"All rise for the honorable judge Red XIII." A police officer said, as the red beast emerged from a side room in the courthouse. He walked to a long stool and sat on it. He glanced across the courtroom to see the jury, several people seated in the back, and the accused and accuser.
"I've read both of your reports, and I want to know if either of you would like to drop this idiotic case now and make my profession much more tolerant." The dog like creature said. He waited for a few minutes and then sighed. "Very well. Lawyers, do you have any opening statements?"
Reeve, dressed in a blue suit and carrying a briefcase, stepped up and made his way to the front. "I intend to prove that Mr. Sith was guilty of all crimes toward my client." He sat down again.
A small, red capped, black and white cat stood up. "Rufus is a idiot! Rufus is a idiot!" He shouted and pointed his paw at a man standing next to Reeve, dressed in white with his hair combed oddly.
Red XIII glared at the small cat. "Mr. Sith, didn't we give you a lawyer because you claimed you couldn't afford one?"
"You call this a lawyer?" The cat said angrily, as he pulled out a stuffed Cactaur in a suit. He pulled a string on the back of it.
"That's preposterous! Not only is that evidence pure fabrication, it has nothing to do with our case. You communist bastards can't push my client under the rug like you have done to so many other people. Your turpitude makes me hydrophobic. You would rather spend money on your parsimonious congregations than on the coagulations of people that advocate you and your anti governmental bilge. Go to hell you stagnant barbarous bastards!" The doll shook violently and its mouth moved up and down.
Red shrugged the best he could. "I don't run the system, I just work for it."
"Tyrant! I'm my own lawyer!" The cat screamed angrily.
"Well then, since Mr. Sith stands the chances of winning this case are on par of the proverbial snowball's chances in hell, let's hear his side on the story first."
"Well, it's like thi-"
Rufus stood up and shook his finger at the cat. "I object! That's a lie!" He was yanked back into his seat by reeve.
"Sir, you can't accuse him of anything until after he says something important."
"Oh, right." Rufus frowned and glared at the cat.
Insanity Studio Presents
A Cait Sith Fanfic
Unjustified Justice
"Come on, we've been friends for a long time right? I helped you save the world, right?" Cait Sith said, the small cat on his knees and pleading in front of a large man dressed in blue. "So please let me live in the garage for a few more months! I'll get the rent money!"
The man ran his right hand though his spiky yellow hair. "I don't know, the last time you actually made money you invested it all in stock for www.petsovernight.com that, of course, bombed."
"That was a mistake! I won't make it again! Besides, what are you going to do with the garage?" The cat gestured around Clouds beach town plaza. "What are you going to do? Park cars in here? We don't even have roads, and who knows where the hell that tank went. Dio probably went and took it back!"
"Well, I was planning to fill it with my collection of useless items and tidbits." He pulled out a blond wig and a small toy soldier.
"Oh come on, no one wants to see that."
"I do."
"Well, no one cares what you think, now get out of here, I've had it with you!"
Cloud turned away and started walking to the stairs; his shoulders slumped and looking disgraced. He stopped for a moment as if to consider something, and spun around with an angry look on his face. "Hey, wait, it's my garage!" He noticed Cait Sith kick the floor in frustration. "Ha, I'm not as stupid as I am! Wait." He scratched his head. "I'm not dumb." He glared. "Now get out of here. Consider yourself evicted!" He turned around and walked up the stairs to get back to his life stream swim.
Cait Sith watched as Cloud left. "This sucks. Maybe I can find a homeless shelter to take me in."
* * *
Cait Sith stepped up to the cook and held out his bowl. The lady frowned at him, showing off her hideous face. Cait managed a twisted smile and thrust the bowl out a little more, being rewarded as the woman slapped a foul smelling brown mixture in the bowl. The cat wrinkled his nose and licked a bit of the slop off of the side of the dish.
"What is this!?" The cat spat and waved his bowl around. "You call this food? This is poison! How do you expect people to live on this?" He shook his fist and tossed the bowl over his shoulder. "This is an outrage! If I paid anything for this, I'd want it back!"
"You see Reeve, if I come around and talk to the pathetic people, everyone will think I really care, and being the caring man that they think I am, I will end countless revolution attempts and riots." Rufus smiled smugly as he walked in the door, only to be hit in the face by a flying bowl of slop. "Ahh! My eyes! My eyes!" Rufus screamed as he franticly clawed at the bowl.
Meanwhile, Cait Sith was being escorted out by two large men. "I'm sorry sir, but you have to leave."
"You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am!?" Cait screamed as he struggled to escape the men's grasp.
- - -
"That was you!?" Rufus stood up and pointed at Cait. "Why you little-"
Red XIII took his mallet in his mouth and slammed it on the podium. "We didn't bring Mr. Sith here to prosecute him for throwing slop, so sit down, and be silent!"
Rufus sulked, but did as he was told, casting a menacing glace at Cait Sith.
- - -
"You're not getting four starts from me!" Cait screamed as he was tossed out into the street. He stood and brushed himself off, sighing. He made his way across the street to a payphone and inserted one of his few gil.
"Hello, Sephiroth Productions, how can I help you?" A voice said.
"I need to talk with Sephiroth." Said Cait.
"I'm sorry, he's busy right now." The voice said.
"This is Cait Sith! Tell him Cait Sith wants him to get his useless self on the phone! Now!" Cait screamed, attracting the attention of several people on the street.
"Cait Sith? Mr. Sith, Sephiroth left a message for you if you should call. He says he wants nothing to do with you and your crazy schemes." There was a loud click.
Cait Sith slammed the phone against it's holder and kicked the machine. He was about to scream something profane when a large hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, revealing a police officer.
"That's a ShinRa phone you just destroyed. I'm going to have to take you in." The officer said, as he took out a pair of handcuffs and held them out toward the cat.
"What? You can't do that! I have rights!" He shook his fist at the officer, and then darted under his legs and sprinted for a taxi cab parked near the curb.
"Hey! You can't do that! Come back here!"
However, the Cait wasn't about to stop. He jumped into the cab and shouted, "Take me to Sephiroth Industries!" Cait rolled down the window and called out behind him, "Tell Rufus he has funny hair!"
The policeman slumped dejectedly as the cab speed off into the city. "Oh well, at least now I can go get lunch."
* * *
Sephiroth's secretary was quietly typing when she was startlingly interrupted by a raging cat throwing open the door to her office and marching toward her bosses. "I'm sorry sir, you aren't authorized in here." She said, blocking his way with her body.
"Don't mess with me lady!" Cait looked around the office, spotting a pen on the secretary's desk. He grabbed it and waved it threateningly. "I have a pen, and I know how to use it!" He prodded and poked her until she moved, and he made his way into Sephiroth's office. When he entered he was appalled at what he saw. The room was decorated with Jenova statues, movie posters and statues of Sephiroth himself.
"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth spun his chair around to reveal himself. He looked much the same, other than the fact he was wearing dark sunglasses and in a yoga position. "This is my private time your intruding upon!" He lowered his glasses to take a better look at the intruder. "Cait Sith? What the hell are you doing in my office! Never mind that, get off my Persian rug!"
The cat stepped off it, making sure to drag his claws across the floor as he did. "Who made you Mr. High and Mighty? Just because you have thousands of fans who went to see your new, supposedly, best movie ever?" Cait pointed toward A "Armadillo 2: Lord of the Armadillo" poster. "That move was the largest load of garbage I've ever seen! You don't deserve even half the money you made off of it!" He paused a moment, trying to think of another insult. "And you should sue your interior designer."
"Who do you think you are? You come into my own office and insult me? You better give me a good reason why I shouldn't throw you out of here." Sephiroth glared at Cait Sith.
"I want the money you owe me!" He held up a contract that read, 'I Sephiroth, sign Cait Sith for a seven movie contract, with paid time off.'
"I never did that!" Sephiroth peered at the contract.
"You did! Your signatures right here!" Cait waved the paper around madly, causing the piece of tape holding Sephiroth's name in place to fall off. Cait feigned the best shocked expression he could conjure up at the moment. "What? This contract is a fake!" He pointed accusingly at Sephiroth. "You gave me a fake! I'm dragging your sorry ass to court, buddy!"
Sephiroth looked at Cait Sith for a minute, than reached for his intercom. "Security to my office, please."
* * *
Cait Sith flew out the window, landing on an innocent bystander, who was, unfortunately, Rufus.
"What is the meaning of this!?" Rufus yelled. After he got a good look at his attacker he grimaced. "Not you. Anyone but you."
Cait Sith smiled at Rufus. "Hey, what crawled up on your head and died?"
- - -
"And that's what happened." Said Cait. "It wasn't my fault I tell you!"
Red XIII sighed and turned to Rufus. "Your case?"
* * *
"And that concludes exhibit 94, our final exhibit." Reeve said, three hours later. As he put away his photos he glanced at Cait, to find the sticking his tongue out at him.
Red XIII cleared his throat and beat his mallet against the podium, awakening the sleeping jury members. "Jury, your verdict?"
"We find Mr. Sith guilty of assault, and sentence him to a year back in the esper world." A man said.
"You can't do this! I'll...I'll…I'll break your thumbs!" The can hopped up and down in anger and two men came and carried him away. "I have rights! I'll get you for this! All of you!"
This was an Insanity Studio Production.
Directed by: Cait Sith
Award Winning Soundtrack by: Cait Sith
Produced by: Cait Sith
Thanks to: Cait Sith
Authors note: So, I got halfway through, and then I rushed the rest. Hopefully my next will be better. Look for Cait Sith VS the Chocobo Mafia, coming sometime in 2004. If it's sooner than that, it's a miracle.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to they're respected companies.
"I've read both of your reports, and I want to know if either of you would like to drop this idiotic case now and make my profession much more tolerant." The dog like creature said. He waited for a few minutes and then sighed. "Very well. Lawyers, do you have any opening statements?"
Reeve, dressed in a blue suit and carrying a briefcase, stepped up and made his way to the front. "I intend to prove that Mr. Sith was guilty of all crimes toward my client." He sat down again.
A small, red capped, black and white cat stood up. "Rufus is a idiot! Rufus is a idiot!" He shouted and pointed his paw at a man standing next to Reeve, dressed in white with his hair combed oddly.
Red XIII glared at the small cat. "Mr. Sith, didn't we give you a lawyer because you claimed you couldn't afford one?"
"You call this a lawyer?" The cat said angrily, as he pulled out a stuffed Cactaur in a suit. He pulled a string on the back of it.
"That's preposterous! Not only is that evidence pure fabrication, it has nothing to do with our case. You communist bastards can't push my client under the rug like you have done to so many other people. Your turpitude makes me hydrophobic. You would rather spend money on your parsimonious congregations than on the coagulations of people that advocate you and your anti governmental bilge. Go to hell you stagnant barbarous bastards!" The doll shook violently and its mouth moved up and down.
Red shrugged the best he could. "I don't run the system, I just work for it."
"Tyrant! I'm my own lawyer!" The cat screamed angrily.
"Well then, since Mr. Sith stands the chances of winning this case are on par of the proverbial snowball's chances in hell, let's hear his side on the story first."
"Well, it's like thi-"
Rufus stood up and shook his finger at the cat. "I object! That's a lie!" He was yanked back into his seat by reeve.
"Sir, you can't accuse him of anything until after he says something important."
"Oh, right." Rufus frowned and glared at the cat.
Insanity Studio Presents
A Cait Sith Fanfic
Unjustified Justice
"Come on, we've been friends for a long time right? I helped you save the world, right?" Cait Sith said, the small cat on his knees and pleading in front of a large man dressed in blue. "So please let me live in the garage for a few more months! I'll get the rent money!"
The man ran his right hand though his spiky yellow hair. "I don't know, the last time you actually made money you invested it all in stock for www.petsovernight.com that, of course, bombed."
"That was a mistake! I won't make it again! Besides, what are you going to do with the garage?" The cat gestured around Clouds beach town plaza. "What are you going to do? Park cars in here? We don't even have roads, and who knows where the hell that tank went. Dio probably went and took it back!"
"Well, I was planning to fill it with my collection of useless items and tidbits." He pulled out a blond wig and a small toy soldier.
"Oh come on, no one wants to see that."
"I do."
"Well, no one cares what you think, now get out of here, I've had it with you!"
Cloud turned away and started walking to the stairs; his shoulders slumped and looking disgraced. He stopped for a moment as if to consider something, and spun around with an angry look on his face. "Hey, wait, it's my garage!" He noticed Cait Sith kick the floor in frustration. "Ha, I'm not as stupid as I am! Wait." He scratched his head. "I'm not dumb." He glared. "Now get out of here. Consider yourself evicted!" He turned around and walked up the stairs to get back to his life stream swim.
Cait Sith watched as Cloud left. "This sucks. Maybe I can find a homeless shelter to take me in."
* * *
Cait Sith stepped up to the cook and held out his bowl. The lady frowned at him, showing off her hideous face. Cait managed a twisted smile and thrust the bowl out a little more, being rewarded as the woman slapped a foul smelling brown mixture in the bowl. The cat wrinkled his nose and licked a bit of the slop off of the side of the dish.
"What is this!?" The cat spat and waved his bowl around. "You call this food? This is poison! How do you expect people to live on this?" He shook his fist and tossed the bowl over his shoulder. "This is an outrage! If I paid anything for this, I'd want it back!"
"You see Reeve, if I come around and talk to the pathetic people, everyone will think I really care, and being the caring man that they think I am, I will end countless revolution attempts and riots." Rufus smiled smugly as he walked in the door, only to be hit in the face by a flying bowl of slop. "Ahh! My eyes! My eyes!" Rufus screamed as he franticly clawed at the bowl.
Meanwhile, Cait Sith was being escorted out by two large men. "I'm sorry sir, but you have to leave."
"You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am!?" Cait screamed as he struggled to escape the men's grasp.
- - -
"That was you!?" Rufus stood up and pointed at Cait. "Why you little-"
Red XIII took his mallet in his mouth and slammed it on the podium. "We didn't bring Mr. Sith here to prosecute him for throwing slop, so sit down, and be silent!"
Rufus sulked, but did as he was told, casting a menacing glace at Cait Sith.
- - -
"You're not getting four starts from me!" Cait screamed as he was tossed out into the street. He stood and brushed himself off, sighing. He made his way across the street to a payphone and inserted one of his few gil.
"Hello, Sephiroth Productions, how can I help you?" A voice said.
"I need to talk with Sephiroth." Said Cait.
"I'm sorry, he's busy right now." The voice said.
"This is Cait Sith! Tell him Cait Sith wants him to get his useless self on the phone! Now!" Cait screamed, attracting the attention of several people on the street.
"Cait Sith? Mr. Sith, Sephiroth left a message for you if you should call. He says he wants nothing to do with you and your crazy schemes." There was a loud click.
Cait Sith slammed the phone against it's holder and kicked the machine. He was about to scream something profane when a large hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, revealing a police officer.
"That's a ShinRa phone you just destroyed. I'm going to have to take you in." The officer said, as he took out a pair of handcuffs and held them out toward the cat.
"What? You can't do that! I have rights!" He shook his fist at the officer, and then darted under his legs and sprinted for a taxi cab parked near the curb.
"Hey! You can't do that! Come back here!"
However, the Cait wasn't about to stop. He jumped into the cab and shouted, "Take me to Sephiroth Industries!" Cait rolled down the window and called out behind him, "Tell Rufus he has funny hair!"
The policeman slumped dejectedly as the cab speed off into the city. "Oh well, at least now I can go get lunch."
* * *
Sephiroth's secretary was quietly typing when she was startlingly interrupted by a raging cat throwing open the door to her office and marching toward her bosses. "I'm sorry sir, you aren't authorized in here." She said, blocking his way with her body.
"Don't mess with me lady!" Cait looked around the office, spotting a pen on the secretary's desk. He grabbed it and waved it threateningly. "I have a pen, and I know how to use it!" He prodded and poked her until she moved, and he made his way into Sephiroth's office. When he entered he was appalled at what he saw. The room was decorated with Jenova statues, movie posters and statues of Sephiroth himself.
"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth spun his chair around to reveal himself. He looked much the same, other than the fact he was wearing dark sunglasses and in a yoga position. "This is my private time your intruding upon!" He lowered his glasses to take a better look at the intruder. "Cait Sith? What the hell are you doing in my office! Never mind that, get off my Persian rug!"
The cat stepped off it, making sure to drag his claws across the floor as he did. "Who made you Mr. High and Mighty? Just because you have thousands of fans who went to see your new, supposedly, best movie ever?" Cait pointed toward A "Armadillo 2: Lord of the Armadillo" poster. "That move was the largest load of garbage I've ever seen! You don't deserve even half the money you made off of it!" He paused a moment, trying to think of another insult. "And you should sue your interior designer."
"Who do you think you are? You come into my own office and insult me? You better give me a good reason why I shouldn't throw you out of here." Sephiroth glared at Cait Sith.
"I want the money you owe me!" He held up a contract that read, 'I Sephiroth, sign Cait Sith for a seven movie contract, with paid time off.'
"I never did that!" Sephiroth peered at the contract.
"You did! Your signatures right here!" Cait waved the paper around madly, causing the piece of tape holding Sephiroth's name in place to fall off. Cait feigned the best shocked expression he could conjure up at the moment. "What? This contract is a fake!" He pointed accusingly at Sephiroth. "You gave me a fake! I'm dragging your sorry ass to court, buddy!"
Sephiroth looked at Cait Sith for a minute, than reached for his intercom. "Security to my office, please."
* * *
Cait Sith flew out the window, landing on an innocent bystander, who was, unfortunately, Rufus.
"What is the meaning of this!?" Rufus yelled. After he got a good look at his attacker he grimaced. "Not you. Anyone but you."
Cait Sith smiled at Rufus. "Hey, what crawled up on your head and died?"
- - -
"And that's what happened." Said Cait. "It wasn't my fault I tell you!"
Red XIII sighed and turned to Rufus. "Your case?"
* * *
"And that concludes exhibit 94, our final exhibit." Reeve said, three hours later. As he put away his photos he glanced at Cait, to find the sticking his tongue out at him.
Red XIII cleared his throat and beat his mallet against the podium, awakening the sleeping jury members. "Jury, your verdict?"
"We find Mr. Sith guilty of assault, and sentence him to a year back in the esper world." A man said.
"You can't do this! I'll...I'll…I'll break your thumbs!" The can hopped up and down in anger and two men came and carried him away. "I have rights! I'll get you for this! All of you!"
This was an Insanity Studio Production.
Directed by: Cait Sith
Award Winning Soundtrack by: Cait Sith
Produced by: Cait Sith
Thanks to: Cait Sith
Authors note: So, I got halfway through, and then I rushed the rest. Hopefully my next will be better. Look for Cait Sith VS the Chocobo Mafia, coming sometime in 2004. If it's sooner than that, it's a miracle.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to they're respected companies.