Just a short oneshot I came up with. Hopefully this will tide you over until I get the next chapter of Journals and Magpie done.
Flashback...or is it?
The night air was cold and stars dotted the sky. I shivered, and felt Fang slide colser to me. His arm snaked around my shoulders and turned me towards so that his face was close to mine. Too close. I knew exactly how I felt about him, but it couldn't happen. I couldn't take that risk - it could turn bad and tear the flock apart again, and I couldn't bear that. So even though it broke my heart, I pushed him away saying:
"Don't do something you'll regret later." I turned my head, forcing back the tears that threatened to burst out. It took a lot of effort to keep my voice steady and quiet.
"Trust me, I won't regret this," he said quietly, leaning closer. I almost broke then, but I forced myself to lean away from him and continued,
"I can't do this. If it goes bad we'll all end up apart again, and I couldn't take that." I felt awful saying it. And I knew he must feel so terrbile inside, but when I looked, his face was as impassive as ever. I made myself finish the speech I had begun,
"I want to Fang, I really, truly do. But I can't. We can't.So just...don't." He nodded,
"If that's what you really want..." and turned away. It hurt me to hurt him, but I had to. There was no other way.
"I'll take watch for now." He said, and I didn't have the heart to argue, so I simply nodded and curled up on the ground, wrapping my wings around me for warmth, shivering not only from the cold, but from misery as well.
Flashback...or is it?
It was happening again. What had happened a while ago with Fang, was happening again. Only it was worse for me this time, because I was more in love with him now than I had ever been. And I'm sure it was just as bad, if not worse for him as well. But what really made it bad, was that I didn't think to stop him early enough, and he was kissing me. I almost gave in to my desires, and went with it, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. I could not take the risk of running a relationship in the flock that, if it went bad, could tear us all apart.
So I pushed him away, before we got too 'involved' with the kiss. When I looked into his eyes, I saw so much pain and hurt, it was hard to say what I had to say. I willed him to understand, prayed to whatever god there may be that he saw how much I was hurting too.
"No. We can't. I told you." My voice shook a tiny bit, barely audible, but I know he heard it. The tremor that gave me away.
"Dammit, Max! I know you want this as much as I do, I can tell. Why are you denying it?"
I shook my head, blinking back tears as I turned away. I heard a rustle of fabric and knew he was reaching out to me, and if I turned around he would hug me and then I'd wind up crying and we'd wind up kissing and then everything I'd done would be for nothing. So I didn't turn around. Fang sighed dejectedly, and a little angrily as he muttered,
"I'll take first watch."
It broke my heart so much.
Flashback...or is it?
We had been staying at at Dr Mar...I mean, Moms house for a while now. It was a pretty safe place: Jeb had insisted that Mom have high-tech security installed, so we'd be secure.
I sat up and stretched, letting my wings out all the way. Then I slid out of bed and tugged a raggedy grey shir over my pajama vest and shorts. I walked sleepily out of my room, and headed toward the bathroom, rubbing my eyes. The door was shut and locked, and I assumed Fang was in there. I knocked quietly,
"Fang?" I called tentatively. Things had been hard, since I pushed him away. There was no reply. I called his name louder, then louder still. This was worrying. I launched myself at the door, crashing through it as I heard the others come to see what was going on.
I could only stare in shock.
"FANG, NO!" I screamed, tears forcing their way down my face. I never expected him to do his! I don't know what I did expect, but not this! He was lying still on the bathroom floor, his white skin paler than ever. A razor blade was gripped limply in one hand and blood was pouring from a load of gashes in his other arm. I knelt beside him.
"This is my fault. It's all my fault. oh, God, I made him do this." I whispered, feeling for a pulse, yet somehow knowing I wouldn't find one. I was right. tears flowed like floodwater now, and I could hear the others stifled gasps and yells as they saw him.
I leaned over him, and pressed my lips to his cold, dead ones.
"I'm sorry, so, so sorry, Fang," I murmured, and then, "I love you." After that, it really hit me. Fang was gone, he was dead, and nothing could bring him back. I titlted my head up and let out a twisted, high-pitched scream of despair. The others had no idea what to do.
He was gone.
Waking up.
I woke up sweating and gasping for air. I clutched at myself, trying to calm my heart. Fang was still on watch. From the set of his shoulders, I could tell he was still upset about our fight earlier; my rejection of him.
"Oh, God." I breathed, drawing his attention to me. He slipped quietly over.
"What is it?" He asked quietly. I looked at him for a moment, then hurled myself into his arms.
"I just dreamt tonight, then I dreamt that later we had another fight, almost exactly like the first one, only you kissed me before I could stop you. And then...and then..." I was starting to break down. Fang held me tight and stroked my hair.
"I dreamt that we were at Dr Mar..I mean, Moms house, and you...you...you killed yourself, and it was all my..all my fault!You were dead, Fang! Dead and gone and it was awful. you killed yourself and it was my fault." Iwas whispering now. "All my fault."
I was sobbing by now, great, heaving cries that hurt my chest. Fang kissed my hair and shushed me,
"Shh, shh, it's okay Max. I'm here, I'm alive, I haven't killed myself." I clung to himtightly, breathing deeply.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away."
He tilted my head up.
"You don't have to apologize. It's my fault for trying to kiss you. I know you hate the thought of the flock splitting up again." His face was close to mine, as it had ben earlier that night. This was turning into my dream..my nightmare. I knew that if I followed the course of it, then he would die. I knew it for certain. So instead of pushing him away, I leaned in .
"I'm not going to let my nightmare come true." I whispered, feeling his breath against my skin as I said it.
"Glad to hear it." he murmered back. And then he kissed me. It was sweet, and loving and made me wonder how I could ever have doubted him. There was no way us being together could break up the flock. No way at all.
Then we broke apart, just as Iggy woke up.
"My turn for watch." he muttered and crawled over to us. "You guys get some shut-eye." I lay down a short distance away, pulling a blanket over me and looked nervously at Fang. He understood. He lay down next me under the blanket, and wrapped his warm arms around me.
"I won't ever leave you. In life or death. I love you." he whispered.
"I love you too." I whispered back. And then I closed my eyes and slept.
A short way away, in the nearby forest...
A figure smiled and spread shining wings. It took off, congratulating itself on saving the hearts of two, the souls and lives of six incredible children and the souls and lives of a billion others. In sending one girl a few future dreams, it had accomplished all of this, with great success. This was going to earn the figure credit with the boss.
Dun dun dun! And no, no matter how much you plead, this won't ever be a twoshot. No siree. Reviews are always welcome. Especially nice ones. Hope you enjoyed that!