Another angst teen story- Victor James Meldahl (15) has lived a life worth telling a story about , currently living with his violently abusive dad, and half brothers, being abused or rejected buy people is sadly something he's come to accept, with few friends to comfort him, and rejected by his family that sees him as an embarrassment to the family name he doesn't have much to hang on to when he falls, accept his faith and best friend who makes him love him self when we feels like maybe all the names he hears are true. Read of his words from his P.O.V how dark and melancholy his life is, but how his hope brings light to the city of Eden.

Rated r-for lag, violence, abuse, n' bad shit like that

-My statement-

Among the cloud of smoke in a basement with 8 teenagers played truth or dare. I lit

a cigarette, (yeah, I hate smoking to but it help me from bouncing off the fucking walls.) I watched while everyone else played my best friend Raven was dared to take off her shirt complements of our good friend Shane who is a perv. I don't like him but he's Raven's friend and Brook's boy friend. She giggled while she removed her shirt. Although I had never noticed, she was very pretty. Raven is a tall, thin artsy, the bohemian type always a pen and paper with her, the always wears boots or heels and her grandmother's pearl necklace, she has slick shinny black hair that's long in front and short in the back. Her eyes lime green and darkened with eyeliner.

She showed off her new bra and laughed while she threw her shirt at me. I smirked.

OK Raven it's your turn to truth or dare!

Brook shouted out at her, half the people in the room where high. And trying to have sex with each other, the room felt tense. I have morals. (Kinnda my weakness) I'm a christen…yeah. So I'm gonna wait till marriage, so I guess that makes me kind of a pussy...as Shane or my brothers would put it.

"VICTOR NOW I DARE YOU TO TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!"

I was shocked to here my name I looked over at Raven who was slipping her shirt back on,

"What? Me?" I just laughed and said no.

"C'mon Victor its no fun if not everyone plays along!" She had a cute smile on her face but I still refused, "yeah, Vic quite being such a pussy."

Shane gave me a nasty look. " Guys, please I really don't want to."

I kinnda started to get up so I could go, things where starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, I wanted to leave.

" Hey, now its not that big of a deal for guys. You don't have boobs!"

My friend Tess blurted out, quite a character she was. She was straight from Japan and had a green Mohawk, but almost never wore it up it was always just left limp to the side. She had her, eyebrow and lips pierced. She rocks so bad at singing. Her and Shane started a band last year, he's an amazing guitarist even though his visions going bad (and might become blind some day.) Tess also plays along in a lot of cultural stuff to. She says, " I know who I'm, and where I come from. I'm proud." She speaks 2 languages I like her but my dad says, "She's a punk and her kind have over run our country." He means, Asians…and the way she dresses don't help either. But then again he hates the was I dress, usually in just a band tee, with a button shirt under it, baggy jeans with holes or bleach spots, and good old converse. He also says my hairs to long, so one day him and I got in a fight and he sat my down and gave me a crew cut, now I have this spiky/shaggy mess of hair, Because I'm only half Irish, unlike my 2 older half brothers. So I have dull black/brown shaggy hair (and not jet black like my bros.) With dark rimmed eyes, and I have light blue eyes, which is kinnda weird. I'm a thin, I don't ever slouch (complements of my dad :-/) I'm kinnda shy guy, n' I always have my guard up. It easier this way, I don't make friends easily this way I don't get hurt because in my experience, the people who your closest to hurt you the most."

But before I could finish my thought, people started to get agitated.

"Alright do it Vic!" Raven says to my quietly"

I shook my head. I dint want people to see this thin me and to see it as a challenge to see how easy it is to kick my ass. And the fact, that I'm just to damn afraid of people seeing …well . I just turned my back.

"Sorry guys my bro's William and Noah (17 old twins) are waiting for me to get home."

"Oh. Who wants to go home to them?" Raven giggled and began to lift up my shit. I flinched at her very touch,

"What's up with you?" Brook looked concerned. I was drawing a lot of attention to my self.

"What? You some kind of fag er' something?"

"Stop it Shane." Brook put her hand on his knee. I don't know why she's still with him; he's such a dick. Him and I got in a fight once and he tried to fuckin stabbed me in the stomach but lucky me I was wearing a big belt bucket that day.

" C'mon just do it!"

"Yeah, do it so we can just get on with the game!"

"Quite being such a pussy."

"Do it already!"

I was getting really nervous.

Suddenly Shane come up from be hind me and pulls my shirt over my head.

I stood frozen and shaken in front of a dozen people who now saw.

I could see people looking confused, Raven knew though she looked like she wanted to cry. I did.

They're on my chest and side and back where, bruises and even scares where the belt and his buckle met my skin.

"What happened to you?"

I dint know what to say, so

I just slipped my shirt back on and left.

I was half way down the block when raven stopped me. "What was that?"

I put my headphones on so I couldn't here her. "Victor quit it, what the fuck happened to you?"

I closed my eyes and when I opened them they where filled with tears.

" You know I get in a lot of fights."

"I…I, no, those they looked like you where whipped!?" I suddenly snapped

I started to get frustrated, "so what if I was?"

"What do you mean? What!? Who did that to you?"

I rolled my eyes and walked a little faster.

"VICTOR!?" Raven grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back wards. I nearly lost my balance. Raven was strong as hell.

"Ray! Ok, I know you like to worry about me but really I'm fine k? It was nothing my bro's n' I just got in a little fight." Raven dint look convinced " So how bout you just get off my back?!" I shouted at her.

" FINE! You know what! You fuckin bitch about how no one cares about you, well when I fuckin try to show some concern, because I DO CARE! You fuckin put this guard up and I cant get it! How the fuck do you accept people to help you if they don't even know who you are! SO SORRY FOR GIVING A DAMN!"

Her voiced calmed a bit

"You have so many secrets Vic…. Why wont you let me help?"

I could kind of get were she was coming from but I thought it was better if she didn't know any of my skeletons.

" Cause Ray… I don't want your help!"

She looked at me in a scary way,

"Alright I'm gonna go back to brooks." She rolled her eyes

"Fine." I said I just turned my back and kept walking

"God you remind me so much of your dad…"

I stopped.

I spun around and looked at her,

"I' am NOTHING like my Dad!"

Raven just shook her head.

"Bye Victor, I'll see you tomorrow…"

I let her words soak in for a minute; I was nothing like my father.

I kept walking. I turned up my headphone so I couldn't here the world around me.

By the time I got home William and Noah where sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for me.

"Where were you?"

"ummnn? At a place." I laughed and said sarcastically.

"Hey! That's not funny we dint know where you were!!!!"

" You could have called my cell?" The room started to feel tense.

"You could have called." William punched my arm. "Ouch!"

Noah stood up and walked slowly tords me. "So? Do you think dad will be happy to know you dint come home on time?"

"Sure I can tell him about you having a girl over when he wasn't home!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

I smiled… "I WOULD!"

Noah pushed me a little so when he turned his back I jumped on him. He fell to the floor, we both laughed; he rolled over and smacked me in the side of the head. It hurt but we play fought like this all the time, William was never one to PLAY though. Will walked over and picked me up by the color of my shirt n' pushed me off Noah, "I'm still telling Dad when he gets home."

"Shit." I bowed my head, " this sucks you know that! Can't you just give me a break?"

William walked by me and slapped the back of my head." Don't curse!"

I dreaded 10pm, that's when dad comes home. I felt sick at the thought that I was deathly afraid of the man who's suppose to protect me. I just walked to my room n' stared out my window looked down at all the people who disserve to be looked down upon. I looked over to the other side of my desk and saw my pocketknife. A sudden image of me running it across my wrist flashed in my head, it scared me.

"NO!" I back up out of my chair " I got to get my mind off this." But I was still so mad at myself for pissing of Raven, she was one of my best friends and I still can't control what I say some times. But I know I'm nothing like my Father. That's one thing I hear people say all the time, "I'm not ever gonna be like my parents! Man, there so lame!" I'm not gonna be like my mom! And I'm never gonna be like my Dad!

…. There so LAME!!"- Sure people say that but in the end they turn out just like em'… I'm not that's ONE promise I'll keep.

I lit another cigarette; I blew the smoke out the window. I let out a deep -sigh-

At the same time I love my dad, if it weren't for him I could be in a foster home right now yeah, he's not the greatest dad in the world…but, he's mine, he's my dad.

I opened my note book and sketch around, the book was almost full, full of thoughts, journal entries, sketches of familiar faces and faces I only see in dreams…or nightmares, (having this book doesn't make me gay :-/, as my brothers would say.)

When I read over the book I began to feel worst, how dark yet hopeful my out look on life is.

I put out my cigarette, and shut the book, it mad me sick to look at it I pushed in on the floor, it slid under me bed. I shook my head; things weren't going to good for me these days you know? I held my cross close to my chest.

"Please...save me…"

-boys who cry-

I'am numb, i feel so twisted inside

I just sat there for a minute. I laughed, "wow look at me. Wallowing in self pity." I hated feeling sorry for myself.

I smirked and suddenly got motivated to get up and do something. I walked out to the living room where Noah and will had their heads glued to the TV. I went in to the fridge and got a coke.

"That better not be the last on!" I herd out of no where, "huh?"

I turn around and I see Noah there, "hey what's that?"

Noah pointed to my chest of cores I fall for it and he flicks my nose and takes my pop.

"I hate older sibs." I mumbled. "I herd that." William came in to the kitchen, -shit- you cant have one bro with out the other. Noah slipped behind me and put me in a bear lock, he pushed my wrist to the back of my neck, "aahh!?"
"What's the matter Vicky? Don't you like us?"

Noah always laughs at his own jokes, I just focused on tried to get set free with out getting my ass kicked by Will. He's a splitting image of dad; Noah is more of an emotional abuser.

Will walked up to me and punched me in the gut.

"AAHHH!" The blow knocked the wind out of me. I gasped for air. William punched me again, my body tensed up I couldn't take another from will, and he was a strong guy, quarter back on the football team. Also he n' Noah play hockey all the time.

William hit me again, and this point I couldn't respond, I just tried to curled up. I think I started to cry, but I couldn't tell if they where tears or just sweat running down my cheeks.

"Jeez, Will angry much? Sure he's fun to mess with but he's not a punching bag!"

Noah dropped me on my ass then out of nowhere; William kicks me in the side.

"OOOWW!!! God Will please stop!"

Noah, pulled William back a little, " C'mon man, we have to go easy on him."

" I'm not going easy on him, he needs to toughen out!" Will kicked me again…

I could feel every bone in my body bending to the point where they felt like they would break, My spine throbbed and my whole back ached. I rolled over on my back and laid there on the kitchen floor for a minute to catch my breath.

William was on my last nerve and I don't know how much more I could take from him…from the world. I stood up and punched William in the face, the hardest I had ever hit nay one like some kind of strength and suddenly bust in to my vanes hen disincarnated. William flung back words but Noah caught him,

He stood up steady again, his lip busted open and his mouth covered in blood. I stared wide-eyed at him "oops…" I thought.

William lunged towards me, I flinched…like the weakling I'm.

Will laughed at me, Noah laughed too, I plowed threw them and head for my room. " Hey Vic you know we were just playin!" Noah smiled, " I wasn't playing I hate that kid."

I really don't think Will knew I had heard him, but I was used to it (sad eh?)

I slammed the door behind me.

"Oh .are you gonna go cry now?!" William laughed then nudged Noah to laugh too, he just kinnda looked at him.

"Leave me the fuck alone William!" I shouted to him threw the door.

"Don't curse." He yelled back at me

Noah brought Will in to the bathroom to bandage up his cut,

"Can you believe that kid? Man, he's really got it comein…"

"Yup" Noah rolled his eyes; I listened closely from my room.

" No! I'm for real, I'm really gonna let him have it!"

"Will! You let him have it every day! How many more hit doses this kid have to take until you accept the fact that he's your brother! He has to put up with our crap and having DAD of all people be one his case 24/7! How many more times are you gonna blame him for shit that you did, and he gets beat for it! How many more assignment dose he have to do for you so you so you can get an A in that class and stay on the hockey team? "

"Why are you defending him? Did you forget what he did to this family! Huh?! HES THE ENEMY!"

" Why do you have to fight him though, I mean yeah I push him around n' shit but that's only because he's a faggot pussy and that's his fault. Yeah, he fucked everything! But maybe we shouldn't keep blaming him for it. And keep making it a reason to beat him up n' stuff. He our brother you know…and we should stick together, its bad enough with dad as it is…."

William began to leave the bathroom. "He's only our HALF BROTHER!…n' half of nothing is still nothing."

Noah didn't say anything is response,

William stormed in to my room; I feared he might try to pick another fight, so I didn't try to act strong.

When I thought he was going to hit me he just started screaming…

" You fucking ruined my life! I hate you!

YOU THINK YOU GOT IT SO BAD!? DAD HITS US TOO YOU KNOW!?" Will took a breath,

"GOD!? WHY? WHY DO I HATE SO MUCH!?"

William put his hands over his face and looked at the ceiling, "I don't want to hate!"

William raised his fist; I ducked and tried to shield myself. But he lowered his fist. His eyes swelled up with tears. I gave him the most confused look.

" Dad's been hitting us way longer then you…I know how hard it is…. I wont tell Dad. I know Brothers are supposed to be there for each other. And where not!"

He looked around the room and looked like he had forgotten why he was there.

I nodded, I had no emotion in my expressions, but I thanked him with my eyes. In my head, it meant so much to me.

William began to leave the room he suddenly turned around and put his finger to my face…"And if you tell any one I cried! I WILL kick your ass!"

Then he left…

I felt so messed up inside.

I have scoliosis. (Not badly, but my spine is slightly shaped like a question mark.) I use is to explain why I feel so twisted inside, and how I can't fight back when I feel weak.

"O. God I feel sick."

I clenched my stomach and I lay on my bed.

I wanted so bad to call Raven, but at the same time I didn't want her sympathy… I just wanted some one to act like they cared. I looked over and saw the knife. I dint touch it I just looked. "SIGHT" I let out a deep breath, I had to fill up the rest of my free time, so I just started doodling in my notebook, n' got on aim… Raven was online.

I instant messaged her.

But she didn't say anything back

OUR CONVOSATION:

Hitthefloor13 (8:13pm): Rave? U there?

Hitthefloor13 (8:13pm): pleez ray…

Hitthefloor13 (8:15pm) I hurt someone…

Hitthefloor13 (8:15pm): I really need u rite now…

Hitthefloor13 (8:15pm): pleeeezzzz!!!!

Hitthefloor13 (8:22pm): I think my dad is gonna hit me.

Hitthefloor13 (8:22pm)…again…

X RavensloveX(8:25pm): I'm coming over…

X RavensloveX has sighed off

Before I could tell her no she was gone, "SHIT!" all I wanted to do was talk, I just need to feel better, I dint need her to come to my rescue.

Fuck. Every thing sucks.

I looked at the clock.

10:17pm

Dad should be home by now.

Then, I herd a knock on my door.

"VICTOR! OPEN UP!"

It was dad.

I got off my bed slowly and walked over to the door to open it.

When I did I saw Him…

A large Irish man with shinny black hair slicked back, his coat and boots still on. I noticed he still had his belt on too. William and Noah where standing behind him. William with a smug look on.

" Victor? Did you do THIS to William?"

He pulled William in front of him…

I nodded slowly. But I didn't look him in the eye.

"LOOK AT ME!"

He took my chine and brought me to eye level. "Did you!"

"Yes, sir!" I squeaked

"Why!?"
" I...I just, God, I don't know. I'm sorry! OK?"

"Boy we don't use the lords name in vain in this house, you got that?"

I tried to hide my eye so he couldn't tell I had been crying…. but he noticed.

"Boy, have you been crying?!"

I looked at the floor. "HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

He looked me in the eye, " HAVE YOU HAVE BEEN CRYING!?"

I didn't know what to say, other than I had a nerves break down.

" Men don't cry in the house!"

I bite my lip, I started to tear up, but I tried so hard not to.

"-sigh- I gotta say though I'm impressed you where able to take down William, But we do not cry in this house! You understand that? Where REALL men."! He looked at me with cold eyes, stared down at me like I wasn't even his kid.

" Yes, sir." I muttered. I breathed a sigh of relief, but I was so shaken one tear rolled down my cheek I looked my Dad in the eye with out fear! I took one long deep breath and…

SLAM! He grabbed my arm and threw me agents the wall, I fell and when I looked back up at him he swung his arm at me and back handed the side of my face .I didn't turn back to face him.

"WHAT. DID. I. JUST SAY!?"

He slapped me again, another tear rolled down my cheek, but my face was red with rage.

I began to get up and go to my room.

He pushed me back down. "OOFE!"

" You're not going any where!"

William and Noah had gone to there room, but I know they knew what was happening, but it was like an unspoken word of the house that no one ever interfered…we just acted like it never happened, except dad. He thinks there's nothing wrong with it. It's how he was raised and he acts proud of the marks he leaves. It's his way, of owning us because when he feels small or threatened he knows were his. It's his way of proving that we are weak and he is strong.

We belong to him.

My Dad held me down by my neck and took off his belt with the other.

He held it over his head and brought it down on me. I tired not to make a sound. I just clenched my teeth.

Then we herd a knock on the door. I knew it was raven; she only lived a few blocks away. My dad acted like he couldn't hear the doorbell, I wiggled free.

I stood up, "It's Raven!"

" You tell your little friend she's not welcome in this house!"

I ran to the door. She was breathing heavily, and it looked like she had been crying. "Victor!" she sobbed she swung her arms around me and started to sob.

I'm sorry! I should have known! All this time it was so obvious I'm sorry I couldn't help you!"

"Ray! Please look I'm fine!" I smiled a little.

But I was still so shaken my knees gave out and I feel in to her arms.

Her face was white. I stood back up and dusted my self off. "Thanks for coming over but my Dad says I can't have friends over I…"

"VICTOR! GET BACK IN HERE!"
His voice rounded from the other room.

"I gotta go…"

I slammed the door on her face but I had to go, she can be mad at me later.

" VICTOR YOU OPEN UP THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME!?"

I could hear her from the other side of the door, the second I turned around to open the door, I touched the doorknob but I was stopped. My dad pulled me back tords him. He spun me around and slashed me right in the face.

I yelled and fell to the floor. I wasn't excepting that.

"VICTOR!!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!?? ARE YOU OK!? SAY SOMETHING!" I could hear raven scream.

My dad knelt down to eye leave with me. I touch my face it stung. I looked at him.

" I'll give you something to cry about!" again he raised his belt and lashed it at me. I was weary I sat up in a daze. When my dad took the back of my shirt and lifted it over my head. He pulled me up by the back of my neck and made me lean agents the wall. He slashed at my back, over and over then, he stopped, he switch sides and used the buckle he whipped my back leavening a scrape that bleed down my back. I screamed like a baby. I could tell he dint mean to hit me that hard, he paused " Dad…stop…"countless tears ran down my face. "EEERRRR!" I screeched, he grew tired of my crying he took a bandana out of his pocket and gagged me with it he then continued hitting me with the other side, between each lashing I took deep breaths and let out a prayer…

I repay my every sin,

My sins, my greatest regret,

Confessions,

And promise,

I'll repay my every debt,

Lord please guide us from our temptation and sin,

In to your light,

Holy father,

Please deliverer me from evil,

And guide me to your light.

Amen.

-I said, sir yes sir!-

You couldn't hear my muffled words though.

Finally he stopped. I dint move a muscle until I herd him slip his belt back in to his belt loops. I turned around to look at him, I was breathing as if I had just ran 100 miles. He was too…It was hard to breath cause I wanted to breath threw my mouth but I couldn't.

"You think I'm hard on you boys?"

I untied the gage from my mouth, n' spat at his feet.

" You disrespectful little punk!"

My breathing was unsteady, my head was tilted down at the floor but I was looking him in the eye.

He raised his arm up to swing at me; he brought his arm down, Noah had walked in to the room, I flinched but Dad didn't hit me.

He looked at Noah. "What?"

Noah shrugged, "Sorry…nothing…"

" That's right NOTHIN!"

Noah, looked at me, there was so much hurt in his eyes. Like he was the one in my place.

I looked up at dad.

He didn't know what to say, all his anger was gone now. But he still needed to make me feel bad.

"You don't have a chin!"- He snapped at me.

"What, my over bite?" (I didn't have the meldhal chin…hupf)

" Yeah! You get that from your slut of a mother!"

"Don't say any thing about my mom…"

I don't know much about my mom…other then many know her as a slut.

" What!? You know she was a slut! That's why she left you! She didn't want you! You where a mistake! And God is sending you to hell for it! YOU'RE A BASTARD! You have dirty blood!"

"Shut up!" I snapped

" What… your gonna cry again!?"

"No…" I sighed, that was it, the fight was over and he had won, again.

"That's right, real men don't cry! Eh, boy?"

" Yes sir…"

" What…? I can't hear you solider!"

"I SAID: SIR YES SIR!"

I screamed at him.

"That's right!

Now go to your room!"

I grabbed my shirt and turned my back.

I could hear him open a beer bottle.

I went in to my room; I locked the door and walked in to my bathroom. And looked in the mirror I hated my body, in school they say if I was looked at it in a sexual way it was considered a sin, or if I were to look at another body in that way it was sinful. So always felt dirty. Also I was just so damn skinny! my back was already usless skin, so who would care if i did run a razer across my skin? My spine already mis-shapen and scares covered my back side, who could look at me and say that They loved me? I can't even look in a mirror and love myself.

I turned and saw my back; it was red with a few tiny scraps that bleed, and the long one. I whipped the blood from my back; I bandaged up my hands and then put my shirt back on.

I lay down on my bed; I sighed, and lit a cigarette. "I belong to me."

I said

But not even that seemed real to me.

"I mean...i know that GOD loves me."

But what about my family i began to wonder, no child should ever have tp question weather or not their parent's love them. They do...i know they do. i stayed hopeful...

I then began to think of my mom, or at least what I could remember of her. He was right I'm a mistake. A fuck up, a bastard …ect…ect

I was so tired, but I still had the energy to take out my notebook and start doodling, these senseless scribbles turned in to words, and those words turned in to sentences.

I got lost in my own words, I started to feel a bit better I even found the corners of my mouth starting to curve in to a smile.

Then I herd a knock on my window?

I opened it to see Raven standing on the side of my house,

"Where's your dad?"

" I dunno, in the kitchen I think?"

"Good, I'm getting you out of here…"

Raven started to pull my arm out the window, but I pulled back. "What are you doing!!??"

"C'mon I'm taking you to the teen safe house, over on Franklin ave."

" Ray! Hold up? What? No, I'm not going! I'm fine"

"Victor I've got to get you out of this place before you really get hurt! Please!?"

I took raven's hand in mine

" I know you like to worry and I know you like to think your doing good, but taking me away from what little I have wont help. I mean, yeah. This sucks but it's all I have… I'm fine."

Ray knew I had been threw a lot.

You see Will and Noah, my half brothers….

15 years ago there dad…I mean our dad had a one night stand with a young girl…my mom.

So 5 years later my mom and I are living in down town Eden barley making ends meet. The last thing my mom said to me, "ummmnnn. Mama's gotta run to the store angle face."

I remember looking at her like…what about me?

Her eyes looked like their where filled with tears, she smiled. "I'm gonna be right back…"

She knelt down and gave me a hug. She ran her fingers threw my hair. " I love you angle face. I love you so much. I wish I could give you better. I'm not a very good mommy."

" I love you too mommy…" I looked at her kind of confused, but there she went out the door.

She dint come back.

I was placed in a few foster homes before they tracked down my real dad. I wasn't welcome; Noah and William's mom left our dad because of me. I was an embarrassment to the family name, a bastard. I don't know much about my mom I know her name is Sage, Sage Strangist, I know she had blond hair n' blue eyes…just like me. No one else in Eden has blue eyes. No one.

At school Raven's my only friend, the other kids act like I have a deaceise. Being born with unmarried parents was the worst of the moral sins, other then being gay, which is unfair and cruel.

I looked over at Raven her eyes wide and green.

I lifted my head in to the light, Raven's face went white she reached her hand out to touch the side of my bruised face and my black eye, She quivered at

It, I looked to the side while Raven caressed my face, her long fingernails ran down the side of my cheeks, I tear fell from my eye. Raven whipped it off with her thumb, she smiled at me but I acted like I couldn't see her, raven started to sob.

She rapped her arms around me. I didn't hug back, she sulked her head on my shoulder.

"-Sight"- I held her arms " Thanks ray"

Ray pulled form the hug; she nodded and started to climb down from my window.

"WAITE! Raven…"

-Raven-

I looked at her...she looked up at me and with out thinking I grabbed her chin and guided her mouth to my lips and kissed her. Neither of us resisted, we both kissed each other, she grabbed the back of my head and ran her fingers threw my hair and pulled my head in harder. I had never kissed any one before so I was kind of nervous. She began to put her tong in my mouth, I didn't know what to do but I tried my best to play along. When I finally broke from the kiss, Raven's eyes opened. She gave me a light smile. I herd some rustlings in the next room... "YOU GOT TO GO!"

I quickly shut my window. But I still watched Raven climb down the side of my house, and when she was finally on the ground she spun around in circus and jumped up and down with joy. I Smiled and leaned my cheek on my hand while I watched her hop the fence over to the ally.

I lay down on my bed…I was happy….

I fell asleep, and when I awoke in the morning I had a sore back. I looked at the clock, 5AM!!?? I couldn't fall back asleep so I got up, got dressed for school, uniforms…blahk! Catholic school! My hair was a shaggy mess, even if I did have a belt on my pants hung low, I had naturally dark rimmed eyes, so I was often accused of wearing eye liner, or as I like to say "GUY LINER"  my tie was tied sloppily, n' I had on my old converse…. Grabbed my skate bored Ready.

I walked out in to the kitchen .No one was around. I tried to sneak out before any one was awake When I saw William walk in to the kitchen, what are you doing up? I asked.

" I could ask you the same question lil' bro."

I ignored is rudeness, he was an ass, but I had to learn to live with it.

"I'm up cause my back hurts…" I said

William let his guard down, "I'm sorry about that I didn't tell him about you coming home late, I guess he just knew you were a pussy…crying and all."

I thought he was gonna say something nice but, I think that was as good as it was gonna get.

" Ummmn… really."

I rolled my eyes n' sat down at the counter across from Will who had a bottle of vodka, already open. I looked at it.

"Isn't it at little early for drinking?"

Will just shook his head "no". His took another sip. "Never to early." He gasped,

Again I could see an image of dad in William's eyes, the vodka bottle in hand.

I stared at him.

" What are you looking at?!" William snapped
I shook the thoughts from my head "nothing"

I took out a pack of smokes and lit one; I smugly looked Will in the eye lit one and blew smoke in his face.

William clenched the bottle a little harder; he gave me a dirty look.

" When are you gonna stop smoking!?" William waved the smoke away.

"As soon as you stop drinking…" I said calmly. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door.

I stopped for a sec and watched Will, he took the bottle in his hands and chugged the last bit of it, he threw the bottle at the trash attempting to get it in, but missed. Will folded his arms and laid half drunk on the kitchen counter. I could here him sobbing quietly. As much as I bitch, I know my brothers got it bad too. But dad respects them, because there his blood, they're his kids…and I'm not.

The sun was barley up when I started walking down the street. I dreaded going to school, 100's of uptight Catholics who look at individualism as some kind of moral sin.

I looked at my cell phone (for the time) -sight- the only person I know who's crazy enough to be up this early is the one person who will soon be asleep in a few hours…brook.

She has XP, " xeroderma Pigmentosum" (look it up!) meaning her skin is so sensitive to light, and she can't go out side during the day.

She's basically allergic to sunlight.

Brook as porcine white skin and stunning light, light blue eyes (almost like mine). And she wore ALOT of eye liner, but mostly to protect her sensitive eyes from really bright lights.

Even though her arms are badly scared with burns from when she ran out side once she was oddly beautiful.

She NEVER stops smiling, her smile lights up a room. Shane takes her for granted he doesn't understand how rare a girl like brook is, she stuck with him all threw the times when he held that gun to his head…or at mine…-ahem-

The times when his vision got so bad he thought his life was over cause he couldn't play guitar any more, and all threw his parents divorce. She was there with her arms open and a shoulder to cry on.

But then Shane treats her like shit, bitches and bitches about every little thing in his life and she sits politely and listens, but I'm sure…hope Shane knows that Brook is the little bit of sun shine in his dark life (ironic no?) and if he keeps treating her like this…she'll leave him.

I walked until I came to a huge old Victorian house, I called her first to see if she was up and to not knock and wake up her parents. She answered and let me in.

Her room was in the basement, with no windows. I looked around the rest of her house. It was dark and cold, you could here the rain out side, a light drizzle that NEVER ended, it always rained in Edan .

" So what's up Vic?" she asked brightly.

"ummn. Nothing, how about you?"

I was surprised that she didn't ask about last night, and the whole truth or dare thing.

" Oh. I'm fine, Shane just called he's not doing to hot, his dad just went out of town with his new girl friend, poor guy. He's got it pretty rough."

Brook sighed and looked at the floor…. "Yup poor Shane." I rolled my eyes.

Brooked looked up, "what happened to your eye?… n' your face?'

Ooops… I kinnda for got about my black eye n' bruised side of my chin.

Brook looked a little closer at me, she squinted, "Boy, what a shiner! How'd you get that thing?!"

I shrugged " I walked in to a door."

At first Brook looked unconvinced but hen…" OH. MY. GOD!? Really? Jeez you klutz! Heaheh! Brook laughed at me, I smiled weakly…nice save.

I looked at the clock again almost 6am; school didn't start for a while so Brook n' I just sat in her basement n' smoked…mostly tobacco, hehehe.

He hung out and listened to music, which is REEEAALLLY interesting when your high, when the phone rang.

" Hello?" Brook answered brightly

" Mother Fucker!"

" Its Shane" she sighed with glee, "What's wrong babe?"

"Fuck my dad just called and he's like " Shane your mom needs you to baby sit your little sister" Causes she's going to her therapist." er some shit, I'm like, "fuck you guys have put me threw enough shit as is and now you want me to do you a favor!?" Yeah right! But then my mom dives over with Beth and drops her off. So now I'm stuck baby-sitting and I'm super pissed! I drank like, 1/8 of vodka and I don't wanna do this any more Brook, I don't wanna drink every time I'm angry, or depressed. Shit what do I do!? My parents are so un-fare, this whole thing is un-fare, to me to Beth. I think they hate us!"

Brook quietly agreed, " yeah I know babe it's gonna be ok sure things look grim now but things are gonna get better, who knows could happen tomorrow."

Her bright smile even convinced me that there was hope worth living for.

"That a load of bull Brook and you know it! Things don't just magically get better over night! And besides even if my parents decide to stay together I'm STILL GOING BLIND! What you gonna tell me next that if I stay "hopeful" they'll magically find a cure! Bull shit! The world doesn't work like that Brook!"

" I was just trying to help!"

I have no Idea how Brook puts up with his shit.

"Well, shit thanks for nothing!"

I couldn't handle him talking to her like that, even in my house hold were taught to treat women with respect…accept my mom….

" HEY LAY OF SHANE!" I yelled in the phone.

" Vic no!" Brook consoled me.

" Hey who the fuck was that! Who you got over there!"

"No one babe, its just Victor."

"Victor!? That lil' fag kid?! Why the fuck is he over there!?"

Brook mouthed the words "sorry"

" He's my friend Shane!"

" How do I know he's not more!?"

" What!? No he's just a friend."

" Right! I'm coming over!"

Shane hung up, "Shit, I'm sorry Vic. Shane's on his way over you gotta leave."

"No, I'm not leavening! I'm sick of the way he treats you and every one else. I need to talk to him."

"Well, he's been going threw some rough stuff and…Vic I don't think he really wants to talk."

"I don't care I'll fight em' I just need him to listen."

"…"

" HA! Vic, you couldn't win a fight agents Shane!"

I sat on her bed and avoided her, I knew if some how some thing in side me helped me take down William I could take down Shane.

Soon the buzz wore off and I realized the status of my situation, I was going to get my ass kicked…super the high light of my day. Shit, it's not even 7am yet and already I have a bounty on my head.

I grabbed 2 more cigarettes from my pocket I stuck one behind my ear and lit the other one, I was shaking and my hand was unsteady.

Soon we herd a honk out side and out of her house we ran up stares and out side where the sun was just barley hitting the cityscape but dark gray clouds covered the sky's, we didn't ever see many sun rises or sun sets in Edan, small droplets of rain fell from the sky I didn't acknowledge them hitting my face the cool breeze felt good on my bruised face.

Shane got out of the car (don't know why he's driving he JUST got his permit.)

A little pink face popped up from the back seat.

Shane walked over to me and pushed me, " What do you think your doing with my girl!" He pushed me again, " I'm not doing any thing, we where just hanging out!"

" Bull shit! You know I always thought you where gay! But now I see you where just out to take away the one thing in my life worth living for!"

Shane punched me, I fell agents the side of the house, he raised his fist again. Brook ran over "Shane, no please we where just hanging out!"

He PUSHED brook aside she fell to the gutter, Beth raised her small little head again to see her brother pound on me. She screamed out for Shane.

He punched me in the face, I couldn't handle it, and my face was already so bruised from everything else. I fell to the side of the house; he grabbed my neck and held me down. In my mind time seemed to freeze. I saw my dad in him, I don't know why every enemy I have reminds me of him. He's my Dad, not my enemy I watched Shane in slow motion I dodge his swing and slipped behind him and put him in a bear lock, the very lock that my brothers had put me in many times before. I put his wrist to the back of his neck and held his head down to the ground. "STOP SHANE!"

"EERRRGG! LET ME UP SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"

I rolled my eyes and pushed down a little harder on his head

" AHHHHHHHGGGG!"

"Okay you know what Shane I got a few things I wanna say to you so you better listen! First off: DON'T TREAT YOUR GIRLFREIND LIKE SHIT!"

Second: Don't treat your family like shit. Because at the end of the day when the world seems like it's turned it's back on you and your friends have all stabbed you in the back… family is still there! No matter how terrible they are they are still your family! And there the only ones you got!

" Fuck you! What do you know about MY family! What could you possibly say or do that will make me think my family loves me! They're in the middle of a divorce! They don't care what happens to me! So fuck them! FUCK EVERY THING!"

" BECAUSE!" I pushed down on him harder the rain still coming down on us the cold air breezing by…

"I've gone threw enough shit to think my Dad and brothers hate me! But you know what! There still my family! And I'll still love them no matter what they do to me!"

Brook kind of looked at me funny, confused.

"Victor you have no idea what I'm going threw! My Dad is leavening my mom for some slut! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT'S LIKE!?

"GGGRRRR!" I let Shane up but before he could come after me I stopped him… "YEAH I DO!"

"Accept I was 5! And I didn't even know I had a dad until she left one day n' I was place to live with my abusive, hard ass, military dad and HALF BROTHERS! Yeah! You wanna say I don't understand, fine then you must not understand either!"

I was breathing pretty heavily, Shane just looked at me dumbfounded, not knowing what to say.

Brook got up out of the gutter, dusted her self of and walked over to me, "You didn't walk in to a door…did you?"

I didn't look at her but I nodded. NO.

" Victor…why didn't you te…"

Before Brook could finish Shane began to lungs towards me, I dodged him, "Hey weren't you listening! WE CAN RELATE!!!!"

"Damn!" I ran down the block from Shane, as he chased after me I could see he didn't have a motive for trying to kill me…JERK. He just needed something to take all his frustration out on. I ran as fast as I could until, I got past the corner where he cut me off, he tackled me.

"OH. GOD…MY BACK."

" So you think you got it bad too! Well FUCK YOU! All I have is Brook and now she leaving me! Soon I won't even be able to see her face ever again!"

He raised his fist above his head I didn't think I could take another hit from him, "SO WHAT ALL I GOT IS RAVEN! AND SHE BARLY KNOWS WHO I"AM!" I pushed Shane off me he looked stunned that I was strong enough to lift him, (I was too…)I got up off the wet cement and stood in front of him his eyes cold with hate and clouded with confusion, in a way I did feel bad for him because he was loosening a happy family he once had, and I never had a really family so it doesn't hurt as bad for me…. (Accept his belt.)

I pushed Shane a little, " I don't have a family to go home to either, and the difference is I never had one to start with! I'm so fucking sick of you and your bullshit. We've all put up with your crap because everyone's too afraid to say anything! But you know what no more! Some day your gonna hurt your self, or some one close to you! And then what!? What will you have then? So straighten up or else everyone will turn there back on you!"

I could see that was I was saying was getting to him he pause and all the furriery in his face all seemed to melt away and then you see this kid who's just lost and confused, and has no other way to express his emotions. (If he had any or he was just an ass hole.)

" Hey! Don't get all Dr. Phil on me here; I'm not the problem! It's the rest of the world that seems it's out to get me! And I don't need to take this crap from some lil' fagot boy who's got some mommy and daddy issues, fuck that shit your just another pussy emo boy crying for attention and hasn't got n' real problems!"

Brook looked stunned at Shane's accusations, "Now how about you get lost you fucking bastard!"

I shook his words clear of my mind and tried to not to cry. I don't understand how there could be so much hate in the world. Let alone one person.

I shook my head at Shane, " Your right …I don't have much to complain about…I have a nice house to live in…air in my lungs and faith… SO FUCK YOU! And fuck whatever sick thing you have going on in your head that makes you think destroying god greatest gift (life.) makes sense to you! Then fine! But keep me and everyone else with a brain out of it!"

Shan ran tords me…jeez it was like talking to an angry lion. Once he got close enough I stuck my hand out and he ran right in to it, Brook giggled a lil' "YOU…f...fucker…"

I smiled weakly and offered my hand down to help him up, he slapped my hand away, he got up and dusted him self off, he looked at me like I was discussing, Brook ran over to me, " I'm so sorry Vic, you know how he can be…"

" Your better then this… you don't need him…"

" But he needs me… and I love him." Brook's face was so soft and sweet; her light skin seemed to glow in the gloomy morning. Shane waved her over she ran over in to his arms, he leaned his head on her shoulders, the hug seemed to last forever. They were in love. It sickened me, but they where happy together. But when they finally parted Brook went over to his car and took Beth out of the back seat.

Shane scowled at me, I went in to the porch and got my things I was about to head down the block, when Shane yelled out to me, " hey man you know I'm sorry, I mean, I know it must be hard being to much of a fag to fight back with your own dad ."

I didn't know if he was being serious of just trying to get to me. I gave him the finger and kept walking, " Yeah well… Fuck you to! Just like I FUCKED your MOTHER last night!"

I stopped! I turned around, how could he go there, he was no better then my dad and my brothers…

" Yeah you herd me! I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT! JUST LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE IN EDAN!"

My blood began to boil just like it did with William, but I didn't want to hurt any one like I did last night.

Brook put her hand on his shoulder, " Shane stop." Beth attached to her hip,

I Put my head phone on and turned it up high, I clenched my fist as I watched him yell at Brook and Beth, I didn't know what he was saying but brook and Beth both started to tear up. I walked quickly over to him and PUNCHED him right in the face!

Brook looked shocked at me; she had never seen me fight anyone. (She's home schooled or some times goes to night school, so she never sees me get in fights at school like I do so often…)

My headphones fell off and I could then her little Beth scream (I'm not sure if she was screaming with glee or terror.)

Shane fought back pretty good but I could tell I was winning, he had a cut above his eye brow and I had another one on my cheek, Brook put Beth down and pulled me off him, Shane was breathing heavily. I hadn't broken a sweat.

" YOUR FUCKIN CRAZY YOU KNOW THAT! No wonder your Dad beats your ass."

My mind went numb, the very mention of the subject made me feel tense.

I wasn't afraid of any thing…at all…accept him.

" Don't go their Shane…"

" Yeah, Hun, can we please stop this! Vic…Shane! I'm sick of you both going at each other's thoughts all the time! Stop please! Just cool it!"

Brook yelled at us, I nodded…she was right, and eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,

I put my headphone back on, I smugly looked at Shane…I was a better person the he was…and he knew it.

I walked (almost ran off) in too the light sunrise of the cityscape, the cool air and sprinkles of rain made me feel…free.

I ran down the street only with one thing running in my head…Raven.

I came to an old apartment building; I climbed up the side of the fire escape. I counted the floors; she lived on the 12th floor. So, I popped my head in the window …to see an elderly women undressing. "AAAAAUUUHHHHH!!!!"

I slipped and fell back words but my pant leg got caught/hooked on the fire escape and I hung upside down, I struggled a little but that just my pant leg begin to rip (and that would surely send my falling to my doom.) so I dangled there for a moment when I look over to see Raven's room.

I smiled.

She was dancing around her room and singing in to a hairbrush, her hair still wet from a shower and she hadn't put any make up on…but…strangely…she was still so beautiful.

She danced and twirled around. When she saw me hanging upside down her face turned red. "HI VIC!" she threw the hairbrush behind her.

"Uh? What are you doing here?"

"ummnnn? You know just hanging out." I smiled. "OH. MY. GOD. You got to be kidding! Did I just say that!?" I thought.

Ray, threw me a pity laugh, she smirked. "No, what you should have said was…just thought I'd drop by."

We both laughed. She smiled, then...she kissed me. (Upside down kiss sound familiar?)

Raven shot me a smile that was lurking with sinful thoughts

She pulled me in to her room, the clouds cleared and a sun set rose above the cityscape, the sun light shone right threw her window on to us making out on the floor of her bedroom. The moment was so perfect…like a movie er' something.

I didn't quite know what this meant, and it didn't make any since at all. That's why I trust is.

Its love…it's not supposed make sense.

-Happiest boy in the world-

The next few weeks where a dream, every insult didn't seem to soak in as much, and any beating was worth taking if I knew soon I would be in her arms again.

I never had so much to loose before. And at first the thought scared me.

Because now I know that at

Some point, I could get hurt. I don't want to loose her. But why fuck with a good thing, i was happy. Raven made me happy.