Author's note: These thought moments/scenes are NOT in the order, but I think that they sort of make sense like this, as in if Fletch was rethinking the day he'd just had it would kind of make sense to have his thoughts stream like this. Anyway, I'm sure there will be people who agree/disagree, I just hope you enjoyed reading this.
12 weeks.
It didn't take a genius to do the maths, that's 3 cycles, she must've known, or noticed that something was up, surely she considered the possibility, she should've told him sooner.
He should've known, he would've… He could've…
But the heartbeat, their baby, another one, so strong already, he couldn't help but smile and feel the warmth of her skin, his wife's skin and know that she was smiling too. Happy together, the stress of the everyday just gone as they quietly celebrated another baby. Their baby.
He hadn't really noticed Tess leaving, but when he looked up at the sound of Ash calling his name he saw her so far away, he had to talk to her. What could he do? Apologise? Try to explain?
"No, you should be with your wife"
Wife.
That all important word, the word that held them back for so long, held her back for so long. But he pushed and pushed, wanting her company, wanting her, but still every day returning home to his wife and kids, while she was alone. It was his fault he knew, all of it, the pain Tess was feeling right now, the betrayal. He thought of his confessions of love, especially after she broke it off, trying to do the honourable thing, but he saw the regret in her eyes every time she pushed him away, he knew he was right when he told her she felt the same way. He knew that she loved him too, he knew that he was right. But now, knowing that they could never be together, he wished he had been wrong.
"We're already skint"
"Fletch stop it, it's a baby"
"I need a few minutes, sorry"
It was confusion he saw in her face when he wasn't immediately overjoyed at the prospect of another addition to the family. He'd been so happy, so pleased every other time, little bundles of energy to play with and teach. But not this time, he needed air and space to think, he also knew he couldn't let Nat see him like this, it wouldn't help, he left to think things over. To consider all the times they'd been intimate, trying to work out how far along she was, whether she'd been drinking at all or eating well and not over doing it. Though clearly she had to be lying in a hospital bed, what kind of husband was he?
"What happened? Did you pass the fluid chart onto someone?"
"No"
"So it was you?"
"Do you understand how serious this is?"
"Yea"
It was kind of nice to have Ash immediately assume it wasn't his fault, it was his job and Ash had told him directly to give the litre of saline, but all the same he trusted him not to make this mistake. It was painful to tell him otherwise, and then watch the surprise and confusion on his face, it didn't make sense to Ash, he had to ask again. It was like a wave of disappointment, how could someone capable of performing a tracheotomy with a practically blunt knife under an enormous amount of pressure then make such a simple mistake? Zoe on the other hand launched straight in, it was almost easier than dealing with the disappointment. He'd already accepted it, it was his fault, though not directly like Ash was having difficulty trying to understand, but the result was the same and that was where Zoe was focussed. He could deal with that, cause he knew, after everything that had happened, it was true, it was his fault.