DJ Hero
It was the climax of the Ninja war. Sasuke was near. Madara was near.
The end was near.
Naruto had been feeling rather restless. It all started around the time Itachi's gross ass crow became one with him.
He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he just didn't feel...right.
x
The Edo tensei had been disbanded. Madara had been defeated.
Nobody knew where Sasuke was.
And quite frankly, Naruto couldn't find it in his heart to give a fuck. He had recently discovered that dancing was much more fun than training, and spent most of his free time partaking in it.
He had even started taking less missions in an effort to perfect his newly developed dance skills.
"Whats wrong with you?" Sakura and Kakashi would ask him.
And he couldn't answer them. He felt fine. In fact, he had never felt better.
x
"Naruto. What the fuck are you doing."
Shikamaru had walked into the tent that he and the blonde shared. Naruto was sitting criss-cross in front of a mirror with pieces of foil folded on the tips of his hair.
"Whats it look like I'm doing? You're supposed to be the smart one!"
Shikamaru said nothing.
"I'm dyeing my hair." Naruto said in response to the shadow user's silence.
More silence.
"I thinks its pretty tight. I'm so 'effin tan these days, the white contrasts so well..."
Shikamaru needed to speak with Tsunade as soon as possible.
x
"Naruto...what the fuck are you wearing?" Tsunade half screamed at him.
The blonde huffed. He had decided that his outfit had been WAY too outdated. He was now wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and an orange hoodie.
Matching hat, shades.
And matching Nike's, of course.
"It my new outfit, old-woman." Naruto said, not understanding what the problem was.
x
"Sakura-chan, listen to this."
They were currently keeping watch for enemies, when Naruto suddenly stuffed his earbuds in her ear.
"Wha-" Sakura started, but quieted once she began to hear.
It was some pop music with too much bass, and Sakura's senses felt like they were being assaulted.
She took the ear buds out and heard Naruto,
"Do you hear how fantastic the equalizer is...the way the dj meshes the songs together perfectly...I wish I..."
Sakura stared at him dumbly as he rambled on.
x
Tsunade's morning started with a scream.
On her desk was a sloppily written note,
"Baa-chan,
I quit.
Got a gig as a DJ in a nearby civilian village.
:D
love,
Naruto Uzumaki
xoxoxo"
x
The war had been won. But Sasuke had disappeared.
He needed to see someone.
The one person who he needed to fight.
Naruto Uzumaki.
But when Sasuke snuck into Tsunade's office and demanded the bright ninja, he was not presented with a state-of-alarm, or anything of that nature.
All he got was a sigh as she put her face in her palm.
Confused, he stood there for a few minutes, fiddling with his butt-bow.
"Um..."
Tsunade threw open her desk drawer,and then flicked something thin and small at him.
Sasuke bent over and picked up the...business card?
It read:
"DATTEBAYOU
Most Prestigious Club In
All Of The Hidden Cities
Uzumaki Naruto XXX-XXX-XXXX"
He flipped it over and it had the address and hours.
"What?" He asked as he looked up at Tsunade.
"Just go."
x
Sasuke felt very awkward.
He was trying to communicate with the receptionist at this "club" but she seemed too distracted by his apparel.
"Um...sir..."
"Look, I just want to see Naruto."
"But sir, you don't have an appoint-"
"Sasuke?!"
Both of them looked over and saw a tall blonde haired, blue eyed man wearing a nice suit, his cellphone up to his ear.
"N-Naruto?"
x
"I just don't understand."
Sasuke was sitting on the other side of Naruto's desk.
"Look Sasuke...I gave up being a Ninja. And now I'm rich and I have fun, and for the most part I'm safe."
Sasuke just stared at him.
"Ugh...ok look, just follow me."
They went down two flights of stairs and Naruto opened the door.
It was all lights and sex and sick beats.
And Sasuke was in love.
x
The 4th Hokage was looking down fondly at his son from Heaven.
"Say Itachi, why did this all start when you gave him your crow?"
Itachi turned toward him, putting his heavenly book down,
"Well, I had to deal with the pain of not being able to follow my dream, so I put it in Naruto. If he had any inclination toward it, it would blossom. But if he had no interest, nothing would have happened."
x
Based off a True story
Naruto and Sasuke would go on to open 55 successful clubs all around the world.
Naruto also opened his own line of ramen restaurants.
Tsunade kept in contact with both of them. She continued to be the Hokage until her death.
And the Ninja World was never disturbed again.
X
End
X
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I was so amused writing this.
If you don't like it, don't motherfucking review.
LOVE
Ramenism.