100 Prompts: Timing

EreMika

A/N: I love petty Eren. That is all. Set after chapter 50!

The image of her looking up at him with a plethora of emotions painted on her face burned in his mind, long after they escaped the whole fiasco. Every time he closed his eyes, he would see her own, bright as ever despite accepting that maybe that was it for them. She seemed genuinely fulfilled and content- elated, even- that she was spending her last moments with him.

And it didn't exactly hit him until later on that that was her goodbye, that her whole speech thanking him had essentially confirmed her intent to die by his side, through thick and thin indeed.

If that wasn't bad enough, her voice played along with the distracting imagery. He heard her voice, over and over again, "Thank you, Eren, thank you…"

Not that he hated it. And if he was going to be honest with himself, he wasn't actually as annoyed as he seemed. The thought of her was the only thing keeping him sane lately, since it seemed like their days were numbered and their friendships were on thin ice. It was hard enough to trust anyone at this point, let alone let anyone this close to him. The world was looking darker and darker every day, but she seemed to be a small flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, seeing as he didn't even know what the end looks like anymore.

It made sense: the way she always acted the way she did, now that he knows her true feelings for him. She didn't quite outright say, "I love you," but it seemed to resonate in him, and he just understood what she meant. It surely did not excuse her erratic behavior in the past, or the irresponsible decisions she has made (really, she insisted, they were for his sake), but it definitely shed a new light on her motives.

Eren took a deep breath, overwhelmed by all these thoughts. It was only nine in the morning for fuck's sake, and he was already thrown into a spiraling depression from the confusion and internal conflict, especially from the one question that just seemed to linger:

How did he even feel about her in the first place?

Well, he hated her. He hated the way she always trailed behind him like a shadow. He hated the way she always followed him no matter where he went, thinking she needed to protect him from everything. He hated how she talked to him like he was her child sometimes, telling him to be careful and to stay behind her, like she had no regard for how much of a blow this was to his manhood. He hated how she would always put herself in danger just for him. He hated how her love and affection only reminded him of his caring, loving mother.

He hated how he treated her, more than anything. He hated how he was only capable of snapping at her from force of habit, and how she would try not to be sad about it, but he knew. He hated how every time he shoved her and she fell back a few steps, she would look like at him like a little girl who just got shoved by a big bully, even if he knew for a fact that she could snap him in half easily. He hated how she would just do anything he said, and he discovered this one day when he told her to cut off all her hair, just to see if she would. He found her later, scissors to her hair, eyes shut, grimacing with so much hesitation, and only stopped when he took the scissors from her.

He hated how he loved her. He loved how he could always count on her presence to be by his side. He loved the way she would sit by him during meal times and kept him company (and protection, and comfort, and hope, but he wouldn't tell her that) during missions. He loved how he could always count on her. He loved how she was the only one who seemed to understand him, especially when everyone else was against him. He loved her.

It wasn't so much a hard pill to swallow, because really, it had been in his mouth for a while now anyway. It was just so strange to finally accept it. It felt like a huge weight he had been trying to lift from his shoulders was lifted on its own.

The only problem was that he knew the situation they were currently in. There was still so much to do, and they couldn't afford to be so emotionally invested in someone. The war was not even close to being over. Timing was a bitch, he thought, otherwise things would be different.

But following this realization came a wave of protectiveness and possessiveness for the girl, much to his surprise. They sat in the cabin with the rest of the new squad Levi, and a nice calm atmosphere surrounded them.

He watched her, a smile tugging at his lips as she sat across from him at a table. She was just talking to Armin, who sat to the left of Eren, but their conversation just sounded like white noise to him. He was too distracted by how pretty she looked (which he didn't care to admit, even to himself, since it was so uncharacteristic of him after all).

Then he watched as her eyes drifted from Armin, slightly to right, in between them. He followed her gaze to see Jean on the other side of the room, who was looking at her longingly, thus distorting Eren's face into a sour frown. He know that look all too well. When he caught her gaze and made eye contact, he smiled and waved at her. Mikasa smiled back, and that's where Eren drew the line.

Jean seemed to notice the new deathly aura and shifted his gaze to Eren, who was now hoping that death glares would do some actual physical damage. Jean rolled his eyes, getting the message, and Eren looked satisfied with himself.

Without thinking, he scooted over to his left to block her view of him. She looked surprised as he caught her eyes with his own, her view of Jean replaced with Eren. He smiled gently at her.

"Hey," he greeted unceremoniously.

She immediately blushed, cleared her throat, and attempted to scold him, "Eren," because she knew exactly what he was doing.

"What?" he asked innocently, instead causing her to let out a dainty giggle she tried to suppress.

She seemed to understand what was going on in his mind (for once, she sighed in relief, he was as open as a book). It became clear that the reason she did not accept her goodbye a few days ago was because he would be damned if that was it for them. Instead, he had practically made a promise to be by her side for the rest of their life.

But timing's a bitch, and the look in his eyes when he smiled at her told her everything she needed to know.

It was funny though, she thought, as she turned to continue her conversation with Armin: that this is how he acts when it comes to these things. From her peripherals, she could see Jean sulking behind a satisfied Eren. Maybe the time isn't right just yet, but he loved her, and she knew, and that was enough.