"Never"
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Fandom: -man
Rating: T
Pairing: Kanda x Allen
Summary:
"This had never happened before, he's never felt it before – it was a foreign feeling that was slowly wrapping itself around his heart."
YULLEN WEEK ENTRY. Theme: "Foreign"
Author's Notes: Hello everyone! This is 27 speaking, welcome to the first of seven fanfics I will be submitting for Yullen week. My theme for today is foreign, so please sit back and enjoy the angsty PMSing-ness of our favorite little samurai~
And I apologize for its shortness. And confusing-ness. A fic a day isn't the easiest task in the world, especially when I have schoolwork to do…
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When you're confronted with something you've never experienced before, how do you react? How are you supposed to react when the sensation is so unexpected, so unsure, so indescribable that it can't be conveyed with words alone? Yu Kanda most certainly didn't know what he was supposed to do with it, whether he should be frightened or enthralled or curious or just plain angry. Angry seemed to be the most plausible option, since that was already his default emotion towards pretty much everything that moved, spoke, or otherwise intruded on his life in any way. But for the first time in his life Kanda wasn't sure rage was the correct emotion to target at this…other emotion. He just didn't know what to do.
Kanda was faced with a situation in which he was up against a strange feeling trying to invade his mind, a strange feeling that seemed to direct itself towards a certain person, that person and that person only. The strange boy that Kanda had nearly sliced in two due to a slight 'misunderstanding' on the Gatekeeper's part, the boy that had then attempted to introduce himself to Kanda after that incident only to spark that aforementioned emotion that had provoked a even more poisoned response from the dark-haired samurai than usual. Maybe his crueler attitude towards the boy was due to his own confusion as to the feeling that welled inside him whenever he spotted that annoying head of that snowy white hair and silver-gray eyes and the glaring scar slashing down to mar the left-side of that child-like face. His emotions, his thoughts, everything in his head were thrown into turmoil at the mere thought of Allen Walker.
Kanda knew from the beginning that this feeling wasn't hatred - seeing as he hated most things to begin with, he had learned to identify that emotion pretty well. Possibly disgust – the Gatekeeper had said that the boy was cursed, and now that he thought about it that was the first excuse he had used to flee the room Allen Walker was in – "I won't shake hands with someone that's cursed." That was what he had said, but looking back on that incident, Kanda felt that disgust probably wasn't true either – it didn't fit. In fact, he seemed to be remembering the boy's hurt face more vividly than the words that had caused the hurt – his heart gave an irritating twitch at the notion that he had hurt Allen Walker's feelings, and he immediately beat the emotion back down before it could show on his cold, stoic face.
With hate and disgust out of the question, what was left?
He made a mental rundown of all the other possible solutions to his rather confusing problem – contempt, irritation, annoyance, anger, malice…typical Kanda emotions. But the man soon came to find that, in fact, he had never felt this way about anyone or anything before. This feeling was something alien to him, something that had never managed to cross his path – this had never happened before, he had never felt it before, but this foreign feeling slowly wrapping itself around his heart, warm tendrils of it squirming through his every nook and cranny until it seemed to fill him up completely, until it was as if his entire body was burning with this awkward sense of….affection? Was it affection? Yes, that could be what best described this warm, fuzzy feeling he felt towards Allen Walker…
He, Yu Kanda, held affections for Allen Walker.
The realization was like a sledgehammer to the face and his mind reeled with the mere beginnings of that thought. He barely knew what 'affection' was, let alone had ever felt it before – such happy, joy-filled things were not a common sight in Kanda's mind. But nevertheless, it was here now and was here to stay and he had to do something about it somehow. But how? How was one supposed to deal with something like this?
A sly, devious thought began to tenaciously form, and although Kanda managed to beat it down quickly, he couldn't stop the light flush that had creeped up into his face. He would now pretend that he had never even begun to contemplate that last thought. It never happened. It could never happen. Allen Walker would most certainly not hold any warm thoughts for him, especially now, the cold, sharp-tongued samurai that always peppered the white-haired boy with hateful words and never-ending insults that left the scrawny exorcist red with anger and…
Kanda's breath hitched and memories began to form in his head. Memories of the feelings in Allen Walker's eyes when the boy had flared up at the samurai, memories of the tones in the white-haired boy's voice as he retorted to Kanda's insults, then the memory of the last time he had seen that childish face. It seemed so long ago, yet so vivid was the memory of it in his mind that the samurai wasn't sure how he had managed to be so oblivious. Those sad, silvery eyes and the warm, sad smile that had said, "Don't worry," as the blood had continued to flow and stain the ground with its crimson sheen while the shrill screech of an Akuma rang in his ears.
He let out a shuddering breath he didn't know he had been holding and pressed his palm to his forehead, his dark hair whipping in all directions, pushed by the wild wind and the blanket of white steadily descending around him, finally placing a name to the foreign emotion that was slowly eating away at his frozen heart.
It was then, while standing beside the unmarked grave of the white-haired boy in the falling snow, that Kanda realized he loved Allen Walker.
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Whoo, short-depressing-confusing-has-nothing-to-do-with-the-theme fic plz! 8,D
Once again, I began this fic with a COMPLETELY different ending in mind…one that was considerably less tragic.
But alas, things didn't quite work out that way. Hahaha.
Anywhai.
This is the first of my seven fanfics for Yullen week.
Six more to go.
Hopefully most of them won't be too depressing 8D;...
Well.
Till next tiem,
-27