A VERY OURAN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL

Chapter One

It was just after the Ouran High School Host Club had finally closed its doors to the women of Ouran Academy. The sun was setting, the deranged female manager had popped in to have a few words the with vice-president about her new photo book collection, the twins were harassing the commoner cross dresser, and a short blond senior was devouring cakes while his strong, observant cousin overlooked the whole thing. They had all just finished changing out of their cosplay for the day—Greek Myths—and were lounging about, waiting for their King to come out of the dressing room.

Tamaki had been acting odd all day, and it was really starting to irk the other club members. They had a general idea what was bothering him, but neither of the members were going to mention anything. When the blond finally did emerge from the closeted dressing room, it was with a very strange atmosphere: he was completely calm.

"Has anyone seen my dog?" he asked the other club members, all of whom had stopped what they were doing to look at him with skeptical expressions.

"You mean Aninonette?" Hikaru asked. "She's not here."

"Oh, man," Tamaki pouted, twisting his hands surreptitiously in his lap and looking from face to face. "I need to talk to someone." They waited, mainly knowing that he was going to respond if they just gave him time. And, sure enough, "You see, my Mother's returning from her trip to Spain, and my father from Italy, and they don't know I'm gay."

Dramatic music played somewhere in the background. Kaoru quirked an eyebrow. "Tamaki, you should really tell them. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it."

"You know what might help?" Renge cut in, being obnoxiously loud and feminine as usual. The club members sighed. "If we all did a little role playing!"

Silence. Crickets.

"Oh, that's not a bad idea," Hikaru smirked, standing up from his spot on the couch and walking over to the brunette commoner. "Haruhi, you be Tamaki's Mother, and Hunny-senpai, you're going to be his Father!"

Glances were exchanged, and no complaints voiced, so Tamaki shrugs a little. "Uh...Okay, I'll try. Um...Mommy...Daddy...I'm gay."

Hunny looked up from his cake, decidedly going along with this, and spared Haruhi a glance. "Well, sonny boy, I think I speak for your Mother and myself when I say—A DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!"

The entire club room erupted in laughter, mad cackling as Renge, the twins and Hunny rolled on the floor, Haruhi politely giggled behind her hand and the taller, more stoic members smirked and hid the expression.

Tamaki sniffled. "You guys are such assholes....And not the good kind." And he stormed off, slamming the door behind him just as the laughter stopped.

Guilt started to set in as touching, heart wrenching music began to play, and the hosts looked from one to the other, unsure of how to respond.

-white flash of scene changing-

Tamaki was curled up on an abandoned couch in the Third Library, sniffling in the quite that came with after school. From the open door way, the Hosts that had followed him were watching, feeling horrible emotions tug at their heart strings and remaining silent to watch him cry. The twins motioned for Haruhi and Hunny to go in and consol him, and they did without complaint, shoes clicking on the tile and sounding over Tamaki's suppressed sobs.

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi tentatively tried. "Sorry about before. We want to help."

"Err, you'll just make fun of me again." Tamaki sounded as if he had a bad head cold.

"No we wont, Homo-chan~" Hunny explained to him as Tamaki sat up on the must old couch. "I swear on your gay eyes!"

"Come on, Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi followed up with, "Let's give this role playing another try!"

"Uh...Okay..." Tamaki stood from his place on the couch. "Here goes.....Mom, Dad. I'm gay."

Immediately, things changed. Hunny's little known but menacing second personality appeared, and he seemed to tower over the two of his underclassmen with an imposing shadow over his face and entire body. Haruhi's disposition changed to, to a more pitiful and sad and female attitude and she clutched at her heart.

"YOU'RE A GODDAMED QUEER!?!?!?" Hunny shouted.

"How could you do this to us?!" Haruhi wailed, tears springing to her eyes.

Tamaki faltered. "I'm....not doing this...to you, Mom....This is just the way I was born."

Hunny pointed violently at Haruhi. "I told you not to huff airplane glue while you were pregnant!"

To which she countered. "At least air-plane glue knew how to make me feel good, Zemma-addict!!"

"ZEMMA HELPS ME RELAX!!!!!!"

Tamaki blinked at how passionate the two were getting about this and smiled. "Hehe, wow. You two are really committing to this role playing." Hunny turned fierce eyes upon him and snatched his underclassman/son's upper arm in a painfully tight grip. "Ouch."

"Shut up," he said, poking a finger into Tamaki's chest as his voice became scarily low and dramatic music strummed from somewhere. "Just shut the hell up."

"Ouch—you're hurting me." Tamaki complained in a weak voice.

"Not as much as you're hurting everyone else!" He pointed to Haruhi. "Just look how fat you've made your mother!" And he raised a fist in anger, preparing to hammer it down on the blond.

Haruhi sprung into action, jumping to his side and pleading, "Yuzuru, no!! Stop this!"

"Get off me, woman!" Hunny screeched darkly, pushing Haruhi away violently. A little too violently, as she smacked into the wall and crumpled down, looking over her shoulder and cowering as dramatic music played. Hunny panted in between the two of them before turning and walking out of the library with purposeful steps.

Tamaki looked scared a bit, glancing from Hunny's retreating back to the girl curled on the floor, rubbing her head and attempting to stand up. He stood, too, and walked to her side. "Mom, are you okay?"

There were tears in Haruhi's voice, and she stood, stuttering uncontrollably and fisting the material of the fluffy pink apron that had suddenly appeared on her. "I...I..I just...well...I have a casserole in the over!" She proclaimed before standing and running out of the library.

Silence.

"Wow. Haruhi really nailed my Mom's ability to take a punch~!"

A/N: Yes. Weird. Very, very weird. Based very closely on Drawn Together, and very, very crack-a-licious. Even worth the next chapter? Answer, yes, because I've already written it all!