Sweet lord, she wasn't kidding about the bunkbeds. They're awful.

"I know they look bad!" Weiss begins, bringing me into the dorm. "But I promise you, Winter, they're perfectly stable."

"Weiss, didn't you pass Mechanical Statics?" I prompt, inspecting the one on the right. Connected through stacks of books, it at least appears to follow standard truss designs. The reaction forces would actually act like a spring system, if the paper were compressed as weight was applied.

"With an A plus!" she proudly proclaims as she sits down on the bed beneath the one held up by ropes.

Well, no time to waste. I grab her by the arm and pull her out of that dangerous area. "Then why are you sitting in the one that will be crushed? At least these on the right have proper supports, whereas these shall be destroyed!"

"But this is the one I sleep in!" she explains, prompting a groan out of me. "Winter, it's fine. Ruby sleeps on the top, and she's the lightest of us all."

"I'm not light! I'm just gravity-sensitive!" Ruby exclaims as she arrives on the scene. "Hello, girls! I have arrived at the designated juncture!"

"Ruby!" Weiss interrupts, apparently shocked at the girl's arrival. "What are you doing here?!"

"Uh…" Ruby awkwardly stabs at the ground with her boot. "I kinda live here, Weiss? With you? And our teammates and our beautiful dog?"

"You got a dog?" I ask.

"He's awesome!" Ruby answers for her. "He's like our practice kid!" Perfectly relaxed once more, she skips in and closes the door.

"Practice kid?" I demand.

"Oh, he's so cuuute!" she continues. "We've had him for six months now, and he's very obedient."

"Why do you have him?" I ask. "Furthermore, why do you and Weiss feel the need to practice for a kid?"

"Didn't she tell you?" she wonders, prompting Weiss to throw her hands out in an attempt to shut her up.

"Ruby! Don't!" Weiss quickly pleads.

"We're dating!" Ruby reveals, much to my personal surprise!

"No, she certainly did not," I inform the younger, glaring at my sister. "You shock me yet again, Weiss."

Embarrassed, Weiss tries to save face by challenging, "Is there a problem with my finding some happiness in this world?"

Ruby's eyes light up with anticipation. "Say, you're part of the super special awesome forces of Atlas, right? What's that like? Are you on a mission right now? What is it?"

"That's classifi-"

"Do they make you do a lot of paperwork?"

Curses, how did she uncover my assignment?! My primary mission is to cover up the glaring, boring flaw in the system that all agents must do horrendous reports every week. If this girl has discovered that secret then our recruitment will drop! "That's classified."

"How about the food you guys eat? Is it actually people?"

Okay, that's just weird. "Weiss, I hear that your teammate blew up the kitch-"

"Is it true they make you snort dust to fight better? Which one smells the best?"

Weiss is perfectly content to just stand there and grin. This must be payback for the swirlies. Which is unfair, because I didn't give her that many! "Weiss, last time we spoke you had been having trouble with your summo-"

"What's the regulations on dating?" Ruby interrupts. "Are you allowed to get frisky with your teammates? What about your bosses?"

Weiss is just too amused at my predicament. Fine, so be it. "You know, Ruby," I begin, dialing up the charm. "I actually am able to reveal my mission, now that you've said the secret code word."

That shuts her up. Eyes widening, she clasps her hands together in joy. "That's so cool! Am I being recruited?"

That's a good one. "As a matter of fact, you are!" That prompts Weiss to look at me with suspicion.

"Yes, Ruby, but you need to pass a test," I inform her as I approach the young girl. "It won't be easy. You'll have to use all of your strength, stamina, and… personal touches to impress me."

"I can do it!" Ruby eagerly agrees, standing to attention. "What's the test?"

Laying my hands on her shoulders, I lean in and turn up it up to eleven. "You must seduce me." Oho! Now she's getting red. How cute.

Weiss jumps into action. "Oh gee, look at the time! Winter, I think it's time you go," she decides, trying to pull me by the waist.

"And to do so you must ignore all other people except me," I inform the predictable Ruby Rose who flusters at my glorious hourglass figure.

"But I don't know how to sed-" she starts.

"Startingnowthreetwoone go!"

"Gaah!" Ruby stumbles, shaking her limbs in confusion as to how she might seduce me. "My, what a- um- ah- what a magnificent bosom you have, Winter!"

Sweet lord, this kid is precious. Of course she'd go for the most common line. Still, best to play along. Weiss is growing furious, which is always welcome. "Oh, Ruby," I fein, turning my face away, pretending to blush. And to hide the grin. "No one has ever whispered such sweet nothings into my ear."

"I don't think I could reach your ear without a chair," she complains before resuming her role, and doing a respectable job of ignoring a now furious Weiss. "Ah! Um, yes, Winter, you are… indeed a beautiful woman! Your intelligence and skill are surely without equal!"

"Oh, Ruby," I play along, fanning my face and turning to the window. "You love me so dearly. My heart aches!"

"Maybe you should take some pills for that?" she helpfully suggests, but kills the mood once more. Still she persists and comes to my side. She strains to place her hand on my… wow, my right shoulder blade?

"Regardless!" she persists. "Won't you stay with me tonight?"

I turn to face her, looking down into her red but determined face. She's trying her darndest, which I would be able to respect if she could actually work it.

"Perhaps we cannot walk the same path, side by side, hand in hand," she begins. "But maybe we can know each other's soul as a union of… of love."

Hah. "Ruby," I breathe, taking her hands into my own. "What would your girlfriend say?" I ask, placing her hands against my magnificent bosom.

"Let me worry about her," she murmurs, moving her hands to my back and drawing me closer. "Tonight is all about you… what you need… what I can give you."

"Show me," I prompt, much to a shrieking Weiss in the background.

"Ruby, no!" Weiss screams as Ruby reaches down under the bed and pulls out a large, vibrant purple box marked 'Yang Bang Funnarang'. "Don't show her the-!"

Never in my life have I been so impressed with such an exotic collection! "Is that the model fifteen Sensual?!" I can't help but ask, breaking character. Taking it into my hands, I get a good feel for the girth; it's like the fifteen, but… not.

"No, it's actually the model sixteen!" Ruby pridefully corrects.

"What?! They're not even out yet! Unless you got into the beta?" I don't care if Weiss is as red as an apple I must know how she got into the beta!

"Sure did!" Ruby says as Weiss falls to her knees in shame. "We recorded our promo vid for their contest and won! Got it the next week."

"I would love to see this promo vid!" I exclaim. I thought mine was perfect, but if they actually got in while I didn't then obviously I need to take notes.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Weiss decides. "You've seen enough of the dorm! Go hit on Qrow some more!"

"I think I'd like to get to know Ruby a bit more," I challenge, bringing Ruby -and her prized possession- into my embrace just to emphasize the point.

Slamming her left fist into her right palm, Weiss cocks her neck to the left. "I hope you still like gardening, sis; because I'm about to plant your face!"

And with an almighty charge she lunges at- OOOF! "Weiss, get off!" I demand as she knocks us both to the floor.

"I just wanted to pass a test!" Ruby laments as she scrambles off the floor, crawling up into the bed.

Without my meat shield I'm powerless to block my sister's attacks! Thinking fast, I roll aside and hop up into the bed with Ruby, grabbing her by the shoulders and tucking under her so as to reclaim my defensive barrier.

Wielding the Model Sixteen in her left hand, Weiss raises it above her head and exclaims, "You both shall know my wrath!"

"So assertive!" a new voice exclaims.

Looking over to the entrance, I see a fairly tall blonde woman with a smirk, and a shorter girl with black hair.

Ruby, sandwiched in between us both, tries, "Yang, it's not what you thi-"

This 'Yang' holds up her hand to silence her. Shaking her head, she says, "Ruby, my sister, you are of my own flesh and blood; but more importantly you are a beloved person in my life. You are smart, brave, and if a woman like you can work hard she can darn-well-play hard as far as I'm concerned."

I wasn't expecting that.

"You and your girlfriend shall walk your own path in time, with or without me and Blake at your side. What you do and who you let into your lives are your decisions to make, and no human or faunus has the right to infringe upon that," she continues, taking this Blake's hand into her own as they share in the intimacy of this inspirational speech. "I'm comfortable with the choices you make, so long as you don't hurt anyone. Always remember that, Ruby."

Huh… perhaps I could have been a better sister.

"Now, before I go," Yang says as she starts closing the door. "Strange, yet sexy woman of magnificent proportions, if you hurt my sis in any way you will suffer my wrath."

And with that, we are left alone once more.

"Your sister can be very mature," Weiss observes, toy still in hand.

"Eh, it comes and goes," Ruby informs her, still on top of me. "Watch, she'll probably-"

Popping her head back in, she asks, "I totally forgot! Can Blake and I get in on sommadat action?"

To which Weiss responds by hurling their prized dildo at Yang's face.

"Okay! Great!" Yang thanks as she massages her forehead. "I read you loud and clear, Weiss! Have fun!"

"Confound it, Yang," they both murmur. I would have to concur.