takes a few steps back, terrified.)
NICK (stuttering): You… You're a… GHOST!!
(NICK begins to whimper.)
GATSBY: No! Not so loud, Old Sport. I'm not a ghost. It's me! Jay Gatsby!
NICK: Gatsby?
GATSBY: Yes!
NICK: But… I thought you were-
GATSBY: Yes, I know. Let me explain what happened, Old Sport. The other day, when I was lounging in my pool, I noticed a stranger creeping up behind me. He had a gun and I thought that he was planning on using it against me. He lifted it towards me and I thought for sure it was the end. As soon as I heard the shot go off, I closed my eyes. But when I opened them, I saw that he hadn't shot me. He had killed himself. You can imagine how frightened I was. After all, it's not every day a complete stranger kills himself on your property. Though I was a bit startled, I realized that it was my one and final chance to win Daisy.
NICK: Wait… How could that be? I saw the bullet wound myself!
GATSBY: It was quite convincing, wasn't it? It took me three hours to paint it on.
NICK: And the blood?
GATSBY: I dumped a few gallons of red wine into the pool.
NICK: Wait… So am I to understand that you faked your own death and somehow this is going to help you win Daisy back?
GATSBY: Yes! When she comes to mourn at my wake, I will tell her the truth and convince her to run away with me! After all, when will I ever be able to speak to Daisy again without Tom being around? This is my one and only hope. I do hope she won't be too frightened.
NICK: I don't think she will be.
GATSBY: No?
NICK: To be honest, I really don't think she's coming.
GATSBY: Why wouldn't she? She loves me. I just need to remind her of it.
NICK: Gatsby… I am saying that I do not believe Daisy is coming to your wake. She made her choice. She wants to be with Tom.
GATSBY: No! I don't believe that! My death was horrible. It was tragic! I'm sure it's all through the newspapers by now.
NICK: Um… Not meaning to sound unfeeling… But people think you were shot to death while playing on a floaty-tube. That's not all that dignified.
GATSBY: What are you implying?
NICK: I'm just saying that probably it's not all through the newspapers. And that could be the reason why no one's bothered to-
GATSBY: What?
NICK: Uh! Nothing!
GATSBY: Wait… Are you telling me that not one person has visited me yet?
NICK: Well… Not exactly… There was this one couple who stopped by hoping that you were having a party. When they realized that you weren't, they became rather angry and threw garbage on your lawn.
GATSBY: Oh god!
NICK: Don't feel too bad. Obviously they weren't your real friends.
GATSBY: Yes… That's true… Who needs them anyway? At least I have a few friends like you and Mr. Wolfsheim.
NICK: Uh… About him…
GATSBY: What?
NICK: Well, he won't be coming either. But in all fairness to him, he at least bothered to send a telegram.
GATSBY: Nick… What have I done? Oh god, I feel sick. I killed myself and no one has noticed. I'm supposedly dead and no one even cares.
NICK: I'm sorry, Gatsby.
GATSBY: What am I to do? I can't exactly come back to life, can I?
NICK: No. If I were you, I would just leave West Egg and start over somewhere else. I promise that you will forget about Daisy. Maybe you'll find someone else who will be a bit more faithful.
GATSBY: Yes… I suppose. I don't really have any other choice, do I? But Nick…
NICK: What?
GATSBY: I wasted five years. I could have been building a whole different life… But now look at what has happened?
NICK: Well… Don't think of them as wasted years. You learned something from this experience, haven't you?
GATSBY: Why… Yes I have, Old Sport!
(GATSBY leaps off the table and heads towards the exit.)
NICK: Wait… Where are you going?
GATSBY: I just realized… these years haven't been wasted at all. I can still have Daisy!
NICK: Wait! What?
GATSBY: No one ever said that she would have to run away with me voluntarily! Thanks for the advice! I'll see you someday… Or… maybe never again! Have a good life!
(GATSBY exits.)
NICK: Why… Why did I come to this weird place?!
(NICK exits in a huff.)
THE END
Author's Note: Thanks for any and all reviews. However, apparently it's necessary for me to note that this IS meant to be cracky. Clearly I don't think that any of this ACTUALLY should have happened. I mean, really? Gatsby faking his own death and kidnapping Daisy? So don't overanalyze it, PLEASE. This was actually an assignment I had to do for a literature class and was really just meant for fun.