where were you when my walls came falling down?
(they came falling down)
/
She was drowning in her own skin. And it was going to kill her. (She didn't want to admit that she'd rather be dead than what she is now). It started when Tori began at Hollywood Arts, ohsoperfectandskinny Tori. She began obsessively weighing herself, but she was sweetandinnocentandoblivious Cat and no one suspected a thing. By the next month she had been starving herself for the past 4 weeks and was already frail and weak. No one noticed. Not even herself.
By the end of the month she was stick thin. (Even thinner than Tori). She was wasting away but she didn't want to admit that she was dying. She had skipped school for oh so long that none of her friends could see her frail body and the way that even when she took a breath her chest didn't move. She was so scared of breaking her fast that she locked herself away. She dyed her hair brunette again to take away the temptation she had of eating a red velvet cupcake. (She still couldn't admit that she was dying).
By the end of the year she had (finally) admitted to herself that she was dying but she couldn't stop now. She refused to be hospitalised even though she knew she was sososick and on the verge of dying. She stopped leaving her room now because food was all she would see and she wanted to cry. Red velvet cupcakes, which had once been a treat, were now banned. She had fasted for so long that she couldn't even remember the last thing she ate. She stopped feeling anything. She wanted to stop breathing.
The next day Jade, Robbie (and Rex), Tori, Andre and Beck came to her house. She didn't let them in, she wouldn't let anyone see her and how frail she looked. They continued coming every day; she smiled at how close she used to be to them. (She missed them but she wouldn't let herself break down, she was too strong for that). A little over a week she decided to open the door. She saw the shock on their faces they tried to cover, she tried not to notice.
"Persistent bunch, aren't you?" She smiled sadly.
"We miss you, Cat!" Tori said, herohsoperfect teeth showing. Cat still remembered that Tori was the cause of this all. (Her downfall).
/
God, she missed Beck. The way he smiled and the way he ran his hands through his hair and the way he kissed her. (The way he always told her that she was the only girl in the world for him). She hated lying to him, lying to everyone. She had promised him that she would stop. (She also promised herself but everyone breaks promises, right?). The disappointment on his face when he would eventually see her was enough to make her stop. But there was always a voice in her head always taunting her. She didn't dream anymore, old Cat would be dreaming of rainbows and unicorns and cupcakes and glitter. But this was new Cat and instead of red velvet hair it was limp brown hair and a frail body and a sad smile permanently set in her skin.
She was dangerously underweight now, too far from sanity and healthiness and too close to the brink. She was hospitalised the next day. The doctors made her wear white shirts and white elasticated trousers, even the walls were painted white. Food was forced into her system through tubes and wires were stuck all over her body. She didn't want to recover. She just wanted to die without pain.
/
The next time the gang came to see her, they found her dead on her bed. (Loneliness and sadness had got the best of her). There was a note.
I love you guys, please don't be sad, I just couldn't do it anymore.
-Cat.
Beck was the only one who noticed the small print at the bottom.
It was always you Beck.