Spelling and grammatical errors want to be corrected as well as bad story telling. I don't own Invader Zim, and if you are reading this more than likely, neither do you.

:1: Dib Can't Win

Skool used to fill Dib with dread every single day; but after he got out of jail and served two weeks at the crazy hospital, it was something wonderful to look forward to. Not just because serving time in the same room with a large hairy man named "Your Mama" was creepy or that his psychiatrist seemed more insane than most of the patients. It was because his class had a new teacher. If you don't know why Dib's class is getting a new teacher you obviously haven't read the first story. It did say in the summary that this is a sequel. Can't you people read?

Dib told himself not to be too hopeful. There was no way they were going to get some sweet little woman from the country who lived on a cow farm that was visited often by aliens. He told himself not to set any high expectations as another part of his brain told him that anything was better than Ms. Bitters. He agreed wholeheartedly to himself where people trimming their front yards could see him talking... to himself. Again.

When he came into the classroom, everyone was quiet except for Zim,

"Welcome back, LOSER!"

Children were shocked because they thought Dib was suppose to be in the crazy house longer, or that he still had a big head. Either way, everyone (except Zim) stayed quiet as Dib reclaimed his seat.

"W-welcome back." Gretchen said very, very nervously.

"Thanks?" Dib didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but people telling him something positive normally lead to danger. So caution is a must, but not like an elephant. "So, who is our new teacher?"

Gretchen coughed nervously, "What?"

"Who is the new teacher?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We don't have a teacher?" Dib rose an eyebrow.

"Of course we have a teacher!" Gretchen was starting to regret ever bringing up a conversation.

"Then, who is it?"

But before Dib could get his answer from her, the answer walked through the classroom door. As in, walked through a solid object as if it weren't there. Are you following me?

Dib's eyes widened in disbelief and shock caught his throat. More hairs stood on end to match that big scythe upon his head. Skin paled further, making look like he seen a ghost. Which, by coincidence, he did.

"Ms... Ms Bitters?" Dib gasped. The pale white transparent figure narrowed it's eyes on Dib.

"Oh, it's you Dib. Welcome back to class."

...

"Doesn't anyone else see the ghost?" Dib asked later, unaware that his hands clung to the sides of his desk so tightly that his knuckles had gone white. If it was from eager or fear, it was left up to question.

"What ghost?"

"You're crazy Dib."

Either Ms. Bitters didn't hear or was ignoring Dib because she didn't respond. As she turned her back towards the class suddenly the class went into a frenzy. Dib ducked as paper planes were made and thrown, covered his ears as kids gossiped in normal voices instead of passing notes. Dib was amazed at the sudden chaos. He looked over, waiting for Ms. Bitters to throw down the class with her usual psychological hold and yet all what Ms. Bitters did was pick up a piece of chalk and began to talk as if the class was it's natural state of fear.

"Today class, we are unfortunately going through a horrible heat wave. A really horrible heat wave." Dib blinked.

"Wait a minute, I recognize this." He mumbled to himself as he watched Ms. Bitters write over the same lettering as before. "Isn't this the same lesson as the day-" He flinched as Zim pounded his desk.

"You aren't the only one who noticed this?" Zim gasped. "Ugh! Thank the Tallest!" He threw his arms in the air. "I can't stand this 'new and improved' Bitters! Nothing new happens and it's all boring!"

"Are you kidding?" Said the Letter M. "This is the best thing ever!"

"I'm not learning anything new!" Zim shouted what most parents wished their child would say. "She's in a complete, and utter rust!"

"You mean rut Zim?" Dib corrected over the noise of the drawling Bitters and noisy classmates.

"Isn't rust the thing that stops stuff from functioning properly?" Zim huffed, never one to like being corrected.

"If you are made out of metal," Dib rose an eyebrow in the wonders of the possibilities, "...then yes."

"Metal sucks."

"Not as much as you Zim." The alien huffed, as he was about to say his next fabulous insult, he was interrupted by the lights flickering and Bitters shouting out her favorite word.

"DOOOOOM."

"Here it comes!" A random kid shouted. Gretchen and a few others started started stuffing themselves under their desks as most took to the top of theirs.

"Whoohoo!"

"Bet I can last longer than you!"

"No you can't!"

Zim rolled his contact covered eyes and left the classroom. Dib wanted to follow, but he was curious find out what his class was doing. He knelt down to talk to that one girl. You know, that one girl with the hair that she only wears one way and she always dresses like this and oh my God!

"What's going on?" He spoke just loud enough to be heard as he watched her chip dried gum from under her desk.

"You were there remember?" She then changed her attention from the gum under her desk to the gum in her mouth. "This is the part were she starts flying around screeching her head off."

"But why?" Dib pressed, thirsty for knowledge.

"Who knows." She rolled her eyes and placed the gum in her mouth to a free space under her desk.

"So why does everyone keep coming here?"

"Oh, we only come here because this is the only place that has working air conditioner."

"But our room doesn't have air conditioning installed." Dib blinked as the lights in the room went out.

"SILENCE!"

Dib watched as the specter of Ms. Bitters then flew around the room screaming at the sweaty children. The bipeds cheered and squealed as cold wind began blowing all around them. One child, we will call him that one guy, lifted what looked like soda in an ice tray with sticks poking out. As Dib began walking towards the door, the frozen soda was ready and all the kids began to flock around that one guy. Praising the kid's ingenious to invent such a wonderful treat, all ignoring the screechy ghost as it finally fell silent and past through the new desk and into the floor.

Dib stayed quiet as he opened the door and closed it behind him. Leaning against the door he stared at the line of lockers in front of him. "That was proof... that was living proof!" he clenched his fists, "I mean, dead proof..." he added awkwardly, "but it's still proof! Ghosts exists!" he fell to his knees, "They saw it right in front of them and they won't even accept it!" Zim, who just happened to be there the entire time because I didn't even bother to bring it up, stepped forth from the locker he was occupying.

"You think you have it bad?" He growled, hated to be challenged on anything, and then complains when things get boring. "You think YOU'RE suffering? Look at me!" He placed his hands gracefully on his chest. His, not Dibs. Sorry ZaDr fans.

"You aren't suffering."

"Look at my eyes you ditz!" Zim grabbed Dib my the collar and started to shake him. Making it near impossible for Dib to focus on Zim's eyes. "They are all watery and itchy! It's driving me insane!"

"You're allergic to ghosts?" Dib blinked again. As he only blinks when I say so, his eyes must be very dry most of the time.

"Irkens don't have allergies!" Zim pushed him to the ground. "We are too great and powerful for that!"

"Well," Dib groaned rubbing his forehead free from floor grime, "ghosts are a strong and powerful supernatural force."

"They are?"

"Yes, they can even threaten your very life."

"My very own life?" Zim looked fearfully back at the room. "Is there a way to kill them?" Dib rubbed his nose, thinking he might be allergic to stupid.

"You can't kill them, but there are ways to get rid of them."

"How do we do this?" Zim sounded unnaturally earnest.

"Um, well..." Dib paused, Zim was scared and willing to help him catch his first ghost. If he was careful, he could also catch his first alien. "First, you come to my place..."

Somewhere, some ZaDr fans cheer. Unless you are a fan, then you hear yourself cheer.