Prompt: Sirius/Lily, Hogsmeade & snow

I'm well aware of certain things that can destroy a man like me

1987.

Took so much to get here Lils, I didn't dare to believe when you said that it'd happen to me. It was all I dreamed about, talked about - though I know you know that.

I often think about what I would've become, without people like you there to tell me I was more than them.

It pains me to admit that sometimes I often forget, the ones who were there first, on this wave I've had to ride and on the stones I've had to step.

1974.

"It's...noise; nothing more, nothing less."

"Yeah, well one day I'm going to make noise just like this, and I'm going to tour the world sharing my noise with thousands of noise-appreciationists ."

" Appresiationist isn't a word, just like this isn't music."

"It's more than music, Lil."

1987.

Another award last night, Lils, and you know I celebrated with too much whisky. Head's killing, even the smoke isn't taking the pain away. I think I've reached a point that without the drink, life doesn't feel fun. I really should sort my head out and clean myself up. I think even you would question what I've become. But, maybe it's just normal, for someone like me, let me tell you, Lil, there aren't any nine-to-five jobs in the Muggle music industry.

1976.

"Like anything could be better."

"What if you find love?"

"I've already found love . "

"You can't be in love with music, Sirius."

"I wasn't talking about music. "

"You can't be in love with a guitar, either."

"Don't ruin this for me, I'm telling you that Fender wants me."

"We should probably head back to the castle, it's snowing again."

"Hogsmeade looks alright in the snow."

"Aww Sirius, I had no idea you were so sensitive."

1987.

I used to think that nothing would be better than this, Lils. I feel like I've followed this life but didn't really know what was involved. They want me to be happy, all the time, and I'm just not. They tell me I'm 'living the dream' and say that it should be fun.

That probably disappoints you Lily, and I'm sorry, just please don't be ashamed of the man I've become.

They all know me, every fan that comes to see my shows, sometimes I don't know why or how, they even want me there. They come in packs, Lils, to both stadiums and bars, and I'm still just me, wearing the same jeans and playing that same guitar.

1977.

"Well, I do worry about you, but I'm also incredibly proud. You're determined to chase your dreams, that's admirable."

"Well, I'm a very admirable guy."

"Of course."

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Would I do that?"

"There will come a day, Evans, where you say I'm admirable, and mean it, when my friends and family are filled with envy-"

"When they should be filled with pride?"

"Woah Lils, way to put a downer on things!"

1987.

Sometimes I sit here, wondering if I went wrong. The world feels filled with so much hate, and I can't erase it all. I've grown up and I'm still wondering if I made you proud, there's a new generation now, I just hope their inspiration isn't hidden behind a cloud. Every time I say I'm going to change I manage to whisper 'just one more' each day, another one, to take the sting away.

1980.

"I'll see you soon."

"Please, make sure you do."

"Don't look at me like that, I know you'll be okay. Look after them"

"Look after yourself."

1987.

Welcome to the new show, Lils, did you know I've been away? I don't know where I'm heading this time, but I promise to make it right.

Oh, I'm happy on my own (but we both know that that's a lie). Sitting here, staring at these four, forever walls, pretending that I'm writing to you and talking about a life I should have led. You, and the two I made you promise you'd hold close, along with the life I'd give anything so that you could live and take my useless beating heart's place, has always been my only comfort.

So here I'll stay, with my thoughts of the past and a hopeless, abandoned dream, and you, if you'll continue to allow me this one, expanded notion, because you always were my pain eraser.