Interrogation Room 6
By Très Méchante
Summary: An active imagination can be hazardous to your health.
Rating: Teen for suggested naughtiness
Warnings: Silliness abounds and this may qualify as a crackfic. You have been duly warned.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not stealing. Not making any money. They will be returned in reasonable operating condition. More or less.
A/N: Orignally started as a response to the 'Well, you see…' challenge at Thursday100Plus way back in April 2006. My muse was feeling playful and wanted to see what would happen if Mike got a little weirded out. It sounded like fun, so I agreed to write the story.
Mike Logan hated grunt work, but as the new guy it was unavoidable. He frowned, trying to find a flat surface to spread out another file.
The heat wave had sent the air conditioner into overdrive, which was inevitably followed by a meltdown. Condensation in the electrical system had somehow triggered the sprinkler system. The spray had been a welcome relief from the heat, but it also meant soggy files and forms.
While maintenance tried to repair the damage in the ceiling above the desks of Major Case, detectives were reassigned to whatever free space was available to continue working on cases. Or in his case, he was trying to sort and dry off the files that got the worst of the water. Grunt work.
"You got the coroner's report over there?"
He jumped slightly at the question and quickly looked around. It took him a moment to realize the voice was coming from next door. He was in the observation room attached to interrogation room six. The window was blocked with plywood, courtesy of a psychotic pro wrestler who went ballistic and managed destroy the two-way mirror and trash both rooms.
"Earth to Bobby."
Logan snorted. He didn't envy Eames. He wondered who she'd pissed off to get Goren as a partner. Sure the guy was brilliant and got results, but he was just plain weird.
The intercom was jammed in the 'listen' position, also courtesy of psycho freak. He didn't really want to eavesdrop, but had to admit it was fascinating to listen to their conversation. They communicated with the verbal shorthand of a long-term partnership. It had been a long, long time since he'd had that level of…well, intimacy with a partner.
Silence reigned in both rooms, broken only by the shuffling of papers or the creak of a chair.
"Knock it off, Bobby."
Mike glanced at the intercom.
"Huh?" Goren sounded a little vague – as usual, thought Logan.
"Knock it off."
"What? What am I doing?"
"We've had this conversation before."
"Oh. You mean…"
"Exactly."
Mike frowned. What was she referring to?
"Sorry. I didn't even know I was doing it," said Goren, sounding a bit defensive.
"Well, now that you know, stop it."
Silence. Logan wondered what Goren had been doing. The guy had a lot of tics and strange habits, so it could be just about anything. Shrugging, he went back to blotting papers.
Logan lost track of time, but knew from his sore back and parched throat that he needed a break. It was while he was stretching out his cramped muscles that an odd sound from the intercom caught his attention. He stepped closer, listening intently.
It was almost a rustling sound, like material rubbing against – whoa. Logan pulled back in shock. No. He was definitely imagining things.
"Bobby, what do you think you're doing?"
"Eames--"
"Don't Eames me, buster."
"It helps me think. Besides, it's not like you've never seen it before."
"That's not the point. It's just…never mind."
Goren's voice took on a teasing tone. "Just what? Come on, you can't just leave it like that. It's just what?"
"I'm not going into it. Just finish with the damn report. I want to get to an air-conditioned bar and a cold drink."
"Eames. Alex?" Goren's voice continued to tease. "I'm going to keep asking until you finish your sentence. Fine then. How about a game of I showed you mine, can I see yours?"
Logan thought he was going to have a stroke.
"Dammit Goren!" Eames heaved a huge sigh. "It's big, okay? It's freakishly huge and sometimes it just weirds me out."
Goren laughed. Logan was sure he'd never heard Goren laugh like that. It took him a moment to realize what Eames had said. Wait a minute…what was freakishly huge?
Logan stared at the intercom.
"Huge, huh?"
"Knock it off, Bobby. The captain will be around for an update, and I'd like to hand him a finished report." Eames sounded a little flustered.
Logan was desperate to see what was going on. He looked at the plywood covering the opening where the mirror had been. One corner looked to be a little loose, so he could probably pry it up a bit and have a peek. Although, that would be an invasion of privacy, he argued with himself.
Goren's voice continued to have a teasing quality. "You're no fun," he whined playfully.
"Just keep it where it belongs or I'll cut it off. I mean it, Bobby. I'm not in the mood."
The sound of rustling fabric came through the intercom, followed by heavy breathing.
"What's the matter?" asked Eames.
"Zipper's stuck."
Okay, invasion of privacy be damned. He had to know what was going on. Logan went to the loose corner and began carefully prying at the edge of the plywood. He used his pen to get some leverage, but tried not to make any noise.
"Ow! Careful! You pinched me." Goren no longer sounded amused.
"Knock it off you big baby, the zipper barely touched you." Eames sounded exasperated. "I suppose you want me to kiss it better?"
Logan dropped his pen, and the edge of plywood snapped back into position with a clatter. He quickly moved toward the center of the room, aware of Goren asking if she'd heard something.
"Workmen are everywhere," she replied. "We'll probably be evicted before long, so let's just finish this."
Their voices settled into their usual rhythm as they worked on whatever case files they had. Logan continued sorting files while his heart rate returned to normal. That had been too close, he thought, chiding himself for his overactive imagination. If he wasn't careful he was going to be walking a beat and handing out parking tickets somewhere.
Logan jumped when the door to the observation room opened suddenly. He whirled around just as Captain Deakins poked his head in.
"You okay, Logan? You seem a little jumpy."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Just staring at paper for too long or something."
Deakins grinned at that. "If you're almost done, Ramirez is on her way back in and could use a hand going over trial transcripts."
"Thanks. I could use the break from paperwork," he snarked, running his hand through his hair. "Sorry. I've been…" he waved his hand at the drying pages.
"Wind up what you're doing then grab a coffee or something cold and take a break. You've got at least half an hour." Deakins turned to leave the room but turned back when a muffled groan came through the intercom.
Eames sounded ticked. "That is the last straw. Now you're just pissing me off."
Deakins looked at Logan, who grimaced back at him.
"What's going on?" asked Deakins.
That's what I want to know, thought Logan, but merely replied "I really haven't been paying attention to them – just background noise, you know?"
"Hey, Bobby?" Eames' voice came over the intercom again. "Can I borrow your knife for a sec?"
"Sure – wait. Why?"
"Because since you can't stop waving that damn thing around, I'm going to have to cut it off," she snapped.
Deakins groaned. "Oh, not again," he said and quickly left the room.
Logan heard the door next door open followed by the captain's voice. "Okay you two, that's enough."
Logan went back to the plywood between the two rooms, scooping up his pen as he went. He really, really had to see this. Gently inserting the pen into a loose section, he carefully pried it away from the frame, trying to get enough room to see what was going on.
Eames and Goren both spoke at once, but Deakins cut them off. "Bobby, we've talked about this. And Eames, I still think you're making a too much over a little thing."
"She doesn't think it's so little. She said it's huge." Goren sounded smug.
"Now wait a-"
Deakins smoothly cut off whatever Eames would have said. "Knock it off, Goren. It's nothing to write home about. Yours may be wide, but mine is definitely longer."
There was silence in the other room. Logan continued working on getting the plywood loose.
"What is with guys and the need to flash and compare body parts!" yelled a clearly exasperated Eames.
Logan became even more desperate to see what was happening, but pried at the board a little too hard. The board came completely loose from the wall, sending it and Logan sprawled on the floor.
The occupants of interrogation room six made their way to the hole in the wall and stared down at Logan. Logan, mortified, stared back up at the three people staring at him.
It was Deakins who broke the silence. "Detective Logan," he said in his why-me-Lord voice. "Is there a problem?"
Logan swallowed harshly. "Well, you see…" He stopped, unable to find the words to go on.
Deakins looked on patiently. Eames wore her patented this-ought-to-be-good look. Goren just smirked at him, the tip his tongue poking out as if it had come out to see what all the fuss was about.
Logan groaned and banged his head on the floor, his only coherent thought was that Eames was right. Goren's tongue was kinda freaky.
-END-