By: Olivia
Miranda loves Declan.
I don't know why I didn't see it before when it is so clear to me now.
Miranda only left my office a few minutes ago and I keep on running our conversation through my head.
Miranda says she doesn't know if she likes seeing Declan and Emma together. She says she doesn't know if Declan and I would make a bad couple. She knows. She knows that she loves him and as far as I can tell Declan doesn't feel the same way about either of us. Declan loves Emma. Miranda loves Declan. And I love…
Miranda is hurting. And just like all of Miranda's feelings, she bottles them up inside of her. But I could see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice. Declan can be so blind sometimes. He just doesn't realize the affect he has on people, the devotion he inspires.
I mean it's only natural that Miranda would fall in love with him. There she was, a lone, introverted, shy grad student at a new school and Declan comes along and befriends her in that charming way only he is capable of. He encourages her in her studies, praises her in her accomplishments, and he challenges her physics abilities in explaining unexplainable "miracles." With Declan, there' s no such thing as a dull moment.
I'm only surprised I didn't see it before. Okay, maybe I did. I know she wasn't "thrilled" about Declan and I becoming friends, but in all honesty, I just thought she didn't care for me that much because we really didn't have that much in common besides Declan. I never questioned why she didn't like me. I never thought she was jealous-until now.
Because with Emma here, I'm no longer the "new" woman in Declan's life. And yes, I am jealous that this woman is taking Declan away, but also I really don't like her. But if I wasn't jealous, I probably wouldn't have made my dislike for Emma plain to Declan and her. I would have kept my feelings to myself. Sometimes, I wish I was like Miranda and could keep a reign on my emotions. I'm ashamed of some, okay all, of the snide remarks I made to Emma. I'm ashamed of not trying to like my friend's, let's face it, my best friend's girlfriend. Maybe I too love Declan…
I glance at my watch. It's late. I should be getting home. But I keep thinking about Miranda. I'm glad she stopped by tonight. It felt good to talk to someone who's feeling the same as me. Maybe misery really does love company. But I think it did us both good, gave us some common ground, a starting point for our friendship. For once I think I really "got" Miranda and I think she is beginning to understand me as well.
For some reason I feel more sorry for Miranda than for myself because I did have someone in my life whom I loved and who loved me back. I only wish the same for Miranda, if it is Declan or otherwise, because I hate to see her so sad. I tried to let her know that maybe Declan has already found his soul mate in Miranda, and he just hasn't realized it yet. Or maybe it's me… If there's one thing I've learned in the time I've spent with Declan it's that if it's meant to be it will be.
I do know that from now on, I'm going to try to get to know Miranda better and be a better friend to her. I would never want Declan to be an issue between us like it is with Emma and us. I'm just sorry it took Emma to make me realize this.
The End
"She never told her love, but let concealment, like a worm in the bud, feed on her damask cheek. She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow melancholy she sat, like Patience on a monument, smiling at grief. Was this not love indeed?"-Shakespeare-"Twelfth Night"
"I've got some things I can't tell anyone/I got some things I just can't say/There the kind of things no one knows about/I just need someone to talk to me…In all this time/The bottom line's you don't know how much I feel"-Counting Crows-"Speedway"