My first TT fanfic, so bear with me. Many thanks to all my friends, especially at RBSU. All copyrights to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.
If Raven knew one thing, it was that she hated the colour yellow. None would question why, of course, because it was as plain as day. Yellow was the cheeriest, brightest, most ungloomy colour there was. Basically, it described everything Raven was not. Perhaps that was why she hated it so much, because it was for the longest time, a representation of everything she could never be.
There was another reason that Raven hated the colour. Just not as obvious. Yellow was the colour of...her. The traitor. The one who betrayed them, the one who hurt...Beast Boy. Terra. Even now, years after the geomancer's death of sorts, the name still caused Raven to cringe. Because, in a way, Terra had represented everything she was not. Even now, after Trigon's defeat, Raven did not trust her powers to not overreact to emotion. Thus, she was never cheery in the least. That was more Starfire's department.
In fact, Raven hadn't really changed since the supposed 'end of the world'. Even with an small increase in emotional control, especially over rage, Raven felt no need to express herself any more than she had in the past. That, of course, did nothing to deter Beast Boy from trying to make her smile...laugh...react to anything he did without a death glare. She wondered, deep down, if he knew it was all an act. That she really did appreciate his efforts, even if his jokes were on the far side of funny.
She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was about him that she liked. Or when she had started to like Beast Boy. But she did know that whenever he was around, she got that weird feeling in her stomach, and it was hard to stop blushing at his smile. Which, of course, caused her to wear her hood up almost constantly around him, and made sure he knew the consequences of pulling it down. But when had consequences ever deterred Beast Boy? Whenever the two were alone together, he would always pull down her hood, letting his hand rest on her cheek, just for a second. Almost as if he wanted to touch her, even through his ever-present gloves. But she always immediately dismissed the fact, why would the goofy shape-shifter ever want to touch the half-demon princess? Her dismissal never stopped her cheeks from radiating red though. Which, as always, repeated the cycle of her threatening him, glaring and replacing her hood, all while he grinned, making her face even hotter.
When the hints of her fondness first became apparent to her, she viciously denied any feelings but annoyance and hatred towards the changeling. But she was fast reminded that denial caused her powers to go out of wack, of disappearing, which was hard to explain during a fight, or in training, to Robin.
FLASHBACK
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos" was the cry that echoed throughout the training arena as Raven blasted a rock through several walls. Or that was what she was trying tong to do. Halfway through the second wall, her powers fizzled, causing both the rock and Raven herself to drop. A panicked look crossed her face as her levitation techniques did not take hold. But through the sparks and rubble came a green blur, morphing back into Beast Boy as he got into position to catch the falling empath.
When Raven was met by black and purple spandex instead of hard dirt, and an almost certain concussion, she had never felt quite so relieved. But the knowledge of who her saviour was made her pale face the colour of a cherry tomato. She was immensely glad her hood was up, or it would be quite uncomfortable explaining her flushed face, especially to the one who had caused it. Raven quickly decided she had to regain her composure, and the only way to do so would be to get angry at Beast Boy, who still had a hold of her, and was staring at her with a look of worry and concern.
"Beast Boy, you can put me down now, I'm fine. My concentration slipped, but I just need to meditate to rectify that." she snapped, but her eyes betrayed how grateful she was for his help. Whether he noticed or not, he gracefully put her down and sent her another of his forty zillion watt smiles before Robin even reached the pair.
"Raven, what happened up there?" demanded the boy wonder. Of course, Robin asked just as much out of concern for her as for the team. He knew that the team would suffer without her powers, and Raven did as well. But before she could even give a response, she was once more engulfed in an embrace. Only this time, it was in the arms of a Tamaranian. Starfire, not noticing how blue Raven was getting, started talking in a mix of Tamaranian and English about how glad she was that Raven was okay.
"Starfire, I think you may be cutting off her circulation. Plus, you know how Raven feels about hugs." came the warm voice of Cyborg. The interjection made Raven ever so grateful when Starfire released her with a mild apology and a small smile. Meanwhile, Robin was still waiting for an answer as to why her powers had failed, and sent her a look that said as much.
"I was distracted for a second and my concentration faltered. That's why my powers failed." explained Raven. "Nothing some herbal tea wont remedy." Beast Boy quickly took this as a hint and sprinted off towards the tower to get the kettle boiling. Cyborg only smirked as his best friend ran along the rocky coastline. It was so obvious that the green changeling was harbouring deep feelings towards the violet haired empath. And when Ravens glance lingered on Beast Boy as Robin asked what caused her concentration to slip, Cyborg knew that perhaps the feelings may be mutual.
Raven, however, quickly discovered that her powers were not returning immediately, as she walked up to the tower, and decided to consult the book of Azar after her tea and some meditation. She quickly walked into the tower, seeing a most surprising sight. There, on the table was a steaming cup of tea, and her book, just waiting for her. Beast Boy was sitting on the couch, already absorbed in some mindless video game. She knew shed have to kill him for touching her things later, but for now, she let a smile slip as she sipped her tea.
"Is it good?" he asked, continuously mashing the buttons, not even looking up from the screen. "Its perfect, thank you." she replied, leaving it at that as the other Titans entered the tower. Robin and Starfire were too busy discussing some American custom that Starfire didn't understand, and Cyborg just grinned as he picked up the second Game Station controller, intent on trouncing his best buddy once more.
Raven just inwardly groaned, but continued to watch Beast Boy, even if she would scream if anyone accused her of doing so. However, as she picked up the book of Azar, she heard only one thing, one little phrase that had haunted her for the past while. 'Denial will bring forth consequences.' Raven, unfortunately, once again ignored it, and went back to her reading.
END FLASHBACK
After that incident, and many more of her powers failing, she decided she had to consult with the various sides of her personality. Soon, she realized her dilemma, she had to admit to having some sort of...crush on Beast Boy. She rationalized that it was perfectly natural, and would pass in time. Raven, however, found that this was blatantly untrue. This realization came with shocking clarity when the anniversary of a certain geomancer's death arrived. Beast Boy was going to visit Terra's statue, place some roses and leave, just like every year. A tribute to a fallen comrade, so he said. All Raven could feel was jealousy for the blonde traitor, and quickly departed before the fuzzy memories started and her rage burst a light bulb or two.
Thankfully, no one had notice her departure, or the red tint to her eyes. Or so she thought. She could not see the look Beast Boy gave her as she departed, or hear his thoughts, most of them running the course of how Terra could never compare to his Raven. All of which she would have killed him for, flattered or not. But to Raven, Beast Boy saying such things were only in her dreams. She felt that he would never care for her in the way she cared for him.
Raven knew that it was more than just a crush, knew it was more than gratefulness for his constant attention when her father arrived. As she became the portal, her only thought was of Beast Boy, of how much she cared for him, and how much she regretted not being able to tell him this before everything went black. Yet when she returned, to defeat her father...her creator, she found herself unable to divulge her feelings for him. Her mind was plagued with worries that he may still care for Terra, or that her emotions would cause mayhem through her powers if she expressed herself. So Raven decided to remain silent, to keep everyone safe by keeping her feelings bottled up.
It was this that Raven was thinking about while trying to meditate. Unfortunately, thinking about Beast Boy and concentrating on inner peace did not mix. Raven finally gave up and peered out the window at the rest of the Titans playing tag or some such game outside on the rocks. Noticing she was alone, she let her gaze rest on her green friend, watching as he attempted to sneak up on Cyborg.
Unluckily for Raven, she was too focused on the changeling to notice Starfire coming up behind her. "Raven, may I ask why you do not wish to join us in our joyous game of tag, yet are watching it so intently?" Raven nearly jumped out her skin at the sudden noise, turning a bright pink at the notion of being caught, even if it was by Starfire. She quickly yanked up her hood before turning to face her alien companion. "First of all, do not sneak up on me like that! And secondly, I wasn't watching, I was staring out the window, trying to regain my concentration, and you know I don't do games."
Starfire, although naive, didn't quite believe her friends excuse, and took a look out the window to see Beast Boy directly in her line of vision. Smirking, Starfire knew she had discovered Ravens little secret and could have some fun with it. "Well Raven, I am wondering if I may join you in my meditation. I hope that by my staring at Beast Boy, my concentration may be increased too!" If Raven had been pink before, she was surely the colour of Robins shirt by now. There had to be some way out of this...Finally, knowing she was caught, she decided to turn the tables a bit to downplay her previous actions.
"I don't know Starfire, I think your concentration would be better if you stared at Robin instead."
At this, Starfire flushed, and looked about, wide-eyed. Yet she knew with Raven, it was impossible to hide anything, even her affections for a certain boy wonder. Shoulders slumped, she sighed. "Is my attraction towards him truly that obvious?" Raven just smirked.
"Star, if it were any more obvious, there would be neon signs and little hearts following the two of you around. And just so you know, you aren't alone in your feelings. Robin feels the same way, he just doesn't know how to express it."
With that, Raven quickly slipped off, allowing Starfire the chance to mull over her last proclamation, and allowing herself the chance to escape further embarrassment. Luck, however, was not with Raven today. Just as she got to the common room doors, Starfire spoke up. "He feels the same way about you Raven. You may think Beast Boy loves another, but the others and myself have seen the way he looks at you. The same way you were looking at him a few moments ago. I just do not understand why you persist in hiding your feelings for our friend."
The door whooshed open, giving Raven a choice. She could either give some sarcastic comment and go to her room, or stay and talk to Starfire about feelings. It was a battle between heart and head, and as always, her heart finally won. "Even if he does stare at me, it means nothing. Beast Boy would rather pine over a stone statue of a traitorous liar than be with someone as creepy as me." The word creepy said with some emphasis, as it was exactly the word Beast Boy had used to describe her during the whole 'wizard' incident. "It doesn't matter anyway." she continued "Even if we did care about each other that way-not that I will admit to anything-but you know what my powers are like. I cant afford to let my emotions get the best of me. I could hurt someone if I...loved him."
Starfire had to interject her two cents into this. "But friend Raven, you freely expressed your emotions with Mal...the 'wizard', and nothing happened. I know Beast Boy would never intentionally hurt you like that. I see no reason to use your powers as an excuse not to be together." With that, Starfire left the room, probably intent on rejoining the boys outside.
Raven stood there, stunned. An excuse? Was she really using her powers as an excuse not to tell Beast Boy how she felt? Starfire had been right about her powers and the 'wizard' incident, so why would it be any different if she revealed her affections for the Titans resident meta-morph? Especially since Starfire had hinted that he may feel the same way, Terra or no Terra.
Yet, why should she risk breaking her heart? Even if her powers cooperated, and even if Starfire was right about Beast Boys feelings...Raven realized that she could come up with no reasons not to tell him. She knew it would affect the team, and their friendship...but maybe love was worth it. Maybe she should take a chance. All she had to do was muster up her courage and tell Beast Boy that she...cared for him.
Once again, luck failed her, and had taken its leave with her courage. Because the second Beast Boy walked in the door, she couldn't speak. "Hey Rae, I was just about to get a snack. You wanna try some of my tofu?" he asked, as he did every time he had a snack. Raven looked at him as if he were crazy. "Suit yourself." he said with a shrug of his shoulders. But inwardly, he knew that she would still sit with him as he ate, even if she wouldn't touch his tofu. Raven, as always, sat down to converse with him as he stuffed his face with soy. She knew that someday she would tell him...that she loved him. But for now, this was enough.