This can be a standalone, but also works well combined with the others in the series: Observation & Engineering, John, The Sound Of Silence, Oblivious, Solace, Loved & Lost, Belonging, Once More, With Feeling, Mutual Respect, Pleasant Surprises and Vas Normandy.
{To those following: The 12th Shep/Tali, and, sadly, the series finale. A bumper edition, this time - three chapters.}
I've tweaked a couple of things from the game to make sense for this Shep - hope it fits into the story OK.
Part 2 of 3 is on Monday.
In My Place
-1-
I Know
He goes down to Engineering to check on her, as usual.
She's making calculations, working out the amount of resources needed for the upgrades he requested. He smiles when he catches her humming as she works, something he's never noticed before, and at the sweet surprise she shows when he says her name. The mood drops when he asks her what he's been thinking for a while. "Are you... all right?"
Her father's death was a month ago, and she is still making preparations for his funeral; since she avoided exile, she hopes to be allowed to go back to the Fleet for the service.
He has said yes. Of course he has - he's not heartless. He's also offered to provide any emotional support she needs, even if it means going to the service himself. Her voice had cracked as she thanked him for it, and suddenly he had found himself with an armful of grateful quarian. He just smiled, said it was the least a friend could do. That's what he tried to tell himself.
He knows that's not why he did it.
She nods. "I... I think so. Thank you for everything, Shepard." She can't meet his eye, though, and her voice is a mumble.
He never knew his parents, never had anything to grieve for - he is wondering now whether that was a blessing as well as a curse.
They never gave the evidence, and so Rael'Zorah is mourned as an honoured member of the Admiralty Board.
The service is formal, sombre, as is befitting for such occasions, but it also feels cold, impersonal - yes, he was an Admiral, but he was a husband, a brother, a friend... a father.
She can barely speak when she is asked to, and for the rest of the service, she is silent, barely aware, just listening to her own breathing through her suit's air filtering system. She knows she must keep going, pull herself together, even as something inside her snaps.
Through it all, Shepard is there, always right beside her, in full Alliance dress uniform, his jaw set like the soldier he is; it's the little things, like the ever-present hand placed on her shoulder in comfort and the worried looks he frequently gives her, that make her remember that this is John, not some intimidating alien commander.
She sees the glances directed their way at the contact - with their suits, quarians rely on it for comfort far less than humans; it is usually considered a sign of a relationship - and is briefly nervous before the grief overtakes her. Then she is again glad of his company, and forgets everything except the two of them and her father's memory.
When she breaks down on the shuttle back to the Normandy, he finally sheds the emotionless steel facade, and the hand on her shoulder becomes a tight hug, him looking just as heartbroken as she is but saying nothing except meaningless reassurances. She doesn't like to admit it, but they help ease the pain a little - or maybe it's just his presence, she isn't sure which. Does it matter?
As she waits for her suit to do its work on her tears, she vows to herself that this will be the last time she will cry. The promise itself almost makes her burst into tears again, but she manages to calm down, watching the world fly past the shuttle window in silence, Shepard's arm still around her.
These days, she is almost close to her normal self - occasionally, he sees the metaphorical mask break, notices the change in her body language whenever she talks about her father, but usually, she can keep calm, seems to be making progress.
As they eat in the mess hall, he eventually plucks up the courage to ask her the question he's been wondering about since the trial. "Are you upset about the new name?" His voice is cautious, and he's terrified of upsetting her after the way the past few weeks have been.
She shakes her head. "It makes sense. After all... this is my home now."
He is surprised when he hears the smile in the last few words (he doesn't even have to see her face these days to know how she's feeling), and returns it with a simple, "Thank you, Tali."
He's wished for those words for so long - he can barely believe they've finally become a reality.
She'd thought she might have accidentally shown him her feelings with the "home" comment, but now she's certain of it. She stands, shocked at herself for what she has just said. Linking suit environments? She had described it as a "gesture of trust" - she hopes he misses the meaning; maybe they can forget this ever happened...
"I feel the same way." He is looking at the floor, a hand on the back of his neck, but she swears there is a hint of a smile on his face.
She frowns, and then realises that he must have misunderstood - but, after what he said, something makes her try.
She explains, awkwardly, that linking suit environments usually means an... intimate relationship - she is staring at the floor now, too, until she looks up, waiting for his repulsed reaction, the look of disgust, or horror, him to throw her off the ship.
Instead, he finally meets her eye, and says, simply, "I know. And I feel the same way."