Between the Devil and Me, a law and order: svu fanfic

A/N: Sort of post-Rage. AU, Elliot and Kathy are divorced, Elliot and Liv are married. So when our pal Gordy is talking about how Elliot is controlled by his wife and kids, he's talking about Liv – the four Stabler kids with Kathy I left the same. I've always loved this AJ song and I thought Rage would be a perfect post-ep. Enjoy! XO, Kinsey

Dedication: My girl Amanda – my country music sista!

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me.

This world can take you by the hand
And tempt the soul of any man
But you can choose your path
There's two roads you can take
One way is right and one is wrong
The flesh is weak but love is strong
And she's all I see
Between the devil and me

He's right. That sick, pathetic, bastard is right. I could potentially be just like him without my controls. My job. My wife. My kids. Especially my wife. She's my calm. When I want to freak out on a perp and choke a confession out of them, I take a look at her and it brings my blood pressure down a notch or two. I thin that's why the captain busted his ass to keep us partners once we got married. He was worried I'd kill somebody if Liv wasn't there to handle me. Even with her there, there are times I want so badly to go off on one of these scumbags. To hurt them even a TENTH as much as they hurt their victims. And there have been times I've been close. Damn close. But even if she's not in the room, I know she's there. She can see me. I can feel her there with me. And it calms me down. Seeing her, feeling her there – it's what keeps me from becoming Gordon Rickett.

The gates of hell swing open
Wide invitin' me to stop inside
I'll be your friend he calls
Again, I know it's him
The flames are spreadin everywhere
But through the smoke
I see her there
She's all I see
Between the devil and me

Later that night, after I almost throttle the shit out of Rickett, I hold my wife in my arms while she sleeps. My four kids are asleep in their rooms down the hall – it's our weekend with them. All of these sleeping people in my house and all I can do is lay here awake and worry about where I'd be without any of them.

"Elliot," my wife says, rolling to her side to face me. Never mind. She's not sleeping.

"Yeah, babe," I say.

"Go to sleep," she whispers. She treads her fingers lightly over my bruised knuckles. I had a little run-in with a locker after we found Rickett with that girl. As her soft hand runs over mine, it's like a salve for my bruised heart.

"I'm trying, honey," I assure her.

"No, you aren't," she says. "You're thinking."

"About you. And the kids," I say, not sure why I have this sudden urge to defend myself.

"And Gordon Rickett," she whispers.

"Yeah," I admit. She knows me.

I hold her in my arms tonight
So safe and warm I close my eyes
And a cool breeze blows
'Cross our bodies in the dark
Outside her reach is my concern
Somewhere I know a fire burns
And she's all I see
Between the devil and me

The next day is Saturday. A day to hang out with my kids and not have to spend it locked in a cement room with the scum of the earth. As I kick back on a blanket in Central Park, my two older daughters chattering away about some boy or another next to me, I watch Liv chasing the two younger kids in an impromptu game of tag. Lizzie's ponytail flies in the breeze as she goes sprinting away from her brother. Olivia laughs at the squeals of pure, unadulterated joy coming out of the kids. Dickie ducks behind a tree and waits for Lizzie to run by so he can tag her. I smile at my twelve-year-olds, playing like they had when they were kids, not sulking like the sullen pre-teens they can be sometimes. Olivia comes over and flops down next to me on the blanket, breathing heavily from a combination of laughter and running from Dickie. She kisses me quickly and settles against me, her head on my stomach. Soon after, my twin tornados are flying at me, landing on the blanket next to their step-mom and sisters. I run my fingers through Olivia's curls and she smiles at me. This is where Rickett and I differ. The love of four great kids and an amazing woman.

I am truly blessed.

The gates of hell swing open
Wide invitin' me to step inside
She's all I see
Between the devil and me