Title: Please Don't Leave Me
Category: TV Shows » Castle
Author: Greygirl03
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Drama/Suspense
Chapter 1: Please Don't Leave Me
Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!
A/N: Okay, guys, so here it is. Another new story. I know...I have a serious problem, but my writing always comes sporadically. Anyway, this story has become like my very own baby in every sense of the world. I've put a hell of a lot into the first couple chapters of this story. I've edited it over and over and over again until I'm pretty sure I've read it like a hundred times (though there are always little mistakes that elude me at the time). It's meant to be purely fictional and for that reason it's slightly AU. It is also meant to take place at some point after they've been together for a while so I hope that is conveyed through their expressed emotions (specifically, i like to think that this could be related to another one-shot I wrote called Permanent).
I will go into more depth about how they came to be where they are. But for some reason, I like to drop my readers into the thick of it. I want you to feel like you're there and disorientation has a lot to do with it. I just hope you really like this story. I think it's safe to say that you're going to want to freak out at me for the cliffhanger. I usually don't do things like that to my readers, or if I do I try to resolve it by the chapter's end. However, in this case, the story was written around it. I am happy to say chapter two is already written and is sitting on my hard drive safe and sound. So enjoy this while it's up and I'll try to post the other chapter tomorrow. I also posted another one-shot tonight, and edited (and refined) one of my other stories, Disaster Button. I'm very proud of that particular story even though it didn't get many reviews. I hate to advertise myself in my own stories, but seriously, if you haven't read that one, please check it out and drop a couple of reviews.
Without further ado... the story!
Kate jolted awake with a violent shiver as the loud creak of rusty metal filled the otherwise silent space around her and echoed off the wall's of the cold, dank basement. By the time she opened her eyes, her heartbeat was already thundering deafeningly in her ears. It was nearly pitched black, and cold concrete under her made it nearly impossible to stay warm. Her body convulsed in violent shivers as it struggled to warm itself. Somehow, during the course of her borderline state of nightmare and reality she had curled into a tiny ball, eerily resembling the fetal position. Her own arms wrapped around her own midsection tightly, as she was left clinging, and begging for warmth. She had only felt this cold once before, but at least then she had been in the comfort of Castle's strong protective arms. Just as soon as that thought crossed her mind, the guilt poured in. She felt immensely guilty for her betrayal, for allowing herself to surrender to sleep when she had been fighting it for so long. She could only imagine the sort of awful things that had been happening to the man she loved while she slept. She felt weak, and wished more than anything that she could have been stronger for him. She wished more than anything that she could stop it. Quickly she pushed herself up off the floor with faltering, shaking arms. On a normal day she could do hundreds of push-ups, after four days without food or drink, however, she could hardly push herself up off of the floor.
"Drop him over there in the corner," one of the men commanded as they shuffled into the pitch-black room. Kate winced, squeezing her eyes shut. She made the mistake of breathing through her nostrils. The cell they were being held in was dank and smelled of stale, moldy air that brought her to the edge of being sick. The smell grew worse with each passing day.
Kate's shackled hands, clenched into fists as she wished more than anything to do harm to the men who had done so much harm to her and her love. Without breathing she watched as three men shrouded under the veil of dark shadows in the room dropped a motionless body onto the floor, with little care as to its well-being. Kate's eyes opened wider as she strained to see whether the man they had just not so kindly deposited on the floor was still breathing. The coarse sound of chains dragging on the uneven concrete floor had her on edge as she struggled against her own restraints. She watched as chains were fastened around Castle's motionless limbs. As if he would be able to move, let alone free himself from where they currently found themselves as prisoners. She closed her eyes and choked back bitter tears as she felt her own pain and the other emotions bubbling up past the edge of her threshold. Her resolve wavered for a moment and she wasn't sure if she could handle things anymore. It was all about endurance. She just had to endure past the pain, ignore the ache overtaking every inch of her own body as it started metabolizing itself to keep her alive. If she could just bear it for a little longer, they would be okay. Someone would come for them. Somehow, Esposito and Ryan would find them.
She locked her jaw and gritted her teeth together as she waited anxiously for the three men to depart from the cell and leave them in peace. It seemed to take them forever to leave. Another agonizingly long second and the metal door was slamming shut with the coarse sound of metal on metal, born from the bar sliding down to lock them inside. Kate's face scrunched up as she choked back a sob that threatened to break forth. How had this happened? How had they fallen into this trap? It wasn't like her to go into things so carelessly, without thinking things through. Now, they were prisoners of the most unspeakable scum of New York City, and facing death once again. It's not like they hadn't been in positions like this before. Only now, they had left no breadcrumbs to follow. Their only hope was a text that Castle tried to send as they were dragged from an isolated location.
She closed her eyes for a long moment. Kate could scarcely breath as with immense effort, she slowly crawled over, straining against the heavy chains, which only seemed to grow heavier with each hour that passed by without food and water. Her muscles cried out in pain almost as if they had a voice of their own. They burned like fire with her movements; they quivered and begged for her to be still. They begged for relief. But there was no way she was going to stay there, a half a cell away, wondering if her partner was still breathing. Racing thoughts had Kate breaking out into a fresh bout of tears. Everything was so silent, and he was so still. She had to face the possibility that she was going to lose her love, her life, Castle. Kate cried out in frustration as her slack ran out a little more than a foot away from his body and she realized that she couldn't reach him. Tears of frustration threatened to seep from her eyes as she strained harder and harder against them.
In the darkness, she couldn't see his chest rise and fall. This only seemed to add to her distress. Slowly, she ran her hands over the concrete, trying to find an even surface. She pulled herself along slowly, by the forearms, letting her stomach and legs drag on the floor. She was dirty as can be, covered in dirt, and sweat, and tears.
When she finally could distinguish him against the darkness, Kate instinctively reached for him, waiting for him to meet her halfway. She panicked when he remained motionless.
"Castle," Kate cried out into the darkness. "Castle! Wake up!" Kate nearly screamed, perhaps a little louder than necessary, but she couldn't help it as she was in such distress. Growing more disheartened with every second that ticked by, Kate let out a loud and feral cry as she pulled harder at her restraints, unwilling to accept her current state. She pulled with everything she had, every ounce of strength. She would do whatever it takes to touch him. She didn't care if she had to pull her arm out of its socket to do it. With a desperate tug she was granted a few more inches. Kate felt a calm resolve take over as her hand grazed his. Kate strained more, trying to gain just a few more inches. She had to check for breathing sounds, for a heartbeat. Slowly, she lowered her cheek over Castle's face, praying to feel the faintest wisp of breath on her face. She felt no warmth in the biting, chilly air.
"No," the word of denial was forceful, and full of strong will. She would not let this happen. She wasn't going to lose the man she loved more than she thought she could love anyone.
"Please…Please don't do this," Kate started to beg quietly. "Please Castle. You cannot leave me here by myself… You promised. You promised that you would always be at my side. You promised that you'd always be here for me." Kate tried to keep the severest of emotions out of her voice. But she was immensely afraid…. probably more afraid than she had ever been in her whole life. And that was saying something. She and Castle had shared plenty moments where neither one of them was sure how to get out of some troublesome situation. Too many, in fact. They had run through bullets raining down on them, they had stood next to a bomb that could have wiped out half of the city and lived to tell the tale. In many ways, their cleverness and improvisational skills had gotten them through it all. This however, was something entirely different. This…this could not be their downfall. They deserved better than this.
"Castle," Kate hardly breathed as she squeezed his hand again, trying to get him to respond in any way she knew how. She had to wake him. She needed to keep him conscious, otherwise there was a good chance his body could not fight the cold, and he would freeze to death. Given the state of things, there was an even better chance that he would never wake up due to some unforeseen head injury. She couldn't imagine the sort of injuries his body had sustained during his prolonged brutal beatings. Kate sucked air into her lungs as she realized that his hands were so cold already, and stiff. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best not to see the bruises that riddled nearly every inch of Castle's skin. She reached over for his side, starting to shake him in hopes she'd get a better response.
"Castle, don't you dare do this to me. You're scaring me," Kate's voice shook as she gritted her teeth together. She could not keep her hands from shaking. Her voice was raw as she spoke her next words. "Please. I-I need you. I need you so much. God, I-I'm so scared. Please. I need you to be here with me. I need to see your eyes. Damn it, Castle. Please wake up." Kate's eyes shot open, as a groan seemed to fill the air, sounding as if it were coming from the depths of Castle's soul.
Castle rolled closer to her, almost as if he knew that her comforting touch was close by. Kate tried to aid him. In a heart stopping moment he stopped as she ran her hands over his body. They trembled worse than ever before. She realized that she had to check for injuries but she was seriously afraid of hurting him and causing him more pain. Finally, she brushed her cold, dirt covered hands softly along the contours of his face, unable to keep herself from touching him. Her touch was gentle, tender. Another groan of agony slipped through Castle's lips. "Shh…I'm here," Kate whispered soothingly, doing her best to keep him calm and relaxed. "It's okay, Castle, I'm here." Kate brushed her forehead against his willing him to open his eyes. "I'm right here and I'm not going to go anywhere. Now, I need you to promise me the same thing. Please don't leave me. Please… I-I don't think I can do it on my own." Her wish was granted as his eyelids flickered open several times, as another groan fell from parting lips. His eyes were clouded, dazed. She looked into his eyes, trying to gauge whether or not he had sustained a serious head injury. It was encouraging enough to look into the depths of such clear blue eyes. On any given day, they could take her breath away. Today, they were what she clung to for hope. She needed to see those eyes of his. They were the only things that could offer her comfort. "Shh…I know," Kate's voice was rough and broken. He was trying to be quiet, but could not stop his body's quavering and his own suppressed cries. It ripped her apart. He did not deserve this. No one did. She would never wish any of these things on her worst enemy. "Shh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay," Kate swallowed as reached up to brush away her own traitorous tears.
Hardly any bruises riddled her skin, and she resented their captors for it. They seemed to know who was the weakest link of the pair. Perhaps, they also knew what beating Castle would do to her emotionally. After all, he was her true weakness. She loved him. They had only been together for a short time, but she already knew that he was a permanent fixture in her life. She wanted him at her side, wherever life took her. Hell, she wouldn't have admitted it out loud to anyone, but she could see herself walking down the aisle towards him. Just a week ago, for the first time, she had torn a picture of a wedding gown out of one of her magazines, allowing herself to fantasize. It was the perfect dress for her. Not overly feminine, but stunning enough to take anyone's breath away. She still hoped, in the back of her mind, that she would get the chance to wear it some day. Only now, that was dependent on some very important factors. One of which was making it out of there alive.
Their captor's obvious goal was to break Castle first. They kept beating him and torturing him around the clock, hardly giving him a chance to breath and recover in-between sessions. It was obvious that they thought that he was the weaker of the two links, although they clearly underestimated his strength and resolve. He was so deeply lethargic at this point that she was sure they would be shifting gears soon. They'd go after her next, and would be even less successful. One thing they didn't seem to know about Kate Beckett, was that she knew how to take a good punch or two. She knew how to break the worst of the worst into little pieces. She could only hope that she might get a chance at them at some point in the near future.
Castle whimpered again. It was sad, how he sounded like a wounded puppy. And although he tried to hold back the noises in the back of his throat, he couldn't. He'd never felt pain like this before in his life. Kate's heart ached with his pain. It wasn't fair. She was desperate to take away his pain. She would do anything to ease it the smallest fraction.
"Baby, what can I do?" Kate breathed, looking into the depths of his eyes. Castle squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his had back and forth. He tried to tell her, under his breath, that he was fine. He tried to tell her not to worry. Kate couldn't bear it. His pride should not be more important than alleviating his pain.
"No. Don't pull that shit with me. Castle, please tell me what I can do to help." Castle's head lolled back and forth on the floor, as his body struggled to cope with the copious amount of pain signals that nerves from all over his body were sending to his brain. Exhaustion and the extent of his injuries were making it hard to comprehend what was going on. "Please. Castle…," Kate choked back sobs as she became visibly upset, "I can't…. I can't see you like this anymore. I-It's killing me. Please. Just…let me help. Tell me what I can do."
"Kate," Castle choked out in a cough that echoed around the room.
"Don't you dare to try to tell me you're okay," Kate breathed between tears. "Rick…"
"You don't realize it, do you?" Castle breathed, "Kate, you're already doing everything I need you to do just by being here." Castle tried to take a deep breath, wincing at the unbearable pain in his left side from several broken ribs. "All I want or need right now is you."
"I'm sorry. It just feels like it's not enough," Kate reached up to wipe away some of her own tears. "You're hurt and there's nothing I can do but hold you?"
"Shh," Castle tried to interrupt. "Just stay with me. I'll be all right. Just as long as you're with me. I'll be okay."
"I'm with you. I-I promise I'm not going anywhere," Kate breathed softly as she raked her fingers gently through his hair in a soothing manner. Castle's hand lifted off the ground, trying to wrap around her body to hold her close to him. Kate's body, though she felt personally as if she were freezing, was actually very warm compared to the icy cold air of the unheated basement. Carefully, she started running her hands up and down his sides, trying to use friction to warm him. She could feel his body convulse, with shivers. She could also feel muscles tighten as pain wracked through his body. In some cases, his body flinched away from touch instinctively. She tried to keep him to stay still.
"T-There," she breathed, as Castle stopped shivering so violently, "Is that better?"
"Y-Yes," Castle breathed weakly, "Thank you."
With her heart still beating erratically in her chest, Kate nuzzled Castle gently. She tried very hard to imagine them in another place in her mind. She drifted back in time, to when she was cuddled up against Castle under the warm duvet of Castle's king size bed after a long night of passionate lovemaking. There were nights after they made love that they would stay up and simply hold one another, taking turns to breath the other in. Kate was in love with the way Castle smelled. Usually, he wore an expensive cologne that she could only assume was way above her pay grade, but she was in love with it. After their lovemaking, Kate found his sweet scent, mingling with the smell of arousal extremely comforting. There were so many feelings the man instilled in her. Castle, unlike anyone else, made her feel more alive whenever she was with him. Perhaps it was his childlike personality and the way that he could make her laugh on a whim. But it was also the way that he could play her like an instrument when the situation warranted it. He knew just where to touch her, and how. He applied just the right pleasure, while doing so tenderly. He was the first boyfriend in her life that made her sure that she had a purpose. He loved her for everything she was. He loved her despite the fact that he constantly had to fight to get her to open up to him. He loved her in spite of all of her faults. He was everything she'd ever wanted in her life. To find love after she had been searching for it for so very long was relief. If only she had known how truly wonderful that it could be to have a partner, a confidant, she would have allowed someone inside a long time ago. Her philosophy had always been to keep one foot out the door in order to keep herself from getting hurt, especially after the first man she loved, chose his job over her and moved away. Unfortunately, this approach only seemed to interfere with her ability to trust or to let anyone in to the depths of her heart. Castle, though she still wasn't sure how, had somehow managed to weasel his way into her heart. Part of her was glad for his persistence and unwillingness to leave her alone. What was even more important was that Castle always had faith in her, no matter what the situation, and he made her feel extraordinary. Kate took a deep breath, trying to still her heart and ease the pain in her chest. "I love you," the words slipped passed her lips before she could stop them. Castle's breathing hitched as they registered in Castle's mind. He swallowed over the obstruction in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut. Those words were both bitter and sweet. He couldn't have told you how long he'd waited to hear those words. To hear them now, only caused him more heartache. He could only figure that Kate was telling him this because she was afraid that he might die, and that only pained him more. This wasn't how he wanted to remember the moment. He silently wished she would take it back.
"Katie," the name carried so much weight and emotion. The way he said it, as if it were almost a plea, as if he wanted her to rescind the statement. It made her pause.
"That's not exactly the response I was hoping for," Kate joked softly.
"Please," Castle brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Not here." For a breath, her chest tightly constricted and she suddenly felt incredibly wounded. A look of hurt flashed across her features as she felt the rejection. Castle quickly picked up on this because he tried to hold her closer as she tried to pull away.
"Kate," Castle's voice was barely above a whisper. "Wait. Please. I think you misunderstood."
"No. I'm pretty sure that I read you perfectly clearly. Now let me go," Kate ordered, fighting him off. He cried out as he attempted to hang on to her, but was far too weak, and was no match for her strength. Instead, he only caused himself more pain. The cold he felt move between them had him resigning to defeat. She didn't understand. Within seconds she was moving away from him, leaving him wishing that he had a sock to put in his mouth. Long minutes of agonizing silence passed. After one last pining look, Castle let out a defeated sigh and rolled so that he was facing away from her. He closed his eyes, hoping that he would be fortunate enough to fall asleep. He was so tired it was hard to keep his eyes open. It seemed like every time he passed into sleep, he was being woken up for more beatings. Part of him was afraid to fall asleep. He was so tired he felt like he might not wake.
On the other side of the cell, Kate immediately regretted her decision. She curled up in a ball as she sat down on the only mattress in the entire room. She stared at Castle's back. She tried to interest her with various things about their room but it was too dark. Besides, most of the peculiar things about the room had already been discovered days ago.
Kate thought long and hard about their relationship. For some reason, she was struggling to remember whether the "I love yous" had been exchanged between them yet, only to realize that they had not yet been exchanged. She squeezed her eyes shut and swore under her breath in Russian. She had just broken the barrier. Her heart fell as she realized why Castle wished she hadn't said it. It wasn't because he didn't feel the same way, but rather, it was because he didn't want what should have otherwise been a perfect and tender moment, to become an unpleasant memory or something scarring for the both of them. He wasn't afraid of the word's significance, but rather, the implications of the consequences they would suffer if their captor's realized how truly deep their feelings for one another lie. He was afraid if the sheer depth of their feelings for one another were discovered, that it would be catastrophic. He didn't want them to target her in any way. Exposing their feelings might lead that to happen.
Kate swallowed as more tears of frustration streamed down her cheeks. She hated it. Everything about this situation was ruining them. She'd been waiting to tell him those words for weeks and had never been able to voice them aloud. It was as if some unspoken agreement had been reached between them. There was no pressure on the part of Castle to say those words. He accepted that she would tell him when she was ready. Kate loved Castle and now his first memory of her telling him so would be associated with the horror they were going through. Kate took a deep breath, swallowing her own pride and guilt, before she slowly began to crawl back over to where Castle lay sleeping on the floor.
"Castle," Kate whispered, her hand brushed the back of his shoulder, near his shoulder blade. Castle's eyes opened, but he didn't move. "Castle, I'm sorry."
"Forget it," he choked out, closing his eyes again.
"No," Kate said sternly. "I'm not taking it back. I…I mean it. I've been waiting to tell you for so long." Kate's voice broke as she tried to get him to turn towards her. "But I'm sorry. This is not the right time or place to say it." Kate breathed as she wrapped her arms around him to the best of her ability. "So I guess we're just going to have to pretend that the next time is the first time." Slowly Castle rolled onto his back. Kate sidled up so that she was looking down on him.
"I feel the same way, you know?" Castle whispered softly.
For a long moment, the two of them locked eyes once more, and they realized that they were powerless to stop it. They had denied themselves too many times already over the last few days and in the weeks before. There had always been a reason to keep their relationship under the radar. First, there was the fact that they were afraid the media would catch wind and thrust Kate into a spotlight that she clearly didn't want. Then there was also the matter of their professional relationship. The only times they had together were in secret. And those times that they truly let themselves feel had been heaven. Now they were afraid that were running out of time, and neither was sure that they had the strength to hold back how they felt anymore. It was hard to believe that it had only been several months, since their first night together. They had been trying to keep it under wraps at work, and so naturally everybody knew about it, including Martha and Alexis.
"Castle," Kate breathed, her warm breath painting his face, as she held him. He tried turning away shyly but he was too weak. She saw the pain and affliction in his eyes. The crystal clear blue eyes were incredibly conflicted. He was afraid of getting too close in case this was the end. He didn't want their captors to see how much he cared for Kate out of fear they'd use it against him. She knew it because it was exactly what they were doing to her.
"Tell me to stop," Kate begged, "Please. Tell me to stop and I will."
"You know that I can't do that," Castle replied painfully. "God, please…Kate, I can't. You're everything to me. Just the way you say my name makes me powerless….." Kate's eyes welled with tears as Castle exhausted all his effort to lift a hand to her face in a gentle caress. She closed her eyes as he ran his thumb over her lower lip, prolonging the moment. He looked into the depths of her eyes, nearly forgetting the context of the moment. It was all Kate needed. With a feather-like touch, Kate brushed her lips against Castle's lips. She tried to be gentle due to the deep gash where his lip had been split apart. For a heartbeat, the kiss deepened, became almost desperate as Kate struggled to offer Castle the comfort he needed.
"We're going to get through this," Kate tried to reassure him. "Castle, you can't give up on me now. Please…" Kate jumped as she heard footsteps, and then the creak of the door as it was wrenched open.
"No," Kate said as they pulled her away from him, "It's too soon." She lashed out with one of her shackled hands and someone backhanded her hard across the face. She tried not to cry out, but as they struck her again, Castle was the one who couldn't help it.
"Stop it!" Castle's voice was hostile, and full of bitterness. "Leave her alone! Don't touch her!" Kate let out another feral growl as they threw her to the ground. She was about to strike the man again but stopped as they watched one of the men wrench Castle to his knees, the barrel of a pistol pressing hard into Castle's temple. Kate couldn't hold back the tears anymore as her eyes met his. What made thing worse was that he looked more apologetic than anything else. Kate sprang forwards as the man lifted the handle then brought it down hard on the back of Castle's head, causing him to crumple back onto the ground. Kate fought back strong arms as they pulled her inch-by-inch out of the room.
A few minutes later, her head was being shoved repeatedly under brutally cold water as they continued to scream at her. She knew that they were not empty threats but wasn't about to let them win. She tried her best not to suck in the water, but as she was let up less and less for extended periods of time, she had no choice. From what Ryan had told her about his torture session, he hadn't withheld anything. The burning in her lungs hurt like you wouldn't believe, and that is not even mentioning the hundreds of tiny knives that felt like they being shoved into her skin. Part of her wished that her temperature and pain receptors would just stop sending signals to her brain.
"Just tell me what I want to know, and this can all be over," one of the cronies heckled as he grabbed the back of her head rather roughly, shoving her under just one more time for good measure.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Kate taunted as they let her up. "We both know that you're just going to kill us both in the end. I'm not telling you a damn thing. So enjoy it while it lasts…because Ryan and Esposito are looking for us and you don't have much time left…"
"The only way you'll be leaving our company is in a body bag," he hissed, "I'm sure you know those well, don't you?"
"Please," Kate rasped, "There has to be some sort of arrangement we can make. Most of this is all just a misunderstanding. We stumbled onto things accidentally. We have no intention of leaking the information."
"Perhaps if you actually had any donations to contribute to our operation as a gesture of good faith, then we might be able to talk," the man spoke mockingly, "….but on a street rat's salary such as your own, you've got nothing to offer. Too bad." A beat. "Although, I might be willing to consider another gesture of good faith. You look like you would be pretty good in the sack, yeah? Or at least the man you're with seems to think so." His expression was menacing as he added. "The funny thing is, that I can't imagine he could possibly fulfill all of your special needs."
"You'd be surprised," Kate bit back coldly, "I assure you, he's ten times the man you will ever be."
"That's a shame," the man shook his head. "But whatever…it's your funeral. You just let me know if you ever change your mind."
"I'd die first, before I would EVER give anything to you," Kate punctuated the statement with some spit in his face, "You chauvinistic pig." She spoke the last few words in perfect Russian just for good measure. She liked to see men come unhinged from the inside out when they felt disrespected. It was too easy, really, to get under their skin. These cronies were nothing more than punks overflowing with testosterone. They always had something to prove. Which is why, she knew exactly the type of punishment she'd receive. She wanted to hurt. She wanted to feel pain, and they were going to foolishly give her what she wanted. Was it morbidly masochistic? Yes. But was it also beating them at their own game? Perhaps.
She tried not to make a sound as two of the thugs pulled her out of the chair and held her down against the unforgiving concrete floor while the other hit her again and again and again. She bit down hard on her lip, gritting her jaw together so as to not scream, when the blows became more painful. Kicks to her stomach left her tasting iron in her mouth and she spit it out onto the concrete. They wanted her to scream and she wasn't going to let them win. She couldn't. Still, she couldn't hold back the grunts and moans that passed from her parting lips as she gasped for air. After a while, she had no energy left and stopped fighting the weight pushing down on her shoulders and just laid there, taking the beating as best as she could. After a while, the first man ran out of wind and let one of the others take over. She had no perception as to the amount of time that had passed, but it felt like an eternity. Part of her feared that it would never stop.
Kate's feet wouldn't support her as they dragged her down the hall, and back to the frigid icebox she and Castle were being kept in. Castle was curled up against the wall and a small stream of blood was trickling down the side of his face. Kate was relieved to see that he was awake. His eyes followed her movements as they dragged her across the room and dropped her to the floor. For the first time since they were kept there, Kate looked worse for wear. Kate crumpled onto the floor, staring at the imperfections in the concrete under her left cheek as she waited for the men to leave them in piece. A couple more minutes of commotion and they were left in deafening silence.
Slowly Kate crawled over the concrete settling against the wall next to Castle. Wordlessly, Castle pulled her into his arms. Kate closed her eyes as her head settled against his chest. With the gentlest touch he ran his thumb over her bruised jaw, leaning over to kiss it with his lips. "Does it hurt?" the sound of agony and pain in his voice was almost too much. Kate could tell that he blamed himself for being powerless to protect her… The fact is, he was just as powerless as she was to stop any of it.
"Not anymore," Kate breathed honestly, kissing him softly. He continued to soothe her in every way he could. For a while he ran his hand up and down the skin on the inside of her forearm. At some points, he raked his fingers through her hair in a gentle, soothing, manner.
He could tell that she was losing hope. Carefully and gently, he brushed her hair out of her face, so that he could see her eyes. He knew that she needed him to be the strong one for this moment in time.
"It's going to be okay," Castle whispered into her ear. "We're going to get out of here."
"Castle, you and I have always been able to say anything to one another, haven't we?" Kate replied softly. "I mean…whenever one of us has something to say, then the other listens…."
"Of course," Castle replied concurrently, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "I mean…it's usually me sharing one of my pointless, severely off-base theories. But yes, I'd like to think that we have a very open relationship and can tell eachother anything."
"Good," Kate let out a sigh of relief. "So…then how about we be honest and face the truth?" Kate said, holding his gaze with her eyes. Her breath hitched at the numerous gashes and bruises composing much of his jaw and forehead. His right eye was nearly swollen completely shut. And yet, he did not complain.
"No," Castle put a finger to Kate's lips, "Don't say it. Don't make it harder than it is." He let out a pained breath, "I'll admit that we're in quite a precarious situation, but it sure as hell isn't the first one we've ever been in. Ryan and Esposito will come through for us. I know they will!"
"What if they have no idea what happened? Castle, we have no way of knowing if the text ever got sent," Kate tried to reason carefully, "and if it didn't, then Ryan and Esposito will have no idea where to start looking. These thugs are getting impatient, Castle, they probably have orders to kill us, and sure have no qualms about doing as such. They know we know too much already." Kate looked away, unable to look into Castle' eyes as she said the last part. "I'm pretty sure that the only reason we're still alive right now is because of the ransom they're hoping to get for each of us."
"You're giving up hope," Castle said finally as a statement, "Aren't you?" The rhetorical question wasn't really meant to have an answer, but rather, it was meant to be a statement of pure unadulterated fact.
"Don't make it sound like that," Kate breathed painfully. "Castle… Please."
"No," Castle shook his head, pulling away from her slightly. "Look, it's okay if you're giving up. It is. Because you know what? I'm not. I'm not going to give up. Not yet." He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "It's obvious that it is what I do. I'm foolishly optimistic. I'm gullible. And I believe in the impossible things in life." Castle swallowed over the dryness in his throat. He could hardly speak due to the degree of its dryness. His entire mouth, lips, tongue, and throat were dry as the desert. "You think I don't realize how ridiculous I can be. Hell, I hold ideas that have no basis in fact, purely for the benefit of my imagination. Because someone has to." Castle pulled his hand away from Kate's grasp, rubbing roughly at his sore jaw. It clicked whenever he opened his mouth, and he could only assume that meant something had been injured. "I can do this. I'm going to figure out a way to get you out of here. I will."
"Castle," Kate's voice was broken under the word. Her heart swelled with his loyalty and his optimism.
"They are not going to lay a hand on you again," Castle breathed bitterly, running his hands ever so gently over her body. "Or so help me god."
"Castle," Kate reached up to stroke the side of his face. "Don't…" Castle and Kate locked eyes once more, warm breath intermingling between them. Both were in insurmountable pain, and both were weak, and hungry, and cold, but they had one another and it was enough to keep them going.
"Kate," Castle swallowed painfully. "There is something I have to tell you. I know we've avoided saying it because of the implications of the word. The weight of it, but I…I do. I love you. I've loved you for the last three years. I-I think I've been in love with you from the day I met you."
"Don't," Kate pleaded softly, tears steadily building in her eyes, "Please." The crystal blue hues of his eyes might have been windows to his soul in that moment. They spoke volumes as to his deepest feelings. "Not here. Don't say it. This isn't the way that I want to have to remember you telling me."
"Katie," Castle sighed. He was sick of his feelings eating him alive. His heart swelled every time he saw her. Flashes of their first kiss swam through his mind. He was so desperate to have her. One more kiss, one more touch would not be enough for him. "I just need you to know how I feel."
"No," Kate swallowed thickly, "Don't do that. Don't say it like something is going to happen. Don't say it like you're going to give up on me."
"I…I'm just so tired," Castle breathed weakly. "Kate…I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be sorry," Kate reached down to take his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know exactly how you feel," Kate sniffled softly. Castle's eyes closed as he took a deep long breathe. Kate shook him. "No. I need you to stay with me. You can't go to sleep."
"Bur I've felt this way for so long," Castle's deep voice responded. "I can't…I'm so tired."
"I know… I am too," Kate breathed, kissing him softly. She did the only thing she could think of. She pulled him against her, deepening the pressure. This time she took her time, pushing her tongue gently into his mouth as she reached around and slid her fingers into his hair. Foreheads brushed together as they tried to convey their words and feelings through touch. Nothing could take this moment away from them. Nothing. "Castle. I love you." Castle's body shook. He nodded softly to acknowledge he heard her.
When the kiss finally ended, both of their breaths mingled in the cool air between them. Castle's breathing was ragged. His eyes closed as he tried to memorize the taste and the feel of her on his lips. Thoughts raced around and around his mind, as he realized the seriousness of the situation. Kate was right. They would kill them without hesitation, and they would do it without any regard for their suffering. They were being held by those associated with the mob, after all. And there was no way that Castle could sweet talk himself out of this situation. He couldn't imagine anyone hurting Kate, and realized through watching those men strike her earlier that he would rather die than see her harmed. Seeing her cry was like ripping his heart out. There were no words for the agony. Minutes ticked by and Castle held Kate tightly against him. After a while, her breathing evened out, telling him that she had drifted off into sleep, herself. He held her close, feeling as if the moment, the defining moment of their life was drawing near once again. They really had to stop winding up in such unpleasant situations.
Kate jumped awake in a mild panic as the door was thrown open. Castle could see the fear in her eyes. He tried to calm her as best as he could, but she panicked even more as she saw the large rifles draped over the men's shoulders.
"Take her out back," one of the men spoke, Castle pushed his way in front of her and threw up his hands.
"Wait! No! Not her! Take me!" Castle kept Kate behind him. She tried to pull him back to her side, but he wouldn't let her. He had to protect her. He had to, even if it was just this one time. Even if it only delayed her demise a single second.
"Get out of the way!" one of the men hissed as they kicked him in the stomach.
"Wait!" Castle pleaded. "Please! Just hear me out!" One of the men took a step back, aiming the rifle at him. "Easy!...Easy! Don't shoot! Please!"
"Are you ready to talk?" he hissed vehemently. Castle's eyes darted to Kate's shocked expression. She looked frightened. He could clearly see the way her eyes shimmered. She was pleading with him. To her, their integrity mattered more. She felt as if they needed to protect what they knew, and she was afraid they were reaching the point where they were desperate enough to give it up.
"Yes." Castle swallowed, wincing at Kate's sharp intake of breath. Of course, she would see it as a betrayal.
"Castle! No! Don't do this! What the hell are you thinking?" the sound of betrayal in Kate's voice had Castle feeling immense guilt. Castle avoided her eyes. He didn't think he could bear the pain in his chest and the weight on his shoulders.
"What's it going to be?" he asked as his eyes locked with Castle, sizing him up so to speak."
"I'll tell you everything you want to know, but you have to promise me you won't touch her," Castle breathed. He avoided looking at Kate. He knew it would be too painful otherwise. But he was hoping that he could still get her out of this place somehow, and his mind was working overtime as he sought to make it happen. "So…are you going to take me someplace else, or are you going to make me talk in front of the lady?" Castle indicated as he nodded his head in her direction.
"Unchain him," the man in charge, ordered, "take him to the back room. I suppose my friend Castle and I are going to have a nice little chat."
"Castle," Kate tried pleading with him one last time, "Think about what you're doing. Don't do it! Please! Don't tell them anything!" Castle squeezed his eyes shut, as he let himself be pulled up from the floor. He screamed as one of the men pulling him, tweaked his injured shoulder. During one of their many rounds, they had pulled his shoulder out of its socket a few times.
Kate watched with a horrified expression as they dragged Castle out of the room. The minutes she waited for him to return were easily the longest of her life. Every scream that sounded from the adjacent room was like ice in her veins. Her body shook uncontrollably with sobs as she listened to them torture Castle over and over. She jumped clear off of the ground as a shrill cry thundered through the next room, and then deafening silence. She waited without breathing as minutes of silence followed, ticking by torturously slow. She couldn't bear it. And the truth was that they might both die here. They might die without knowing what it was like to be together as they should be.
Castle was dragged into another room and strapped to a chair. He swallowed as the leader of the small group stepped forwards, a short silver blade in his hands. He had a menacing look in his eyes, but Castle was determined to show the man no fear.
"So…" he said as came to a stop a few feet away from Castle. "Let's have it. What is it that you'd like to tell me?"
"Wow," Castle breathed, "You guys are really impatient, aren't you? You don't waste your time with any of the formalities do you? You just cut right to the chase."
"Stop wasting my time," the man hissed as he took a step forwards. "Perhaps, I haven't been clear enough. I don't like people who waste my time." Castle swallowed again.
"Look," Castle gulped. "I'm afraid that I'm having trouble with maintaining coherent thought right now so it might take me a little while."
"You lied to me," the man said angrily. "You're not going to tell me anything…"
"Wait a minute. You…You seriously thought I was going to tell you?" Castle scoffed. "Wow, you're really gullible." Castle let out a quick breath as the man lashed out. Castle tried not to scream as the man applied pressure and ran the blade up his arm, leaving a deep gash. Castle squeezed his eyes shut and locked his jaw tight.
"I will not be screwed with, Mr. Castle," he spat angrily.
"T-That's funny," Castle spoke bravely, "Cause I heard your mom was really easy… I mean she must have hit up half of the city by now."
"You son of a…." This time Castle could not hold back his scream as the man plunged the knife deep into his stomach. He screamed out profanities as the man pulled out the blade.
"You still want to say something else, Mr. Castle?" he asked angrily as he grabbed Castle's jaw tightly in his grip. With his other hand he pressed the blade against the left side of Castle's neck. Castle didn't dare breath, as he looked the other man in the eyes.
"Look," Castle finally managed. "I can't be of much help to you in the way you want. Not until I know that Kate is somewhere safe."
"You know," the man said icily, glaring into Castle's eyes, "This might be a surprise to you, but you're in no position to make any such request. I don't bargain with prisoners."
"Is that so?" Castle asked quietly. "So it really wouldn't matter if I told you that I could compensate you," Castle spoke slowly. "If you let Kate go."
"How so?" this piqued the man's interest.
"You may not be familiar with my identity, but I'm a fairly successful writer," Castle spoke quietly. "I have a fairly large sum in my bank account."
"How much?" the man asked impatiently.
"Three million," Castle expelled in a breath, hoping to see a sign of interest. Within a single second he knew he had the man. He could see the greed in Cavenaugh's eyes. He knew counted on the man's greed and was glad it was working. There was no doubt in Castle's mind. He would take it.
"That's not enough for the both of you," he shook his head.
"But it would be enough for one?" Castle inquired hopefully. Sweat was dripping down his forehead despite the frigid cold around him. He was so close he could almost taste it. He silently prayed it would be good enough.
"I should think so," he replied. Castle instantaneously let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay," Castle choked out. "You'll get half before, and the other half when I know she's okay. I want proof that she's alive and well."
"You're very direct, Mr. Castle," the man spoke with a menacing look in his eyes.
"Forgive me if I don't seem very trusting," Castle spat out. "But I want your word. No one so much as touches her. You let her go and get to keep me and the money."
"As soon as the first money transfer comes through. Yes." He promised. Castle's heart was pounding. He knew it was stupid to bargain with the worst scum imaginable, but it was the only way that he figured he could get Kate out of there safely.
"What's the account number?" the man asked, finally drawing the blade away from Castle's neck and releasing him. Castle rattled off a series of numbers, squeezing his eyes shut. It had to work. It just had to. He needed to know Kate would be safe.
"I'm going to start the transfer," he looked to the man guarding the door. "You sit tight while I check to make sure you have what you say." Castle nodded and swallowed. He shifted slightly as the man departed, and he was left alone with the other guard. He could feel the man's eyes boring into him, analyzing him and so he avoided looking in that direction. It seemed to take forever for him to return.
"Bring him back to his cell," he ordered before stepping out of the room once more. Castle's heart was pounding uncontrollably. He immediately feared that the money hadn't been there. Martha and Alexis might have put a freeze on his accounts due to the fact that he was missing.
Nothing could prepare Kate for when they returned. Blood coated the front of his shirt from what she could only assume was a fresh nose bleed. Her heart started beating faster than she could ever remember as they dropped him onto the floor right next to her.
"What did they do to you?" Kate couldn't keep the quaver out of her voice. "Castle…Hey, Castle, tell me."
"Nothing," Castle choked out quickly, seizing her hands, "I'm fine. Everything is going to be fine."
"What did you tell them?" Kate's eyes studied his, staring into depths of blue. "Castle, it's important. If you told them anything then…"
"Kate," Castle's voice broke under the name. "I didn't tell them anything."
"Then why did you tell them you would talk?" Kate asked with a roughened voice.
"Because I had to protect you," Castle replied. "I had to do something…"
"Castle, I…" Quickly, he pulled her in for a kiss as she ran her hands over his body. Castle nearly screamed into her mouth as she applied pressure over the damp spot of his shirt. "What…did they…" She ripped open his shirt to find the source of his pain. He'd been stabbed. It looked like it was shallow, but he was losing blood now. Lots of it.
"Oh my god," Kate's hands shook uncontrollably as blood seeped out under her fingertips. "No….No no no…." Kate's body started to tremble uncontrollably, as she could no longer hold back her fear, and her love for the man lying under her. "No. You cannot do this to me. You can't…. I won't forgive you if you die on me." Castle's own hands shook as his fingers curled up on themselves into tight fists. Slowly he lifted them, covering Kate's hands with his own. He pulled them away.
"It's okay," Castle tried to reassure her. "It's not deep. It's going to be okay." He was eerily calm, and it scared her to death. "It looks worse than it is. I promise."
"Castle," Kate breathed as she clung to him. She kissed him softly.
"Kate," Caste breathed, "I finally figured out a way to get you out of here."
"Castle," Kate thought that he was merely lethargic. "What are you talking about?"
Kate cried out as strong arms pulled her away from him. She fought against them with everything she had, screaming all the while.
"Get her out of here," the leader spoke bitterly as he walked in. "The monetary transfer went through. He's good for it. Let her go as promised." Kate screamed again as they tried to grab hold of her. "Not so much as a single hair is to be ruffled on her head from here on out. You understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Kate's panicked voice echoed around the walls. Kate saw something in the man's expression, causing her eyes to dart back to Castle whom was still looking at her with a calm resolve. Suddenly everything clicked. Castle had done the unthinkable. Castle had bought her freedom. Hers and hers alone. Not his.
"No," Kate's voice broke under the word. Under the implications of what was happening. She could not leave him here. She could not live without him. She clawed her way back to his side, still fighting the hands that were trying to grab her. "What did you do?" she hissed out angrily, tears flowing from her eyes.
"Kate…" Castle's breath hitched as he felt her hand strike his face. Hard. The sound of her hand striking his flesh echoed through the small space of the basement. The burn and tingle of his cheek made him feel. Perhaps for the first time in days, he felt unbearable pain, not just physical but emotional as well. He felt as if his heart was being ripped in two. It wasn't any easier for him to let her go than it was for her to leave him.
"Why? Why are you doing this for me? I don't deserve it anymore than you do! How could you do this? What about your family, Castle? How am I supposed to look them in the eye, knowing that you chose me over yourself?" By the time she finished with the questions she had to ask she was nearly yelling. Deep uncontrollable sobs, wracked through Kate's body as tears continued to seep from her eyes.
"You know why I did this, Kate" Castle answered as emphatically as possible. "You know why I chose you! I did so because I love you. I always have and I always will. And I swore to myself that I would always protect you. If I die serving that purpose, then that's just as poetic an ending as I could have ever hoped for us to have."
"No," Kate was angry. "That's not fair. You don't get to make the choice for me! I love you too, Castle. I'm not letting you go like this."
"Kate. Katie, look at me. Please." Kate's eyes locked onto his. "Martha and Alexis will understand. They will. Because they know how much… they know how much I love you all. Please…please tell them that I wasn't scared in the end. You tell them I was brave. And if I don't make it then…. then tell them I love them. That I had to make a difficult choice and that I need them to understand why I made it."
"I can't do this… I can't leave you," Kate's sobs grew stronger as she realized she didn't have a choice.
"That's not for you to decide." Castle swallowed, "I know it doesn't seem like it, but it'll work out in the end somehow. I know it will. I can feel it." Kate clung on tighter as men finally found purchase on her arms.
"No. This isn't one of your hunches, Castle," Kate's low alto voice choked out. "This isn't something to bet your life on. Please… Please don't do this." Please don't make me leave. Please don't leave me. The two exchanged silent words.
"You have to go. You're the one that makes the real difference in this world. You've always been the one. Not me."
"Castle," Kate broken cries were more painful to him than the place where blood was seeping out of him. "The only reason that I pushed you away for so long…I was so scared. I should have told you…I should have told you such a long time ago."
"Kate," Castle's voice was suddenly pleaded, "It's okay. We were both scared."
"I love you, Castle. I love you so much," Kate's voiced cried out as she stole one last touch from him before being wrenched away. Her head whipped back and forth as a sheet of chloroform was pressed over her nose and mouth. Then everything went back.
Chaos broke out at a nearby hospital as a black sedan screeched to a halt in front of the emergency room. The security guard on duty rushed out as a body was shoved from the back seat and onto the pavement below, mere seconds before the car sped off into the night. Kate's gold shield glinted in the night as her coat, which had been restored to her shoulders to cover most of the bruising, fell open as she settled onto her back. Screams echoed in the parking lot as nurses, and technicians rushed out to give help.
A night full of empty dreamless sleep, curtained Kate from the rest of the world, and from the state of panic that she would feel when she awoke to find her self alone.
A loud beeping had Kate wincing in discomfort as her head pounded relentlessly. She felt as if she had been struck over the head with a hammer. A gentle hand wiped back the sweat and dirt caked hair from her face. Kate moaned, savoring the contact as she rolled her head back and forth gently on the pillows. She took a deep breath, immediately regretting having done so as a stabbing pain made her cry out.
"Oh thank goodness, she's awake," Lanie's soft voice whispered as Kate's eyes blinked open for the first time. Firstly seeing blurs of color and then the worried and grieving expression on her best friend's face. It took one moment. Just one moment to realize that everything hadn't been a dream. It was real. God, it was real.
"Uh oh," Esposito was the first to read the emotion sweeping across Kate's face. She knew. She knew immediately who was missing.
It was like an alarm going off in her skull. Kate jumped forwards, pushing herself forcefully up off the bed. Quickly, Kevin and Esposito restrained her.
"God, Castle!" Where's Castle?" Kate's loud screeching cries had those within several rooms wondering what awful thing was happening. "I...I need Castle."
"Kate," Esposito forced his way into her field of vision, "Katie, look at me. Katie!" He winced as a fist struck him in the shoulder before she finally latched onto the material. "They're looking for him. We're going to find him. But I need you to calm down." Kate continued to fight as she shouted Castle's name over and over till she was nearly hoarse. Lanie shook her head as one of the nurses injected a sedative into her I.V.
"Please," Kate began to sob, "You have to find him…"
"We're trying," Esposito tried to sooth her; "We're running leads on the sedan."
"Do you remember anything about what happened?" Kevin Ryan asked her calmly. "Was there anything peculiar about where you were being held?"
"No…I…It could have been anywhere. Only there were reinforced steel doors. It was so cold," Kate breathed. "Y-You have to find him. Ryan, please."
"We're going to do everything we can," Ryan promised. "Kate, I know how much he means to you. We'll get him back."
"They were affiliated with the Russian mob," Kate spoke quickly. "They hurt him. He'd been stabbed. He might not have 24 hours."
"Kate, how did you get free?" Esposito had to ask.
"I…I didn't," Kate's voice broke. "They let me go." Esposito looked uneasy as Kate started sobbing. "He…he bought my freedom," Kate choked out in raw, broken sobs. "He gave up everything he had for my life." Esposito and Lanie shared a knowing look. There was no doubt in their minds that Castle had done as such. He loved her enough to give up his life for her.
"I…I have to go run Castle's account numbers," Esposito said frantically, "If we can track the money flow, we just might get lucky." Esposito rushed out of the room with is partner as Lanie sank into the chair and held Kate's hand as the detective was catapulted back into dreamless sleep.
Hate me right now? Yeah. I know. Just try not to be too mean with the reviews, guys? Please? Anyhow, I hoped you like it and want more. I'm writing pretty much constantly. I know that I don't have a lot to show for it just yet, but I promise more is coming for my other stories out there. Thanks for reading! Please hit the review button if you want more!