October 2014

It was a rainy day, Amanda's favourite, so she of course picked it to be the day that the family go out to do their annual autumn drive. Right after school was let out they all packed into the car and headed out of the city, picking up dinner on their way.

The autumn drive had always been Gail's favourite of their traditions. She loved listening to her dad sing off key to every song that played, loved watching as buildings dwindled and turned into beautiful foliage of every colour, she loved watching her mom's eyes as they grew wide with wonder and amazement, she loved teasing the crap out of her brother and until his ears grew red in anger just before their mom stopped them by commanding them to sing with her to try and get dad to hit the notes right. It never worked, Gail sometimes thought that her dad did it on purpose just so he could listen to the rest of them, his face always lit up when they sang together. Gail and Teddy had Amanda's voice, he always thanked the havens for that.

When they packed back into the car after playing in the wet field of oranges, yellows, reds and greens, all exhausted from the day, it was well into the dark purple of a night sky. The rain had become relentless, no one could see past the hood of the car, luckily there was a truck in front of them so all Jake had to do was follow the red lights ahead of them. Teddy was tucked into Gail's side, as big and brave as the boy wanted to be he was as terrified by a storm as a puppy. Their mom was putting on a brave front, trying to ease Teddy's fears, but they could all see her own fear behind her amber eyes. their dad was also uneasy, not quite scared but very far from confident. It wasn't odd to see them that way, their parents made it very known that adults got scared and didn't know everything that life was, they showed their emotions and humanness to Gail and Teddy. So their fear didn't amplify Gail's or Teddy's, in a way it comforted them, told them it wasn't in their heads, he storm was bad and it was okay to be afraid by it.

Just as they were about to hit town, to civilization, the guy in front of them swerved and they flipped over trying to get away. Gail only remembers a loud crash of thunder, a deafening ring in her ears, and then black.

When she woke it was in a hospital room with some blond boy she didn't know. He couldn't have worked there, he was in street clothes and way too young to be a doctor, Gail guessed he was about three years older then her. She was confused and her whole body ached, all she knew was she wanted some water and pain killers. So she focused really hard on her vocal muscles and asked for a nurse, assuming the guy would be of any help.

"Nurse now." It felt like she had spoken, blond boy even turned to her with wide eyes. Obviously she'd made a noise that got his attention, so Gail tried again to ask for a nurse. But again there was no noise. Blondie had gotten up though, he even opened his mouth when he got to the door.

How he got a nurse to come without even a sound puzzled Gail but she didn't harp on it too long, the nurse was there now and she could get some pain meds.

"Pain." she croaked out. Again, here was no noise. Gail was getting upset now, frustrated, all she wanted was something to put her back to sleep, she couldn't hurt in her sleep. Or her mom, her mom would know what she needed without having to talk.

Mom.

Hospital bed.

Strangers in her room.

It all came crashing back to her then. The autumn drive, the rain, rolling over the road and into a ditch. Gail's breathing became rapid, her lungs couldn't keep a breath in, and her fear for her family was all she could feel, all she could hear. She should have heard the scream that burst from her throat, her gut wrenching, she knew without a doubt that she had yelled at the world to give her her family, tell her they were fine, but she didn't here a peep. She could see the nurse's mouth moving, see the boy's at the door, seemingly calling for back up.

The boy in the room was her cousin. Gail couldn't hear because she was deaf. And her family had all died. Teddy in an ambulance -he'd always wanted to go in one, thought they were really cool and it was the only emergency vehicle he hadn't been in. Mom died on scene. Dad was in surgery.

November 2014
In the event that something happens to both Jacob and Amanda Peck, Abigail and Theodore will go to William Peck.

That was the line that left Gail in the guardianship of an Aunt and Uncle she only knew from distant stories in passing. Her father talked fondly of his big brother, Bill, the perfectly shaped cop all Pecks were bread to be. Jake -Gail's dad- never blamed Bill for disowning him like the rest of the Pecks, he was in fact the opposite of what the royal officers deemed him to be, Jake was a hose monkey as they called him. Firefighters and police officers had always, and will always have a bashing for one another. Jake's family disowned him for going for his dream, and in turn disowned his wife and children as well. But even so, he spoke fondly of them. His big brother Bill was his hero, and always would be, Jake knew he would have stuck up for him if only he wasn't afraid of loosing the Peck legacy.

Jake knew that Bill would stand up and care for his children, should anything happen to both him and his wife. Bill wouldn't leave them to a foster system, not because of Jake's exclusion, not for his mistakes, Peck's wouldn't do that. Just like Jake never turned on his family as they did him, if something had happened or they needed him, Jake would have been there in a heart beat.

Bill wasn't anything like her dad had said. He was stiff and quiet, and Gail still had yet to see the smile her dad told her of every time he spoke of her Uncle. The person that was supposed to be her dad's hero, the person her brother was named after, was nothing but a stern, overworked, graying man.

And there was Steven, her cousin, Bill and Elaine's only child, who she deduced as the Peck golden boy. The boy could do no wrong, because if he did he charmed his way out of it. Steve was captain of the football team, track team, and soccer team. He was an ass, and completely full of himself, but there was something about him that kept Gail from full on hating him. And she thought it was probably the childlike gleam in his eye when given praise from his parents, he didn't get it often, and Gail kind of felt bad for him. She got all of the praise and encouragement any child would ever need, she could have done horribly and her parents would tell her she did awesome. But Gail also liked Steve's softer side, the guy that sat with her on the couch countless nights just staring at infomercials, the guy that found sign lessons for her and offered to take her whenever she wanted, the guy that told horrible jokes she knew her dad would double over laughing at. That was probably the biggest one, Steve showed glimpses of her father.

And lastly there was Elaine. Elaine Peck was cunning, intrusive, dismissive, high nosed, ladder climbing, bigoted, the list could go on forever. The point was, Elaine was horrible.

And how the pair were parents was beyond Gail's comprehension. They were the complete opposite of her parents. She had fond memories of going to the station with her dad, staying over some nights, learning all there was about the job. Her dad was warm and cuddly and told the stupidest jokes. Her mom, the sweet and caring school teacher. Gail remembered 'helping' grade papers, going to classes on days she had no babysitter and her dad was suddenly called in for work, long drives consisting of closest thing she ever got to girl talk. Her parents never let a day go by without telling her they loved her.

Gail was kind of glad her brother had died in the accident, it meant he wouldn't have to go through the loss of their parents, he wouldn't have the expectations of Bill and Elaine thrust upon him. No, it was better that Teddy died then to have to live in the hell life was without their parents. It would have been too much for his gentle heart, the poor boy cried anytime someone killed a bug in the house.

December 2014
Gail had closed in on herself. She when to the obligatory doctors and therapists the Pecks had forced upon her, for your health, they'd say in the worst lying next tone she'd ever heard. Gail knew the expectations they had of her, the ones that she'd get kicked out for if not held, and pretending to not want to die is the biggest.

She was to go to her appointments, and whether or not they actually helped didn't matter, as long as when around people she acted as if they were. She also wasn't given any time out of school. Gail compromised with them on that, she'd do online schooling until her communication got better and then she'd attend an actual school. Which was going to happen the following week.

Gail wasn't ready. She liked having the giant house to herself, it gave her privacy to morn her family and life as she knew it, it was the only time she could be herself. And she refused to go to a deaf school, something Elaine enjoyed, the redhead loved the idea and said that Gail was indeed a Peck because she wasn't going to take the easy route.

Indeed a Peck? What did that even mean? Those words infuriated Gail, right down to her bones. A Peck. Pfft. She didn't want to be a Peck, Pecks abandoned her father because he didn't conform to their plan for him, Pecks didn't have any problems in leaving family, Pecks listened to the rules and didn't question it, Pecks were kiss asses. Gail didn't want to be a Peck, she didn't want to be Steve, or any other one of them.

Gail had met the Pecks not long after moving into Bill's house, there was a policing party or whatever and Gail was to attend and meet the family in all of their blue blood royalty. God was she happy her father left, she would have been one of them, she would have been a stuffed up kid only knowing happiness from their scraps of affection and approval.

January 2014
School wasn't as bad as Gail thought it would be. The teachers never called on her in class, never gave her trouble -which only made her act out more-, and her peers basically ignored her once they got the idea -it took a few beat downs but after glares worked just fine- that she wasn't the questioning type. Except for one girl, Holly Stewart.

Gail kinda had to talk to Holly, the brunette was appointed her note taker so that she could actually learn at school until she learned to read lips. But Holly didn't leave it at just passing her the notes, she talked to her -she stopped asking questions after Gail made it clear that it'd be one sided. In the notes Holly would make comments about the class or the other students, she'd put her favourite songs or albums to listen to with each subject, she'd put in a recommended snack or drink. Holly talked to Gail and didn't mind the silence.

Gail got used to the side notes, she even started smiling at them, or laughing at the nerdy jokes. She appreciated the effort Holly put in to try and be friendly.

February 2015
Gail really needed Teddy. She needed a bit of that heart of his, she needed its openness, it's guidance, in recent events. Teddy was the perfect mix of their parents, he had their moms heart and their dads soul, making him Gail's confidant in her most fragile of times. Teddy just knew how to handle his big sister, when to hold her and when to dish out some tough love. And boy did she need the eight year old lately.

Gail didn't know what was happening to her, what was happening to the walls she'd built to protect herself after the accident. Holly, the biggest nerd she'd ever met, was wiggling herself into Gail's life. The brunette was making her smile, and laugh, and actually work at learning to read lips and sign. She also made Gail's stomach fill with butterflies, and took her breath away with one glance.

Gail had started to make an effort to be at least nice to Holly, she had started to consider them friends so it was only fair she try to say something back every now and again. That went well, very well, well enough that Gail had three pages in her note book filled with a conversation they had at lunch.

And that's how it started. Gail and Holly would pass the book back and forth for as long as they'd be aloud and even the bell couldn't stop them, Gail would pass her notes in class so she could give the brunette her own commentary on the lesson. Then it transferred over to text because that was just easier and much faster, plus Gail liked emojis. Texts then moved to talking after school hours, a few hang outs. And it hit her, she liked Holly in a very not friends way.

March 2015
Gail was done being confused, done trying to hide, done trying to ignore, she liked Holly. Liked her a lot. Liked her in the way that she was always on her mind, Holly invaded her dreams and decisions, she was the smile on Gail's face and the drive in her fight to stay alive. Gail liked Holly and wanted nothing more than to make the brunette smile for the rest of her life. Gail had accepted that, her urge to keep Holly safe and happy always, so all that was left was to tell Holly.

And for that Gail needed her mom and dad.

Mom would have held her when Holly had a bad day, when they fought that one time and they didn't talk for a week -Gail even had to get notes from Chloe Price-, she would have held her when her feelings were so overwhelming that Gail couldn't not cry about it. Her mom would have picked up on her crush when she thought it was a crush, she would have dragged Gail to the car immediately so they could talk about it. Her mom would have held her heart and told her how to follow it.

Dad would have congratulated her on her good taste, Holly was beautiful -as Gail had notice thousands of times when coming out of dazed stares at the brunette-, she was going to be a doctor, she was weird and funny, and she bettered Gail in a way no one else could. Her dad would have been the one she went to for advice, he was the die hard romantic of the family and would no doubt have already come up with a written list of date asking, date ideas, and general wooing, that Gail could use.

Neither would have even batted an eyelash that Holly was a girl, they would have been the ones convincing Gail that it was okay, normal even. If she had had them she wouldn't have gone through the month and a half of pain and confusion. But she didn't, all she had was herself, her image of them, and the sixteen years they had imparted onto her.

October 2015
It was the weekend they would usually go for their autumn drive, the weekend she used to count down in excitement, her favourite weekend of the year. This year was much much different though. She hadn't counted down in glee, but instead with tears and heartache.

The anniversary of her life's death was spent with Holly. Gail had planned on spending it in her room getting so drunk that she couldn't tell you why her heart felt like it was being ripped apart, but Holly knew the date and all but knocked her out and kidnapped her.

Holly had taken one hundred percent care of the blonde. She made Gail a soothing bath, had every snack anyone would ever need, blaring music, really good headphones, open arms and an empty house. Her parents were gone to visit one of her aunts, Holly would have usually gone with them but Gail needed her. Gail's stay was a three day event.

Gail was able to keep herself together for the first night. It wasn't hard, she was numb from head to toe, heart and soul. She didn't talk, she ate because she knew she wouldn't be the next day, she laid in Holly's bed and waited for sleep to take over.

Holly had laid with her, her arms wrapped protectively around Gail's midsection, and they did nothing but that. Every few hours Holly would go and make them food, it was a fifty fifty shot Gail would eat, and she'd leave to do dishes or something so Gail could time alone. But she always came back and held the blonde with strong arms.

The second night was the day of the accident, and spent in sobs. Gail had woken in Holly's arms, but she couldn't stay there, it was too overwhelming and she couldn't breathe.

Gail fumbled out of the bed and into the hall, she needed air. She ripped off her borrowed shirt, it was too tight and the collar was choking her, Gail gasped for air again as she freed from the clingy material. She collapsed at the crippling realization of why.

They were dead and today would mark exactly one year.

Holly came out seconds after, lying a warm blanket over her and then lying beside her ok the floor, their faces inches away from each other. Her eyes were so warm and hurt and loving, it only added to Gail's pain. She didn't want to make Holly frown the way she was. But staring into the dark pools of chocolate that could be no one but her best friend, it steadied Gail, the love in them anchored her and with the new found strength she was able to pull herself off the floor and back into the bed.

Holly didn't bother with breakfast and instead found her headphones and played the playlist she'd made in mind of the day. It was mostly head bashing songs, ones to lose yourself in while angry, ones that fueled rage, ones with no way to have a thought. That's what Gail needed.

The third day was not in pain nor was it numb. It was a lost day. A day which Gail aimlessly walked around the forest of her grief, day one was when she stumbled in, day two she had run and hid and screamed in insanity until blood was spout with every word. It was dark and dizzying, and Gail was tired. God, she was tired. She wanted to sleep until the hurt was gone.

It'd been three hundred and seventy two days since the accident. Three hundred and seventy two days since her world literally crashed around her. Three hundred and seventy two days since she became an orphan. Three hundred and seventy two days since she last heard that she was loved. Three hundred and seventy two days had come and gone, and Gail still woke up some mornings excited to see what her mom was cooking them for breakfast. She'd walk down the hall with her eyes closed and open the door to her brothers room to yell at him to wake up, only to open her eyes and find that it wasn't her brothers room, that it wasn't even her house. And reality would come crushing back, knocking her down to her knees some mornings.

Gail's mother wasn't in the kitchen cooking, her brother wasn't sleeping in the oddest position, her father wasn't hastily folding clothes he promised he'd done the night before -making him rush to get school lunches together in time.

Gail wasn't home and she never would be again. Her family was gone.

But she did have Holly and she did have a car. So Gail dressed in her moms favourite sweater, her brothers favourite hat, and her dads watch -which she wore everyday but. She picked up Holly, only telling her that they'd be gone for the day, and they headed out on the familiar route out of the city.

Gail was afraid, terrified, but she needed to go on the autumn drive. It was the best way she could think of honouring their memory. She needed to go, and she needed Holly to be there in case she melted down.

"Can I ask where we're going?" Holly signed from her spot in the passenger side of Gail's car once they were at a stop sign and she caught Gail's attention.

"Autumn drive." Gail replied as she pushed on the gas and turned left.

She didn't see Holly's reaction, she didn't want to, Gail didn't want it to be a big deal. So she concentrated on the road until Holly pulled for her attention again.

"This is a beautiful drive, perfect time of year for it." She smiled, a little sadly but mostly with honesty.

Gail returned the smile.

They stopped at the usual restaurant her family would, the small diner owner knew her the second they walked in.

"Up for the drive love?" The older woman had smiled gently. Gail appreciated that she hadn't given her apologies, she didn't know if she could have handled that.

"Can't break tradition now can I?" Gail tried for easy playfulness.

Diane said something Gail couldn't quite catch, she was talking too fast and she mumbled some of the words. It frustrated Gail when people did that. So she looked to Holly with questioning eyes.

"She was just asking who I was." Holly signed to Gail before she told Diane with a shake of her hand.

Gail was lost for a moment, watching Holly's lips and tongue create soundless words. She loved the way Holly's mouth curled, the way her tongue licked the roof of her mouth, the way the corners of her lips lifted into an almost smile when saying Gail.

And it was all taken away when Holly caught her eye and nudged to toward the diner owner.

"Your usual table is clear." Diane chinned towards the table in the back, the one with the big window and the best view over the little town. Gail's mom had chosen that table for those specific reasons.

"Thank you Diane." Gail nodded and pulled Holly with her.

It'd been a week and a half since they had talked, actually talked, none of the feelings and concerns and confession. But sitting there in the diner with the best poutine in Canada, they talked. They talked with no vial of sadness, they laughed and teased and watched as the sun grew high above the colourful trees.

Their meal was paid for, curtesy of Diane and her husband, and they were off to the field with a wave goodbye.

When they got on the dirt road to the field Gail demanded that Holly close her eyes, and she even parked the car so she could blindfold the brunette. She drove the rest of the way with excitement, she couldn't wait to see Holly's reaction.

"Just a few more steps." Gail guided Holly by her shoulders, then once in place she sat in front of Holly. "Alright, take it off."

Holly pulled the shirt from her eyes, letting it rest around her neck, and blinked as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight. Gail held her breath. Holly pushed her glasses back into place and just as her hand moved from her eyes, she broke out into an amazed smile.

Gail's heart clenched in her chest, Holly was breath taking and she had the same awe and wonderment her mother had for the same view. And suddenly Holly was beaming down at her, but it quickly turned to worry and concern and Gail didn't why.

"What's wrong?" Holly asked, then signed, "is this too much? We can leave."

Gail only look at her puzzled as to why she'd ever want to leave, why would anything be wrong when Holly was making her heart beat a mile a minute, making her fall even more in love with her. "What?"

Holly bent down, making their knees touch. "You're crying, sweetie." She spoke gently, Gail could tell by the way she caressed each word. Holly cupped each of Gail's cheeks and wiped away the tears with her thumbs.

"Oh." Gail was breathless. Holly was watching her lips now, as if she needed to read her lips in order to understand her.

November 2015
Gail took a deep breath. This was it, this was her time to talk to Holly. She'd been preparing herself for the moment for over a week, going over each word carefully, perfecting the few sentences and engraving it to memory. Holly was unlike anyone Gail had ever met, she was stunningly beautiful in that way every girl envied, she was weird and hilarious, she was shy but confident -not letting anyone walk over her-, and most of all she was the only one Gail could talk to.

That last part was half true.

True because Gail didn't want to talk to anyone else, Holly had an odd way of chipping at her amour and getting her to open up, she had this magical head tilt and crooked grin that got Gail every time. True, because she was made to carry a pen and pad of paper with her everywhere until she fully learned to read lips. Which was another way Holly was different, the brunette was learning sign language alongside Gail, just so she could communicate with the blonde.

And false, because, well she was deaf. Gail was still relatively new to being deaf, so communicating with anyone for that matter was difficult. All she really had was notes, but that meant a lot more work on her part and Gail was all about minimal effort, so she tended to opt for simply not talking to people.

Gail wanted-no, needed, this to go right. She was going to ask Holly out on a date, and if it didn't go right then Gail would have to change schools -or something less dramatic because let's be honest, Gail wouldn't be able to stay away from Holly- and she rather liked the one she was at. Plus she'd probably lose her best and only friend... So the moment had to be perfect and Gail couldn't mess up, she had one shot and this was it.

"Hey, Nerd." Gail greeted the brunette at her locker.

Holly turned around at the familiar voice, a huge crooked smile plastered on her gorgeous face. "Hey, you."

Gail cleared her throat, and then rolled her eyes at herself, she practiced this in sign. She didn't want to say the words, knew she would never get through them if spoken aloud.

"I was wondering if maybe." She could feel the heat in her chest, slowly creeping up her neck. "You would," she swallows hard. She was screwing up the hand gestures. "Possibly want to..." Damn what were the words? Gail's mind had gone blank between her nerves and the crooked, adoring smirk that was playing on Holly's lips.

"I would love to, Gail." Holly signed.

"What?" Gail's eyes were wide, her heart threading to jump out of her chest.

"I would love to go out on a date with you."

October 2034
"Theo, give Daisy her pacie back." Gail called across the field of dying grass. She settled back into the tree behind her once the boy popped the bright pacifier back into the toddlers pouty lips, and watched as her wife told the story of them for the billionth time.

"Mom was being such a bumbling ball of nerves, I just had to put her out of her misery and accept before she exploded." Holly spoke with the same giant grin on her face as that day.

Gail waved her hand in the air to stop the nonsense. "You are telling it all wrong. I was not that nervous."

Holly laughed, as did their oldest daughter, who was tucked under Gail chin.

"Oh, love, but you were. Your face was as red as a tomato and your hand shook so bad I could hardly read it." Holly's eyes were beaming with love and adoration, her nose pink with the cold.

"Your mother is a lair Winnie, let me tell you how it really happened." Gail whispered into the mass of dark blonde hair of her daughters, not caring on the least of Holly had heard or not.

The girl giggled and crawled out of Gail's lap.

"Or we could all gather the biggest pile of leafs ever, and take turns jumping in it. Like we did last year!" Winnie suggested with an excited smile, glancing between her moms.

"I think that's a wonderful idea. Why don't you go gather your brother and sister, while mom and I start?" Holly answered after a beat.

Once the girl was off running to the little ones, Holly stood and pulled Gail up with her. She stepped into Gail, watching her eyes in a sort of challenge, then down to her lips and her resolve softened. Holly licked her lips. "You were so adorable that day."

"I am never adorable, Hol." Gail whispered back. Her head was beginning to swim with the anticipation.

"On the contrary, dear, you are the most adorable one I know." Holly brushed her lips against her wife's with a sigh. "I mean, have you seen our children?"

Gail chuckled. It was getting hard to keep her eyes open, to watch the lips that she so wanted against hers. "You got me there."

And finally, finally, Holly kissed her. It was chaste and gentle, the sweet taste of chapstick and coffee, but it was home none the less.