The Fifth Race
By TopQuark
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners... none of which are me.
Summary: The Zeppo gets a makeover and a vacation all in one. Too bad the Hellmouth booked the reservations.
Warning : Crossovers ahead.
Rating : PG13. For mature themes, sexual content, and all the other fun stuff that rarely makes network TV.
Most of the ideas came from Tenhawk, when I started whining that I couldn't finish my other fanfiction.
Feedback, It's the coin of the realm.
*****
Previously on Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Out of a bunch of garbage and boxes Xander finally stood up. Buffy and the rest of the gang continued to tell him how he shouldn't jump into the fighting so much.
*****
"You're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. Cool, look it up... it's something that is subliterate." As Cordiela walked away with a big smile and the satisfaction of totally crushing her ex-boyfriend, "There is part of that, that wasn't fun."
*****
"They intend to open the Hellmouth."
*****
"Then you're going to die, too."
Xander put on his bravest face, raises his eyebrows, "Yeah, looks like." The stress of the situation was getting to him and he was starting to sweat, but he couldn't let O'Toole pass, his friends where counting on him. "So I guess the question really is. who has less fear?"
***** "I like the quiet life"
*****
And Now...
The next day Xander walked past Cordelia, feeling alive and feeling like he truly had purpose, "And right now that purpose is to dismantle that damn bomb." Despite the hassle he had to go through now, he was in a very good mood. Yep, leaving Cordelia yelling "What, What" was good for the old ego.
As he walked through the hallway and passed the library he noticed something shiny on the ground. He grinned to himself, mumbling as he bent down. "Hmm, wonder what this is? Can't go wrong with anything shiny. Shiny is good." He picked it up and noticed that it was the size of a silver dollar and its color fluctuated now that it was in his hands. Hmm maybe this is a G-man kinda find?
"Hey loser, don't you walk away from me," yelled Cordelia as he continued to walk through towards the doorway to the boiler room.
Hoping she would just get tired of following him, Xander continued on his way. After a walking a few feet further he finally gave up on the thought that she would just give up, Yeah like that will ever happen. He suddenly stopped and turned around, "What do you want?" He really wanted things with them to be better, but the way things where it would never happen. Saying your sorry isn't enough, I guess being publicly tortured makes her feel better.
Xander sighed. The worst thing was, he knew he deserved it.
"What's with the smile you gave me? And who said you could smile at me?" The anger on her face was clearly evident.
"Well Cordy, it's just that I found out something last night." He smiled at her again in the way he knew would annoy her, with his left eyebrow raised.
"The Zeppo, actually learned something. Well the end is definitely near if loser boy actually found out something," She even went as far as to make air quotes with her fingers.
Xander just started at her and wondered what her deal was today, More Xander torture, I guess...
"Well, wuss boy, what did you learn?" she had her hands on her hips and waited for his answer so she could cut him down to little pieces. She really took pleasure in hurting him, even though part of her hurt with every jab. A part that Cordelia savagely beat down every time it dared speak up. He hurt me, he deserve pain and as much as is possible..
"Well thanks to you, I remembered a promise I made a long time ago. No matter what, no matter how weak or badly beaten I am, I will never abandon my friends. Yeah, I am the Zeppo... but you know what?" Xander paused and gave her an odd little smile. "I'm comfortable with that."
With that pronouncement he walked around the corner and left the stunned Cordelia behind.
"He's up to something," Everything about him screamed that he was up to something and she decided to follow him.
Besides... when did he get a spine? Cordy wondered as she turned around the corner and saw him enter the door to the boiler room.
*****
In the boiler room, Xander was finding out that dismantling a bomb was slightly tougher then Mel Gibson made it look. Hmm. Note to self... get a better role model for Bomb detail.
Xander finally gave up on dismantling the time piece and just separated it from the rest of the apparatus. Man... at least it can't get more complicated than this. At that thought he heard the door open and someone coming down the stairs.
"Bright one, dimwit." He muttered to himself. "Never EVER even THINK something like that on the Hellmouth."
He looked to the door fearfully, Oh man, oh man... they'll think *I* did this. As his stress level rose and panic started settle in he searched for anywhere he could hide, but found nothing and resigned himself to being caught.
When Cordelia made her way into the room, and he sighed heavily. Oh god, I really don't need this right now. He watched as she surveyed the room and as she laid eyes on him, he could see the wheels turning in her head. But before she could say anything, " What you doing here Cordy? are you following me?" He smiled there was only one way to slightly unravel Cordelia and not having her little pack here made it easier, "You want some more of the Xand-man, huh?"
Inwardly he scouted the room fast with his eyes, looking for escape routes. Great how am I going to get out here without being interrogated.
She gasped in disgust, "As if. Do you really thing I would lower myself to your loser status. I don't ever make the same mistake twice, loserboy."
He noticed the hurt in her eyes and sighed, relenting on his plan to distract her. "Look Cordy, I am sorry I really am. I many times do I have to tell her before you believe me."
"Shut up, alright. And don't call me Cordy! You lost that right when you kissed the witch." She glared at him, smiling slightly as she watched him squirm. She loved watching his ego deflate, the more pain you feel the closer you will get to knowing the pain you caused me.
He didn't like the sickly glare he was receiving from her and the predatory smile didn't help, he placed his hands in his pocket and shuffled nervously. She had yet to corner him and truly tell him how she felt, he had nightmares of this happening and now that it was happening it was ten times worse. He saw the pain in her eyes and he also noticed how she took a small amount of pleasure in his guilt.
Trying to find something to get her to leave him alone, he pointed out the bomb. Of course the split second after he had done it, his brain kicked in and gave him a smack in the teeth for being a total idiot. Ok so that wasn't a smart idea, but it's all I had.
"You want to blow up the school!? are you nuts!?" She shrieked, slowly backing away from him as he made his way towards her.
"Relax Cordelia, I am not trying to do anything. Just relax and hear me out." He really tried to calm her but it wasn't helping at all.
"Yeah right, you loco loser boy." She muttered, still edging for distance. "I mean I totally understand. Like how could you live without me? But Xander destroying the school isn't the answer."
As she continued to back away she noticed that there was a something sticking out of the cracked floor in the corner, maybe I can distract him. "What's that?!" she yelled and sighed in relief as he turned towards the corner.
Xander was about to go towards the item on the floor, when he realized what Cordelia was doing. He quickly turned to see her attempt to make it to the steps. He ran towards her and grabbed her arm a little too tightly but he knew he had no choice. He dragged her towards the bomb and then finally tried to calm himself. "Look, do you really think I would destroy the high school," he gave her a piercing glare and waited for the respond. "WELL!"
She could hear the nervousness in his voice, but his impatience was also evident. He won't get the satisfaction of making me look bad, "Well, duhhh!"
Her off handed response and how she stood there making him feel small and stupid was really pissing him off. "Look Cordy, give me a break already! You know I wouldn't do anything like that. It was O'Toole and his cronies."
He turned his head and started into space as he remembered the night before. His friends pushing him aside, the zombies trying to kill him, and finally stopping O'Toole, but what stayed with him was the unimaginable fear he had that if he failed all his friends would die. He hadn't slept the night before, yes he had felt good that he actually did something good but the nagging feeling that he could have failed and almost did kept eating at his soul.
Cordelia watched as he totally deflated in front of him, before he was just nervous but he had this confidence that said, Yeah I kicked butt. You want to make something of it?"
Now he seems lost, and oddly... I don't like it. But she knew she couldn't show weakness in front of him, "Yeah so why are you here, its not like you could have done anything to stop him. Like I said before he would kick your wuss ass."
She smiled cruelly at him and watched as his face changed from sadness to anger. Something clicked in the cheerleader's head and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh My God. You stopped O'Toole... You really did it, didn't you? And you weren't going to tell your little band of nobodies." She shook her head in disgust, before snapping at him again. "Typical, I mean why tell them, right? It's not like they would care if you would have died." Or if I would have... what if I would have lost you. She felt a shiver at that thought.
"You don't understand Cordy." Xander muses upon the thought and then shook his head and spoke firmly, "They can't know!"
She just gave him a look like, "Huh!"
He went on to explain what went on the night before, how he was ignored and how no matter how hard he tried they just told him to go home. "You know, if I could have I would have gone home, but when a zombie gang wants to keep you around its pretty hard to say no to them. I mean I ran into everyone and they all pushed me away. I mean come on they could have at least heard me out."
"Well, like I said you're the Zeppo. You just cramp their style." She knew that would hurt, she wanted it to hurt him, but for the first time since he kissed Willow, she didn't take pleasure in the look on his face. She was actually about to apologize when she thought about how he cheated on her and how he kissed that damn red-headed witch, Good. Feel pain, I hope it last forever! she mentally screamed.
"Yeah, sure I am, then tell me why I was the one to save them all last night. It's not like it was the only time either," he mumbled the last part hoping that she missed his slip.
"As if that was possible, look loser boy even if you did save them. Do you think they owe you something; do they have to bow down to you? I think not."
Xander stepped back stared at the bomb for a few minutes before turning towards her and glaring, "Don't you think I know that. I don't want them worshipping me like that, but is it too much to ask for a little respect. I don't ask for much, you know that I never did. I just want friends that respect me, but I guess I'll take what I can get. And I know you'll never forgive me for what I did to you. I am sorry, I truly am. I guess its only logical that I would mess up one of the best things that I truly had." He gave her a sad smile and restarted dismantling the bomb. Finally after finishing, he was surprised that Cordelia was still around and just staring at him.
He looked around the room to make sure that everything was in order, "You know Cordy, and I've never been around you this long without hearing an insult. I think that scares me more than you berating me." He turned towards her and gave her his lopsided smile.
The future seer didn't hear anything he said to her, she was staring into space and thinking of everything had had happen to her the past three years. Everything had started with Buffy coming to Sunnydale, If only she never came here, then I would never have fallen. Is that it? Did I fall for him? She looked at Xander as he dismantled the bomb and looked around the room. She smiled as she watched him actually pay attention to detail, something he rarely did in school. When did my life get so complicated? But I can't forgive him for what he did. I gave him my heart and he smashed it. Not now and maybe never? A small tear left her eyes.
She watched as he walked over to the strange artifact that she mentioned before, its weird that the ground is cracked around it. She felt a shiver crawl up her spine as he bent down to touch, everything in her being told her to stop him but she couldn't move. It was as if she was stuck in place and time was moving in slow motion as he finally touched it and a bright light surrounded Xander.
She watched as he arced his back and his mouth opened as if to scream but no sound came out. She was still stuck in place, unable to move. Time moving slowly as he slowly arced his back further and in a way that seemed unnatural; she wanted to run to him to help him, and then time snapped back into place, "XANDER!" she screamed over and over. She then heard it a sound that would haunt her for years to come, his scream; tt seemed so unnatural, so unXander like. She tried to reach him she really did, but by the time that she made it to his location only dust was present. Tears left her eyes as she searched for the artifact and the crack on the floor but both where gone just like Xander was.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners... none of which are me.
Summary: The Zeppo gets a makeover and a vacation all in one. Too bad the Hellmouth booked the reservations.
Warning : Crossovers ahead.
Rating : PG13. For mature themes, sexual content, and all the other fun stuff that rarely makes network TV.
Most of the ideas came from Tenhawk, when I started whining that I couldn't finish my other fanfiction.
Feedback, It's the coin of the realm.
*****
Previously on Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Out of a bunch of garbage and boxes Xander finally stood up. Buffy and the rest of the gang continued to tell him how he shouldn't jump into the fighting so much.
*****
"You're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. Cool, look it up... it's something that is subliterate." As Cordiela walked away with a big smile and the satisfaction of totally crushing her ex-boyfriend, "There is part of that, that wasn't fun."
*****
"They intend to open the Hellmouth."
*****
"Then you're going to die, too."
Xander put on his bravest face, raises his eyebrows, "Yeah, looks like." The stress of the situation was getting to him and he was starting to sweat, but he couldn't let O'Toole pass, his friends where counting on him. "So I guess the question really is. who has less fear?"
***** "I like the quiet life"
*****
And Now...
The next day Xander walked past Cordelia, feeling alive and feeling like he truly had purpose, "And right now that purpose is to dismantle that damn bomb." Despite the hassle he had to go through now, he was in a very good mood. Yep, leaving Cordelia yelling "What, What" was good for the old ego.
As he walked through the hallway and passed the library he noticed something shiny on the ground. He grinned to himself, mumbling as he bent down. "Hmm, wonder what this is? Can't go wrong with anything shiny. Shiny is good." He picked it up and noticed that it was the size of a silver dollar and its color fluctuated now that it was in his hands. Hmm maybe this is a G-man kinda find?
"Hey loser, don't you walk away from me," yelled Cordelia as he continued to walk through towards the doorway to the boiler room.
Hoping she would just get tired of following him, Xander continued on his way. After a walking a few feet further he finally gave up on the thought that she would just give up, Yeah like that will ever happen. He suddenly stopped and turned around, "What do you want?" He really wanted things with them to be better, but the way things where it would never happen. Saying your sorry isn't enough, I guess being publicly tortured makes her feel better.
Xander sighed. The worst thing was, he knew he deserved it.
"What's with the smile you gave me? And who said you could smile at me?" The anger on her face was clearly evident.
"Well Cordy, it's just that I found out something last night." He smiled at her again in the way he knew would annoy her, with his left eyebrow raised.
"The Zeppo, actually learned something. Well the end is definitely near if loser boy actually found out something," She even went as far as to make air quotes with her fingers.
Xander just started at her and wondered what her deal was today, More Xander torture, I guess...
"Well, wuss boy, what did you learn?" she had her hands on her hips and waited for his answer so she could cut him down to little pieces. She really took pleasure in hurting him, even though part of her hurt with every jab. A part that Cordelia savagely beat down every time it dared speak up. He hurt me, he deserve pain and as much as is possible..
"Well thanks to you, I remembered a promise I made a long time ago. No matter what, no matter how weak or badly beaten I am, I will never abandon my friends. Yeah, I am the Zeppo... but you know what?" Xander paused and gave her an odd little smile. "I'm comfortable with that."
With that pronouncement he walked around the corner and left the stunned Cordelia behind.
"He's up to something," Everything about him screamed that he was up to something and she decided to follow him.
Besides... when did he get a spine? Cordy wondered as she turned around the corner and saw him enter the door to the boiler room.
*****
In the boiler room, Xander was finding out that dismantling a bomb was slightly tougher then Mel Gibson made it look. Hmm. Note to self... get a better role model for Bomb detail.
Xander finally gave up on dismantling the time piece and just separated it from the rest of the apparatus. Man... at least it can't get more complicated than this. At that thought he heard the door open and someone coming down the stairs.
"Bright one, dimwit." He muttered to himself. "Never EVER even THINK something like that on the Hellmouth."
He looked to the door fearfully, Oh man, oh man... they'll think *I* did this. As his stress level rose and panic started settle in he searched for anywhere he could hide, but found nothing and resigned himself to being caught.
When Cordelia made her way into the room, and he sighed heavily. Oh god, I really don't need this right now. He watched as she surveyed the room and as she laid eyes on him, he could see the wheels turning in her head. But before she could say anything, " What you doing here Cordy? are you following me?" He smiled there was only one way to slightly unravel Cordelia and not having her little pack here made it easier, "You want some more of the Xand-man, huh?"
Inwardly he scouted the room fast with his eyes, looking for escape routes. Great how am I going to get out here without being interrogated.
She gasped in disgust, "As if. Do you really thing I would lower myself to your loser status. I don't ever make the same mistake twice, loserboy."
He noticed the hurt in her eyes and sighed, relenting on his plan to distract her. "Look Cordy, I am sorry I really am. I many times do I have to tell her before you believe me."
"Shut up, alright. And don't call me Cordy! You lost that right when you kissed the witch." She glared at him, smiling slightly as she watched him squirm. She loved watching his ego deflate, the more pain you feel the closer you will get to knowing the pain you caused me.
He didn't like the sickly glare he was receiving from her and the predatory smile didn't help, he placed his hands in his pocket and shuffled nervously. She had yet to corner him and truly tell him how she felt, he had nightmares of this happening and now that it was happening it was ten times worse. He saw the pain in her eyes and he also noticed how she took a small amount of pleasure in his guilt.
Trying to find something to get her to leave him alone, he pointed out the bomb. Of course the split second after he had done it, his brain kicked in and gave him a smack in the teeth for being a total idiot. Ok so that wasn't a smart idea, but it's all I had.
"You want to blow up the school!? are you nuts!?" She shrieked, slowly backing away from him as he made his way towards her.
"Relax Cordelia, I am not trying to do anything. Just relax and hear me out." He really tried to calm her but it wasn't helping at all.
"Yeah right, you loco loser boy." She muttered, still edging for distance. "I mean I totally understand. Like how could you live without me? But Xander destroying the school isn't the answer."
As she continued to back away she noticed that there was a something sticking out of the cracked floor in the corner, maybe I can distract him. "What's that?!" she yelled and sighed in relief as he turned towards the corner.
Xander was about to go towards the item on the floor, when he realized what Cordelia was doing. He quickly turned to see her attempt to make it to the steps. He ran towards her and grabbed her arm a little too tightly but he knew he had no choice. He dragged her towards the bomb and then finally tried to calm himself. "Look, do you really think I would destroy the high school," he gave her a piercing glare and waited for the respond. "WELL!"
She could hear the nervousness in his voice, but his impatience was also evident. He won't get the satisfaction of making me look bad, "Well, duhhh!"
Her off handed response and how she stood there making him feel small and stupid was really pissing him off. "Look Cordy, give me a break already! You know I wouldn't do anything like that. It was O'Toole and his cronies."
He turned his head and started into space as he remembered the night before. His friends pushing him aside, the zombies trying to kill him, and finally stopping O'Toole, but what stayed with him was the unimaginable fear he had that if he failed all his friends would die. He hadn't slept the night before, yes he had felt good that he actually did something good but the nagging feeling that he could have failed and almost did kept eating at his soul.
Cordelia watched as he totally deflated in front of him, before he was just nervous but he had this confidence that said, Yeah I kicked butt. You want to make something of it?"
Now he seems lost, and oddly... I don't like it. But she knew she couldn't show weakness in front of him, "Yeah so why are you here, its not like you could have done anything to stop him. Like I said before he would kick your wuss ass."
She smiled cruelly at him and watched as his face changed from sadness to anger. Something clicked in the cheerleader's head and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh My God. You stopped O'Toole... You really did it, didn't you? And you weren't going to tell your little band of nobodies." She shook her head in disgust, before snapping at him again. "Typical, I mean why tell them, right? It's not like they would care if you would have died." Or if I would have... what if I would have lost you. She felt a shiver at that thought.
"You don't understand Cordy." Xander muses upon the thought and then shook his head and spoke firmly, "They can't know!"
She just gave him a look like, "Huh!"
He went on to explain what went on the night before, how he was ignored and how no matter how hard he tried they just told him to go home. "You know, if I could have I would have gone home, but when a zombie gang wants to keep you around its pretty hard to say no to them. I mean I ran into everyone and they all pushed me away. I mean come on they could have at least heard me out."
"Well, like I said you're the Zeppo. You just cramp their style." She knew that would hurt, she wanted it to hurt him, but for the first time since he kissed Willow, she didn't take pleasure in the look on his face. She was actually about to apologize when she thought about how he cheated on her and how he kissed that damn red-headed witch, Good. Feel pain, I hope it last forever! she mentally screamed.
"Yeah, sure I am, then tell me why I was the one to save them all last night. It's not like it was the only time either," he mumbled the last part hoping that she missed his slip.
"As if that was possible, look loser boy even if you did save them. Do you think they owe you something; do they have to bow down to you? I think not."
Xander stepped back stared at the bomb for a few minutes before turning towards her and glaring, "Don't you think I know that. I don't want them worshipping me like that, but is it too much to ask for a little respect. I don't ask for much, you know that I never did. I just want friends that respect me, but I guess I'll take what I can get. And I know you'll never forgive me for what I did to you. I am sorry, I truly am. I guess its only logical that I would mess up one of the best things that I truly had." He gave her a sad smile and restarted dismantling the bomb. Finally after finishing, he was surprised that Cordelia was still around and just staring at him.
He looked around the room to make sure that everything was in order, "You know Cordy, and I've never been around you this long without hearing an insult. I think that scares me more than you berating me." He turned towards her and gave her his lopsided smile.
The future seer didn't hear anything he said to her, she was staring into space and thinking of everything had had happen to her the past three years. Everything had started with Buffy coming to Sunnydale, If only she never came here, then I would never have fallen. Is that it? Did I fall for him? She looked at Xander as he dismantled the bomb and looked around the room. She smiled as she watched him actually pay attention to detail, something he rarely did in school. When did my life get so complicated? But I can't forgive him for what he did. I gave him my heart and he smashed it. Not now and maybe never? A small tear left her eyes.
She watched as he walked over to the strange artifact that she mentioned before, its weird that the ground is cracked around it. She felt a shiver crawl up her spine as he bent down to touch, everything in her being told her to stop him but she couldn't move. It was as if she was stuck in place and time was moving in slow motion as he finally touched it and a bright light surrounded Xander.
She watched as he arced his back and his mouth opened as if to scream but no sound came out. She was still stuck in place, unable to move. Time moving slowly as he slowly arced his back further and in a way that seemed unnatural; she wanted to run to him to help him, and then time snapped back into place, "XANDER!" she screamed over and over. She then heard it a sound that would haunt her for years to come, his scream; tt seemed so unnatural, so unXander like. She tried to reach him she really did, but by the time that she made it to his location only dust was present. Tears left her eyes as she searched for the artifact and the crack on the floor but both where gone just like Xander was.