A/N – Not a very upbeat FF – includes character death. This is loosely based on the song "I Drive Your Truck" by Lee Brice. I do not own likeness rights to characters, song lyrics or really much else! Please read and review!
Beca had a shit day, scratch that… a really shit day. She was way past her breaking point due to over hyped poser artists and executives with their finger so far from the pulse it was sickening. She didn't want to deal with one more egos for the rest of the day and perhaps longer. She just didn't get understand it, these people were so fucking ridiculous, they had no idea no freaking clue what the real world was.
Beca fought the tears through her last conference call in which she was accused of withholding good sound and artists due to her skewed version of what the public wanted. Slamming down the phone, her friend and P.A. Benji sighed handing her the leather jacket and bag from the closet.
"Beca…" he started,
"No…" Beca whispered sniffing again.
"But"
"No Benji, its fine. Can you call her and let her know I want to pick up the truck tonight?"
Benji just slumped and signed, "Sure Beca, I will let her know"
She smiled sheepishly thanking him as she took her bag and proceeding out of the office door and down to the parking garage. When she finally shut the door to her car the tears came, spiraling down her face and into her lap. Slamming the dashboard in frustration it took almost 10 minutes to calm herself down before she was able to start her journey. It would take her about two hours, maybe more depending on traffic, but she was pretty much on auto pilot at this point. She had made this too trip many times, only for one single reason. 14 months had passed and yet it felt like days ago. Days like this forced her hand and the reality of Beca's current life situation came to a head. This was her life now, a life alone slaving away for others, not being able to have the one thing she wanted most. Over a year of countless trips and her only way of coping with the fact that Chloe was gone.
A year and some months prior:
"I miss you Beale" Beca smiled into her computer
"Babe, I miss you too! Like crazy miss you B." Chloe responded. Her hair up in a messy bun, bangs blowing in the wind and she looked like she hadn't slept in a few days.
"Chloe, how are you holding up? Honestly?" Beca asked
"I'm good baby, like weirdly good. I never thought that I would be here doing what I am doing but I'm good at it and the funny part is I like it…a lot." Chloe seemed to be gushing. "A couple more months and I will be able to tell you all about it…from the comfort of your bed I promise."
"You mean our bed, "Beca corrected, "I'm counting the days Chloe – it's tough without you"
"I know sweetie but soon …I promise I'll be home soon" she said with the thousand watt smile that could melt Beca in an instant. A booming voice behind Chloe interrupted their conversation and Chloe rushed to say her good byes before anyone she went. "I love you Beca Mitchell, always remember that"
"I love you too Chloe, be safe"
Present day:
Shortly after that call Chloe's regiment was ambushed by some of the local terrorist regime, it was reported that Chloe along with four other members of her medical team were taken hostage .After weeks with no ransoms demanded and no enemy contact the U.S. Army declared her a hero slain in the heat of battle.
Chloe was a hero; she had taken her crazy college path and turned it into a dedicated fight for her country and others. She enrolled into the Army shortly after graduation and put in the months of boot camp before she was assigned to a medical team that would deploy overseas. Not many of her friends of her family understood this decision, Chloe in the army, it didn't make much sense. But one person got it and that person became the life line that Chloe clung to when things got rough. That life line was Beca. After Worlds Beca and Chloe rekindled the friendship they had always had and it naturally progressed into something more. When the two of them stopped fighting the internal feelings and finally admitted to each other what they felt it was like a weight was lifted from both of their shoulders. Beca skyrocketed to the top of the music industry quickly and Chloe was supportive even despite the distance. They worked and they were ready to take on the world together.
When news got home about Chloe, Beca went into a state for about a month where she wouldn't leave her apartment. If it hadn't been for Aubrey and Jesse or any of the Bellas, Beca probably would have died right along with her, even though Beca refused to believe that she was dead. She knew Chloe would fight and she knew she could have escaped. Even after the months she still clung to the belief that Chloe was a prisoner somewhere waiting or rescue or maybe living a new life somewhere in the world waiting to get word to Beca.
Nothing else made sense any more, the days ran into each other and Beca became another cog in a corporate world. She seemed to lose touch with her emotions and the light that Chloe brought out seem to disappear each week. Chloe had been the only one to tear down her walls and her absence caused them to rebuild higher and thicker.
The only thing that made Beca feel better was Chloe's truck, a beat up 1987 light blue Chevy with more rust than paint at this point. Chloe bought it when she was 16 and drove it until she deployed. The truck sat at her parent's farm house two hours south of Atlanta in a barn and the only person who dared to drive it was Beca. No one touched it other than Beca, it became her sanctuary, the only way to be close to Chloe now. So here she was heading out of town to the only place she could mourn and remember the love of her life.
When she got up to the farm is was shortly after 11:00pm so she turned off the headlights as she made her way down the winding driveway. The barn door was open; she knew Mrs. Beale had probably made sure one of the younger boys had seen to that. She parked her car on the grass, grabbing only her wallet; she never took her phone when she was up here. She made sure that this was only her and Chloe's time.
The keys were sitting on the front seat and as she climbed into the cab she could feel the tension begin to drop from her shoulders. Looking around at the familiar scene she smiled slowly. 89 cents was still in the ash tray and a half empty of yellow Gatorade was on the floorboard of the passengers' side. Beca had driven Chloe to the base the morning she deployed; they stopped for coffee and that Gatorade right after the sun rise they had watched together. Chloe had an old Atlanta Braves cap still on the dash board; dusty and dirty the last fishing trip her brothers and Beca had gone on. The army shirt Chloe loved was folded in the back by a pair of old cowboy boots that she always wore on Sundays when they visited her parents. Beca felt the emotions start to overtake her so without hesitation she started up the old ride hearing it backfire once or twice before the engine settled.
As she pulled out of the barn she looked toward the house and saw Chloe's father on the porch staring across the lawn. She touched the brakes and brought the truck to a rolling stop, lifting her hand from the steering wheel she to send a small wave towards him. He returned the wave with a sad smile and nodded as if to communicate her understanding. She rolled the windows down and turned back towards the driveway leaving the farm behind her.
This is where her process started, once she hit the main road she hit the gas and tore down the back roads under the stars. The truck surged as she pushed it further and further from its home letting the wind blow around the cab causing her grief to mix into the night air. She made a turn toward a familiar pit stop, an old general store slash gas station that was open 24 hours. She pulled the truck up to the main entrance and hoped out of the cab greeting Matty the teenage kid who always worked the night shift as she entered. She purchased the usually six pack of PBR, Chloe's favorite cheap beer. She never took the change from the Matty as it had no place in the truck, so she smiled mumbled a "keep the change" and exited returning to her fortress of solitude.
Burning up the back roads of the town, she pulled into a field miles away from the small town kicking up dust as she sped through it. She turned on the radio to the same country station that had played the day Chloe left. She cranked the stereo up and exited the driver's side taking her beer and a blanket to the back of the vehicle. Taking down the tailgate she laid her blanket down and climbed up rooting to the spot as she opened a beer and hummed along to the song playing. Laying back she took Chloe's gray t-shirt and placed it under her head, she swore it still carried the scent of the older woman every time she came up here. She looked up at the stars feeling a tear make its way from her eye, rolling slowly down her cheek.
"Stop crying" Chloe commanded as she punched her lover in the arm.
"You stop crying" Beca responded quickly shaking her head.
"Beca, it's the last tour I promise and it's only 6 months. I will be back before you know it"
"I know that, I do, it's just…I want you to stay. It's selfish and its stupid but I hate saying goodbye to you. If anything was to happen I'd just- "
Chloe lifter a finger to her lips "shhh…nothing is going to happen and even if it did you know nothing could stop me from loving you forever Beca Mitchell".
Beca tried to regain her composure and fight the tears still coming down her face. She met Chloe's endless ocean blue eyes and smiled "I love you Chloe Beale"
"And I love you Beca Mitchell"
Beca smirked and laughed out loud recalling the memory. "Hey baby…" she whispered to the sky. "I had a rough day and you know you're the only one I can talk to. You wouldn't believe it Chloe how mechanical it's all become. Since you've been gone I can't… I just….I just miss you so much" she choked back another sob as the emotions were now overcoming her. "Why did you have to leave me, ugh God why did you take her?" Beca was yelling now as she threw the beer can down into the field angrily and gritted her teeth. "It's not fucking fair…you should be here with me…if I hadn't let you go if I had told you to stay…if I had just told you that I was so scared of this damn dream you had to help everybody Chloe…ugh…fucking ….it's not fair." She was crying now, in fact she was overcome with sadness and her body shuddered with each sob.
A few days ago:
"Have you been up to the cemetery?" her friend asked
"No" Beca replied in a whisper
"Beca…it might help…I mean…"
"No Aubrey, it wouldn't help…I can't look at her name on a cold slab and salute some flag".
"Mrs. Beale said you were up twice last month…Beca you have to start moving on..Chloe would not want this and you know that. " Aubrey urged.
"Listen Bree, people have their way of coping and I have mine…ok?" Beca dismissed Aubrey's comments and started to end the phone call. "Listen I am up to my ears"
"Beca wait, I'm sorry"
"Its fine ok, promise…I will have Benji clear my schedule when you're here next week. You and Jesse can come to the house with the kids and we can just hang out…like we used to."
"Beca…" Aubrey decided it was better to agree then press the younger woman further. "That sounds good, I'm here if you need to…talk or anything…I love ya alt girl"
"Yea I know, I love ya too, hug the kids for me and tell that nerd Jesse I said hey" Aubrey could hear the sad smile as pressed the red button on her cell.
"I know you're out there Chloe, you have to be" Beca whispered, "You can't be gone, you can't leave me like this". She was distraught, she was so past sad she couldn't form it into an emotion anymore. It was like sadness had overcome her entire being and without Chloe there to pick her up she was tumbling down a dark hole. "Baby…I need you, please come home".
She paced for a while in the field drinking more as she walked in circles, before she reached in the cab and turned off the radio. She returned to the bed of the truck and stared at the stars praying some sort of vision would come to her, that maybe God would yell back or something. She opened another beer and drummed her fingers on the can and she drank. When her tears had stopped she began to hum again, this time thinking of a song that she reserved only for Chloe after than night around the camp fire at Fallen Leaves.
"I got my ticket for the long way round, two bottles whiskey for the way.
And I sure could use some sweet company and I'm leaving tomorrow whattaya say.
When I'm gone…when I'm gone"
Beca held the last line for a moment longer before she let the silence surround her again. Lying back in down in the truck she closed her eyes and let her exhaustion take over. As the sun rose from the east Beca stirred now wrapped in the blanket and inhaling the lingering scent of the shirt she used as a pillow. Stretching her arms over her head she felt the six pack sitting heavy in her stomach, a small moan escaping her as her back popped and creaked back into place. She looked around at the world that continued to spin even if she wished it would stop and she sighed. When she drove back to the Beale estate a sad song played in the background as civilization came back into view. Chloe was gone and now Beca realized that she was gone too.
The End
A/N I know this is a sad one, I am actually thinking of making this into maybe a multi chapter fic but not sure if I will yet. Let me know you're thoughts!
