Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the characters, just my simple imagination
Summary: AU. The main concern was, however, is to decide who to leave behind and who to hold hands with. Whether to search for something else, or stick up with the old. Whether to stand by love, or give up on it. A Naley oneshot.
Love in December
So this is love
in the end of December
quiet nights
quiet stars
When she stared at the glowing ocean below, remembering the old times, a sudden feeling of fear and relief at the same time captured her. Things had definitely changed. She wasn't the naïve, lonely girl anymore, she had found her soul mate and opened her heart; but things hadn't been like love stories. There hadn't been a "happily lived after", they had gone through so many things, lots of things that probably other couples would give up on, and sometimes she wondered whether it was their love or some other magical power that kept them going.
It wasn't that she had gained a straight apathy, or get used to the simple monotomy of an exclusive relationship, or having control over the same person for years; but she could definitely see that something had changed, maybe for the better.
They weren't the passionate, desiring couple anymore. They were replaced. The times when they were an "item", when people looked and adored them were all over. Now, they were just ordinary. Whenever there was Nathan, there was Haley. All those admiring eyes and smiling faces had faded away.
Having been questioned herself, about the degree of her love, Haley sat on the Rivercourt, where she used to argue with Lucas about Nathan's love passionately, she wondered whether she could turn time back to live those again, because, mostly at those times, when everything was in a silent and dangerous order, she needed it.
And I'm here
Monday to Sunday
cause you're fragile
and I'm weak
He had understood that she had a problem. She wasn't the same girl, yet this didn't affect his love towards her, but the sparkle in her eyes had gone a long time ago. And the worst of all, it was his fault.
Every night, after Haley drank her full bottle of milk, went bathroom for the occasional make up that Brooke advised her to do, and crawled up to bed for a long night's sleep, he was in the left, buried deep with thoughts of "what if?" These could even be traced back to his birth, and mostly he wished that he didn't exist. Because, now, if things had gotten like that, if they had changed for the worse, it would have been his fault.
What's more, Haley was the one suffering, and this was making him crazy.
He didn't know what to do, what to say, whether to hug her or not when she drank her coffee near the chimney, or convince Lucas into chatting with her. He had no idea about what Haley was dealing with right then and he desperately wanted her to share. He wanted her to smile like she used to, play with the necklace he had given him in the first séance of their tutors, sing, and even if she kissed Chris Keller again, he wouldn't have said a word.
Yet, she wasn't doing anything, besides walking around like a ghost and isolating herself from the rest of the crew and Nathan didn't know what to do.
Worst of all, it was his fault.
So you fall
when the nights grow longer
into sleep
and won't wake up
After coming home and changing her clothes, Haley looked at her already slept husband in the left side of the mattress. He looked peaceful and harmless, as if those things had never happened. As if, they were just a cute couple returned from a honeymoon with all the hopes growing in their souls that they could solve anything. Yet, they weren't…all in all Haley had given up on that.
Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if Nathan had come and tried to talk to her. Not only the needs of the kitchen and the bathroom, or the simple talk about daily events, or how Brooke reacted to her non-existence in the school, but also about what they're dealing with. This thing that she was suffering, the pain that captured her soul, the hopelessness that came within. Everything that needed solution in her body. Yet, he wasn't there. She knew that he wasn't unaware, it was obvious that he was trying, but it wasn't enough.
She needed more, especially at those times, the times when she started to lose all her hopes on future, and mostly on their relationship. She needed Nathan to save her.
Desperately.
Yet, he was in a deep sleep, slightly snoring, and Haley could even swear that there was a smile in his face; and he was far beyond her.
And I'm here
I'm sitting beside you
and I'll wait until the spring
"Good morning" he managed to murmur after a deep indecision of what to say. Haley had gotten home late as usual, probably after long hours of uncontrolled thoughts and excessive amounts of wine; and crawled up to bed immediately, without even recognizing that he hadn't slept a bit, at all.
"I've left some cornflakes on the table, milk is in the fridge." Haley said, looking to her after-a-hard-night-blend remaining still in the cup. She hadn't taken a sip and wasn't going to. This headache was just she needed, a perfect way to concentrate on the pain, but not the painful thoughts.
Nathan poured the milk and started to chew silently. Would Haley react if he started talking? Would she laugh ironically if he told her about Tim? Would she make an effort, if she learned about Lucas's thoughts about Keith's death? Would she say anything, if he just made a move? He had no idea; so he didn't break the silence only cut by his mouth's moves.
"I won't be going to school." Haley blurted out suddenly.
"I'll bring you the works." Nathan said, wanting to convince her to come. But after all that, he didn't know how he will do it, or whether he will accomplish this.
He shut the door slowly and looked back with concern. Knowing that it was time he made a move, he didn't turn back and got in the car.
Don't you worry
i'll be there for you
don't worry about me
you know me better than that
don't you worry
i'll be there for you
i'll catch you if you would fall
If there were any words to describe the exact moment, the brief feeling that buried inside, the special scene she encountered for a long time, she would have said "love in December". The end of the year, the beginning of something else, the goodbye for everything happened, and a slight fear of the things possible to encounter. Leaving others behind and preparing for the next.
Breaking up with the past and uniting with the future.
The main concern was, however, is to decide who to leave behind and who to hold hands with. Whether to search for something else, or stick up with the old?
Whether to stand by love, or give up on it.
So you drift
when the days grow colder
away from me
and won't look back
"I'm sorry but we lost the baby"
The words echoed in his mind everytime he crossed that road. The road beneath Karen's Café, the road when he stopped right in front of her former-enemy-now-brother Lucas, the road where he watched Haley leave, and the road where Daunte had crushed Haley.
The road where their unborn child gave his last breath.
"I'm sorry but we lost the baby."
Nathan never predicted that this could happen, though, he was a firm believer in goodness and doing favours, especially after Haley and Lucas, and he thought that Daunte would only do him harm, rather than his friends and family. Yet he had forgotten one thing, hurting he meant hurting Haley and the new-Scott; and Daunte had been aware of that, having been planned one hell of a scheme, and succeeded even though he had died in the crush scene also.
"I'm sorry but we lost the baby"
And this forgetfulness caused him a lot.
A lot more than he could imagine, a lot more than he could handle, a lot more than he could deal with.
"I'm sorry but we lost the baby"
Far away
and I can't guide you
but I'm here
till the spring
Hours passed. Days passed. Even weeks passed, and they remained like that, doing no effort and waiting for a miracle to happen. Nothing happened.
"Good morning." Nathan said, yawning. This was another hard night, partial sleeps, unceasing echoes and talks, deep thoughts.
"Cornflakes are on the table." Haley said, this time she was preparing her bag, suddenly deciding to go to school to get her thoughts off a bit.
Nathan made his way to the fridge, when he stopped suddenly. This was an awkward, and maybe trivial situation, but Haley hadn't mentioned about the milk. For all those days, the speech was "cornflakes are on the table and milk is in the fridge" and today was an exception. Was that the sign of the miracle they were waiting and longing for? He turned around and faced her.
"I will always be near." He murmured. "Always and forever."
Haley looked at him questioningly, this was probably the most meaningful thing she had heard after her son's death. She hugged him, uniting in the perfect way ever imagined.
"Always and forever" Haley said, crying.
Maybe Nathan hadn't done much, maybe his indecisiveness and inept in behaving costed them much time, maybe he hadn't said much; but these words were worth it.
Don't you worry
i'll be there for you
don't worry about me
you know me better than that
don't you worry
i'll be there for you
i'll catch you if you would fall
If there were any words to describe the exact moment, the brief feeling that buried inside, the special scene she encountered for a long time, she would have said "love in December". The end of the year, the beginning of something else, the goodbye for everything happened, and a slight fear of the things possible to encounter. Leaving others behind and preparing for the next.
Breaking up with the past and uniting with the future.
The main concern was, however, is to decide who to leave behind and who to hold hands with. Whether to search for something else, or stick up with the old?
Whether to stand by love, or give up on it.
They had chosen love.
Always and forever.