She received the phone call last week. You watched her speaking very attentively, responding with curt yes sirs. That enough made you realize that she was speaking to someone from the military. It was a short conversation, ending with, "Thank you, Sir." Upon closing her phone, she sat heavily on the couch, a dead look in her eyes. You knew that look: you had seen it twice before, each time before she deployed.
"When?" you asked, not wanting to know the answer.
"Next week." She couldn't look at you.
"How long?" you asked, praying it would be short.
"Ten months." Better than last time, but still a long time. She would miss Lily's ninth birthday and your thirteenth anniversary. You were silent together, until your anger got the better of you. You picked up a water glass and flung it at the wall, listening to it shatter and the water splattering the wall. Tears were burning in your eyes.
"I thought you were done."
"Honey, it's a war. They need soldiers."
"I thought you were done, San."
"It's my job." She pulled you into a tight hug, running her hand down to the small of your back. "I'll be fine." The tears started dripping down your cheeks.
"If you die, I'm gonna kill you." She laughed in your arms.
X
She's wearing her dress uniform, looking incredibly professional as you walk into the airport. You suddenly feel self-conscious in your navy blue dress. Lily, now eight, is clinging to Santana's hand, looking very sad, but like she is trying to put on a brave face, and you feel a stab of pride for your little girl.
Other members of Santana's unit are waiting in line at the security checkpoint, looking like the epitome of military pride in their matching uniforms. The three of you stop, knowing you and Lily cannot go any further. This is it, you realize, terrified that this might be the last time you will see your beloved wife. You pull her aside, away from the soldiers, and into the last bit of privacy you will have together for nearly a year. She runs her thumb under your eyes, wiping away tears you hadn't realized were falling. You move in to kiss her, but she pulls away, glancing over your shoulder to the soldiers.
"Please," you beg, "please."
"If they find out –"
"You're my wife," you exclaim, a bit louder than you wanted to. "I love you. You are the light of my life, and I want to kiss you goodbye. You might not c-come home from this." You stammer a bit, trying to hold back the tears. Lily starts to cry openly and flings herself at Santana, whose eyes are shining a bit.
"Please don't leave."
"I have to, Lily-bear."
"What about me and Mommy?"
"Puck can take care of you guys. You like him right?" Lily nods. "Atta girl. I need you to be my big strong girl. You have to take care of Mommy for me. I need you to be strong for me, okay?" Lily lets go of her, and swats at her tears. Santana kisses her forehead gently. "I love you so much, Lily-bear."
"I love you, too, Mom." Santana stands up, staring you in the eye.
"And I love you more than you will ever know." She takes the lead this time, moving in and kissing your lips more tenderly than you would have expected. You savor every taste on her lips, running your arms over her shoulders.
"Yo, Lopez!" She jerks back out of your grasp, tears on her cheeks, facing her unit. "Let's roll out." She stares at you longingly, looking like she would give anything to stay with you, before squeezing you tightly.
"I love you so much. I promise I'll come back." She kneels and wraps her arms around Lily. "I love you, angel."
"Bye, Mom."
"I love you, Santana." She turns and quickly walks toward her unit, duffel bag slung over her shoulder. You already yearn for her touch again, and allow the tears to drip silently down your cheeks. Lily is openly crying, and you can hear her whimpering and sniffling quietly as you watch Santana disappear through the checkpoint. She turns to face you one last time and nods sadly, before following her unit around the corner and out of sight.
X
She's been gone six months. Lily just finished third grade last week, and Santana had called to congratulate her. Noah and Lily are seated at the counter, munching the cookies you just pulled out of the oven. Lily is excitedly telling Noah something about her summer ballet recital. Noah has been really helpful since Santana deployed. He's been spending a lot with you guys, bringing dinner and movies occasionally, and taking Lily to school or to ballet on Thursdays when you had to work.
"I'd love to come see it if you'll invite me," Noah says with a smile. Lily looks to you for approval and you nod, knowing that Lily needs all the support she can get.
"Sure he can come." Lily grins at you, taking another bite of her cookie.
"I wish Mom could come," she says through cookie crumbs, her grin falling.
"I know, angel. I do, too." You smile sadly at her. "How about I film it so she can watch you when she gets home? Sound good?" She nods.
"Hey Lils, how 'bout I take you to the science museum tomorrow while your mom's at work?" Noah asks, poking Lily in the side and receiving a giggle in return.
"Can we watch one of the space movies?"
"Absolutely! There's one about Mars that I want to go see." The phone rang startlingly, pulling you away from your daughter. Your heart drops when you see the unfamiliar number.
"Hello?" Noah stares at you, worry furrowed into his eyebrows. You ignore him, walking into the living room, the phone pressed to your ear.
"Mrs. Pierce, this is Commander Holloway of the 91st infantry. I've got some bad news." Your mouth hangs open and you only pick up a few words of what the sergeant is saying. All you can get is that Santana has been horribly injured and will arrive at the Walter Reed Medical Center in about ten hours. Luckily, you only live about forty-five minutes away from the hospital and at that time of the night, it would be easy to get to her.
You find yourself murmuring, "Thank you, Commander," before hanging up the phone and walking back to the kitchen.
"Brittany? What's wrong?" Noah is at your side in an instant, wiping tears you had been unaware of from your cheeks. You pull him away from Lily, who is munching on another cookie.
"Santana's been hurt," you stutter, earning a shocked look from Noah. "She's being flown to Walter Reed right now."
"Oh my god? Is she alright?"
"I don't know." You sit heavily on the couch, the weight of stress pushing down on you. "Noah?" You glance up at him, and he sits next to you. "I need you to spend the night. I have to go. I need to be with her tonight, and someone needs to watch Lily overnight."
"Sure. I'll take her over to my house to play with Isabelle." Lily adores Noah and Quinn's daughter, much like Santana and Brittany adored each other when they were children. "Look, don't worry about Lily. You go take care of your girl. Quinn and I'll take care of Lily."
"Thank you, Noah." He wraps his thick arms around you and squeezes tenderly. "Don't… don't tell her what happened. Not yet." He nods, his cheek resting on top of your head.
"Everything's gonna be fine, Blondie. Santana's gonna be okay. She's gonna come back home, and everything's gonna be okay," Noah whispers into your ear, and you dissolve into body-wrenching sobs, feeling all of the fear and pain rush out of you. He's rubbing your back, letting your tears pour down onto his shirt. "It's okay. It's all gonna be okay."
"Mommy?" You look up to see Lily staring at you, worry creasing her pale face. "Why are you crying?" You glance to Noah, who squeezes your hand gently.
"Nothing, sweetheart." You wipe your tears away and try to smile.
"Hey, Lils, why don't you come spend the night with Isabelle tonight?"
"Oh, can I, Mommy? Pleeeeease?" she pleads, and you acquiesce immediately.
"Sure, angel. I have to work early tomorrow anyway."
"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" Lily runs into her room to grab her sleeping bag and pack an overnight bag.
"Why don't you come have dinner with us tonight?" Noah asks, jarring your attention from your daughter. "Quinn's gonna make pizza tonight, and I want to make sure you're taken care of."
"Noah, I couldn't."
"Come on, Blondie. It's the least we could do, plus it's only half an hour from our house to the hospital." Lily scampers back into the room, a bag over her shoulder and a sleeping bag in her arms. "Looks like someone's ready! Come on, goofball, let's go." Noah grabs your hand and coaxes you off the couch to follow your daughter out to the truck.
X
After a pizza dinner, Lily and Isabelle disappear up to Isabelle's room, and you're on the phone with Mike. He co-owns the dance studio you work at and immediately agrees to let you take some time off. Quinn whispers something encouraging you, probably that Santana's going to be okay, but you're too lost in your own thoughts to say anything but thank you. At nine o'clock, you find yourself in the passenger seat of Noah's truck, being driven to Walter Reed. The drive is nearly silent, despite your racing heart and the tears dripping silently down your cheek.
"Don't cry, Blondie," Noah says quietly. "Everything's gonna be fine."
"I wish I could believe you." You're both silent for a minute. "I'm scared, Noah."
"I know you are, honey. I… I don't know what to say."
The rest of the drive passes in silence, each of you alone in your thoughts. Before you know it, you find yourself praying.
Please, just let her live. She doesn't deserve this. Please let her live. I need her. Lily needs her. Please let her be okay. You open your eyes as the car stops and Noah parks at the hospital.
"Come on, Blondie. Let's go find your girl." He grabs your hand and pulls you through the sliding doors to the front desk. The nurse looks up at him and you see him put on his most gentlemanly smile. "Hi there. A soldier is being flown in from Iraq tonight. Santana Lopez."
"Are you family?" she drawls, looking quite bored.
"Yes, I'm her brother." He glances to you.
"I'm her…her wife."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we only allow family in to see the soldiers." Your jaw drops.
"Listen, lady. I have been with Santana for thirteen years. We have an eight year old daughter. It is legal for two women to marry here, and I have every right as any wife to see her spouse in the hospital. And you are gonna let me see my wife or I will sue you from here to Mars!" You find yourself shouting the last sentence before Noah grabs you, trying to calm you down.
"Has she arrived yet?" The nurse checked through the computer.
"Yes, but she's in surgery right now. I'll have someone notify when she's out. Please take a seat in the waiting room." Your entire body feels numb as Noah guides you to an empty chair.
"Surgery?"
"She's still alive, Blondie." He sits next to you. "You want something? Coffee? Doritos?" You smile weakly, amazed that Noah knows your weakness for artificially flavored corn chips.
"How about a hug?" He obliges, wrapping his arms around you and coaxing your head to his shoulder. "I'm scared, Noah. What if… what if she…" Tears stifle your speech.
"Hey. Don't talk like that. She's going to be okay."
Time in the waiting room passes agonizingly slowly. Noah dozes off, but you can't sleep, worry working itself into the creases on your exhausted face. As the sun rises, a doctor comes walking over to you.
"Mrs. Pierce?" You leap to your feet, heart thumping painfully. "Sergeant Lopez is out of surgery and she's in the recovery room. I can take you back to see her now." You shake Noah awake and he staggers after the doctor.
"What happened?" he asks.
"Sergeant Lopez and her unit were returning to their base when they were attacked. She saved six people before she was shot repeatedly. Frankly, it's a miracle they were able to stabilize her and get her here –"
"How bad is it?" you interject. The doctor sighs slowly.
"She's pretty bandaged up. We had to repair some internal injuries as well as fix a hemorrhage in her brain. She also nearly destroyed her shoulder, which will require quite a bit of physical therapy."
"Her brain?" Your mind is struggling to wrap around all that happened.
"We were able to fix everything," the doctor reassured gently. "She has a cast around her arm, and her head is bandaged up. I don't think she'll be awake yet, though." He stops in front of a room with drawn curtains. "You can go on in." He gently creaks open the door, expecting you to walk in. You look to Noah, who coaxes you into the room. Your jaw drops in shock at the body in the bed. Santana is hooked up to a half dozen machines and she's got a tube down her throat. Tears are pouring down your cheeks before you can even stop them and you drop to the chair next to Santana. You wrap your fingers around her hand and squeeze gently, allowing the sobs to wrack your body.
"Jesus, San, I was so worried about you." You wipe the tears from your cheeks and kiss her knuckles. "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if you had died." You pause, unsure what to say. "Lily has a dance recital coming up. We didn't expect you to be home for it, so I was going to film it for you, but I guess you can come now. It's in a week and a half, which means you'd have to be up and running. Well, walking. She's so excited about it. Can I bring her here tomorrow to see you? You'd have to wake up first." You press your forehead down on her hand. "Please wake up, angel. I need you."
"Hey, Blondie." Noah's voice shocks you back to disoriented consciousness.
"What happened?"
"You dozed off for a few hours, so I figured I'd go grab some breakfast for you." He offers a wrapped up burrito that you take, unwrap, and dive into, not realizing how hungry you have been. "How is she?" You shrug, wolfing down more of the burrito. "Do you want me to pick up Lily?"
"I don't know, Noah. I don't want her to see Santana like this, but I want her to be here when she wakes up."
"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of the spawn. You just take care of your girl. Well, your wife." You smile weakly and stand to hug him, feeling him squeeze a bit of relief into you. "I'll be back with lunch. Call me if she wakes up before then." He squeezes your hand gently before leaning over Santana and kissing her temple. "Hey, soldier. You better wake up soon. Your girls are waiting for you." With that, he's gone, leaving you alone with your wife again.
"You hear that, angel? Lily's waiting for you. We all are."
You don't leave her room for four hours. Doctors have been filtering in and out, making sure Santana's vitals are steady, and offering kind words whenever possible. When you're finally alone with her, you grab her hand, squeezing it gently, and kiss her temple. On a quiet exhale you whisper, "I love you, San." To your surprise, you hear a low moan. You jerk back, and see Santana's eyes flutter open. "San?" She finally finds you and squeezes your hand back. "Oh my god!" you exclaim. "You're awake!" A nurse comes running in, looking terrified of the noise. "She's awake!" you shout.
"I can see that," she sighs, looking visibly relieved. "Okay, Sergeant, on the count of three, exhale so I can take this tube out. One, two, three." The nurse gently coaxes the tube out of Santana's throat and she coughs a few times, eliciting a moan of pain. "I'll come back and check on you in a few hours, alright? Just hit your blue button if you need anything." The nurse is gone almost immediately, and you are by Santana's side almost immediately.
"Britt?" Her voice is hoarse and her eyes are half-closed.
"Yeah, San. I'm right here." You run your fingers through her hair, slowly swiping your thumb across her cheek.
"I'm sorry." She turns slowly to face you.
"Everything's okay. I promise. Everything's all b-b-better." You're crying again, and Santana wipes your cheek.
"Come here, querida." She pats the mattress next to her, and you climb up immediately.
"I was so worried about you." She wraps her uninjured arm around you to tug you closer and kisses your temple. "Does it hurt?"
"I expect it would, if I weren't so heavily medicated. How's Lily?"
"Noah's bringing her by –"
"Right now." The low voice surprises both of you. "Good to see you awake, soldier."
"Mom!" Lily bounds toward the bed and clambers up onto the bed.
"Careful, angel. Mom is hurting right now, so you have to be gentle," you say quietly, scooting over and allowing Lily to squeeze between you on the tiny bed.
"Hey, Puckerman. Thanks for taking care of my girls while I was gone," Santana says, her voice still hoarse.
"My pleasure, soldier. I'll leave you three in peace. Call if you need anything."
"Bye, Noah. Thank you again." The room is silent again.
"Mom?"
"Yeah, Lily-bear?"
"Are you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, sweet-pea." You and Santana look at each other for a minute and she kisses your forehead. "Everything's okay."
"Sergeant Lopez?" a deep and unfamiliar voice inquires, just loudly enough to scare Santana nearly upright. You sit up to hear see Santana grimace, and a soldier standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry to bother you."
"It's fine, Commander Holloway." She's pushing you gently off the bed, an action you oblige to. After years of hiding while Santana has been a soldier, you are used to the action. You instead shift into the chair and collapse heavily. "This is my daughter, Lily." Lily waves at the soldier, who glances from Lily to you. He's probably putting two and two together and realizing that Lily is biologically yours.
"Sergeant Lopez, the military would like to honor your sacrifice and your bravery with the Order of the Purple Heart. Your bravery and devotion to duty saved the lives of six soldiers. Unfortunately, we have decided that your injuries are far too extensive for you to return to active duty. Thus, we are offering you an honorable discharge for your sacrifice. Plus –" He glances at you before continuing, "it looks like your family needs you too. Congratulations, and thank you for your work, Sergeant. Mrs. Pierce." He tips his cap to you before turning quickly and disappearing. Santana is completely dumbstruck.
"Mom? You saved people's lives?"
"Yeah," she says. "I guess I did."
"You guess?"
"I don't remember it. One minute I'm in a Humvee, next I'm in a helicopter, then I wake up here, with your mommy right next to me."
"You're a hero, San," you whisper, standing to lean over the bed. You run your fingers through her hair gingerly. "Purple Heart, huh. You already have my heart." Santana laughs, and winces a bit, but the next thing out of Lily's mouth breaks your heart into a million happy little pieces.
"You're my hero, too, Mom."