TWAZOID. When story's go interesting.

HEADS UP: I do actually like Twilight, i just dislike certain aspects and decided to hell with it, im going to make this as insulting, confusing and possibly only myself-due to my lunacy level- will understand it.

BIG KISSES TO KATE WHOM ENCOURAGED ME LMAO

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TWAZOID- THE DIFFERENCES

Bella stood standing at her dad's car, clutching a cacti, thinking how boring she was, but, due to her authors desires and idea about turning her basic porno fantasy dream into a book, that millions of people read everyday, she decided to make the main character as boring as possible, resulting in a world wide epidemic of boring teenagers wanting to get bitten. This also led to a major increase in fork piercings.

"I am so boring" Bella said as she ran her hands through her long shiny mane.

Suddenly, and for no apparent reason a giant armadillo walks past "You think you have problems, i just got told that horses can act!"

Bella, to boring to be outraged, opted to lower her voice and talk like a man in a loud whinny.

Charlie, Bella's more interesting parent who doesn't look like a druggo and abandons his daughter without actually fighting to keep her, strolls up to her, holding his gun by his side, expressionless. "Bella, i am a man. And a man owns a gun and is chief of police in a small town no one cares about. Because of this i have to ask you emotionless and non-clingy-ily. Have you done something to your hair?"

Rolling her eyes and bobbing her head up and down, resulting in her barely there brain to fall out her horse ears and roll to the floor.

Later on after a boring ride to the house wear Bella managed to be more boring nd look even more like a horse she got to her room.

"I bought you a purple bedspread. Well i didn't because i am a manly man but i got a woman to get it for you" Charlie said, standing in her room, pointing to a mass of purple blankets that resemble reused vomit.

Bella shook her head in agreement and watched as Charlie walked off, talking to herself in her head because she has no life nor any friends. She sat down, still clutching a cacti that she dug up and ripped from his cactus family.

HONK

Bella sighed and stood up, trotting down the stairs, her long tail swaying side to side, she ran straight into the glass door. idiot.

"Bella! It's me, Jacob. A smart, heroic 16 year old who is related to wolfs! oh and you are Bella, who i made mud pies with naked! LOVEEEE MEEE!!!!!!!!!" Jacob cried, flinging his arms wide open and embraced Bella, smashing her ugly horse face beneath his armpits.

All the while they stood outside a beat up orange truck, that, amazingly, Bella didn't notice, due to the fact she was still contemplating nibbling on Jacobs hair, wondering if it was like straw.

"Bella, Bella. These emotional displays disturb me, i am a man after all. And i bought this car, thinking it was manly, and perhaps will make people notice you. If not for your starling resemblance to horses, but for thinking you have no taste" Charlie said. running his hand along the Shaft of his.... gun. INNUENDO!

"Thank you dad. This is nice of you. And if i could express myself other then doing an impersonation of a Elvis Presley car bobble head i would" Bella stated.

"BELLA BELLLLLA! LOVE ME! I MADE THIS CAR!" Jacob shouted, lunging for Bella like a hormonal dog.

Strangely a person walked past, not resembling Kate from real life in any way, wearing a big "I WANT PIE" shirt. "What the hell! you said i would be awesome Ellie!" she shouted at me... wait why am i in this story, shut up Kate!

Placing her hands on her hips she gave me a scary face, that made Bella whimper and hide behind Jacob, who got suddenly erected... -Standing straight i mean... INNUENDO! hehe- Due to her still clutching a Cacti that jabbed into his arse, because she is a butt kisser.

"Ellie! What the hell! you suck!" kate shouted, and, because i incorperated her into this story, i am in controll, so simply.

A gaint armidillo walked past again and stood on a wire, which set off ingenious traps which led to a very, very long monolouge which insuently led to my characters falling asleep in borem and kate to suddenly vanish on the armidillo shouting YEEHAAWS!

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Well people, i enjoy reviews... and if i don't get reviews I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!