Show a little love
A drop of water hit her weary face. She looked up, towards the endless sky that stretched ahead.
Was it rain?
A sigh, heavy in its lightness, descends from her parched lips.
No. It never rains in soul society.
Leaves can fall, people may die. The sun, too, continues to shine. Only in soul society can the glowing sun feel so heartless and cold, like the hearts of so many others living in it. Or maybe it had been warm once, but the centuries of harshness and indifference it'd witnessed had frozen its molten heart to the core.
I can see the first leaf falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside
She had thought, foolishly, that she could change all of these. That was a time a long while ago, when she was tender of age and her companions were still by her side. But things were different now. Where she had friends in the past, there only remained strangers and enemies.
She didn't know when that change had occurred. To her, it just did.
It hurts to remember.
Due to her stubbornness (god knows who she inherited that from), she had learnt it the hard way.
When she gave, they took. What she loved, they destroyed. All she provided, they abused. And when she could provide no more, they turned their backs on her. It was the same with Kaien, Renji, her sister, and most of all, Nii-san.
Hadn't they all used her, in some way or another?
She couldn't remember a single time when he had spoken a kind word to her. At the start, she told herself that he was simply a cold man, unused to words of sentiment. Even after decades of living together, she had still held on to her belief firmly, until that cruel day proved her otherwise.
She had chanced upon her Nii-san talking to Renji about his promotion to lieutenant. She recognized the words of encouragement, even through the cold tone that he had coated them with. If Nee-san could spare those few words to Renji, why couldn't he do the same for her? Hurt and broken, she had retreated quietly back to the sanctuary of her room.
Outside it's now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it all have to happen
Why did it all have to end
What she wanted was companionship, not some rank in the Gotei 13 or to be adopted into a noble family… Why couldn't they just understand?
--
She continued to drag herself along the empty road she walked alone. Her intuition told her to go on, that there was just a little more left!
Somewhere through her journey, she found a figure walking in front of her, so she made him her goal. Gradually, to catch up with him became her only motivation. And little by little, catch up with him she did.
I'm a big big girl in a big big world
It's not a big big thing
If you leave me
But I do do feel
That I do do will
Miss you much, miss you much
Of course, there were distractions. But she always got through them by keeping her eye on his form, her gaze never wavering.
The day she caught up with him, soul society tore her away from his side before she could ask him to wait for her.
She never thought he would take all the trouble to get her back, but he did. So she returned to his side once more.
Maybe he'd found his motivation through this journey as well…
As her guiding light.
Two people abandoned by the world walking on a lonesome road? It was possible.
Several more drops of water fell from above and she parted her lips to catch the tiny droplets on her tongue.
Was it finally raining?
Drizzles of the cool water beat down on her, until they formed torrents of downpour.
They watered her dying seed, the heavenly liquid felt inviting to her deprived body as it slid down her clothes, caressing her dry skin until her flame of love was ignited and out sprouted the desire to be loved again.
The rain was not enough for her anymore. It quenched her thirst, but left her wanting more and needing more. It was too cruel to grant her brief satisfaction and then leave her hanging like that.
She was hungry. The kind of growling-ache-in-your-stomach hungry, much like when she was in the 78th district of Rukongai with Renji. Hungry for love.
That was the reason why when the whole of Seireitei beckoned towards her on one side and Ichigo on the other, it was her who turned her back on them and walked into Ichigo's embrace.
…To become the Betrayer.