Ending the Cycle

by Vader'sMistress

Kyle is brought to the brink of madness when his past self's mother convinces him that he will not know peace until he breaks the cycle, but what if breaking the cycle means killing the people he loves the most? Can he go along with it? Can he really become like John, a heartless killer? Like Sarah,a calculated leader? Like Pops, merciless machine? One-shot (This is my first T fic)

A/N: A tribute to two of my favorite movies and sagas, and of course to the Terminator saga itself! Coming from a tough surgery and experience, I am happy to be back to writing and hope that the T fandom embraces me because I have found it very welcoming of many authors so far. So without further ado, here you go!
Song: No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine

Warning: Major Character Death + Spiritual and Mature Themes + Child abuse

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"You're the hole in my head ,
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence that is in between
when I thought what I said
You are the night time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over you're the start
You are my head, you are my heart

Kyle lifted his hand, clutching the knife very close to his heart in his other one. Jacob was unmoving, sleeping soundly. He looked so beautiful, peaceful, innocent.

Kyle knew better. Putting the dagger next to his sleeping son, he went to the kitchen to get the scissors. Cutting down pieces of his son's hair and looked for the sign. There it was, clear as day. He turned off his night light and took out his rosary. It was his mother's rosary. He had lost it after his parents had been killed in the LA attack by HKs. He had been the only one in the refugee bus to survive the attack. That was when John found him, hiding in the sewer. He looked into his eyes, extended his hand and Kyle took it. The savior, the messiah, the prophet, his friend, his son. John had given them a future, a new light at the end of the tunnel.

"No light, No light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent?
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I would do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you'd want me to say

"You gave us all a future John. You gave us all a future to look forward." He said, repeating the words he told his friend before the LA assault. "You said if there had been another way, you would have gladly taken it." Kyle touched his son's forehead, staring at it for the longest time.

Opening his eye slightly so the boy would not sense him, he saw another mark. The mark of the devil, Sky Net flashing before his eyes.

And I saw a beast coming out of the sea with so many heads and so many horns. His mother had told him in this new timeline. After they'd told her of the future (his future), she believed that Sky Net was the devil and she warned him against having children. But he didn't listen. How could he? They had destroyed Sky Net. They had created a new future for themselves. "There is no fate but what we make for ourselves" John had told him before he went into the time sphere.

"This is it." He remembered saying when his wife handed him his firstborn. She was a beautiful girl whom they named Jane. She was like a female version of John. So beautiful but with his eyes.

Kyle shed tears. Sarah had begged him to stay. For our family. We can do this. You can do this. He shook his head at her, gave her a silly excuse then moved on, never looking back. His daughter followed however; she said she could not live without her daddy and Sarah agreed. O'Brian helped them with the divorce settlement. His mother disapproved, the new Kyle disapproved as well. But it was what he had to do.

Daniel opened his eyes. "Dad, what is going on? Does mom know you are here?" He shook his head, mustering up the best smile he could. "Yes, she knows. She just went out with Pops to get you, your new bike."

"But I wanted a motor-bike, like the one the other you has. Maybe they are still at the shop." Kyle stopped him putting a hand on his chest, lowering him back on the bed.

Jacob sensed something was wrong, the push wasn't too strong but it felt forceful. He narrowed his eyes, finally noticing the dagger next to him. "Dad?" He waited for a response. "What is going on?" His voice broke as he saw his father shed more tears.

"Through the crowds I was crying louder
And in your place there were a thousand other faces
I was disappearing in plain sight
Heaven help me, I need to make it right

"Dad? What is going on? Where is mom?" When he didn't answer, he made a brash move and grabbed one of his toys and smacked the right side of his face with it. Kyle grunted and fell backwards. Damn it! He ran, taking the dagger and the gun he put on top of his son's study, tucking it under his belt. Jacob was a better runner than a hitter and he hid in the cupboard under the stairs, breathing as hard but silently as possible so his father would not hear him.

"Jacob, come on, I don't want to hurt you. Your mother will be back home … Just come with me son. I need to keep you safe." He laughed as he heard him whimpering. He turned around and there he was. The cupboard door locked, Kyle kicked it open and found his son underneath the dirty covers. "I am so sorry Jacob." He grabbed his son and forced him into the car.

"You want a revelation, you want to get it right
But it's a conversation that I can't have tonight
You want a revelation, some kind of resolution
You want a revelation

Jacob was kicking and screaming when his dad grabbed him. He was crying, begging him to let him go. The war was over. His mother was wrong. There was no more Sky Net! His father could not be this paranoid.

"Shut up! You will wake your sister." Jacob tilted his head. His father strapped him really tight and pointed behind him. His sister Jane was there, her seatbelt tighter than his, her eyes completely shut.

"What have you done with her? Dad? Dad!" Jacob screamed. "Please answer me!"

"Shut up!" Kyle screamed and started the car. He sped up. A police car came from behind him, signaling him to stop. Kyle ignored him and continued on with his trek.

"Dad… please stop… Tell me what is going on. Where is mom? Where is pops? Dad please talk to me" Jacob said, squirming, trying to unbuckle but his father was too astute, and foreseeing what his move would be put a hand on his chest and shot him a look that said 'don't even try it!"

His loud voice caused Jane to groan, opening her eyes she looked at her dad then at her baby brother who was practically chained in the front seat.

Jane struggled against her restraints. She closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough. Her brother had told her that if she did, she could break free of any obstacle but her father's voice broke her concentration.

"Your mother is dead Jacob." Jacob whimpered. "Jane good of you to wake up. There is a lot I want to tell you both. Your mom she uh … she … she wanted to tell you … shit!" He avoided hitting a truck. He needed to pay more attention to the road. "Shit! There is just so much she wanted to tell you … she loved you a lot you know that Jacob? She thought you were her baby boy … when you were born Jane, we thought you were a boy because you looked so much like your older brother but then the doc pointed out the obvious." Kyle laughed. It was not a healthy laugh. "She was so happy that she risked her life to have another child … and then she found that the core had survived and wanted to blow it up but I stopped her. I told her the message John told me "there is no fate but that for which we make for ourselves" I really believed him you know. I thought things would really work out but then your mother went crazy, believed that her nightmares were real and Pops and I did everything we could to convince her otherwise but she didn't listen. Sarah never listened ..."

The sirens were becoming louder. "Shit! Can't they just leave me alone for once? Stop crying! Stop crying!"

"Where are you taking us?" Jane asked.

"Good question sweetheart. You're about to find out." He took a quick detour and parked the car outside a church. He took the kids out.

"This is the house of the Lord, you can't be here!" Kyle punched the priest straight in the face and said "Yeah well the Lord should have thought twice before letting the Devil screw with my wife."

"Blasphemy! Gabrielle! Gabrielle!" An old woman came from his office. She screamed at the sight of Kyle. "Stand back!" Kyle shouted taking out his other weapon. "I have no quarrel with you. I said stand back!"

"You two, out! Take the priest and get out!"

The woman did not need to be told twice. Taking the father's hand, they exited the church and called 911.

"You two, follow me." He led the two children to the altar.

"Jane what is he going to do?" Jacob asked, taking his sister's hand. She squeezed gently and gave him a small smile to reassure him everything was going to be alright, but it didn't fool him.

"Where was I? Ah yes. Your mother. Pops. Cyberdine. Big core. John still alive … I tried to talk her out of it, but no, she divorces me, takes you, lands herself in a mental institution and I have to play the role of her knight again. I am tired of being man-handled by fate. God, devil, Sky Net, it's all the same to me. Until now, I didn't believe in God but see the books are very clear on this."

"Daddy you are not making any sense."

"They talk of a beast coming out of the ocean with many heads and horns and a virgin devoured by the snake. The ocean means the people, the heads mean dates and the horns specific points in time where everything change. The beast is Sky Net. We constructed it, we gave birth to it and you … you two … you are its final creation."

"No light, No light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I would do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you'd want me to say

"The man has gone nuts." Grant said, rubbing his arm. Since the confrontation with his that robot ten years ago, he had three surgeries and two implants. So far, they didn't make things better. He still felt pain every time he moved his arm. "Bryan. Jesus I thought you'd never come. Where you've been now? This is going to make the news in two seconds. And there they are, news finest!"

Camera crews and helicopters hovered all over them. Police helicopters told the news ones to withdraw but they feigned ignorance.

Taking the speaker, Grant yelled "This is the police. You are surrounded by twenty good FBI agents and three SWAT teams. There is no way out of this Reese. Let the kids go and we will consider a plea bargain."

No answer.

"Shit this is going to be another slaughter house. O'Brian, you have been screaming the insanity plea for these guy, what do you think he is going to do next?"

O'Brian wasn't proud of himself, but he had two kids and three grandkids he hadn't seen in years. He had to think of them. And besides, Kyle had lost it. He didn't want to believe it at first but it was there right in front of him. He killed his wife and terminated the robot known as Pops. And all because of some stupid biblical nonsense.

"I honestly don't know Grant. I talked to him the week before he killed Sarah –I mean Connor. He seemed fine. But since Mrs. Reese got him into all those tales of the anti-Christ and the Devil, he hasn't been the same."

"Speak of the devil." Grant muttered. Mrs. Reese came running to them. "Detective! Is my son there? Is he alright? Let me speak to him." Next to her was the younger Reese and her husband. Kyle looked more and more like the version O'Brian and Grant had seen in the hospital.

"Mrs. Reese you shouldn't be here. None of you should be here. If the FBI director were to find out about this, they would have all of you locked up and my and O'Brian's badge. It's best you go home. We will keep you posted."

"Please Detective. He is my son. I don't care where or when he came from. I must speak to him. You could tell them the truth."

"Mrs. Reese-" O'Brian tried to speak to the woman, working very hard not to lash out on her and point out the obvious that this was all her fault for putting all that nonsense into Kyle's head.

"I have known him for years. You can say that he talked to me the day before. They can check my phone records. The two of us have talked. My son and my husband can attest to it."

"Mrs. Reese we don't doubt your words but with all due respect mam we do question your sanity. You filled Kyle Reese's head with lies and biblical nonsense. O'Brian here tells me that you are the one who gave Kyle the idea to kidnap his kids because of some silly story."

"It is not a silly story, I have seen it. I've dreamt it. Surely you have too. You should have died but you didn't. You saw what my grandson did. He killed your partner."

"I don't know what I saw and neither did you, now I suggest you go before you bring unwanted attention." Grant said, harsher than he'd intended.

Brigid Reese and her husband and son went away. The fight was far from over, O'Brian knew but for once he was glad for Grant's rigidness.

Grant sighed. "Now what? Do you think he is really capable of this?"

"I have known for years, decades literally but he never struck me as that type of crazy. Things are really messed up. For once, I'd like you to be right about me being a crazy old drunk."

Grant smirked. "Whatever happens … as long as Connor doesn't show up." O'Brian and Grant agreed. The last thing they needed was that stuck up suit showing up and telling them it was his business to get involved.

Inside the Church, Connor watched as his father explained to them the truth behind their conception. "Pops didn't detect the nanites until it was too late. He took one sample from each of you and confirmed my worst fears. Your mother tried very hard to find a cure and I tried to find out more about Cyberdine and how John came to be a Terminator."

"Supposing that is true." Jane began and frowned when her father smirked at her. He always compared her to her eldest brother after whom she was named for. Jane did not tell her father that she had come face to face with him when she was in kinder-garden, days after her parents' divorce and Jacob's second birthday. John told her about the future and what she and Jacob were, and how with her help everyone could be a family again. She was warned about John by her mother and Pops, but her father always spoke about the man he used to be and he didn't seem so evil to her at the time so she entrusted him with all her parents' secrets. "What does that have to do with us? Why are we here?"

"That is the fun part." Kyle said. "John was right about fate, there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves but some things that want to happen will happen and those things are you when he infected your mother with his nanites. Pops discovered it when it was too late and we tried to put a stop to it but your mother was unable to terminate either one of you because you were her two miracles but I saw the truth when my mother started to read to me the gospels. I never listened to her when I was a kid, I always thought that the war made her crazy, but she started getting the visions of her past life here and came to the conclusion that they were a sign from her god who was telling her to tell me that Sky Net was the beast that Christ's disciple wrote about and the woman consumed by it was your mother."

"That is horseshit!"

"Ha, ha, it is not Jane. I know you have seen John. I followed you the other day. I didn't want to believe it at first but there you were. You really broke my heart Jane. You really broke my heart." He said, a tear fell from his eye.

"I wanted to have you all on my own. I kept waking up every day next to your mother, asking myself if this wasn't some kind of dream, if I wouldn't find myself next to another dead soldier or John telling me that another one of died in some suicide mission. 'Every day after this' I said to myself 'is a gift'." More tears fell from his eyes. He clutched the dagger in his other hand tighter. "I love you Jacob … Jane … I love you so much."

"I love you too daddy." Jacob said, and his sister squeezed his hand tighter.

Kyle wiped the tears with his sleeve and steeled himself. He had to be strong for humanity's sake. "The nanites in your body are part of you. Pops tried using a magnet but they wouldn't leave your body. Your mother tried everything after I helped her escape from the institution. I came to the conclusion that this was John's plan all along. Infect your mother so any child his parents had would be like him."

"But we are not like him! You have seen us bleed."

"John also bled, you come from me so it will take time for you to fully become like him. Or maybe you already are and you just don't know it. That is the thing about machines, they don't feel anything. They are human likeness, their job is to infiltrate and they do it any way they can. I could not save my brother, my mentor, my son but I can save you." He pointed his gun at Jane.

Jacob let go of Jane's hand and got in front of her, in between her and her father. "No daddy, no daddy. You are wrong, we are not evil. We are your children, Sky Net has not infected us. Mommy knew it."

"Your mother was blinded by your love. All she ever wanted was to have you but that is what Sky Net did to you, what it did to your brother! It turned everything that was good and noble and twisted it into evil. If I can't save you, then I won't let you be two more of his slaves." His son's slaves, he thought bitterly. Now that John was Sky Net.

He took off the safe. Just one shot to the head and it would all be over. It will be as if they never existed. But can you do it Kyle? His conscience asked. Can you?

I must. As his finger trembled he looked into his son's eyes then his daughter's and thought about them playing in the grass with the other him, laughing, clapping. Can you do it Kyle?

I must.

What if you are wrong?

No, I am not.

But what if you are? You never trusted your mother. What if she is wrong? What if the bible is nothing more than an illusion, a delusion brought about by your paranoia? What if Sarah was right? Are you going to let her die in vain and kill your children in cold blood just as you killed her and Pops?

Pops wasn't even a person to begin with! He was right about him. He had parameters built in him that none of them knew about it, and the only reason he protected them was so they could procreate, have John in this timeline so the vicious cycle would end once and for all and John's new incarnation and her sibling would unite with the old John and rule mankind.

I must be strong.

"Please daddy no." He started to shake. Do it! Do it! He told himself but his heart told him to stop. To look into their eyes again, to see himself in then as he'd always done. They are your children!

No they aren't. They were John's creations. He just provided the sperm so John could have two more soldiers at his disposal. He strolled, getting closer to them and putting his dagger back in his belt, he pushed the two of them down then took Jacob and placed him upon the altar.

"Would you leave me if I've told you what I've done?
And would you leave me if I told you what I've become
Because it's so easy
To sing it to a crowd
But it's so hard my love to say it to you alone

"Reese!" Kyle turned to his old commander and friend. "Let the boy go. You and I and my siblings can escape from this. Humanity is doomed Kyle, you have seen it for yourself. There is nothing you can do. Let the children go."

"And then what? Let you kill me, turn me into a monster like you, chain me into a medical bed like they did to my ex-wife? Oh no. I'd rather be dead then be turned into a fucking machine or kept under lock and key in a mental institution." Kyle shook his head angrily. "No, I am not going to let you break me like you let Sky Net break you!" He turned to Jacob who was shaking underneath his grasp. Pushing the gun to his temple, Kyle screamed. "Please forgive me son…" And began to pray. A simple prayer at first then he said the 'Pater Noster' in flawless Latin as his mother had taught him.

"Please daddy do not kill me." Kyle choked on his tears. "Please daddy do not kill me." His son repeated.

Kyle let out a scream of anguish. God, please give me strength. God are you there? Please give me courage to do your bidding. Please help me for once!

But the Lord did not answer. How could He? When He and everyone had been screwing Kyle since day one? He was the sacrificial lamb after all and his wife the virgin who had to get knocked up by him so she could have the anti-Christ. He didn't give a shit about him anymore than John gave a shit about him now.

"Give me a sign." He said, not realizing he said it until the former savior of mankind spoke again.

"You still have that temper of yours Kyle, you never could think straight. Then again you were just a soldier, you did what you were told to and you were told that there was hope. You would have killed everyone back in 1984 to preserve the future. That is what you always did in every other timeline, you foolishly let yourself get captured by the police and played right into their game. If Sarah hadn't set you right in this timeline, you would have done the same thing dad."

"Shut up! Do not call me that! I am not your father!"

"Why deny what is in front of you? The four of us right here. You call me a killer but who is the biggest killer? The Terminator never killed anyone unless he had to, Terminators only kill those that are a nuisance to them but humans on the other way, will kill anyone just for the fun of it. You know dad, I always thought it would be Sarah standing in your stead. I must congratulate you for killing her. You saved me quite the trouble."

"I said shut the hell up! Just shut up and you, stop crying!" Kyle shouted at Jacob, pressing the gun tighter on his son's temple. He couldn't think straight with John's taunting and his daughter and son's sobs and cries.

This is not right and you know it! They are not the anti-Christ. It is all lies. Your mother lied to you!

"Shut up!" He screamed higher than he intended causing the people listening outside via their headsets to panic.

"In exactly three minutes they are going to come through those doors and they are going to ask you to drop the gun and then they are going to shoot you. Is that what you want Kyle? To be remembered as the crazy fanatic who killed his kids?"

"If that is what keeps them away from you, then yes!"

John mockingly laughed. "Still the same Kyle Reese, I thought you'd be smarter. I understood my mother, she was always a tad foolish but you, you were supposed to stand by me. I am your son."

"You were my son! You sent me into the past so I could father you. Tell me John, did all those times we spent together meant anything to you? I thought we were friends! But I guess I was just the sacrificial lamb. The tool!"

"We were friends dad but you abandon me. You could have escaped the Terminator many times but you chose to put yourself in the middle of the crossfire. You always try to be the hero because you never think! You just act."

"I didn't abandoned you! You lied to me!"

"I couldn't risk my existence, without me none of you would have a future."

"Oh yes, the super great John Connor has to live because there is no future without him. You always thought you were better than anyone John, I didn't want to believe what people said that you were a prophet, I saw through the legend, I saw through you but I guess all those decades of being told you were humanity's last hope really got to your head."

"Do not try to psycho-analyze me Reese, it won't work. I have evolved past your useless sentimentality."

Kyle snorted at that. "If that were true you wouldn't have gone through that fiasco at the hospital and Sarah's bunker You wanted a family of your own, like the one you had with Kate Brewster before she was killed."

"Now who is going too far?" John said, grinding his teeth at the mention of his wife.

Kyle smirked. "You are nothing but a fraud. And just like the anti-Christ, you will fall. Oh you will and I am only sorry I won't be there to see it because if I do, I would toast at the sight of your corpse!" He spat. "You took everything from me. You inserted yourself in my wife, infected her and my children. You took the three things I have ever wanted."

Kyle let go of the gun and replaced it with his dagger. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it fine. The dagger had magnetic properties, made by Pops and once he pierced the boy's heart, he would die. No –he thought. His blue eyes glinting in the candlelight. Terminated. They were no longer human.

"No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you want me to say

The doors of the church opened and Grant and the SWAT team entered. Their weapons aimed directly at him. Kyle looked down at the red dots in his body. He could feel something warm in his forehead. He was going to die. John had been right –as always. He was going to die and go down in history as a zealot. But so be it. He never fared better in the other timelines. Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps this needed to happen so humanity could learn its lesson and rebuild everything from the ground up and create a better society.

Kyle laughed madly. Again, he was not going to see the end of this. He would die, shot, his body thrown into a common pit. And his children raised by that demon he had sired in another life.

"Lord that is in heaven … by thy name … thy kingdom come …. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven …" He said, looking down at his wrist where his mother's rosary was, coiled around it like a snake. "Amen."

"Let go of your weapon!" Grant screamed. "Final warning Reese! Let go of your weapon, now!"

O' Brian stepped in. "Kyle it is all over! Just give in."

Kyle didn't listen. He drove his dagger down and the SWAT team fired at once.

Not one or two shots but several, leaving nothing but a mess of the man who had once been Kyle Reese.

"You want a revelation
You want to get it right
But it's conversation that I just can't have tonight

It was all over. The cycle had ended. What John always dreamed of, had come true. And yet, he didn't feel any better as he took each of his siblings' hands and watched as they lowered his father's coffin next to his mother's.

Here lies Sarah and Kyle Reese. Beloved mother. Beloved father. There were two artificial dates engraved on either tombstone. Courtesy of their eldest son whose money and connections enabled him to falsify documents and make up dates.

"Come on, time to take you to your new home." John drove them to his apartment and showed them their rooms. They were spacious and filled with everything they ever wanted. But was this what they wanted? Jane and Jacob missed their mother and oddly enough, their father.

Before all of this started, he loved them. Played with them, and he was always so gentle with them. Their mother was strict, she would train them, tell them that they were bound for greatness, but their father stressed on her how important it was for them to be children. And he always let them eat as many snacks as they wanted. He was angry and grouchy at times, but whenever he was around them, he was another person.

"Do you think he was right Jane? Do you think we will become evil like John?" Jacob asked his sister. He was only five years old but he was wise beyond his years and in the last two days he had grown up more.

"I do not know. Dad said that he was a great man, that he gave everyone someone to look forward. He has always been good to me." Jane said. "But if something turns bad, I will protect you."

"Thank you Jane. I wish I can protect you too."

"You do little brother. You do a lot more than you think." It was true. Jacob was her light at the end of the tunnel. Every time she looked into his bright blue eyes, she saw her father. The man that tossed her in the air, that played with her in the mud and let her stay up late to read stories to her and tell her about his adventures in the far future.

John grinned. He opened the drawer from his study where he had a picture of his parents that he had taken from Kyle's house. The two were each holding a child, his mother had his brother and his father, his sister. "Do not worry mom and dad, my siblings will be well take care of." As for his grandmother, he would make sure that the woman never bothered him again.

"You want a revelation some kind of resolution
You want a revelation,
You want to get it right
But it's a conversation I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation, some kind of resolution
But it's conversation that I can't just have tonight."

Jacob did not notice the dust particles around his body. His sister lay in her bed with her eyes open, feeling the changes in her body. Her father had been right all along. What will happen, will happen..

Her eyes flashed red.

And the beast would take hold of them, and there was nothing anyone could do. She grinned, a sadistic grin then closed her eyes, letting the dust particles envelop her.