The Walrus and the Ring
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the rings or the Walrus and the Carpenter, even though I do own a walrus named Chloe.
The ring was spying on the land,
Spying with all it's might,
He did his very best to make,
Middle earth angry with spite,
And this was very odd because,
Hobbiton was fun and bright.
The men were talking sulkily,
Because they thought the ring was dumb,
It had no right to be there,
After Sauron was done,
"It's very rude of him," they said,
"To ruin all the fun."
The sea was wet as wet can be,
Mordor was as dry and dry,
You couldn't see the sun,
There was this giant eye,
Nazgul were flying overhead,
Because, Nazgul like to fly.
Sauron was walking,
The ring was on his hand,
They wept like anything to see,
Such men in the land,
"If they all would just go away,"
They said, "Wouldn't that be grand."
"If seven orks with seven swords
Killed for half a year,
Do you suppose," Sauron said,
"That the men would disappear?"
"I doubt it." said the ring,
And Soron shed a bitter tear.
"O, warriors, come walk with us."
Soron did beseech,
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along Mordor beach. And
I'll give you time to make
A boring speech."
Elrond looked at him,
But never a word he said,
Elrond blinked his eyes,
And shook his heavy head,
Meaning he did not mean,
To leave the battle bed.
But Isillidor hurried up,
All eager for the treat,
His armor shined, his sword washed,
His boots were clean and neat,
And this was odd you know,
Because the had just suffered,
A defeat.
Isillidor followed them,
His speech was very poor,
And thick and fast he came at last,
To Barraidur's door,
Walking pass the frothy guards,
He scrambled to the rooms core.
Sauron and Isillidor, o, and the ring
Walked twenty stair cases or so,
Then the rested on a bench,
Confidently low,
And Isillidor stood,
And waited for his foe.
"The time has come," the ring said,
"To talk of many things."
"Of men-and Gondor-and
Osgilleeith-of hobbits and of kings,
And why Mt. Doom is boiling hot, and
Whether Balrogs have wings."
"But wait a bit," Isillidor cried,
"Before we have out chat,
For I am out of breath,
You see I'm terribly fat."
"No hurry," said Sauron.
And he thanked him much far that.
"A loaf of bread." The ring said
"That's what we chiefly need,
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed.
Now, if you ready Isillidor dear,
We can begin to feed?"
"But not on me!" Isillidor cried,
Turning a little blue,
"After such kindness, that would
Be an evil thing to do."
"What else?" said Sauron,
"Besides, you'll admire the view.
"It was so kind of you to come.
And you are so very nice."
But all the ring would is,
"Cut me a slice! I wish you
Were not so deaf! I've had to
Ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," Sauron said
"To play him such a trick,
After we brought him so far,
And made him trot so quick."
But the ring said nothing but,
"You've spread him way to thick!"
"I weep for you!" Sauron said cutting him into bits,
"I deeply sympathize."
"With sobs and fear he sorted out,
His bug juicy prize,
Holding his handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O, Isillidor." Said the ring,
"You've had a pleasant run shall
We be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none,
And this was scarcely odd,
Because they'd eaten every ton.