[09]Bella Addormentata
The morning light is harsh and cold. Without feeling. Without hope.
She sees the sky open up before her, as if to swallow her whole. Beyond the sky, beyond the clouds and stars, there is –
–Nothing. There is absolutely nothing but darkness. And it calls to her, pulling, tugging. This is not where she belongs. She is supposed to be there, on the other side of the sky.
She tries to push it away, but she can't move. Then she looks down at her body.
Broken. Arms and legs, gone. Stomach, heart, lungs. She can't breath or feel anything but the cold nothingness that sucks at her, pulling, dragging, whispering her away.
Without a sound or chance to struggle, she is gone.
It's time to wake up –
" –Rico."
She is roused by the sound of her name. With a smile, she brushes away the tears that have wandered down her face.
"Good morning, Henrietta."
"...Good morning." The other girl retreats from the edge of the bunk bed to where Rico can no longer see her. "Can you remember what it was?"
Rico laughs and gets up to make her bed.
"No. I never can. But it doesn't matter. It wasn't real, anyway."
She gets back late.
She smells gunpowder and blood, but doesn't know it. It's become as undistinguished as the taste of water, and she hardly notices.
She takes a shower. The water runs gray and pink, but still the scent lingers.
And still, she does not notice.
She walks past his office, and hears his younger brother's panicked voice.
" – can't any more. It's not right. When I see her face like that, like she's somewhere far away –"
"She was lucky to live this long, Jose. As far as she's concerned, she's not missing out on anything. It's all she's every known; like a happy dream."
"You're be delusional if you really believe that. Don't try to plead insanity to me."
"...Are you suggesting that either one of us is in a healthy state of mind? Your delusions are worse than mine."
She hears a chair screeching across the floor.
"It's time we all woke up and faced the facts, Jean! We're monsters. We just made it worse for our own benefit, saving them was an excuse we gave ourselves. It would have been better if they had all just died! At least then they wouldn't have to keep living this –"
She keeps walking.
Jose's wrong. She begins to whistle.
There couldn't be a happier dream.
Jean strikes her during training.
She's not conditioned to love him, but she doesn't mind the blow.
It just means she needs to try harder. That he believes she can.
That he still needs her; and she can continue to dream.
Angelica is dead. She tries to reason it out in her head.
I guess reality can't be escaped for long.
But she doesn't feel sad, and she wonders why.
Because it wasn't me. Because I don't have to wake up yet.
Jean's hug surprises her. She doesn't know what she should do.
She decides that it's supposed to make her happy, that it would make most of the others happy.
So she smiles. She smiles, but, deep down, it doesn't feel right.
In reality, he is scaring her.
She has to wake up soon, and she knows it.
Running, sniping, doing laundry, walking, breathing, going to the restroom; doing everything without any help still feels like a dream. But it can't last.
They're dying, one by one.
Soon, she'll be joining them.
And she has to wonder what is so great about waking up. How can she ever look down on what she has been given?
Another cyborg gone, and with each one she feels herself growing more and more anxious.
She has a dream.
A misty night, trapped in a fortress. No where to go, no way to see. She is in a hospital bed.
The days bleed into each other and the sunlight is faint. She feels years and years pass in this state.
Then, one day, someone comes for her.
Tall and fair, he takes her hand and breathes life into her limbs.
It's not permanent, he tells her. Just a happy dream where she can escape.
But someday, someone cruel and cold will take it away. Someday, she will have to leave it behind, and face the reality of her situation.
She will have to wake up.
(A/N: [Twelve Shots of Summer] Week 9
So, this is like a mix between Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella applied to the Gunslinger Girl universe. Yes, it's not much, but Rico has always struck me as a stream of consciousness character, so it's really difficult to write even a present progressive narrative for her.
I stole the alternate interpretation of sleeping beauty from Princess Tutu, in which it is suggested that the princess never wanted to wake up in the first place, but would have preferred the bliss of sleeping forever, away from this world's cold realities.)