Happy, happy, joy, joy!
Alright just a quick note; this fic is mainly inspired by me and my best friends'
bizarre inside jokes, so sorry if it doesn't make complete sense. I wrote it at 3 in the
morning on a sugar high. And, as always, I don't own anything that's copyrighted... like
FF8 or whatever else may come up.
Squall's happy dancy prancy dreams of his guardian angel, Noodle the Negative
Nancy, were rudely disturbed by a odd "Pbbt! Pbbt! Pbbt!" noise. Wearily rubbing the
sleep from his eyes, the dorm room came into focus revealing Rinoa standing over him
waving her arms from side to side, giggling and blowing raspberries. Shrieking with
laughter she ran from the room, arms outstretched and making airplane noises.
Squall breathed out a world weary sigh, "...Whatever..."
Yawning and bleary eyed he began pulling on his sparkly tights and lacing up his
pink toe shoes, he pulled his lacy pink tutu over his head and was just stuffing tissues into
his bra when Irvine stormed into the room tracking dirt all over the floor and clumps of
mud dropping from his coat, seeing as how he hasn't changed in clothes in at least a year.
Soft violins began to play and their hair fluttered softly with a unfelt breeze as
Irvine gathered Squall into a romantic and backbreaking embrace, "Oh my
Squally-wally-piggy-wiggy-woo... I missed you so... These past few days have been filled
with the horrid grasp of un-sexyness... oh it was unbearable..."
Squall's eyes wandered around the room.
"Er... Squally-wally-piggy-do-diggy-wiggy-miggy-poo?"
Squall looked around the room, lost somewhere in a short attention span with a
blank look in his eyes.
Irvine screeched, "HAH! WHO NEEDS YOU FOR I AM..."
A tense silence filled the air as the treety birds outside the window held their
breath.
"THE ASSMASTER! MWEE-HEE-HA-WA-MWA-KWEE-KWEE-KWEE!"
In a flash of raw sexiness he was suddenly wearing a hot pink and orange spandex
polkadot superhero suit.
In a deep, masculine voice he proclaimed all those villains of anti-sexyness; "I'll
master your ass!"
Squall woke up just enough to proclaim, "Holy toledo Assmaster! You're giving
me the jeepers!" and to toss him out the window.
Squall stood there blinking for a moment.
He sighed, came to and exclaimed, "...Whatever..."
He moseyed to the cafeteria and took a seat with the rest of the gang, minus Irvine
for obvious reasons.
Zell was blowing on a cartoony looking trumpet, he greeted Squall with a friendly
"Toot toot!"
Selphie was tapdancing on the table with a faraway look in her eyes. She was
utterly mesmerized by those lovely swirling colours only she could see.
Quistis was running in circles around the table.
Rinoa, as usuall, was waving her hands about in random directions.
Squall collapsed into a seat and gazed at his hands, after all; everyone knows that
no one needs to do something outragous like, gasp, eating.
Suddenly a wrinkly old man ran in and stripped. The others were so awed by this
act of pure sexiness that none of them noticed that none of them were wearing underwear.
Together they all chorused in perfect unison; "Soooooo SEEEXY!"
This lead to a second perfectly synchronized chorus of, "YEAH! Take it off! Take
it all off!"
However, all good things must come to a end... and so, soon Our Heros found
themselves on a mission. No one knew what the mission was. They didn't know where
they were going. They didn't know where they came from. Hell, they didn't even know
what year it was.
In the middle of a routine battle, you know, the average mayhem of huge invisible
monsters charging randomly around the room, Zell suddenly looked up from watching his
gauge fill up and looked around at the people in his party and the people just standing
around in the back ground and came to a realization, "Hey, what happened to my
honey-bun?"
Squall looked up quickly and corrected him in a patronizing tone, "MY
honey-bun."
"Huh... we'll see about that... But anyway, where's Irvine? Did he quit or
something?"
Everyone jumped up at once and all stared in the same direction. They gave the
wall a thumbs up and a cheesy grin and chorused together, "School is cool! Stick with it
and be a homework star!"
They hurried to the nearest inn and while they had their average 2 second stay they
decided something must be done! For what would the world be without...
BUM-BUM-BUUUM... THE ASSMASTER!
Will Our Heros ever succeed in their now found mission? Who will earn the title of
Irvine's honeybun? Will The Assmaster be able to give our heros the firm buttocks they
desire? Find out next time!
Alright just a quick note; this fic is mainly inspired by me and my best friends'
bizarre inside jokes, so sorry if it doesn't make complete sense. I wrote it at 3 in the
morning on a sugar high. And, as always, I don't own anything that's copyrighted... like
FF8 or whatever else may come up.
Squall's happy dancy prancy dreams of his guardian angel, Noodle the Negative
Nancy, were rudely disturbed by a odd "Pbbt! Pbbt! Pbbt!" noise. Wearily rubbing the
sleep from his eyes, the dorm room came into focus revealing Rinoa standing over him
waving her arms from side to side, giggling and blowing raspberries. Shrieking with
laughter she ran from the room, arms outstretched and making airplane noises.
Squall breathed out a world weary sigh, "...Whatever..."
Yawning and bleary eyed he began pulling on his sparkly tights and lacing up his
pink toe shoes, he pulled his lacy pink tutu over his head and was just stuffing tissues into
his bra when Irvine stormed into the room tracking dirt all over the floor and clumps of
mud dropping from his coat, seeing as how he hasn't changed in clothes in at least a year.
Soft violins began to play and their hair fluttered softly with a unfelt breeze as
Irvine gathered Squall into a romantic and backbreaking embrace, "Oh my
Squally-wally-piggy-wiggy-woo... I missed you so... These past few days have been filled
with the horrid grasp of un-sexyness... oh it was unbearable..."
Squall's eyes wandered around the room.
"Er... Squally-wally-piggy-do-diggy-wiggy-miggy-poo?"
Squall looked around the room, lost somewhere in a short attention span with a
blank look in his eyes.
Irvine screeched, "HAH! WHO NEEDS YOU FOR I AM..."
A tense silence filled the air as the treety birds outside the window held their
breath.
"THE ASSMASTER! MWEE-HEE-HA-WA-MWA-KWEE-KWEE-KWEE!"
In a flash of raw sexiness he was suddenly wearing a hot pink and orange spandex
polkadot superhero suit.
In a deep, masculine voice he proclaimed all those villains of anti-sexyness; "I'll
master your ass!"
Squall woke up just enough to proclaim, "Holy toledo Assmaster! You're giving
me the jeepers!" and to toss him out the window.
Squall stood there blinking for a moment.
He sighed, came to and exclaimed, "...Whatever..."
He moseyed to the cafeteria and took a seat with the rest of the gang, minus Irvine
for obvious reasons.
Zell was blowing on a cartoony looking trumpet, he greeted Squall with a friendly
"Toot toot!"
Selphie was tapdancing on the table with a faraway look in her eyes. She was
utterly mesmerized by those lovely swirling colours only she could see.
Quistis was running in circles around the table.
Rinoa, as usuall, was waving her hands about in random directions.
Squall collapsed into a seat and gazed at his hands, after all; everyone knows that
no one needs to do something outragous like, gasp, eating.
Suddenly a wrinkly old man ran in and stripped. The others were so awed by this
act of pure sexiness that none of them noticed that none of them were wearing underwear.
Together they all chorused in perfect unison; "Soooooo SEEEXY!"
This lead to a second perfectly synchronized chorus of, "YEAH! Take it off! Take
it all off!"
However, all good things must come to a end... and so, soon Our Heros found
themselves on a mission. No one knew what the mission was. They didn't know where
they were going. They didn't know where they came from. Hell, they didn't even know
what year it was.
In the middle of a routine battle, you know, the average mayhem of huge invisible
monsters charging randomly around the room, Zell suddenly looked up from watching his
gauge fill up and looked around at the people in his party and the people just standing
around in the back ground and came to a realization, "Hey, what happened to my
honey-bun?"
Squall looked up quickly and corrected him in a patronizing tone, "MY
honey-bun."
"Huh... we'll see about that... But anyway, where's Irvine? Did he quit or
something?"
Everyone jumped up at once and all stared in the same direction. They gave the
wall a thumbs up and a cheesy grin and chorused together, "School is cool! Stick with it
and be a homework star!"
They hurried to the nearest inn and while they had their average 2 second stay they
decided something must be done! For what would the world be without...
BUM-BUM-BUUUM... THE ASSMASTER!
Will Our Heros ever succeed in their now found mission? Who will earn the title of
Irvine's honeybun? Will The Assmaster be able to give our heros the firm buttocks they
desire? Find out next time!