Have you ever wondered what would happen if Dani got a hold of the Naruto storyline? What would be different? What would change? Would Sasuke actually kill his elder brother? Would Naruto ever become the Hokage? Would Akatsuki win the day? Well, you're in luck! Today is your lucky day! You will experience the thrill of Naruto, Dani style!*
*Warning: Reading of this story may cause heartburn or nausea. Some people have even experienced Temporary Brain Cancer from reading this story. Side effects from reading this story may include temporary loss of vision, difficulty breathing or sudden loss of appetite. Consult your doctor before reading this story as it may have severe side effects. If you have no sense of humor or possibly might develop no sense of humor from reading this story, discontinue use immediately.
Well, this story begins just like in the original storyline when Naruto becomes a part of Hatake Kakashi's Genin team. Kakashi starts off with his ever infamous introduction.
"Good morning students! Why don't we introduce ourselves?"
"I'm confused. Why don't you introduce yourself first so we know how's it done?" Sasuke said quite stupidly. Yes, in this version of Naruto, Sasuke's incredibly stupid. Ninja genius my ass, everyone just pretends that he's a ninja genius to make him feel better after his clan was massacred by Itachi. Good God, he's stupid! I can't believe that the Hokage forces everyone to pretend that he's a ninja genius! / Kakashi screamed inside his head.
"Well, just say your name, your likes and dislikes, hobbies, ambitions, things like that. I'm Hatake Kakashi. I like and dislike many things. Almost everyone has hobbies except for complete utter retards. And my ambition is to get these introductions over with as soon as possible. Naruto, you can go first."
"Well, my name is Uzumaki Naruto and I love ramen, eat ramen and dream of ramen. I hate retards that pretend they're ninja geniuses. And I want to become the Hokage to show up supposed ninja geniuses, cough, Sasuke, cough!" That idiot! Sasuke's not suppose to know that he's an utter retard! Kakashi silently tries to kill Naruto. Sasuke, being an utter retard, has no idea that Naruto is speaking about him. Oh thank God Sasuke's an utter retard and that he hasn't caught on to Mission: Make Sasuke Believe He's A Ninja Genius Even Though He Is An Utter Retard So He Doesn't Go Psycho For Power To Kill Itachi For Revenge. I can't believe that the Hokage would have all the people in Konoha pretend he's a ninja genius just so that he can claim that the Uchiha clan is still strong on the village insurance forms. The only other Uchiha is that S-Class level criminal so he can no longer be covered by any of the village's insurance policies. Inconsiderate bastard totally ignored protocol. The 20 billion dollar life insurance policy on the Uchiha clan does not account for self-extermination of a clan by its members. Asshole had the audacity to kill everyone but the stupid one! Why didn't Itachi just kill all the members and save us the effort of pretending!
"Okay Sakura you can go." Sakura looks at Sasuke while grinning and grimacing, so she was grinnacing at him. Now you all are like, what the heck?! Well in this version of Naruto, Sakura and all the girls of the village are only in love with Sasuke because he sort of looks like Itachi. But since Sasuke is an utter retard he believes that they love him for being a ninja genius.
"I like an S-Class level ninja Itachhh... I mean I like Sasuke. Yes, that's it!" Sasuke looks at Sakura with a bewildered look while thinking. It almost sounded like she was going to say Itachi I think she might have some sort of speech impediment, she might have to go to speech therapy. Kakashi's thoughts while he is glaring at Sakura for almost blowing everyone's hard work of pretending that Sasuke's a ninja genius. Even in the original storyline she is in love with an Uchiha. What is with these women and their infernal love of Uchiha men? Don't they realize that all Uchiha have bad fashion sense! There are perfectly willing men to date them that actually possibly posses the ability of picking out decent attire! Kakashi continues his inner tirade on how women are completely barking when it comes to the dating world.
"Can I go next?!" Sasuke yells while running around like an utter retard.
"Sure I don't care." Kakashi replies, popping multiple aspirins into his mouth.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke and I am a ninja genius!" A surprised intake of breathe is heard all over Konoha. Yeah it's not like everyone in Konoha is forced to pretend that Sasuke's a ninja genius or anything.
"I don't really know what I like and I really hate a certain person and have sworn to kill him!" Sakura's thoughts: He can't possibly want my darling Itachi dead! Why my darling would even want to leave Konoha is beyond me. You didn't have to leave me my darling; I would have harbored you from the Konoha police! Itachi's voiced thoughts as he is reading this story over Dani's shoulder: "My Darling?! My Darling?! What the fuck?! Dani, you ass! I'm your favorite character! You can't have that pink-haired nitwit be infatuated with me! I left Konoha because it's filled with utter imbeciles like my brother and that insipid Haruno girl!"
"Actually Itachi that's politically incorrect. You're not supposed to use the word imbecile; they changed it to retard."
"What?! Since when?! Ah shit!" Itachi grabs a book labeled 1,000 Words Used to Describe People Like Sasuke. "Ok, let's see... Imbecile: a word referring to a mentally inferior individual but is considered politically incorrect when used by Mangekyou Sharingan users when referring to said Mangekyou Sharingan users' dumber younger brother. What the.. Who wrote this?" Itachi looked at the inside cover of the impromptu dictionary only to find out that it was written by Danika Lenard. "Figured as much, I think you should write a revised version of Naruto where I rule the world. That'd be a best seller."
"Just shut up. Here have a kumquat!" Dani screams while bodily throwing a lumpy greenish-purple umbrella looking vegetable at Itachi's face but due to his incredibly fast reflexes, he is able to avoid it.
"Why would I want a kumquat? I don't even know what a kumquat is!"
"Come on. They don't taste that bad. Just try one."
"Over my dead body!"
"Well fine I didn't want to do this but you've forced me!" Dani begins typing more of the story: Itachi, due to a lack of the mineral Xephanon-5 which can only be found in kumquats begins to lose his Mangekyou Sharingan.
"Fine! I'll eat your damn kumquat!" Itachi bites into the nasty purple mass.
"Yeah you're right. This doesn't taste too bad... It tastes like ass!!"
Well anyway on with the story as we skip a couple dozen manga chapters and many humiliating defeats for Sasuke at the hands of enemy ninjas and proceed to the Chuunin Exam. Team Seven approaches the door to the exam room.
"Well here we are." Sasuke says quite stupidly. Sakura's thoughts: Doesn't he realize that this is the wrong door? Just then Neji's team shows up. Tenten's thoughts: Why couldn't Sasuke be Itachi? Lee's thoughts: If I cannot beat that supposed ninja genius I must run around in circles 10,000 times. Why do all the girls in Konoha love Sasuke just because he looks like Itachi? They don't look at all alike! And Itachi looks fat in that Akatsuki uniform! I wonder if Neji will battle me?... Lee's inner monologue goes on for about 50 more pages and will not be discussed. Neji's thoughts: Dear God he's stupid! Why didn't Itachi actually kill him instead of forcing us to suffer? I should go complain to that idiotic author. Why Itachi hasn't kill her is beyond me!" Dani is staring at the computer screen hoping that Itachi wouldn't realize that he could actually kill her and end this horrible story. Itachi meanwhile is in the author's room wondering why she has so many pictures of him.
"By Job! I do believe she's stalking me!" Itachi after this brilliant insight uses Katon Gyoukyu no Jutsu and totally incinerates Dani's room. Dani meanwhile is thinking of ways to punish Neji for daring to complain about her story, the insolent fool! Back to Rock Lee. Yes Lee still has a crush on Sakura in this story, so he proceeds to stalk team seven and challenges Sasuke to a fight. How dare that inferior brain-dead monkey look so much like Itachi. I look more like Itachi than he does. Ninja genius my ass! I will use the overflowing power of youth to defeat that utter retard! Lee proceeds to beat Sasuke up. Naruto who just like in the original storyline pretends to be unconscious until he realizes that Lee is totally ignoring the script. That moron! He's supposed to pretend that Sasuke's a ninja genius. Thinking quickly, Naruto uses Inviso Buushin no Jutsu which produces 12 invisible buushin to beat up Lee, so it looks like Sasuke's actually winning. Itachi falls over in hysterics while eating a ham sandwich.
"Inviso Buushin no Jutsu?! You made that up! There's no such thing as Inviso Buushin no Jutsu! This story just gets dumber and dumber!" Itachi realizing his mistake starts backing away from the deranged author while hiding behind the ham sandwich. How many hits can the ham sandwich take is up to you! Roll d4 dice to find out! Too bad. The ham sandwich has only two hit points left. Will Itachi and his precious ham sandwich survive? Just when Dani is about to deal the final blow to the ham sandwich with a ladle; there's a knock at the door.