Set shortly after Nowaki leaves for America.

I Wish

"Akihiko, I wish I were still in love with you."

The only way a line like that would ever cross Hiroki's lips was if he were drunk. The bottles on the table attested to that; Akihiko had only had three (four?) glasses so far, and the rest had all been emptied by Hiroki.

"Don't say that."

It wasn't that he hadn't noticed. Akihiko just chose to ignore it, because that's what Hiroki wanted. That was the only way their friendship would stay the same. And then, thankfully, somebody else had taken his place in Hiroki's life.

"But I do. It was so much easier. You'd be in love with Takahiro forever and ever and ever, and I never had to worry about how you felt about me."

Akihiko frowned. That had been an insult just now, hadn't it? "Hiroki, please stop."

"And you'd never leave my side. You'd always be here, and be nice to me, and give me false hope." Hiroki sprawled out so that his head landed in Akihiko's lap.

"I think we should call it a night." They really should, but it hurt him to see his friend obviously in pain. His hand automatically started petting Hiroki's hair.

"And you wouldn't go off to America or wherever and not tell me. And you wouldn't forget to call or write. And I could pretend you could still maybe fall in love with me." His voice was getting shakier and shakier with every statement.

"Hiroki, you really need to stop talking."

"And even if it was a constant heartache, at least I could deal with it. Now, I--"

It wasn't the first time he'd seen Hiroki crying (in fact, hadn't they met with tears in Hiroki's eyes?), but it was unusual for him to be this depressed while drunk. Hiroki was a happy drunk. He chattered endlessly about this amazing boyfriend of his.

"I don't even know if he's coming back. He left without saying goodbye, that's like breaking up, isn't it?"

"I don't know, Hiroki. Do you want it to be over?"

Hiroki grabbed at Akihiko's hand, pulling it down and placing a kiss on it. "Let's have sex, Akihiko. Like the last time. Only this time, we'll both be blindfolded."

"No. We'll both regret it."

"I'll wear my glasses, then you won't be able to tell I'm not Takahiro. Oh, but your body is too cold to be Nowaki. Do you have heat packs lying around somewhere?"

Akihiko pulled his hand free of Hiroki's grip. "No. I'm not doing this." He didn't bother to push Hiroki away when he wrapped his arms around Akihiko's waist.

"I wish I were still in love with you."

"I know."

-

I hate having to add author's notes, but I will because I don't want my credibility tarnished... (In response to the anon review left on Sept. 16, 2008)

It's stated in canon that Hiroki noticed Nowaki missing, and that he called up Nowaki's old orphanage to see if the director knew where Nowaki had gotten off to. The director then tells Hiroki that Nowaki went to study abroad in America (Volume 2, Junjou Egoist act 3).

... Reading the Tokyopop version, apparently they mistranslated "orphanage" into "kindergarten."