This started out as just a diary for an Quickleberry RPG that I belong to on tumblr, where I play Quinn, and somehow it just turned into so much more as a one-shot. The grammer might be screwy but considering its a diary entry I see that its suppose to be that way. Its a one-shot, so enjoy!

Quickleberry = Quin + Rachel + Puck

Dear Diary;

I'm letting Rachel go, funny isn't it? Someone I didn't eve know I wanted until I had, then fought like hell for and now I'm letting Puckerman of all people have her. I know she loves me, but not in the ways that I know she loves him. The look in her eyes on the couch Friday morning told me everything I needed to know and I knew then that even fighting till my last breath wouldn't get me anywhere. Was I stupid to think that Rachel Berry of all people would stick with me? I made her life hell in high school and then took forever to admit how much I truly did love her. Puck has never been one to keep his mouth and I guess in this case maybe if I had opened my mouth, maybe if I had fought a little harder or showed her how much I loved her, maybe she would have picked me. Maybe his pull over her wouldn't have been so strong and maybe just maybe I could have had a chance at happiness. We're married, but I'm letting her love another man. I'm letting her fuck another man, am I seriously the stupidest bitch on the planet or what? I know what'll happen, I can already feel it in my bones. This will last for a while, maybe even a year...and then...she'll realize that she can't have all the things she wants with him if we're still married...she'll kindly ask for a divorce and because I can never say no to her...I'll say yes and wish her all the happiness and love in the world. Maybe I'll even sit in one of the pews at their wedding, a fake smile on my face, a dress that's to tight and a flask full of vodka in my purse. I'll smile along with the rest of the crowd, and ignore all the chitter chatter the two anomalies are talking about because I'm there...and then she'll walk over to me, pull me aside, and thank me for giving her the chance to love him. To let him experience love and let both their dreams come true with one another. Of course they'll buy a house on the island, or maybe they'll even go back to Lima. I'll be told constantly that anytime I'm in the area just to stop by, the doors always open (how stupid of me to have told Puck that when we got the apartment in the city) and one day I will be in the neighborhood and I'll pull up and the house will be perfect, exactly what she always dreamed about. Except its there house, not our house, and inside a very pregnant Rachel is helping Puck out with something maybe they'll even be on the front lawn trying to bring in furniture or fix the wilting daisies. I know I won't be able to stop in, and I'll simply drive off...and I won't come back.

Naturally I'll get a birth announcement in the mail, a perfect baby boy with her eyes and smile. Those perfect deep brown eyes...and I'll even hang it on the fridge. I'll go to the Bris, because of course I have to be supportive and make her think I'm ok on my own and maybe just maybe I'll hold that little boy for a couple seconds...and sadly dream that it was our son, in our perfect house, in our perfect life. But just as fast as he's handed to me, he's taken away by someone else...I'll hang around for a little while, making small talk with the few people I know that are there, and then I'll sneak out quickly and she won't even know I was gone, hell by the time everyone's gone she won't even remember I'd even been there. She and Puck will crawl into bed with one another and hold each other, proud of their little boy and what their love created, and I'll be asleep in what was once our home, what was once our bed and I'll probably cry myself to sleep for the first time since she moved out.

After that, I'll get a birthday card here and there, but the few phone calls there might have been will be long since gone. I'll read the birth announcements in the paper instead of getting one in the mail and it'll be like we never even knew each other, never shared a bed or lives.

I won't see them again till eight years later, a Glee club reunion that Santana and Brittany of all people put together, Santana makes sure I go...she and Brittany have tried to hook me up with people over the years, but none of them ever compared to Rachel, not a single one. They're there of course, Rachel's expecting Puckerman baby number three, and Pucks arms are all around and just by looking at him I know that he is the happiest man on earth, and that together they're on cloud 9...and I guess I had something to do with that.

The funny thing is, Rachel does come up to me that night, and asks how my life is, she says I look tired, and that my eyes aren't the same as they use to be. I tell her that work and just regular stress has taken its toll, but I'm fine and she shouldn't worry. She would have ten years ago, but now with two kids, one on the way and a husband with the sex drive of a a something that has sex a lot, she doesn't have the time to worry...and I guess I understand that, because if that was my life...if that had been my life, I wouldn't either. But its not my life, and it never will be.

Nearly three years later Santana and Brittany finally convince me that living in the apartment we shared together isn't healthy...that by living there I'm just holding onto the ghost that was our marriage. Oddly enough with four kids and one more on the way, Santana's softened more then she'd care to admit to. So I do...I sell it, the new apartment is great...but its not home, then again no place without her really is.

I still teach, leaving the Kindergarten world behind and instead moving up to 7th grade English. Being around small children, its to painful...it was what I wanted with Rachel.

The next time we see each other Beth is 18 and graduating from high school. Shelby called and invited me, which I'm grateful for. I don't sit with them of course. Four kids, the two love birds paired up together, there's no room for Quinn (maybe I'm throwing myself a pity party here) but I'm there and give Beth the ring my grandmother gave me when I turned 16. I know my chances to ever have children are shot, so I know that she'll take it and treasure it, and she does. I go to dinner with the family, and make small talk here and there, mostly downing my wine and picking at the appetizers. I tell Beth i'm proud of her, and why I did what I did, I apologize why I stayed away while Puck and Rachel stayed close, she looks at them on the other end of the table and for the first time she understands.

"You really did love her, didn't you?" She asks me later that night

"So much so that I gave her up" I reply

The next time I get an invitation to a reunion or a glee club lunch I decline, and I put my apartment up for sale again. Santana and Britt are of course trying to find me something else, but I don't let them. I decide to go back to Connecticut; I don't have memories of Rachel there...I don't have people looking at me with sad eyes and knowing what I went through. I think at that point in my life, I just cut myself off. Santana is the only one with my address and she promises to not give it up, so long as I check in with her every so often. I agree, and I do.

And I guess this is where I live out the rest of my days, I keep in contact with Beth sporadically who fills me in very little on the Puckermans and how happy they are with their lives. I'm happy for them, no, I really am. All I wanted was for Rachel to be happy, to have the love she deserved. I'm not saying she wouldn't have gotten it with me, because I would have loved her even after my last breath, but Puck was her true love.

When I'm 40, I find a lump in my breast, I find it late (something I wouldn't have done if I'd been with Rachel, both sexually and not so sexually she'd always check my breasts and make sure I did as well) late enough where its metastasize to my lungs and liver. I choose not to do anything. As morbid as it sounds, why fight it when there's no one to fight for me. Probably my own fault, but its the truth.

The doctors give me six weeks without chemo, and Santana calls her.

"You're not dying, because we're suppose to grow old together" She practically yells at me.

I tell her that was the plan, and then she married Puckerman.

I ask her if she's happy, and she responds very simply.

"I'd be a hell of a lot happier if you weren't going to leave me on this earth by myself."

I almost think of it selfish of her to ask that, but then again I'm probably the selfish one in this whole mess.

She's gotten older, she's got a slight grey streak, her eyes are a little more tired, but she's still as beautiful to me she was the day I met her.

I die in her arms, isn't that anti-climatic? She holds me until my lungs fill up with water, and I suffocate (Now how morbid does that sound?) but my soul its resting, and she'll sit Shiva for me, I know she will, and maybe in the next life we'll get to be together.

But of course Diary...this is all what I can only imagine will happen, I guess a mind really is a terrible thing to waste.

- Q. Berry