Cold Morning
by Corycian Muse

One-Shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters, or anything else, for that matter.

How perception can change one's life for ever; how time can bring hope as well as pain – Kakashi realises it's time for a revelation.

Please read, review, and enjoy…

Time brings with it the inevitable rise of the Sun in the East, and the dawning of another terrible day. Another routine to move through and another day on the brink of death, wishing he could fall further, off the knife edge, never to see another morning rise again. But he couldn't – he was trapped, cornered, with every possibility falling back on him in one way or another. If he were to stand, and do nothing, then his monotonous life would continue, day by day, his mind slowly clouding over. But he was also too afraid to die, and be rid of this enveloping pain. To afraid, and too ashamed, as he lived for not only himself, but his friend, who still watched over him, and looked out from him through the blood-red eye, swirling in death, foreseeing the future.

Obito Uchiha had given his life for Hatake Kakashi, and presented him with the Sharingan eye as a belated gift for his promotion into Jounin level. He had died, so Kakashi had to continue to live, for his friend. If this one reason alone kept Kakashi living, then he would have no power to fight against it. It was what Obito would have wanted. What Kakashi didn't come to understand was that Obito wouldn't have wanted him to live a soulless existence. Because that was how it was.

As the golden rays settle upon the land, it symbolises the coming of another day doing his duty. His duty – what he lives by. But the unfamiliar blue sky will not last long, as grey shadows hang threateningly in the West, their terrific presence representing so clearly, the way Kakashi feels inside. Who knows when this lone man will crack, so young and so distant, so lifeless? Who knows when he will finally give in, and succumb to the spreading pain in his heart? Nobody likes being alone, but Kakashi knew no other way.

Kakashi had been eight years old when he had stepped into the dark room, retching with panic and fear. He clutched his chest, and fell to his knees, and he screamed, blood on his hands.

After that he talked to no one for a long time. He would sit with head bowed and narrowed eyes that constantly roved around him, constantly aware of what he was surrounded by. If someone asked him, he would answer, but ever so slowly and ever so shortly. Maybe a yes, maybe a no. Sometimes he'd just shake his head, or indicate with a slim finger where they wanted to go, but he made his point exceedingly clear. He didn't want people to talk to him, and they didn't very often.

And then Kakashi met Yondaime, the fourth Hokage, and he was introduced to Obito, and Rin, who were to be his companions under Yondaime's teaching, and Kakashi began to talk again. He did not talk of the past, of course, though Yondaime was very aware of it, but they went out on missions as a team, and Kakashi's instinctive strength, that was so natural, and yet, so unbelievable, began to emerge. And Rin got a chance to prove her own strength as a medical-nin, always a back-up, always the saviour in the end, while Obito of the famous Uchiha clan found himself being pushed back, unable to prove anything, apart from his ability in failing. And Yondaime watched them all, as he taught them, and as they found themselves in tight situations. He watched how they dealt with problems, and he mused at their teamwork, and he saw where they were good, and where they needed work. He saw Obito's emerging affection for Rin, and he saw Rin's outward love for Kakashi, and he watched as Kakashi cared for nothing but improving, and completing the mission exceptionally, and always sticking mercilessly to the rules. And how he always managed to put Obito down, whether he meant to or not.

Though they always fought and disagreed, though Kakashi always succeeded and Obito felt like the fool, and Rin held both back from each other because of the power of love - and it seemed to any that on the surface they were determined rivals - deep down, deep inside, and under the abominable façades, Kakashi and Obito were the closest of friends. And it was because of this unbreakable friendship that they always fought, and yet cared so indefinably for one another.

Kakashi saw Obito as a hindrance. He was always late, and he was always one step behind. He found himself in trouble too many times, and it was left to Kakashi (though sometimes Yondaime stepped in) to pause what he was doing, or divert it quickly in order to save Obito's skin. Obito was loud, and always outspoken – sometimes fatally, and Kakashi rarely agreed with his views.

Obito saw Kakashi as a person who took great joy in summing him up as a couple of very insulting words. Sometimes he managed to do it with one word. Sometimes all Kakashi had to do was glare at Obito for his stupidity, and he would feel his blood burning with indignation. Kakashi was so calm and controlled, it was annoying. And if he made a mistake, which were extremely few, Obito would take the chance to throw the superiority back in Kakashi's face. Not that Kakashi cared. He would always be more worried about the mistake he had just made, than the niggling Obito gave him afterwards.

And as fate had its way, Kakashi and Obito were only able to admit their feelings for the other, when they were close to losing each other; when Obito, a person who had grown so profoundly close to Kakashi's heart, yet had never been outwardly admitted, was going to die. But Obito wasn't entirely lost, and he gave Kakashi his Sharingan, the situation possible because of Rin's experienced Medical skills. Because of that, he was always within Kakashi, and always seeing what he saw, while he himself was lost forever, a great pain of loss for Kakashi, and one that would tear at him eternity, never finding peace.

You see, Obito might have thought himself unlucky, especially compared to Kakashi. Obito was from one of the most powerful, and well-known clans – the Uchiha clan, and he was expected so much of, of which he could not give. He always felt put down by Kakashi, because Kakashi was talented – gifted. Kakashi became famous in his own right, not because of the clan he was born into (though the Hatake clan was one of the most prolific). Kakashi was unique.

But Obito was very wrong, and he only learnt this when Yondaime felt the time was right to tell Obito the truth of Kakashi's past, and the truth that the famous 'White Fang' – a person on the same level of respect as the Legendary Sannin – had committed suicide from his own shame. He had disgraced himself, and the Hatake clan for doing such a cowardly thing, and he had left his only child, Kakashi, alone in a world that was on the doorstep of war. "Why did he do such a thing?" Obito had asked in shock, and Yondaime had answered quietly, with a trusting sincerity in his voice, that Sakumo, Kakashi's father, had had to make a decision between the success of the mission and his companions' lives. He decided to abandon the mission to save the lives of his companions, but because of his choice many people had been killed in other places. Because of this, he was blamed by Konoha, and even his companions turned away from him, disgracing him. Sakumo's mind and body became weak, and he took his own…

"It is because of this that Kakashi never speaks of his father," Yondaime had said to Obito, who was filled with sorrow for his friend. He had never known anyone close to him die. "And it is how he began his insistence on following the rules and regulations." Now Obito began to understand why his friend acted the way he did at times. And yet, the truth of it all was painful for him to know. He wondered how Kakashi could deal with it. "Obito," Yondaime continued softly. "Understand him, even a little… don't bear a grudge towards him." But Obito never did have a grudge towards Kakashi. He was always torn between admiration, and jealousy.

Rin never really understood, but Kakashi told her clearly and fervently that Obito had always loved her. He could not understand why she had never noticed, and yet he did not feel anger because of it. He always knew that Rin was blinded by her own love for Kakashi himself. But Kakashi did not love Rin back. He always loved Obito, and had never been able to show it. He always managed to hide his emotions with an uncaring expression and often hurtful words. He had never felt so much regret, and sometimes that regret was unbearable.

And the war between the different countries continued with ferocity.

In time, Rin and Kakashi had moved closer to each other. Obito had told Kakashi to look after Rin, and he wasn't going to deny his friend his last wishes. So Kakashi tried hard to take care and protect Rin, and he did so when they were out in the fields together, fighting for the cause of their land, and what all powerful people wanted – more power. But it was not enough, and Rin died. Another piece of Kakashi's heart broke and shattered.

"I have seen so many people die, so many souls lost," Rin murmured, and for a moment the words stuck in her throat. Kakashi lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, urging her on, and suddenly she found her voice. She looked up at him with strength in her eyes, a confident smile playing on her lips. "The war is nearly over, Kakashi, and we will no longer have to fight. There may be trouble on the borders of our land, and skirmishes may still be fought in the fields, but it doesn't have the urgency, and the absolute fear of the past conflict – it is finished." She gently ran a finger over the scar on Kakashi's eye, and he let her. Then her hand fell to her side, and they stood in mutual silence. "I wish to help lives that can be saved, not take them away," Rin said finally. "I excel in my medical skills, after all." Suddenly, she looked down. She knew her next words had to be said, but it would be painful to remember. "We were saved on that day, by a miracle… on the day that Obito died for us," she said in a low voice. "It has been a year since that day. Now, it is time for me to return to the fields, to put my abilities to use. I will see you some day," Rin finished, taking Kakashi's hand and squeezing it. He murmured a farewell, hating that she would be going back into danger. Every nerve in his body told him to stop her, but he could not control what she did, and it was not his place. His heart and his mind were in conflict with one another, and Lian was walking away.

He would never see her again.

When Yondaime had gone quietly over to where Kakashi sat, and laid a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder, the air froze around them. That morning, Rin had told Kakashi she was going out into the battlefields, and that she was going as one in a four-manned platoon. It was a dangerous mission, and she had to protect her allies because she could. She had to give her help as a medical-nin because it was possible. She had to go out into the thick of battle and save others because there was no other way to save them.

There was nothing left for Kakashi to accomplish in his dishevelled team. Obito and Rin were finally together again, and they had left behind Kakashi, to feel the pain and loss and loneliness on his own. He could share it with no one – not even Yondaime, because he felt that no one understood. No one had lost what he had lost, not in sixteen years of living. Kakashi wished he could die. So, he joined ANBU.

Hurt, loss, regret and sorrow all clashed, and moulded into one. Soon Kakashi seemed to feel nothing. Soon he was merely the killing machine that many had perceived his potential to be. ANBU were needed for assassinations – ANBU were necessary in war. Without ANBU, and without Kakashi's Sharingan, Konoha might not have won the battle, and then the whole land would have fallen into darkness.

And then the last person of Kakashi's team, save himself, was lost, and the war ended. Yondaime – who had taught Obito, Rin, and Kakashi so much – stood up to the greatest threat of all. Like a huge fire on the horizon, with nine flickering flames that swayed into the sky, the Kyuubi drew forth. People ran; people screamed, and shinobi died in vain. Swirling, bloody eyes, streaked and bloodshot, and a cavernous mouth, bore with gleaming fangs. Its russet-gold hairs stood on end, making it appear larger than ever, and it sent before it a mass of encompassing shadow. Like Fate itself, coming to claim Konoha, it was a great demon of Hell, and its body emanated, like a foul stench, the presence of absolute power.

And Yondaime stood before it, and sealed it, taking his own life to do so. Yondaime had sacrificed himself for Konoha, just as Rin had sacrificed herself out in the fields, and Obito had sacrificed himself for Kakashi. And now Kakashi had to live because they had sacrificed themselves and had not got the chance to live longer, and living another day was something Kakashi really didn't want to do. And so he continued without a soul, and followed down a path that may have led to insanity. And whenever the wall of emotions broke, when Kakashi sat in the darkness, waiting for another day to arrive, he found he could think of nothing else but his lost comrades, because they were what made him who he was. From the depths of his Sharingan, a tear formed and ran free, to glimmer, and die in the fading light.

And every morning he set out in his gleaming ANBU uniform, katana strapped to his back, and destroyed lives like they were worthless. And he envied them.

Kakashi was so close to falling into the dark nothingness and never returning, like so many other ANBU recruits had done before him. But one year after he joined the organisation, he resigned – just in time. And no one would ever understand why, except for Kakashi himself, and he never spoke of it to anyone. But like every new day that came, the truth – the reality had dawned on him. He had walked in the sunshine, keeping his eye stubbornly open as the rays glared in his face. He had listened to his legs brushing through the long grasses, and the soft comforting buzzing of insects, and the constant, bright twittering of birds swooping in the sky. His world began to fill with colours, and black and white subsided.

Spring came, and Kakashi made his way to the memorial of lives lost in the war. The sky was clear and azure above him, and the foliage was luscious. Among sprouts of green, bright saffrons, soft whites, and calm magentas bloomed. He had never noticed them before, and they were beautiful. The sun sparkled through the branches, and brought out the green in the leaves. Kakashi stepped up to the memorial and he remained there for longer than normal. He listened for Obito, and he thought of Rin, and Yondaime, and he stayed there until the Sun began to die in the West. The night crept up slowly through the sky, and carried upon its rolling darkness, light glittering stars and the soft, dusted moon. The next day, Kakashi gave in his resignation.

"So, finally giving ANBU up, Hatake?" the man asked, perfectly aware he was shadowed by Kakashi's tall presence. In answer, Kakashi handed him his armour and his katana, and he smiled beneath his mask. It is a revelation, and it is my genesis, he thought as he walked calmly past staring discerning eyes, and out of ANBU Head Quarters, never to return to the fated place again.

Why had he never seen it before? He was blinded by his grief, maybe. Maybe he wanted to sit in his sorrow. He had lived knowing Yondaime as his teacher, as his mentor, and his guide. He had never felt more protected than when he was in Yondaime's presence. He had lived knowing Rin as an intelligent, caring ninja, extremely ahead of her time. She was always so mature. He had lived knowing Obito as his clumsy, strong-willed friend, who saw what Kakashi failed to see: "Those who break the rules and regulations are called trash, but those who don't care about their companions are lower than trash."…

Hadn't he always known that he lived every day for Obito?

Nine years later, and Kakashi is twenty-six years old. It is springtime, and he is assigned another trio of fated-to-be-failed genins. One thing that his students never have been able to recognise is the importance of teamwork. Teamwork keeps you together; teamwork completes the mission. Teamwork shows your competence at being a human being. Because they failed to recognise this, they failed Kakashi's exam.

He should have met his subordinates two hours ago, but Kakashi has to visit Obito first, like he always does. Obito was always late, so Kakashi always will be. His students will have to learn that their sensei will never be on time, because Obito was never on time.

Kakashi watches his students day by day, musing at them like Yondaime did. He has the chance to, because they are the first to ever be passed by Kakashi. He sees in Sakura, Rin, and he sees himself in Sasuke. And in Naruto he understands a likeness with Obito, and Obito gave him a second chance in life. So he gave them a second chance at his genin exam, to understand the meaning of teamwork over rules. And to his surprise, Sasuke, the Uchiha, broke the regulation. So he watches them as they learn, and he muses.

One day, Naruto makes a stupid mistake, and puts the whole mission to ruins. Not a very important mission – D-rank, but a mission nonetheless. "Now you've done it, dunce," Sasuke says calmly, causing Naruto to fume up. Kakashi says nothing. He doesn't even appear to have noticed, but he's seen it all before. Not because Naruto and Sasuke are always at each others' necks, but because it is exactly how he used to be with Obito. It is a mirror-image of when he was in a three-man team, and strangely enough, it amuses him. Until Sakura gets angry at Naruto, and things get dangerous, so he has to intervene.

Sakura. She is more advanced in Genjutsu than either Naruto or Sasuke, just as Rin was in Medical jutsu. In fact, her understanding in the art of illusions seems beyond her years, and Kakashi is proud of her ability. But he cannot help his instinctive need to protect her; it is a feeling he has not felt since Rin was alive. It is maybe because Sakura is so alike to Rin that Kakashi feels the need to continue with his promise to Obito, and look after her. He understands it is a notion that will not fade in time.

Naruto has ambitions, and unbelievable determination. If he believes he is going to become Hokage, nothing can deter him from that aim. If he is going to prove to Sasuke that he is worthy, then he will strive to do so, and, Kakashi thinks, eventually succeed. He has no regrets, and whatever choice he makes, he trusts that it will be the right choice. Naruto does feel downtrodden by Sasuke, just as Obito must have done by Kakashi, and it his need to prove his existence and have acknowledgement that motivates him to no end.

Sasuke is Kakashi's way of making amends for his past. If he was never able to protect Rin, and if he treated Obito as the underdog, then he will try and help Sasuke through his own pain, and show him that vengeance leads to emptiness; that grudges lead to hatred, and that friendship, above all, is a healer. But what Kakashi forgets amidst his desires to show Sasuke the way, is that power leads to corruption. And even if Sasuke has lost everyone close to him, just as Kakashi has, Sasuke is quick to remind him, quick to feel the twinge of revenge against his brother for murdering his parents. And for the first time, Kakashi is worried for Sasuke, because Sasuke is being corrupted.

"What the hell do you know?" Sasuke yells at Kakashi maddeningly. "Don't talk to me like you understand!" But Kakashi understands all too well. He looks into Sasuke's ringed, unwell eyes, and sees that he is so fuelled by fury, hatred, vengeance, and lust for more power, that maybe he cannot be saved. "What if I were to kill the one you love most?" Sasuke continues, beginning to snarl. "How far would you stray from what you just said?" About vengeance? About grudges? Perhaps there is still a chance… Sasuke lowers his voice, his eyebrows furrowed, his lip curled up. "I can make you feel true pain!" Kakashi is silenced by Sasuke's words. They hold within them such vehemence, perhaps that chance is lost.

Now it is Sasuke's turn to understand. "That would work," Kakashi agrees, surprising Sasuke slightly. "However, unfortunately for me, no such person exists." This angers the Uchiha, that Kakashi continues to act like the playful fool that he seems, when Sasuke is so serious. But Kakashi has not finished yet. He may be smiling vaguely, and he may be calm and composed, and he may seem his usual nonchalant self, but it is all a façade. Sasuke has forced Kakashi to admit something he would never dream to say out loud. "Those People…" Rin, Yondaime… "Have already been killed." …Obito.

Sasuke stares, bewildered.

One day Sakura will become a strong-willed woman, like her new mentor, Tsunade. One day, Naruto will become Hokage. And one day, despair will be changed to hope, and Sasuke will see the light once more, just as Kakashi had.

Time brings with it the inevitable rise of the Sun in the East, and the dawning of another day full of unknown possibilities. Another morning's walk through the forest glades, and another morning standing contentedly before Obito's name, knowing genially that three annoyed, talented students were waiting with impatience for their sensei to arrive. Kakashi grins, amused, for the sake of it. Obito is a part of him, after all – because of the Sharingan eye. But every morning when Kakashi visits his friend's memorial, he reminds himself that he lives for the both of them, and that it's Obito who keeps him alive…

The End.

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