Fanfic Challenge 17 – The New Year's Resolution Challenge
Just a Little Unwell
"Soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be" Rob Thomas
Coming back to his desk with fresh coffee, Reid saw it. Honestly, it was hard to miss. He frowned at the vibrant cherry-red envelope that had appeared atop his desk during his short absence and eyed it as if it were some previously undiscovered variety of tarantula.
Oh, he knew what it was. He knew the hope that Garcia would have forgotten had been in vain. Why had he allowed himself to be talked into sampling the punch at Garcia's annual 'It's New Years Day and There's Nothing on TV Except Football So Let's Eat' party. Morgan had to have spiked it. If there was one thing Reid knew and knew well, it was that no-one would have been able to talk him into making a New Year's Resolution in front of Garcia if he'd been sober. The real worry? Not only couldn't he remember the end of the party, he hadn't been able to remember what resolution he'd made.
Finally concluding that the envelope was unlikely to disappear or self-combust, Reid finally picked it up and closed his eyes. He wasn't exactly religious, but right now he put up a silent plea to every deity in every book he's ever read that Morgan had only been teasing when he'd said that Reid had sworn to try and give up coffee. He'd much rather try to do without a limb than without his coffee. Reaching out, he took a protective hold of his cup and took a long sip to brace himself for opening the seal.
The paper inside was a pale sort of silvery-blue and the writing had been done in metallic gold. Glancing over the words, he slumped slightly in relief as the breath he'd been holding slowly released.
"I, Spencer Reid, do hereby resolve that in the year 2012 I will speak with and visit my mother more often."
At least the resolution was something that he actually wanted to do this year. Slipping the paper back inside of the envelope, he glanced at the calendar. He really did need to make a more concerted effort to reach out to his mother. They got so busy on cases that time slipped away in a rush and before he knew it, it had been weeks since he spoke with her. Oh, he was very faithful with his letters, but he knew from her reactions to them (when she was lucid enough to notice) that his calls and visits meant far more than the letters.
Continuing to look at the calendar, Reid took another sip of coffee then saw a flash of blonde hair from the corner of his eye. Blinking as the thought came to him, he began to smile. Getting up, he went in pursuit of the blonde figure.
"J.J.? J.J. - wait up a minute."
Stopping in her tracks, pile of folders still in hand, J.J. turned and gave a smile over.
"What's the rush, Spence? Don't tell me the coffee maker's out of order."
"Hey - no jinxing the caffeine supply. No - nothing like that. I was - well, I was wondering if maybe you might be free this weekend. You and Henry. If we don't have a job. And I'd pay for both of you and -"
"Whoa! Slow down and breathe. What's this all about?"
"Henry. Uhm - that didn't explain much, did it? Okay."
Reid closed his eyes and took a very deliberate deep breath.
"I wanted to go visit my mother this weekend and I'd really like to introduce her to my godson. So I'd like to treat the two of you to a weekend in Vegas. I know some shows that I'm sure Henry would absolutely love to see. And I know my mom would love Henry. Who wouldn't love Henry? I've written to her about him, of course - and sent pictures, but that's not the same as -"
Smiling, J.J. held her hand up to interrupt what was starting to turn into a marathon of nervous ramblings.
"If there isn't a case, that sounds like a pleasant weekend. Are you - I mean, do you think your mother will be up for strangers visiting?"
"You aren't strangers. Henry's my godson and you're his mother. I'll call today and clear it with the doctor."
"Well then, I guess you have arrangements to make. Let me know the flight times."
Arrangements were handled with one stop - he popped his head into Garcia's office and didn't even have to beg for the favor. While transportation was being handled by the goddess of all things computer related, Reid gave a call to Bennington and spoke with his mother's primary care doctor. The doctor's considered opinion was that it should be good stimulation for his mother as long as someone was always present with her and the boy.
Reid was very grateful that the conversation was over the phone as the doctor might have been insulted at the way he had rolled his eyes over that statement. He dearly loved his mother, but was all too aware that she couldn't even take proper care of herself. At the long pause, the doctor must have realized how badly that had come across and apologized before ending the call.
The only case that came in only required a phone consultation, so early Saturday morning, Reid showed at J.J.'s door in a taxi, ready to get the three of them to the airport. It rather amused Reid to note that for a two-day trip, the one with the largest suitcase was Henry.
"Trust me, Spence. Traveling with a toddler is less stressful if you bring plenty of extra clothes and some toys that they're used to. Over-stimulation can be a problem sometimes and familiar things can help."
J.J. stopped talking when she noticed the odd look on Reid's face. It was hard to describe – kind of partly sad and partly bemused.
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"Oh – no. No. It's just –"
Reid looked away, took a steadying breath and wet his lips. Then he spoke softly as he reached for Henry's carry-on bag.
"The doctor said very much the same thing about my mother once."
"Oh, Spence."
Reaching out, she touched the arm reaching out for the bag. She couldn't think of what to say, so she refrained from saying anything else. What could she say? Henry would grow out of this stage. Reid's mother wouldn't.
Reid actually appreciated her not making what he privately thought of as a 'nonsense statement'. So many times, people would make flippant statements like 'oh, it will get better' or 'things always work out for the best'. Like he could believe that in their line of work. In his opinion, the world could be an easier place if more people could learn to just express sympathy without acting like they had to provide a solution.
The flight passed easily enough. Henry had a stuffed dinosaur with him and he was endlessly amused by Reid's trick of pretending to pull a coin from different spots on the dinosaur and occasionally from his mother's ear. They arrived early enough to stop at the rooms that Reid had booked for the weekend and let Henry grab a nap. The doctor had suggested that the best time for a visit might be in the afternoon and a well-rested Henry would also be the best idea.
The doctor had given Diana the heads up that her son was going to be by sometime during the afternoon and, as soon as lunch had finished, she was waiting in anticipation. When she caught sight of him with the blonde woman and child at his side, she was briefly puzzled by their presence, but then focused her attention on her son.
"Spencer. This is such a nice surprise. Are you eating? You look thin. We've already had lunch, but maybe I could have them find you a sandwich."
"I'm fine, Mom. Honest."
Leaning forward, he kissed her tenderly.
"Mom? Remember I wrote you about becoming a godfather to Henry?"
"Of course I . . . oh, Spencer. Is this him? Is this Henry?"
Henry shyly hid partially behind his mother as the woman with Uncle Spencer said his name. Reid smiled down at Henry and held out a hand to him.
"Henry? This is my mom. Would you like to meet her?"
J.J. touched her son's hair lightly to reassure him and he bobbed his head before reaching out to take Reid's hand. Diana didn't reach out to touch him herself. She just lowered herself to kneel on the floor so that she could get a better look at him.
"You are so big. I hadn't imagined that you were already so tall, Henry. Spencer writes to me about you all of the time. He says you two like to read together. Do you like books?"
Henry was still a bit too shy to speak to her, but he nodded.
"We can all go to my room. Would that be alright? There's so many people out here."
She looked to J.J. and lowered her voice, speaking softly.
"You never know who might be watching out here. You cannot be too careful, you know."
"I'd love to see your room, Mrs. Reid."
"Oh, call me Diana, dear. You are J.J., aren't you? Henry's mother? Well, of course you are."
Reid helped his mother back up and the four of them went to her room.
"Spencer? Would you pick out a book for us? J.J., there's a picture album there if you'd like to look at it. You know, I think I have some pictures in there of Spencer when he was Henry's age."
Reid didn't even have to search. He reached for the well-worn book and offered it to his mother, sitting on one side of her as Henry sat on the other.
"You always did love this one, dear."
Gently opening the book with a reverent air, Diana began to read in the soft, steady voice that Reid had always loved to hear.
"It befell in the days of Uther Pendragon, when he was king of all England, and so reigned, that there was a mighty duke in Cornwall that held war against him long time. And the duke was called the Duke of Tintagil. And so by means King Uther sent for this duke, charging him to bring his wife with him, for she was called a fair lady, and a passing wise, and her name was called Igraine."
As Diana read aloud from Le Morte D'Arthur, J.J. carefully sat down with the photo album and slowly looked over the pages. It wasn't difficult to spot Reid in them. He was the only child in any of them. The first ones did remind her of Henry. The open smiles and carefree expressions. But those images didn't last long.
Even by the time Spence was around Henry's age, the smile was still there, but it seemed a little more shadowed. By the time the photos reached first grade age, he looked more guarded. The smiles were still there, but far more subdued. J.J. closed the book quietly after she reached the ones where the smiles never went past his lips any more. He was far too young for eyes to look that old.
"And at the feast of Pentecost all manner of men assayed to pull at the sword that would assay; but none might prevail but Arthur, and pulled it out afore all the lords and commons that were there, wherefore all the commons cried at once, We will have Arthur unto our king, we will put him no more in delay, for we all see that it is God's will that he shall be our king, and who that holdeth against it, we will slay him. And therewithal they kneeled at once, both rich and poor, and cried Arthur mercy because they had delayed him so long, and Arthur forgave them, and took the sword between both his hands, and offered it upon the altar where the Archbishop was, and so was he made knight of the best man that was there."
The voice stopped and J.J. looked down to see that Henry had dozed off with his head resting against Diana's side. Smiling, Diana just passed the book over to Reid and wrapped one arm around Henry to steady him.
"Such an attentive child. Very bright, I have no doubt. And you're his godfather. Is there such a thing as a godgrandmother?"
J.J. came over closer.
"If there hasn't been one before, there's no reason there can't be one now. If you'd like to be."
Diana smiled up at J.J.
"Oh yes, dear. I would like that. I would like that very much. Spencer?"
Turning her head, Diana looked straight at her son and froze. Reid wasn't sure what was happening, but he saw the tears starting to form and caught J.J.'s eyes before looking down toward Henry. He was grateful that J.J. got the message and reached for Henry, picking up her limp son.
"Here, let me take him for a minute."
Diana removed her arm from around Henry without even really noticing that he was being moved. Her whole focus was on Reid's face. Her hands were trembling slightly as she raised them to his face and held it.
"You're grown. How old are you now?"
His voice had a slight tremor to it as he lifted a hand to rest it against one of his mother's.
"I'm thirty now, Mom."
"I've missed so much, haven't I?"
Swallowing hard, he met her eyes and smiled back at her.
"A little here and there, Mom."
"Are you mad at me for that?"
"At you? No. Never. I love you."
As she gathered him to her in a tight hug that he returned, he reflected that was true. He hated the disease his mother had, but he could separate the way he felt about it from the way that he felt about her.
They stayed with her for another hour until it was time for her to go to a therapy session. Henry had woken back up by then and had been showing off his stuffed dinosaur. When they started saying their goodbyes, he even shyly gave Diana a kiss on her cheek.
"I'm so glad you all came. Will you bring Henry back again?"
Taking Diana's offered hand, J.J. smiled.
"Yes, I will. You two haven't finished the story yet, after all."
After kissing his mother goodbye, Reid picked Henry up to carry him out. Once they were outside, he stopped and closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath.
"Thank you, J.J."
Adjusting the bag she was carrying slightly, she smiled at the sight of how easily Reid held Henry now like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"For what, Spence?"
"For sharing Henry with my mother. For a little while there, it was like - "
He lost the words and just gazed back toward the sanitarium. He never completed the sentence. He just took another deep breath and turned back around to start walking. After a moment, J.J. just fell in step beside him and let the silence continue until he finally spoke again, very softly.
"Every now and then, I get scared. That one day I'll walk through that door and Diana will be there, but my mother will be gone."
Moving to take his free hand, J.J. blinked back the tears that had formed at the sound of the honest, raw pain in his voice. She leaned her head slightly and let it touch his arm as they continued to walk silently away.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." Norman Cousins