Disclaimer: I don't own the legal copyrights to Soul Eater. I was not involved in the production of the anime or manga in any way. This is just for fan purposes and me seeing what Soul Eater would be like with a female Spirit and male Kami.

Author's note: Spirit's no less sexual and perverted as a woman. I hope she comes off as sympathetic instead of the villain, since I really enjoy writing a female main character with this personality. I hope I'm not too graphic for a T rating. This fic would probably be rated T+ or Older Teen if there were such a rating.

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Spirit Albarn had intended to go home and see Kami and Maka after being in the Death Room all day. But she had needs, and Lord Death was being totally random. Something about how his son, Kid, needed a weapon. Spirit had to stand there all day and show off photos of weapons. Hehe, she tried showing off many male weapons, grinning giddily at Kid. If he'd picked one of the weapons she'd chosen, he'd have such a hot weapon! Sadly, none of them had been symmetrical enough for Kid's tastes; he'd decided to choose his own weapons.

In retrospect, Spirit shouldn't have gushed so much over the male weapons and their hotness that she found candid pictures of them. She mixed the picture sets up and showed Kid the sexy ones by mistake. What a spectacular fuck-up that was. Poor Kid was just as straight as Spirit, and Lord Death teased her for being a pervert! Okay, she was a pervert, and she had a hard time controlling when to be appropriate with attractive men, but she couldn't help it! There were just so many handsome men in Death City, and it was so hard for her not to give in to temptation.

Spirit felt so guilty the moment she walked in the door. She didn't intend to visit the host club. All she'd wanted was a drink, and she could get one anywhere that served beer. But Chupa Cabra's was her favorite place when she wanted a drink, even though it was just a host club to most people. She got to hang out with hot guys and drink beer. There really wasn't anything better. Her guilt started to turn to joy, happy bubbles forming in her stomach.

The bartender smiled and waved at her. It was the same mustachioed man who had been there for the past six years. She liked seeing a sharp-dressed man, and she knew some of the host club's other clients did too. "Hey, Spirit!"

Everyone knew her at Chupa Cabra's. She grinned and waved to the bartender. "Hey!"

Spirit had been coming here since Maka was eight; she'd just decided to enter the host club out of curiosity, and she got hooked. The men here made her feel normal, so she paid a lot of money once or twice a week to spend time with them. They'd allow her sex with a host she knew well when she needed it, but she'd have to pay extra. As the personal weapon of Lord Death, she was paid quite well; money was no object to her.

Not like Kami knew that. He just assumed that whatever was left each week from Spirit spending money at the host club was her salary.

She grinned, pulling her wallet out from her black messenger bag. It didn't quite fit her elegant, dapper image of a woman in a suit, but she'd always been too tomboyish to pull off elegant. "Are Leo and Arima available?" She started to dig around in her wallet for her credit card. She had lots of coupons for drinks at Chupa Cabra's that expired tomorrow, so she pulled them out. Ah! She'd found her credit card! She flourished it with the handful of coupons.

The bartender smiled at her. "Leo and Arima? They've been waiting for you all week."

"Really?" Spirit's eyes widened. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Oh, yes, come to Mama…she could use some sweet, sweet loving right now. Sometimes she had different hosts, but Leo and Arima had been her favorites ever since they started work in the club.

He chuckled. "You're their favorite customer. Didn't you know?"

"Oh, wow! I'd just like to let you know that I'll be paying for sex with Arima tonight." It was so good to be appreciated! Two young men, one blond and one brunet, ran out. Spirit let out a happy sigh. Blond Arima's black suit clung to his body, emphasizing delicious muscle in his chest and arms that she loved touching; his long hair was pulled back in a ponytail like hers. Short-haired brunet Leo, dressed in a golden suit and black tie, was no less strong, but far more lithe in build. Oh, yes…come to Mama…she couldn't wait to be with them for the night. Money was no object. She'd stay long enough for sex with them both—she needed it, god, she needed to be fucked—and then she'd leave.

She allowed them to lead her to the couch, sighing happily as they each took her by the arm. She adored having a man on each arm. It made her feel loved and feminine; the strong, powerful Death Scythe relished and desired being thought of as desirable. "What's wrong, Spirit?" Leo asked. Ah, these host men could always tell when she needed them! So receptive! She loved it.

"I had a rough day with Lord Death and his son, and I didn't even get lunch." They served snacks at the host club, so she looked at the menu of services and treats offered. Mmm, red velvet cake pops and miniature chocolate doughnuts with vanilla cream filling sounded divine to her right now. Along with a nice cold strawberry margarita, she'd be sated with talk and cuddles and lovely sweet kisses until she paid for sex.

"Aw," Arima cooed. "Tell us about it, madam Death Scythe." He scooted close to Spirit, who laughed and wrapped her right arm around him. She made her order when the waiter came around, laughing and nuzzling her head against Arima's shoulder.

"I had to help Lord Death's son choose his weapon, but I had the wrong set of weapon pictures! So I improvised a reason why Kid should pick out one of the weapons I had, and he told me he was straight! I didn't think he was gay! Not like I had reason to think he was straight either! All he ever seems to care about is symmetry! He even tried to fix my hair because it was asymmetrical!" She clung to Arima as she started to cry. Why? Why did this always happen to her?

"There, there. You couldn't have known."

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. You're so preoccupied with being Lord Death's weapon that you couldn't have noticed." Leo started to massage her shoulders, rubbing away the tension from standing straight and symmetrical at the request of Kid. Arima kissed her, oh so sweetly on the lips. "It's okay, sweet Spirit," Leo said. He kissed her neck and ear. Oh, her little darlings had learned how to anticipate her needs, because Arima had pulled her into a sweet, deep kiss that left Spirit moaning when he stopped.

Her hosts changed positions, Arima rubbing her shoulders and Leo giving her a good deep kiss. "Yeah. You're a beautiful, strong Death Scythe," purred Arima. His voice and hands were so soothing that Spirit felt like she was going to melt into his touches.

The treats and drink came by, Spirit opting to sip her fancy strawberry margarita slowly. It was so divine. This place got everything right! In between sips of her drink, Arima and Leo would feed her miniature doughnuts and cake pops. Sure, she could do it herself, but it was so sweet that they fed her. They were taking care of her like she was some sort of princess.

"You've spoiled me today," she teased.

Arima cooed, "You needed it." He fed her a doughnut, and she bit in it, not caring that some of the cream oozed out of her mouth. She wasn't the world's neatest eater anyway, so she just licked the right corner of her mouth and smiled.

"Our Spirit needs to be treated right. You're such a powerful weapon." Leo let out a sigh in pleasure. "Best client we've ever had."

"So good to us. You never cause any problems!" Arima kissed her on the cheek. Spirit was one of the few clients who expected and wanted physical affection in addition to feeling loved and taken care of. She knew it was odd, especially when she saw the way most of the other customers behaved. They didn't seem to like being touched or held the way she craved to be. She'd been a touchy sort of woman for as long as she could remember, cuddling and holding people with the expectation that they'd hold her too.

This was the only place that made her feel normal. Nobody told her that she was a bad woman for being married and having sexual desire for men. They tried to accommodate her and her needs here. Even though she had a medical condition that made it really, really hard for her to say no to sex or stop herself from being perverted. The doctors had called it sex addiction and nymphomania. She'd managed it just fine with medication she told Kami was for obsessive-compulsive behavior for ten years after she was diagnosed. Then the pharmacist lost her prescription and she hadn't managed to get more pills during any of her doctor visits.

She tossed her long red ponytail over her shoulder, laughing when the two men each got under one of her arms. She squeezed them both close and grinned when they returned her embrace. "Ah, sweet ones," she cooed. "I missed you so much. Need you to fuck me so badly right now…"

The door opened, and Kami strode in, looking angry as hell. His brown trench coat billowed behind him, almost perfectly matching the color of his eyes. A black shirt clung to his muscles, showing that he was still just as broad and strong as ever, and he wore classic fit blue jeans that seemed to hug his ass and groin but didn't cling too close to the rest of his legs. Did he have to choose an outfit that looked so badass and sexy? Spirit wanted to run to him, feel her meister husband's muscles, and beg him to fuck her right there while everyone was watching.

No, bad Spirit! That was a really naughty fantasy! She wanted it so badly though. She could almost taste Kami kissing her and making his claim on her in public. She'd never been good at impulse control. But because she'd been friends with Stein since she was in second grade and he was in kindergarten, she'd learned. She had to. Someone had to be responsible for Stein. It wasn't her anymore.

Anger shone in his brown eyes. Spirit whimpered; he rarely got like this with her unless she'd done something wrong. Oh. Right. Cheating was something wrong. But she needed sex at least once a week or she felt like she was going to die. That was why the doctors said she was an addict. And now Kami was going to find out. He'd never believe her. Nobody did except those doctors who got her pills to help handle it. "Has anyone seen my wife? Lord Death said she'd be here."

Kami had checked in with Lord Death to find her? Oh no. She must've been really late coming home! She should've called him, but all she cared about was her own pleasure. What kind of loving wife was she? He paced around. "Sir, who's your wife?" one of the hosts asked. "Can you describe her for me?"

"She's a redhead with great curves, a ponytail, blue eyes, and a tendency to wear suits." Oh. That was how Kami saw her looks. She wondered if she should try to dress sexier for him; maybe that was why they didn't have sex as much as she'd like. He didn't think she was attractive. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about how that must feel to him. He looked so sexy. Why couldn't she try looking sexy for him?

"Oh! You're looking for Miss Spirit. I didn't know that you were married to her. She's on the couch over there." Kami's combat boots clicked as he walked towards the couch. Spirit stood up. She loosened her tie and undid her ponytail. She tried to undo some of the buttons on her shirt so that Kami could see her cleavage. She wanted him to grab her possessively and say she was his.

She flashed a flirtatious wink and purred, "Hi, Kami." He still looked angry with her, and she didn't know why. She needed him. He was her meister, and if he couldn't be convinced to have sex with her, maybe he could polish and sharpen her scythe form. Her blade had started to become dull lately, and she couldn't fix it herself. It made her want to cry. Spirit smiled at him, reaching out to touch him. She tried to take him by the hand, but anger flashed in his eyes again. Oh. He must not want sex then. Or her. "Are you here to see me, love?"

He let out a sigh and took her by the hand to the car. Spirit hadn't even paid yet for her time at Chupa Cabra's. The bartender handed her back the credit card and whispered, "This one's on the house." Spirit didn't care. She was being taken somewhere by Kami, and maybe he was planning something romantic. Oh, she hoped so! She loved her Kami and didn't want to make him angry.

They drove in silence the way home, the only sound the jazz music that Kami liked to listen to in the car. Once they got home and in the house, Kami let out a sigh, like he was displeased with her. She looked at him in worry, biting her lip and whimpering. He didn't look happy, he looked sad that she was found in a host club. "Kami-love? Is something wrong?"

"Please tell me that you were only in that host club because Lord Death sent you after someone. A witch, or an informant to witches."

"No, Kami. I went there on my own"

"Then why were you there?"

Oh no. If she told the truth, she'd have to explain about the pills. She'd have to explain her medical condition and how it made her need sex a lot more then Kami thought she did. Twice a month and falling asleep after wasn't good enough. But she had to tell the truth, otherwise he'd never trust her again. She couldn't stop herself from crying.

"I have a medical condition that makes me compelled to go there," she admitted. "Those pills I had and said were for obsessive-compulsive behavior until six years ago? They weren't for obsessive-compulsive behavior at all."

Kami rolled his eyes. "Are you serious? What medical condition could possibly make you compelled to visit host clubs?"

Spirit sobbed. "I know! It sounds like bullshit! But when I was sixteen, a year before we met, I was clinically diagnosed with sex addiction."

"You're making up an excuse so that you can justify cheating on me," Kami snapped. "Sex addiction isn't a thing, Spirit. It's just an excuse to be a slut."

"K-kami…those pills were to help me manage my sex addiction. They made me have far less sexual urges, so I was satisfied with twice a month."

He scowled at her, glaring down at her 5'8" frame. "You're a woman. How can you possibly want sex more than twice a month?"

She sobbed and sobbed, unable to stop herself from crying. "I'm not like that. If I don't have sex at least once a week, I feel like I'm going to die. All my thoughts start to shut down and I can't concentrate."

"See, that's a slutty excuse. If you weren't a slut, you'd be fine with me! You'd be loyal! I can't believe you cheated, Spirit! I thought you loved me! I thought you were a good mother to Maka!" He paced around, crossing his arms in frustration. How could he think she didn't love him? How could he think she wasn't a good mama? She did love her family, more then anything in the world. That was why she didn't tell him about her medical condition. She thought he'd try to leave her for it. She thought Maka would worry that she'd inherit it, or worse, be disgusted.

He left, and she managed to drag herself to the couch, sobbing and sobbing. Was she going to lose him? Maka came over to her and asked, "What's wrong, Mama?" Her daughter was visiting them from her DWMA provided housing. Spirit loved those visits. She got to be with her daughter and take care of her.

She couldn't lie to her Maka! She loved her daughter! She'd been such a proud mama when Maka was accepted into the DWMA as a meister. "Maka! I cheated on your papa and he found out! Oh, Maka, I don't mean to cheat, but I've got a problem and I can't stop myself from it! I just love you and your papa so much!"

Maka walked away. Oh. Maka didn't want to comfort her. Spirit curled up on the couch, sobbing and sobbing without noticing time until Kami came back. She heard his feet before she saw him. She was still crying. He could leave her, and he was the love of her life! Spirit couldn't live without him! She needed Kami.

"I got the papers for divorce. All I need is your signature," Kami snapped.

"Divorce? Kami!" She flung herself off the couch and grabbed his legs, holding onto them. There was a high keening sound in the room, and she didn't know what it was at first, but it was her. She stopped only to sob and look up at him. "I love you, Kami! I can change, I promise. I'll go back to taking my pills. I'll get marriage counseling for us. You're the love of my life! I won't be able to be happy without you! Kami! Kami, please! I need you! God, Kami, I love you so much, I'll do anything for you!"

He looked down at her and scowled. "Then sign these divorce papers, you slut. You're making everything up about sex addiction. I talked to a marriage counselor, and she agrees that sex addiction is just a way that whorish women like you justify cheating on their husbands." He shoved the papers in front of her face. Spirit wailed and clung closer to his legs.

"Kami, no! Please!" She felt like her heart was breaking.

"Sign the papers, Spirit. I can't live with a cheating whore of a wife. Who knows what diseases you have."

Spirit's tears came fresh as she signed, only doing it for Kami. This would just be a trial separation, and then they'd get back together. Spirit would show him that she could be an amazing mother! She'd stop being a pervert! Then Kami would have to take her back and fix her broken heart. She needed him. She loved him so much, it felt like her heart broke again when he left with the divorce papers and a suitcase.

"Maka, I love you. Please don't go," she begged. All she had left was Maka. She had to prove herself to be the best mother in Death City or else Kami wouldn't come back for her.

"You drove Papa away. Now he's going to the DWMA branch in Orlando, Florida. Why did you have to cheat?"

"Mama loves you, Maka. I'll never cheat on anyone again. I'll win your papa back and make you proud of me!"

"You're no mama of mine!" Maka stomped out the door, slamming it shut.

Spirit was alone. The two people she loved most had abandoned her because she was a pervert. She went to crawl into bed, dragging the covers on her side. She didn't even have the energy to brush her teeth or eat dinner. All she wanted was to sleep and wake up from this horrible dream.