I Want A Blogger

I am Sherlock Holmes, the one and only consulting detective. And I am not an amateur. I am the one they call in when they are too stupid to figure out a homicide case. I am the one they consult when they have stressed every bit of the obvious with their tiny little brains, when they can't use their simplistic minds to look at what isn't there.

But I am also lonely.

This thought came upon me while I solved the latest homicide case for them. Sure, there's Lestrade and Anderson to keep my company, but they are too dull and too stupid to bother with. No, I don't need them.

I want someone with a simpler mind than they, someone who hasn't seen my absolute brilliance, someone who hasn't seen my work, someone to admire and talk about it for days, someone to join me on cases. I want someone who will be shocked by my knowledge.

I want a blogger.

I want a blogger who won't be afraid of the danger that follows where I go. I want a blogger who won't mind my experiments, a blogger I can experiment on. I want a blogger who will entertain me when I'm bored. I want a blogger who will remind me that it's not just about solving a case. I want a blogger who will share a flat with me, although I'm quite certain I don't need a flatmate. I want a blogger who will take care of Mrs. Hudson while I am indisposed of, a blogger who will care for me. I want a blogger who will protect me, even though I don't need protecting. I want a blogger who will go with me, a blogger who will see beyond the obvious with his simpler mind. I want a blogger who will let me see what it's like in a mind that isn't mine (it must be so boring). I want a blogger who will tell Anderson to bugger off, a blogger who knows what it's like to be in danger.

I want a blogger who won't realize that he's the only friend I've got. I want a blogger who will believe in me, although everything I tell him will be a lie. I want a blogger who won't mind that I tag along on his dates. I want a blogger who will blog about the cases that we solve, and give them mundane, stupid little titles like "A Study in Pink". I want a blogger who will stand up to my annoying older brother, a blogger who won't be afraid to stand up to the government. I want a blogger who will stand for me, who won't back down.

I want you to blog about us, John.