Happiness

Summary: AU, He deserves happiness and you know well that you're not the one who can give it to him. Oneshot.
Warnings: Alluka is a girl here. Incest, if you squint. Told from 2nd pov.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize!
Genre(s): Romance/Mystery/Family/Angst/Tragedy.
Pairing(s): Onesided OCxKillua. Killua/Alluka.
Dedication: Sakura Hyuga for the fanart she shall be presenting me for the story "Crying Wolf". Nevertheless, I hope others enjoy it and will review!

i. liar

You see her, dressed in her Miko outfit, walking towards you. You see her and you smile at your soon-to-be sister-in-law.

Alluka Zoldyck smiles back, to any onlooker who's not aware of history within the family, it would've been genuine and beautiful.

But you know your history, you know the girl before you as a child. You remember playing with her because your fiancee insists- he's always trying to please her, complying and fulfilling her wishes and you're irked by this- you do and you love him so you do.

You remember a time where Allu had tripped and had twisted her ankle. You remember trying to soothe her by patting her dark hair and you remember when Killua approaches, concern evident in his eyes, you see Alluka smile brilliantly as if it doesn't hurt.

To you, she's an open book- she's trying not to cry for Kil's sake and you, observant as you are, sees how she smiles too widely to be real.

And as you spend more time with her, whenever she's hurt, you see her smiling to stem the sadness and hope the smile will drive away the tears.

It doesn't always work but most of the time, she can fool everyone.

Not you, never you.

So when she smiles at you now, helping you pick out your wedding dress, you see how her fingers tremble and how her smile's so stiff and fake it hurts.

You place your hand on hers, your smile gone now.

Don't force yourself, you say.

She blinks, trying to play dumb. What?

You scrutinize her heavily, wondering when sweet little Allu had become such a liar.

ii. beautiful

You know you're beautiful, people say so- men can't help but stare at your long pale legs, women can't help but envy your features and body.

But the person who you want most, the one you love most, the one you wish would compliment you and notice, doesn't say the same.

It's funny that your fiancee wouldn't compliment you or court you when everyone else tries to.

You want him to say that you're beautiful, but you don't force him to say it, and you know full well who he will compliment.

Allu, you hear him say, smiling softly- a smile he gives to her only- as he brushes a piece of hair from her face. Why so stiff?

You know I'm not used to public, she says, shifting nervously. I don't like these clothes either, I prefer the priestess clothing.

Killua laughs- a deep, timbre sound, a voice he has now that he's grown out of his boyish and awkward childhood- throwing his head back as he does so. Please, Allu, it's the modern century now, you'll be laughed at if you go out in Miko clothes.

I know, his sister says, blushing vehemently. That's why I'm wearing these.

You look beautiful in them, why're you so nervous?

He drops your hand- his grip is always loose- and takes his sister's, complimenting her even more and you turn away.

The bitter taste in your mouth won't go away.

iii. smile

Killua Zoldyck's smile is something to kill for.

His smile is only given to his friends and his sister. You've never seen him smiling at you. Always, by way of greeting, he nods or raises a hand in a half-hearted wave.

It is completely different from the greetings he graces his friends and sister.

To his friends, he tackles them in a hug, grins so widely his teeth sparkle under the sunlight. To his baby sister, he smiles gently, softly, and caresses her face, brushing a stray bang from her pale face.

You wonder why he sees you so differently and your heart burns.

You turn your head away when you see Alluka laughing as she takes her brother's hand, removing it from her face so she can see him better.

iv. ritual

People have some sort of ritual with people close to them- habits, constant things they always do together.

Killua may be your fiancee but the both of you don't have such a strong bond. Come to think of it, when have you two ever bonded?

You have lame inside jokes with your friends.

Killua and Alluka's bond is powerful- it runs deeper than the norm for siblings- so it's only natural for them to have a ritual specially for themselves.

You see them doing it before- you see, with a burning fee in your heart, Alluka pulling Killua down, hands covering his eyes which twinkle with mirth, and pecking him on the cheek, then she asks, teasingly and playfully, him to guess who it is.

There's no need for an answer.

The only person allowed to do this with Killua is Alluka, and her alone.

v. sleeping habits

Killua has an odd sleeping habit.

Of course you didn't find out by spending a night with him, you found out when you see him in Alluka's room, sound asleep by her side.

It can be considered endearing, sweet and cute if it had been you instead of Alluka.

But as it's Alluka he's wrapped around, you think it's strange and childish.

The silver-haired heir of the Zoldyck family has his arms around his younger sister, his face pressing against her dark hair, and his legs are entangled with hers. They're so close, to intertwined, you have a hard time telling who's limbs from who.

You swallow inaudibly, seeing Killua stir from his sleep at the presence of someone other than Alluka, as he slowly blinks and looks at the doorway.

You're an assassin, you specialize in speed, so, when Killua looks up, you're already gone and the door's closed. You can imagine him frowning in confusion before shrugging then returning to sleep once he makes sure Alluka's still secure in his arms.

You recognize the burn in your chest as jealousy.

vi. rage

Killua is rarely angry; yes, he's bloodthirsty and violent, but that doesn't mean he's easily riled up.

You've never seen him angry, you've never heard him yell at you or do anything to you; your friends say it's a good thing and that it's because he cares for you and doesn't want to harm you.

You know their wrong.

You also know that Killua is only angry when it concerns the people he cares about- you know he doesn't care about you, not in the same way he cares about his sister and friends.

You see Killua yelling at his sister for her stupidity. When you stumble upon the scene, drawn by Killua's raised voice, you are shocked because he's never that angry. And then you feel cruel relish because Killua's finally having a fallout with his sister.

But the joy is short lived when you heard his words -don't do anything as stupid as that again, you've got me worried sick, i love you and i don't want you to get hurt, Allu- and it is then you start to wonder if there's anything that can severe their bond, or make it weak enough so that he would notice you.

vii. rivalry

You know of Alluka's powers. You know how dangerous she can be, how terrible she really is. You and the rest of the household know, and don't accept her, wanting to be as far away as possible.

But, for you, it's inevitable as Killua's your fiancee and you're required to spend time with him.

Killua's always spending any free time he has with Alluka, so you're always with her too. You know she feels the same way you do whenever the three of you are together: that there's only Killua and I.

When you're still seven, still innocent and childish and still harboring hope that Killua will change and start paying attention to you, you see Alluka as nothing more than a menace.

She's your rival and you're her rival for Killua's affections.

But while you'll try to pull him away, she'll just stay.

Because she knows as well as you do that in this rivalry, you have a bigger edge over her; she can't leave the prison her father sentenced her to so she can only stare sadly as you pull Killua away.

viii. wish

You're tempted to just end your rivalry with Alluka once and for all, to just secure Killua's love and forget Alluka's existence.

You're tired -so, so, very tired- of Alluka drawing Killua away from you, of Alluka tagging along when you're supposed to have a date with Killua, of Alluka constantly holding Killua's affections.

You've always been cruel and sadistic- so unlike Alluka's sensitivity and empathy- so, what better way than to have Alluka make Killua hers and hers alone?

You've already sent a maid there to experiment Alluka's conditions. It's the right thing to do, because somehow, Alluka's conditions had gone to dangerous level and when your maid died, it's been reverted back to simple requests.

Expensive pearl necklaces, ten books, a box of bracelets- all are easily done by you.

What is your wish?

To have Killua love me and only me.

You leave, leaving Alluka on the ground, eyes wide with horror and unshed tears.

You spare her no sympathy.

ix. tears

Killua hates seeing Alluka crying.

But this time, when you see Alluka reaching out towards Killua, you see him slap her hand away in disgust. He's finally treating her the way the household treats her.

You smile.

Alluka flinches, tears welling up as she retracts her red hand.

Aniki?

What, there's no patience in his voice like usual, no gentleness he usually reserves for her and her only.

I... she steals a quick glance at you, then she trembles, and you know as well as she does that with Killua's attitude towards her now, he can easily wish he will never see her again. She stems her tears down with a smile. It's nothing. I just... want to wish you a happy marriage.

Then, she turns, and runs, tears falling freely down her face, crystalline pearls down her pale cheek.

Killua stares after her, stunned.

You take his hand quickly, trying to reassure him but he's just staring at you as if he's never seen you before- it makes you wonder if Alluka's wish granting ability is weakening.

It'll be okay, she'll get over it, you say.

He hesitates, smiling. Yeah.

But when you see him staring after Alluka's fading back, you've never felt lower than dirt.

Alluka's tear-stained drifts into your mind, and you purse your lips, trying to stem down the unease.

x. realization

Ever since that fateful evening, Killua's attitude towards you remains unchanged, he's still gentle and kind and patient- so much like when he treats Alluka before you wish on her.

You stiffen as that thought crosses your mind.

You don't think it's impossible for her wish to change Killua's view, that what he sees in Alluka is in you now, that, perhaps, he's still seeing Alluka over your face and is just unable to deny the wish's abilities.

Then it's not fair, you think. It still means that Killua still loves Alluka, not you, never you.

You frown, glancing to your right where Killua's sleeping beside you -finally!- and he's tossing and turning and being annoying. Your wedding's tomorrow and you don't want any black rings under both your eyes because of him.

You reach out to shake him up, but not before you hear Killua's whisper of Alluka's name.

It's that time then, that you realize that he's never yours in the first place, and will never be as long as Alluka's alive. You can kill her easily but if she dies, you know that her wish-granting ability will be reversed and Killua will know what you've done and it'll only make things worse.

You love Killua, you're sure of this and if you love someone, you're sure to want to see them happy-

You stand, blinking as you slide off the bed and out of the door and into the hallway.

You do not sleep, you stay watching the sky, even as the sun rose.

You lose sleep, but in turn, you gain realization.

xi. ring

You don't dress in the beautiful white dress you've picked with your friends.

You stare at yourself, dressed in a kimono with the embodiment of sakura petals, and you know you're beautiful. Your eyes drift towards the white dress on the mannequin.

You turn your head when you hear a knock, and calls for the person to enter.

Alluka steps in, cheeks flushed adorably as she fiddles with the sleeves of the dress you've forced her into. It's different from the one you're supposed to be wearing, but it suits her.

The pureness of the dress brings out her darker, peachier shade of skin. You lie and say that you're making her your best girl, and though she thinks that you're mocking her, she agrees.

It only makes you realize even more how generous Alluka is and when you see her like this, you don't think you will regret it at all.

Request of me three wishes, I have one last wish to ask of you.

Alluka swallows nervously, but her Specialty denies her the ability to deny you. Choking slightly on her words, she says, I want the bouquet you're holding.

You pluck a bouquet of flowers -tulips, the symbol of love- and place it in her hand and wait patiently as she considers her next wish.

The glass shoes there.

You don't think it's a loss because you've been planning on giving it to her in the first place. And? You prompt impatiently.

The butterfly hairpin.

You took it out of your hair, letting your head of blonde strands fall down your shoulder blades down to your waist and reaches down, sliding it in her hair instead. Her dark hair goes well with the silver and you know she's beautiful.

What is it that you wish for? she asks, voice almost in a whisper as she begs you with large black eyes to not have it anything to do with Killua.

You are unable to guarantee that, because what's happening now is connected to Killua and always will be.

You lean forward and whisper in her ear, then you usher her out towards the aisle, just slightly in front of her, holding onto her forearm and pulling her forward.

You see Killua's stunned expression and you figure that Alluka's magic is doing its work. You see him floundering, confused and trying to gain his bearing as the memories of days after Alluka's first wish came crashing into his skull.

He glares at you, his fists curling into a ball as if he's contemplating killing you- and you know he can- but his eyes take on a pained look when he sees Alluka behind you.

You're sure he's thinking that you're undoing Alluka's first wish now because you want to rub it in their faces and make them suffer.

You scoff silently at the thought as you come to a stop before Illumi Zoldyck who's supposed to be helping them go through the ceremony. He looks out of place and he also looks as if he wants to be anywhere but there.

Alluka, you call and you see Killua's knuckles turn whiter than it already are. He thinks you're mocking her. You continue, Alluka, remember this day.

You see her bow her head, her shoulders shaking and you see wet spots on the red carpet. You wonder how long it'll take before she goes hysterical and needs the whole household to pull her away.

And then you reach out for the ring on the pedestal, surprising the Zoldyck brothers, take a step back, and takes Alluka's hand. She raises her tear-stained face to face you, shocked.

Wha...?

You push the ring into her hands. I believe this belongs to you, you say evenly then you turn and run, laughing because you're not getting married today to a man who doesn't love you.

You still have a lot of opportunities in the future, and you don't want to ruin the happiness of a boy you're formerly in love with.

But you want the happiness those two have- you see them, both still stunned and stupefied, but their hands have already found one another, and you know that they'll never ever let one another go.

You're not getting married today, you've learned the true meaning of happiness and love, and as you dash out of the courtyard, laughing even as you run right into Milluki Zoldyck, you recall the couple's face.

That's the sort of happiness you want and you promise yourself to find it someday.

-end-

A/N:
Okay, this is my first time writing 2nd pov and I'm not sure if it's good or not. Anyway, as stated at the top, it's for Sakura Hyuga, but that doesn't mean you can't read it or share it.

R&R guys/girls!