A/N: This is the second fic in the Alex Made Me Do It series. Not serious at all. Set during series four of Doctor Who and... Any time of Sherlock, really. It might be a bit OOC, though. Hope you like it!
Sherlly's in the TARDIS.
"Run for your lives!" The strange man in a brown pinstripe suit and white converse yelled.
"Don't be stupid, do as he says!" added the noisy red-head.
Sherlock and John had no other option but to, as the man had said, run for their lives.
The man and the woman caught up with them, and pulled them towards a corridor that, unfortunately, was a dead end. Sherlock had pointed that out as soon as he and John were pulled by the two mysterious — and extremely weird and noisy — people.
Of course, as soon as they'd reached the end of the corridor, Sherlock had yelled, "I told you this was a dead end!"
To which the red-head had replied, "Oh, shut it, we know what we're doing," while the man brought out a pen-like device and pointed it at a door's lock, which, in Sherlock's opinion, was stupid, pointless and a waste of time. And to top it all, the device made a strange noise, that would certainly bring the creature to where they were. Before Sherlock could voice his opinion about it all, the man pushed the door open, and the woman dragged John inside. Sherlock had no choice but to follow.
Inside, in the middle of the classroom was a blue box. It looked like a police box from the 1960s, but Sherlock noticed the windows were the wrong size. Whoever had done this obviously didn't pay much attention to detail.
"What are you doing? Get in!" The woman pushed them inside the box, before Sherlock could say anything about how they wouldn't be able to fit all four in that tiny box but it was too late, and they were shoved in.
And that's how Sherlock thought he had reached insanity. He also got to the conclusion that he'd probably taken too many drugs before coming, although he didn't remember taking any, which was odd. Sherlock Holmes never forgot anything.
"Doctor, do something!" The red-headed woman and the strange man were at the centre of the room, which seemed to be a control room. There was a huge, round machine in the centre, filled with buttons and levers and knobs and switches, Sherlock didn't know what they were for.
"I'm trying! It's not that easy, you know? It's like trying to convince Henry Van Statten that he's doing something wrong," The man — Doctor, the woman had called him — said.
"Who?" The woman asked. Sherlock rolled his eyes. Van Statten. CEO of the American corporation GeoComTex, collector and exploiter of so-called "alien technology". And he also owned the internet, something which people had a hard time to believe, who knows why.
"Henry Van Statten. Surely you remember—no, wait that was Rose. What I mean is, it's not that simple!" The so-called doctor exclaimed.
"Well, instead of rambling, why don't you start pressing buttons or whatever it is you've got to do, Spaceman!" The red-head shouted.
"Oh. Right. Good point." And he started to push some buttons.
"Uh, excuse me?" John asked. "Where are we?"
"You're in the TARDIS." The man looked up, grinning. "That's Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Best ship in the universe!"
"Doctor," the woman warned.
"Right." And the "doctor" went back to work.
"I'm Donna, by the way. And Martian Boy over here's the Doctor."
"Doctor who?" John asked.
The question seemed to please the man, who looked up again and grinned at them. "Just the Doctor, hello!" He waved at them, wiggling his fingers.
"I'm doctor John Watson, and this is Sherlock Holmes," John introduced them. Sherlock was still busy processing the fact that a blue box was this bigger on the inside. It just wasn't possible.
The Doctor stopped whatever it was he was doing to stare at Sherlock. "Nah! No way!" He grinned. "Sherlock Holmes! Sherlock Holmes is in my TARDIS! Sherlly's in my TARDIS!" He jumped happily.
"Doctor! No time for fanboying!" Donna snapped at him.
"Right. Donna, do me a favour, hold this lever down," he said.
"Which one?"
"The orange one."
"There are three orange levers."
"Well, hold it then!"
"Which one?!"
"The orange one, the one in the middle!" The Doctor exclaimed, sounding exasperated. Donna did as he said. "There, it wasn't that hard, was it? You can let go now," he added. There was a whirring noise, and Donna let go of the lever, walked towards the Doctor and slapped him in the face.
"Oi!" The Doctor brought his hand to his now red cheek. "What was that for?!"
"Stop being so bloody confusing!" Donna yelled back.
"What's happening?" John asked as the TARDIS rocked back and forth.
"Oh, we're moving." The Doctor grinned excitedly. "Off to Raxacoricofallapatorius!"
"To where?"
"Raxacoricofallapatorius!"
"Raxa-where?"
"Repeat after me. Raxa—"
"Raxa—"
"—corico—"
"—corico—"
"—falla—"
"—falla—"
"—patorius."
"—patorius."
"Raxacoricofallapatorius!"
"Raxacoricofallapatorius," John finally managed to pronounce the word. "I've never heard of that place."
"Of course not. Very few humans have!" The Doctor replied. The way he said it, it made Sherlock feel as if he didn't count himself amongst humans.
"Then how do you know it?" John asked.
"Me? I'm not human!" He replied.
"Didn't you hear me call him Spaceman and Martian Boy minutes ago?" Donna asked.
"I..." John obviously didn't know what to say, so instead he changed the subject. "Why are we going there? And how?"
"Well, easy. The Slitheen's hanging on to the TARDIS right now. She doesn't like it, of course not, but this had to be done. Sorry." He patted the console, as if apologising to it. Which was stupid, why would he apologise to something that wasn't even alive? "Anyway, the Slitheen's hanging on to the TARDIS right now, so we're bringing it back to its planet of origin, Raxacoricofallapatorius, where he'll receive punishment for its crime."
"The Slitheen is what was chasing us?" John asked.
"Yep."
"Sorry—did you say planet of origin?"
"Yep."
"So it's alien?"
"Yep."
"And... You're an alien?"
"Correctimundo!" The Doctor grinned before grimacing. "I thought I'd promised myself I'd never say that again!"
"Why was it chasing us?"
"Because we stopped him from stealing his sweets," the Doctor explained.
"What?" John frowned.
"The children, John. He's talking about the children," Sherlock spoke his first words ever since he'd entered the TARDIS. The Doctor nodded.
"Aaaaand..." The Doctor hopped to the console, and checked a screen. "He's still holding on to the TARDIS."
"Oh, let me." Donna advanced to the console and grabbed a communicator. "Hey, you! Slithayn—"
"Slitheen," the Doctor corrected her.
"—or whatever your name is! Leave this police box alone! You're annoying us already!" She exclaimed.
The Doctor sighed. "Raxacoricofallapatorians. They never leave you alone, do they? Weeeeell, technically, it's just the Slitheen."
"What's the difference?" Donna asked.
"Raxacoricofallapatorians are the race, Slitheen is this Raxacoricofallapatorian's surname."
"Oh." Donna nodded.
Finally, the Slitheen was taken away by more Raxacoricofallapatorians and the Doctor took them back to the school. The Doctor was explaining more about his ship when they landed.
"—dimensionally trascendental. Of course, it requires dimensional dams, which leak through when the TARDIS is dying. Ah, but this ship has got so many more years to live." He patted the console fondly.
"You speak of it as if it's alive," John commented.
"Oh, it is! This ship's alive! Didn't I mention that?" The Doctor asked. "No? Okay. It's sentient," he added randomly, patting the console before dashing to the doors. "Well, nice to meet you, but it would be best if you left now, before they start looking for you." He paused. "Oh! And tell Mycroft I said hello!"
Sherlock and John got back to 221B, and, during the following week, John spent most of his time trying to explain everything to Sherlock, who still couldn't process, or believe that aliens were true, that they'd travelled through space in a ship that was dimensionally trascendental, and that said ship was alive.
In the end, John gave up on trying to explain. Sherlock never seemed to get it.