I start to shiver as I realize how cold it is outside. Well, I should have known better… Wearing fishnets and thin socks certainly won't keep me warm in mid-December, despite the fact that I'm wearing a red and black jacket as well.
I really don't want to be on this mission. Trudging in a half foot of snow isn't the best thing, and the fact that I can't travel on my pieces of art – by which, I mean my infamous clay eagles and such – doesn't help maintain my body temperature. Sasori no Danna can't feel a thing, since he turned himself into a puppet many years ago, so he can't feel anything at all – even strong emotions and such.
Kind of a pity, too. I think he knows of my strong feelings for him, but they're slowly fading away. Thankfully enough. However, they flare up whenever my mind trails to him, wondering what his true form looks like. I'd never seen him without his Hiruko puppet shield.
"Deidara."
I look up, startled. "What?"
"Never mind."
"Whatever."
Sasori no Danna left me to my thoughts yet again. He never was one to converse much. Always kept to himself, locked himself in his living quarters, working on his strange puppets. Those puppets he makes fascinates me. He makes them from actual humans, which I guess gives him an advantage. The one thing about those puppets is that they can retain their signature chakra and jutsu, unlike a puppet made from plain old wood.
My feet break the silence as I step in the white cold. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to retain heat. I bite my bottom chapped lip, thinking of something to say to break the uncomfortable cold. The mouths on my hands are cold too, their teeth chattering like the mouth in my head. I make a mental note to complain to Leader-sama as soon as we get back to headquarters.
Now I realize that Sasori is behind me. How long was I in the lead? I stop, trying to be courteous, and allow Sasori to be in front. Besides, since he's wearing Hiruko, he left a wide trail cleared of snow. Why didn't I remember this before? If I had just followed him, it would have made my current situation a whole lot easier. My feet wouldn't be frostbitten if I had thought of this sooner.
We walked in dead silence for the longest time. I finally worked up the courage to speak to Sasori, simply to break the unnerving silence.
"Um, Sasori no Danna…"
"What?"
"Why are you always wearing Hiruko-san, un?"
"I've told you a thousand times before… I'm much more intimidating in this form than my original form. How many times must you ask?"
"Okay, sheesh, I was just wondering… Keep your pants on, un…"
I roll my eyes, wondering why I even said anything. Maybe this damned trip would be a lot better if I had someone like Itachi or Zetsu for my partner. Maybe they would care a little more than this empty shell of an Akatsuki member…
"Deidara, we're taking a break right here."
I look up, freezing my ass off and my nose running a little. "Hmm? We're finally stopping to take a break? I thought you'd never say so, un."
I clear a patch of dead grass clear of snow. I could see my breath in small puffs of translucent fog that fades away in an instant. I try to entertain myself by concentrating on my breath, but seeing Sasori through my misty breath didn't help much. So I decide to mess with his mind a little.
I scoop up a cold handful of white cold, compressing it into a very rough spherical form. Aiming lazily, I toss the snowball in Sasori's direction. Unfortunately for me, my aim was a little more true than I had anticipated, and it hit him in the very center of his large puppet shell's back.
Sasori flinches slightly at the small impact. I suppress a chuckle as I reach for more snow, but I pause as I see Sasori turn slowly, almost menacingly, in my direction. I smile sheepishly, waving my freezing hand at him whilst sticking out the tongue on my hand at him. The living puppet shakes his head at me, exasperated.
Wearily, I stand up, brushing any snow off of my black jacket. I know something is troubling Sasori no Danna. So, I decide to try and figure out what's wrong with him.
"Sasori no Danna?" I address him, trying to sound calm. He looks up at me, staring me straight in the eye.
"What do you want, Deidara-kun?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"No, not really." He turns away from me, like how he always does. This is how I can tell that something is definitely on his mind.
"Sasori, I know something is wrong. Now, can you please tell me what's wrong," I sit down next to him at this point, "so I can help you out, un? I don't like to see you acting all defensive like this. It… hurts me. When I see you hurt, you know."
He stares hard at the spindly brush in front of him, a little farther than an arm's length away. He sighs heavily, knowing that I'm watching him and I wouldn't stop until he tells me what's on his mind.
"Fine. I'll tell you. But…"
I look at him expectantly.
"You must promise to not tell another soul. Got it, Deidara-kun?"
I nod, giving him my full attention. He'd never said anything like this before, so, naturally, I'm curious.
He takes a few moments before he starts, collecting his thoughts. "Well… I've been thinking a lot lately. You know that we haven't had that much going on lately, what with waiting for new missions and whatnot."
I nod in encouragement, egging him to elaborate.
"And… you know how I'm not supposed to feel anything… right?" I nod once more. "But I feel… something inside me that I haven't ever felt before…"
Now I look at him in confusion. Sasori feeling something? He's usually so emotionless that it's unbelievable, but I suppose I have to believe it if it's coming out of his sweet mouth himself.
"What do you mean, Sasori?"
"I don't know. It's hard to explain. It's like… butterflies in my stomach, I suppose. I can feel pain sometimes too, along with pleasure now. I don't know how it's possible, but it's happening. Slowly but surely, Deidara."
I look to the side, trying to keep my mind focused. My feelings for him are strong indeed, that much I know he knows… is he trying to tell me something? Well, why else would he be telling me he can feel things now…?
He looks down, face turning pink. "This feeling in my heart – I can't explain it with words. It increases whenever I'm around you, that I have noticed." He looks at me straight in the eye. "I think… Deidara… I think I love you."
Those three words. Those three little words impact me more than the satisfaction of blowing up a large village ever could, more than an exceptionally wonderful orgasm, more than a boulder crashing down on me. My heart skipped several beats and leapt into my throat, because I had never even thought that Sasori would use the word "love" in his vocabulary, much less say those three little words to me.
I gulped, my mouth dry. I want to say something, but the words won't come. Sasori turns away, apparently embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Let's get going, then." He made to get up, but I grabbed his arm. I don't want him to leave.
"No… don't leave. Please don't leave. Do anything but that." A small smile was etched on my soft lips, the trace of a teardrop at my eye. "I want you to stay, Sasori."
He stares at me for a few moments before sitting back down. I'm still smiling, trying to force back my tears.
"Why are you crying, Deidara?"
I didn't realize that tears had already escaped my tear ducts. I wipe away the salty drop, figuring out which words to use.
"I guess I'm crying because I'm happy, Sasori."
He gazes at me in disbelief. I know what he's thinking: how could someone love – or even appreciate – an empty puppet such as he? I nod, confirming the fact that he is indeed very much appreciated.
"The truth is, Sasori… I've been in love with you for some time now. I didn't know how to tell you, because you were so distant with me, un…" I've completely forgotten about the cold now. Nothing mattered but this moment, and I didn't want it spoiled.
"I was distant because I was trying to cut off these feelings. It was all I knew to do, I didn't know how to tell you either, Deidara."
I chuckle, wiping away the frozen tears. "You do realize, Sasori, that I haven't really seen your true form? You're always traveling in Hiruko, and I'm curious to see how you look…"
Sasori chuckled. "Maybe I'll show you tonight."
I nod as I stand up, stretching and feeling satisfaction from finally hearing the few words I have always wanted to hear from Sasori's mouth. I want to embrace him in a close hug, but his puppet is too big and I wouldn't be hugging the actual puppeteer anyway.
---
Our mission to the Land of Snow is taking longer than I had anticipated. We traveled three days at least, on foot while remaining undetected, in knee-deep piles of powdered ice. I'm also low on provisions: trying to stay warm in freezing conditions makes one hungry. Sasori no Danna doesn't need to eat at all. Poor guy – he must miss food.
My arms are folded tightly across my chest. Retaining my body heat isn't easy, especially in a blizzard. I want to ask Sasori if there's any room inside Hiruko to shelter myself from the unwaveringly merciless cold, but I doubt there's any room. So I keep my mouth shut.
And it's now that I realize that Sasori hadn't shown me his true form yet. I suppose it's because of the blizzards. We had to stop whenever they flared, and travel as much as we could when they died down even slightly. So, we haven't really had a chance to stop and take a relaxing break for three days or so now, and that's why we're taking so long.
"Sasori!" I call through the howling wind.
He looks back at me. "What?"
"We need to stop! I can't travel like this for long, you know!"
So we stop after we've found a small cave in a huge rock formation. Just enough room for me to make a small fire easy enough to handle and for two people to move around very comfortably. The fire does indeed help me warm up. I wipe at my nose, which is just a little runny from the freezing cold.
"So, Deidara."
My back is turned to him, so I can't see what he's doing. I 'hmmph' in response.
"Do you want to see me without Hiruko on?"
I turn my head slightly, curious. "Hai, are you finally taking off that bulky shell of yours, un?"
"Turn around and find out for yourself."
I twist myself around. My eyes widen at the beautiful sight before me.
Clad in our classic Akatsuki jacket, a small figure stood before me. Sasori had thick reddish brown hair, with brownish eyes to match. A slim build, he seemed very durable yet fragile, which was very attractive to me. His fingernails were painted the same shade of purple as mine. It was odd to see someone that I'd known for a long while, yet seeming like I'm meeting him for the first time. It's hard to explain.
I stood up. Slowly and cautiously, I stepped towards the red-headed boy. My eyes drank up the beautiful sight, soaking up his smooth sculpted face and memorizing each square centimeter of space on his delicate countenance.
Standing not even a yard away from him, I smiled at him. He looked up at me with ever-blank eyes, yet so shiny at the same time. His lips formed a gentle curve as he looked up at me.
I couldn't take it anymore. I reached out without warning and enveloped him in a tight hug, swallowing up his delicate body in a loving embrace. Oh how I've wanted to do that for so long. He was surprisingly light as I swept him up – I picked his figure up without any trouble at all. Either he was very light or I was stronger than I thought.
He wrapped his thin arms around my waist as I held him. I breathed in his scent. He smelled of pine and wood chips – a very relaxing scent. I wonder what I smell like to him..? Can he even smell anything? He did say that his senses were coming back…
Reluctantly, I let go, my feet so cold that I can't feel them anymore. I grin at him once more as I go sit by the dwindling fire. Feeding it more dried twigs and broken off branches, I ponder what I have just seen.
To my surprise, Sasori sat next to me a few moments after I sat down. He leaned against me, closing his eyes, and I relax. I thought for a wild second there that he was going to pounce on me or turn me into a puppet or something. Sasori… well, I'm going to have to get used to him being this way. It's going to take some time, but I think I can manage.