Peace
By LastCetra
Cloud walked into the Forgotten Capital and took a quick glance around. How long had it been? Months, he supposed, since he'd seen this place last. It wasn't a place he liked to visit often but he felt he owed this place a visit by now. The problem was it just held too many memories that he wanted to forget.
He immediately shunned himself for thinking such a thing. Why would he ever want to forget this place, forget her? She saved everyone's lives. That wasn't someone you wanted to forget.
Especially someone as beautiful as her….
Cloud wandered down the different paths of the Capital in a dream-like daze. The shell houses shone their usual harsh, blinding white light that always made Cloud avert his gaze to watch the ground in front of him. Everything was so cold here, so sharp.
Sephiroth's blade, Aeris' lifeless body….
His demons tore at him again. They made everything he thought of or saw or heard somehow make him think of that scene down on the altar. They jeered at him, making him feel inadequate, worthless. They laughed at his lack of strength, both physically and emotionally. His failure to save her from Sephiroth's steel, and his lack of strength to tell her the things he should have told her. So many things that could never be told, no matter how hard he wished otherwise. Feelings that could never be shared, laughs that would never be laughed… the list was endless. What he would give to take a punch like the one she gave him that night at the golden saucer, or that brilliant smile, enhanced by those sparkling emerald eyes.
Cloud stopped. Without realising it, he had made his way to the lake. He stood transfixed, gazing at the amazing clear-blue water, so calm, so peaceful.
Walking out to the middle, letting her go, her hair spreading out as she floated downward…
This was where her body was. It felt so wrong, to use the word body. It sounded so final. Her spirit would never be final. He saw that himself when holy and the lifestream destroyed meteor.
He crouched down and let his hand skim over the water. His movements made ripples in the blue liquid, growing outwards towards the centre. He retracted his hand and watched them expand, trying not to think about anything else. His eyes glazed over as he stared into space, and without realising it he became completely still. Anyone watching would have thought him dead. He felt his mind lock and jam, shutting out all other thoughts. It felt nice.
Some time later Cloud broke out of his unintended trance and stood up, wincing at the stiffness he felt from crouching too long. He slowly walked into the shell house. Looking around, he saw that nothing had changed. He wondered why he ever thought it would be different, when absolutely no one lived here anymore. He walked around, and stopped at the fish. Just looking past it he saw the crystal stairway circling down towards the other shell houses and the alter. Cloud felt a strange feeling sweep across his stomach. He didn't want to do this, but he knew he would have to eventually. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and walked through. Walking down, he tried to think of other things, like the fact that he'd always hated this staircase. It always felt like it wasn't there, and he was walking on nothing. Frivolous, yes, but it was better than thinking about what was ahead. When he made it down he was glad to get onto solid ground again, but not for long. He'd just remembered why he didn't want to do this. The whole place was screaming with bad memories. It was no wonder why his friends hadn't been here since either. Even though his will was telling him to leave and never come back, he found himself mechanically moving his feet forward, past the houses and up the stepping stones to the altar.
It was here where everything just flooded back. Cloud looked down to see a few drops of blood; hers. He saw the whole scene in his head. He had tried to kill her, if it hadn't been for Vincent and Yuffie he didn't know what he would have done. He bent down and touched the blood gingerly. He remembered it on his hands. It was all his fault. He didn't do anything to stop it. He heard a clang from somewhere behind him. Strange, it was just like that sound he heard so many months ago.
She fell forward, a small green orb dislodging itself from her hair. It clanged on the altar and down one of the platforms before hitting the water with a plop….
He remembered watching it as it fell. Holy. He looked across from where he stood trying to see if he could see it. He couldn't. Images started to fly into his mind, darting out just as quickly; images of her, the times they had together, even the times her had just watched her from afar. Talking to her when they were prisoners in Shinra Headquarters, promising to take her on the airship, buying the flower, and the very last time he talked to her alive, even though it was a dream…
"Then, I'll be going now. I'll come back when it's all over."
She didn't come back. All because of him. Where was she now? Was she happy? Was she suffering? Did she hate him for his complete lack of protection? He was supposed to be her bodyguard, and bodyguards don't act like statues. The thoughts ran together and started to blur, though one was clear; slapping her at the Temple of the Ancients. He couldn't even control his own body, let alone protect someone. He really was a failure. Overcome with guilt and grief, Cloud clutched his head and screamed. He collapsed on the floor of the altar, hitting his head.
"Aeris, I need you," he pleaded, before slipping into unconsciousness.
Cloud awoke in darkness. Well, it wasn't really darkness because he could see marginally well. It was more of a haze that made it difficult to see. His head was throbbing however.
"Ouch," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. He must have hit it harder than he thought. He shakily stood up, trying to ignore the head-rush he was getting for his efforts. Looking around, he saw that this was definitely not the Forgotten Capital anymore.
"Am I dead?" he said to the darkness. It didn't answer. He knew he had hit his head hard but not that hard. Was it possible to die from just falling that short way? He guessed it would be possible if he fell onto a pitch-fork or some large, sharp rocks or something along those lines but not just a floor. He could imagine the news. "Saviour of the Planet Dies from Measly Fall." How laughable. But if he wasn't dead, then where was he?
"Hello?" he called.
"Hi Cloud." He tensed. He knew that voice. He looked around wildly and saw the silhouetted figure of a woman.
"You bumped your head. I'm sure you'll be fine. So don't worry about being dead okay?" The silhouetted figure emerged from the smoky haze. Cloud swallowed. It wasn't….
"Aeris?" he managed to choke out, as if speaking would break the spell and she would vanish again. "Is that really you?"
"Of course it is, who else do you know with my fashion sense?"
"It is you," he replied, almost laughing with relief. "You're really here." He stepped towards her. Aeris chuckled.
"It's good to see you again," she replied, taking a few steps in return. Cloud lifted his hands in front of him, palms outwards. Aeris reached out too, pressing her palms against his.
"Aeris.." he began.
"It's alright. You don't have to say anything." Their hands laced together.
"How are you?" she asked, tipping her head to the side in a quizzical manner.
"I'm fine," he replied. Aeris didn't look convinced.
"You sure about that?"
"No."
Aeris laughed. "Still the same confused guy I always knew"
"I've sorted a few things out you know, with Sephiroth, with myself. I know who I am now. I know all about my past, about Nibelhiem."
"That's good to hear. Nice to meet you Cloud." He smiled, but it was a sad smile.
"I missed you so much Aeris. I never thought I'd see you again."
She nodded. "I know."
Cloud looked into her eyes. They were filled with kindness and sympathy, he didn't see the slightest hint of rage or anger or revenge. Why? He just stood there and let her be killed. He had almost killed her himself. Why wasn't she angry at him? Why didn't she hate him? The sympathy she had in her eyes just tore at his heart more than words ever could. She didn't realise it, but that sympathy was like her shoving daggers in his heart. A tear slipped down his cheek. He shut his eyes tightly and tilted his head away from her, ashamed of it.
"I'm so sorry Aeris," he whispered, letting his hands fall. "I'm just so sorry." His tears fell freely, cascading down his face from behind his closed eyes.
"Oh Cloud," she said, pulling him into a hug, resting his head on her chest. "It's alright," she comforted, rubbing his back soothingly. "I never blamed you for that day. I never will."
"But I just watched you… I just watched as he, as he…" Cloud couldn't finish.
"Hey, look at me," she said. "Come on, look at me." Cloud slowly raised his head and opened his eyes to meet her gaze. Aeris cupped his cheek and smiled.
"I'm sorry things had to be like this. But if I told you what I was going to do, you would have stopped me. It worked out in the end though, didn't it? Sephiroth is gone. The world is safe again."
"It didn't work out Aeris. I let you die."
"You came all the way, didn't you? You found me. And you were with me when I died. That's all I ever wanted."
"Don't say that," Cloud replied, shocked.
"It's true," she insisted. "I was… happy, knowing you were there, knowing you were holding me." She looked vaguely embarrassed. "It made me feel that everything was going to be okay." She lay her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for that."
"Aeris," replied Cloud, exasperated. "That's not good enough. Even though you say it is, I know I could have done more." He paused. "I should have done more. Instead, I acted like a fucking stone." Aeris sighed and thought for a moment.
"Cloud, what do you want?" He slumped down to the ground.
"I don't know." Aeris sat down and opened her arms. Cloud sank into them gratefully. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither thinking of anything but the other.
"I think, I want to be forgiven," he said. Aeris shook her head and smiled.
"I forgive you Cloud."
"That easy?"
"Why make it harder than that?"
"I guess so." He looked at her and smiled. A true smile. "Thank you." Aeris nodded.
"You're welcome."
"So, what happens now?"
"Well, I have to go back soon."
"Am I going to see you again?" She shook her head.
"No. Not this lifetime." Cloud pulled her into a kiss.
"I love you Aeris. Always will."
"Cloud, promise me something?"
"Of course," he answered without hesitation. "Anything."
"Move on from this okay? Start living. I want you to find someone to love, and love her. You know, Tifa really cares for you, what about her?"
"WHAT?" Cloud exclaimed. "You're not serious, oh my God you are. Tifa likes me?"
Aeris giggled. "I thought it was obvious."
"Aeris, I do love Tifa, but never in that way. I can't love her that way. We're always going to be friends, I could never make it anything more."
"Okay then, maybe not Tifa. But someone else. Don't ever compare, don't even think of me when you look at her, think of her. And Cloud?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to be happy again. Because when I watch you I'd like to see you smile."
"Aeris, I promise. I'll at least try." Her emerald eyes brimmed with tears. She gently touched his cheek.
"That's my Cloud," she whispered.
"If I ever have a baby girl, I'm going to name it after you."
"You don't have to do that," she answered, slightly embarrassed.
"I want to. That way, I can hear the words Aeris Strife. It's what I would have asked you to be."
"Oh Cloud…" Their lips met once more. He smiled.
"It's for you, always for you. Just so you'll keep watching."
"I could never stop." She looked at her hand. It was starting to fade.
"It's happening."
"No, not yet," he said, the pain evident in both his voice and eyes. "There's so much more I want to tell you."
"It's alright Cloud," she said, taking his hand in hers. "I'll be here."
A breeze started to whip around them, circling upward. Aeris slowly faded into the wind, until she was gone, and Cloud stood alone.
Waking on the altar, Cloud rose hesitantly. Though every sense tried to tell him otherwise, he knew it wasn't a dream. He knew a dream wouldn't make him feel like this; changed, happy. Looking around, everything was suddenly beautiful, the shell houses were a glittering pearl white, the water around the altar was lapping quietly against it. Everything was still screaming Aeris' presence, but this time, it wasn't bad, it felt really, really good.
Cloud looked up to find himself standing in a beam of sunlight. He smiled. He knew Aeris was smiling too. This was Aeris' final gift to him. As he stood, bathed in sunlight, he found he could finally be at peace.
"Goodbye," he whispered.
A.N. Hoped you people enjoyed reading! Review if you want, always appreciated you know! Bye for now.
LastCetra.