A/N: this is from Harleen Quinzell's point of view. If it seems a bit OOC, it is an offshoot of her character in Wanna Hear a Joke? where she is portrayed as a character with a serious remorseful side, troubled that she still could be in love with a sociopathic killer.
I'm so tired of being here
I just want to sleep, but I can't. The regrets and the "not knowing" is just too much.
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I suppose that is childish. To be afraid of everything. Of things I'm supposed to already know. Gosh, everyone but me was afraid of him. And I don't get why.
And if you have to leave
But that's the point isn't it? I'm the one that left first. Didn't look like it broke his heart. Not one teeny piece.
I wish that you would just leave
But he's probably too far gone to care. If he isn't capable of loving, I'll understand.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
Somehow, I wonder if loving him made me any better or any worse of a person.
It sure enough drove me crazy.
And it won't leave me alone
For some reason, I felt I had to come here. Nobody got it, so I do what I do best.
I ran.
These wounds won't seem to heal
Something tells me that there still is a part of him that aches. There's got to be a reason everyone else was terrifed of those scars of his. And I wasn't.
This pain is just too real
I can't say that I forgive him for being abusive, I mean, that goes just a little too far. Somewhere, I understand why, I just can't put it into words.
It's just too painful.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Too much happened between "us" for me, anyway. I doubt he remembers. For someone who creates their own memories who would remember love? There's a chance, but its small.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Maybe there's just something in my crazed mind that doesn't remember the bad things about us.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
He used to remember things, little things. Tiny things, like favorite food, that catagory... And one day it just stopped. It's like a cord snapped, and he was just obsessed with the damn Bat. Nothing against him, the guy is a bit of a freak, but hey, I don't have any say in the matter, right? I don't know what I think of him now. I used to hate him. We made a damn good team, too, Jacks and I. As long as he didn't recreate himself in the middle of a fight.
And I held your hand through all of these years
I don't know why I stuck around for so long. Maybe I hoped he'd change. I know why I left though. I knew something was wrong. I had to prove myself wrong that there was nothing else in the world out there. I've proved differently. Problem is, I thought my feelings would go away with that, but no. I still love him. Don't know why, don't even know if I should.
But you still have
And I don't know if I should risk getting hurt again. Who knows what damage I could do to myself by finding out?
All of me
The worst thing is I think I know the answer.
You used to captivate me
I used to like the therapy sessions, I didn't realize until later that he liked them better than I did. But for different reasons.
By your resonating light
Don't ask me why I liked to smash things. Maybe it was a way of venting my frustration. I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
I have to question my own motives for seeing him. Would making him regret make him snap? I doubt he even remembers what regret feels like. I don't want to just carry it all alone. And nobody understands like Jacks does.
Your face it haunts
Who wouldn't be haunted by that face? Especially someone who's in love with him.
My once pleasant dreams
There. I hope you're happy. I admitted it, me. I am in love with the Joker. A demented crazed psycho that kills. And I'm desperatly in love.
Your voice it chased away
I don't know if it was his laugh I first fell in love with. Or the jokes.
All the sanity in me
I was on the brink before, I guess it's like he says, "all it takes is a little push". He's right more than he thinks he is.
These wounds won't seem to heal
And I have scars, payment for trusting him. I knew the risks, sort of.
This pain is just too real
I don't know why when everytime I see the face of someone we'd rescued. I'd picture him. And it would all come back in a jumble.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Too much passed between us for me to just walk away, before he's locked himself away forever.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
I know he's crazy. He doesn't even remember who he is anymore. He's recreated himself so many times, he probably won't ever remember the real Jacks.
But though you're still with me
True, he'll be right across the glass. I don't think they'll leave us alone together. It's probably better that way, but I don't like it.
I've been alone all along
I need to know the truth, even though I probably know the answer. And I hate it. He probably isn't capable of loving. And as much as I wish it were different, it probably won't change.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand for all of these years
But you still have
All of me.