(A/n) okay, I apologise for the really bad grammatical, spelling and the overall technicality of this piece. It was written in ten minutes on my phone and I didn't have the time last night to check it all. So I apologise again and thank you to tanerose5 for pointing this out for me (it's never been bad I swear!). I also played about with ages and things like that too so please read and review and tell me what you all think!
Re-revelations
After the hankel case, we had picked up Reid from the hospital as soon as we could. He hated them and all that he needed to do was watch out for the withdrawal symptoms. Fortunately, he'd had none. Yet. We all piled into the plane, Reid sitting on one of the chairs along with everyone else. All of them completely ignoring me. It's not that I'm selfish and looking for attention but the only person to ask me if I was alright was Reid. Only he had noticed that I'd been ill. Coming down with the flu most likely. No matter what, even if they all think I'm older than Reid, I'd always put him first. There was only two people on the team that knew that he was really the senior agent that night. Reid and Hotch. I'd had a bit of a bad child hood and to avoid it all coming back, I'd had to change a few things about me. Again, only hotch and Reid knew that. I was left with the couch. I sat at the end seat and got some files out, planning on working my guilt away. I think I got about three files in when Hotch stopped me.
"JJ, stop. You know it wasn't your fault. I know what you're doing and I won't let you do it." He said sternly.
"Tough then, Hotch. I need to do something, I'm not as experienced as everyone else on this team. I need to prove that I can be here, to you, the brass and to everyone else. I love my job Hotch, but most people just see me as a face, someone who talks to the press. A puppet. And I need to show them that I'm not. So please, just let me do this." I near enough begged him.
He stared at me awestruck, I'd never told anyone that that was how I felt. I knew that's what most people seen me as. I know he knew too. Can't blame me can he?
" I don't care. You helped so much with this case, JJ. You done everything you could have and unfortunately someone got hurt. You need to remember that you're not a field agent too. Everyone else is. He doesn't blame you and neither does the rest of the team. It's okay" he said after he recovered from my out burst.
"Really Aaron? You really think they don't blame me. Look at them right now. They haven't spoken to me since I was found in the barn. When I confronted them, I got told it was my fault. How can I not think it's my fault? I haven't slept in about four days, trying to get him back, prove that I'm more than a puppy dog obeying its master. I've already went and started the classes to help more on cases. I don't want to be a profiler but I don't want to be seen as someone who just sits there. I'm going to be a field agent so I can come on raids and know what to do. I can't let something like this happen again. I really don't have any clue how to fix this. I feel like the weak link in the team and I feel like I'm letting you all down. And I can't apologise enough for that" I started to feel a little worse now, kinda faint.
"JJ, your ill. And don't bother denying that" I quickly shut my mouth" like you said, you haven't slept in nearly four days and you are making yourself worse. I've known you for years JJ and I know what you're like, so do me a favour and get some sleep then you can finish your reports." He said it so kindly and actually seemed like he cared that I couldn't refuse him.
"Fine" I relented. I quickly packed up my things and stowed them away safely in my briefcase where another ten reports needing me were.I seen Hotchs' eyes look into my briefcase when it was opened.
"How many reports do you bring with you on a case JJ?" He asked.
"It depends, usually about twenty or so, I do them whenever I'm not needed on a case or at night in my hotel room. Whenever I can, I can't let people die." I said, quite defeated now.
"Okay, tomorrow. After three when you come in, we will talk about this, okay? Just get some rest please"
I lay down on the couch and turned my back towards him, trying to sleep as fast as I could. I felt him drape a blanket over me and walk away. I decided to zone in on everyone's conversation. What I didn't think I would hear was my family talking about me. Hating me.