This is me fighting against writers block.
And when we come back we'll be dressed in black
It had not been the reaction he had expected.
He had sat in court holding her hand as they all waited for the verdict to be read. He had felt Carla's brittle nerves in the way she squeezed his fingers. And he had felt sick with worry himself because everything that could have gone wrong already had.
Even though his resolve had been so unbreakable everything was already such a mess and as the room grew silent with anticipation he could not help but doubt. And wonder if he had been so firm in telling Carla that it would be okay or avoiding the subject because he was trying to convince him self it was the truth.
Guilty.
It was the only word he had heard as his chest filled with something warm and victorious. He had pulled Carla into hug overwhelmed with his own elation so he had not questioned the way she fell against him boneless and hollow.
He remembered how besides them Michelle and Maria had let out cheers and laughed in relief before they could control themselves. He had kissed Carla's cheek because now everyone knew and told her that now everything would be better.
Frank had bowed his head and refused to look at any of them and he had wanted nothing more than to see the defeat in the bastard's eyes before he was lead away.
And he had turned to see Carla's reaction only to see the silently sad way she watched Anne sob as her son disappeared from sight before tearing herself from his grip and disappearing amongst the chaos.
He found her washing her hands in the woman's bathroom that was thankfully empty apart from the two of them.
"Hey."
He approached her cautiously noting the slight sheen of tears in her eyes and the shakiness of her smile.
"Hey."
It was not the reaction he was expecting. She had justice. She had been brave enough to put the man that hurt her behind bars and yet she seemed quietly numb and almost sad. He didn't understand.
"What are you doing hiding in here? You don't need to hide anymore." He tries to reassure her in case she was scared how she would be perceived now their affair was out in the open.
"He can't hurt me anymore." She says more to herself.
"I would never let him." He replies instantly. She seemed so overwhelmed and he needed to know what she was feeling now he had lost everything for her.
"Trouble is his already hurt me. That's never going to go away." She winces as she smiles again before turning to dry her hands.
She had been doing so well and now she had opened Pandora's Box to finally banish the monster. He hoped closure would help her learn to lock her demons away again.
"Carla…"
She threw the wad of paper towels into the bin and looked back at him with a new determination within the narrowness of her eyes even as she looked straight through him.
"I want to go home."
They sit and watch the glow of passing street lights from the back of the taxi. He watches the pattern of shadow and brightness as they play across her face.
She would not talk to him but she sat close enough that their knees and shoulders touched, her dark suit crumpled and almost invisible with in the darkness of the late winter evening.
He still finds himself on edge waiting for her to react. He does not understand her quiet acceptance. After months of trauma and high drama even after the conclusion she does not seem to be able to find a release.
The driver switches radio stations and it crackles before he makes out words of an unfamiliar song.
'It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone/It's always darkest before the dawn'
He wants to see her relief, her joy at finally being free.
He wants to know that they had a future.
It was raining again. The previous day it had been so cold it had snowed as his anxiety settled heavily in his stomach. He had lost so much in two days but still he hoped that he had gained a new future.
Justice had been served and now they waited for the dawn.
Carla stiffens against him and gasps.
"Stop the car." She demands like she suddenly wants to throw up.
It puts his heart in his throat and he rubs his hand against her back trying to soothe her as they pull over.
She has her seat belt undone and jumps out before the taxi comes to a complete stop and he struggles to keep up as he tries to follow clumsily.
He makes the taxi driver wait before approaching her.
She stops a few meters away face raised to the sky as the heavy rain glistened like fire under passing headlights.
"Carla your soaked love." He tries to anchor her. She looked so far away.
She laughs and spins a little like a delirious child. She flashes a grin as he stares in wonder at her beauty.
"Good," She whispered into the sky and closes her eyes.
It's like she's letting everything wash away. She seemed lighter, her face a little softer. He shivers a little and can not hide his awe at a moment that's so important in ways he can't comprehend.
The blare of the horn sets his teeth of edge and he shouts at the driver to be more patient.
He turns to the feel of her hand on his wrist. Her hair falling in heavy wet waves, her skin glowing.
"We can go now Peter. I can breathe now."