decisions we make
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The future brings changes. Let's hope that we can embrace it.
My life is full of dreams. I have unfulfilled goals, empty promises and impossible ambitions. And yet, I can still hope for a different future.
As I walk down the halls, I see him again. The last time I talked to him, was when I bumped into him while waiting for a friend. We talked, and he remembered who I was.
But I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know my name.
I see him all the time. I find myself searching for his face in a crowd. Whenever I'm near the hallways, near his hallways, I look for him.
I've had a total of four actual conversations with him and a too-big-of-a-total-to-count of times I've seen him wander the halls. Even though we are in different grades and different classes and have different friends, we met for the second time at a field trip. On that day, I spoke to him twice at that field trip. He even bought me candy.
To this day, I still wonder why.
Nobody knows that I have a weird fascination concerning him. I wish to keep it this way, however, I contradict myself by wishing that somebody knew who I longed to see, longed to talk to.
He is always smiling when I see him. I find myself yearning for a smile like that—just for me— from him. He is always wearing a white sweater, a white sweater with a blue logo in the middle. I always turn my head in the direction of somebody wearing a white sweater, hoping that it is him.
He is funny. Before I started noticing him in the halls, we laughed together. It's a pity that we don't do it more.
I wish I could talk to him more openly, without this clamp around my chest, crushing the air out of my mouth before I can speak. I become nervous and self-conscious at just the sight of him. I highly doubt that he even notices me.
My dreams are all about him. Whenever I wake up, I wake up disappointed. He is not as present in my life as I want him to be.
Perhaps one day, one day before he leaves my life completely by graduating a whole year before me, I will talk to him. Perhaps I will gather all my courage to stop him before he wanders off with his friends. Perhaps I will confess to him when—if—I ever manage to get him on my own.
I want to overcome my shyness with strangers and become a teacher so I can light the way of other children's lives. I hope that he is there, watching me flourish with every day.
My life is full of dreams. Dreams that I can only hope to accomplish. But the first step is gathering the courage to do this. To talk to him.
That is my biggest hope for the future.