On the periphery of his senses, Spock became aware of the soft chiming noise originating from the door to his quarters.
His most recent attempts at meditation having been not as successful as he would have wished, Spock was not entirely surprised at the brief flare of irritation that the interruption inspired in him. Firmly quelling the sensation, he chose to remain seated while voicing his permission for the individual on the other side of the door to enter.
With a soft pneumatic hiss, it slid open to reveal his captain, looking uncharacteristically anxious as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his countenance preoccupied.
"Sir?"
"Ah, Spock!" Kirk's attention snapped abruptly to his first officer. As he waited for him to state his reason for being there, Spock allowed one eyebrow to rise ever so slightly, having found through past experience that the simple facial gesture usually served to provoke his captain to a response. It had the desired effect.
"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here…"
"Indeed."
"So, I'll just come in, then?" Spock acquiesced with a slight nod. Upon realizing that no further response would be forthcoming from his first officer, Kirk stepped into Spock's quarters, the door sliding shut behind him. He sighed audibly, and seemed to be casting about for a conversational gambit, if the "ahhs", "umms", and throat clearings were anything to go by. This only served to heighten Spock's curiosity, as his captain very rarely had so much trouble coming to the point. Affecting sudden realization, Kirk made a great show of gazing around the room, as if just looking upon the various trappings of Spock's meditation session offered him the enlightenment they were purported to help the Vulcan attain. Knowing his captain well enough by now to instantly pick up on the insincerity of the gesture, Spock was not fooled one bit, and resolved that, whatever line Kirk tried to feed him, he would not bite. (It vaguely occurred to Spock that his comfort with Human idioms must be growing, if he was starting to employ them in his own thoughts.)
"You've been meditating! Of course - you're sitting on that mat; I should've noticed that as soon as the door opened. Sorry, Spock, I'll just go, this can wait 'til another time…" Kirk gestured to the door and would've beaten a hasty retreat if Spock hadn't chosen that moment to stand up and place a hand, quite deliberately, on his captain's shoulder.
"Jim." Kirk looked down at the hand resting on his shoulder as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing, and then looked up to meet Spock's eyes. He had been tensed to flee, but whatever he found there seemed to overcome his momentary weakness, and he relaxed. Spock slowly removed his hand and allowed it to drop to his side, his purpose accomplished. Whatever had Jim Kirk in this state, Spock was resolved to find out, even if it took a mind meld to do it. Spock blinked. Well, perhaps a mind meld would be a bit extreme, and extreme solutions generally stemmed from not logically considering all of the available options, and that thought led Spock to wistfully regret the interruption to his meditation. But only for a moment.
"Captain, based upon past conversations on the subject, I was under the impression that you were aware of my meditation schedule." Kirk appeared mildly sheepish.
"Okay, you got me there. Let it never be said you're not a creature of habit, Spock." A grin briefly lit up his face as he took in Spock's raised eyebrows.
"So, would it be logical to conclude that whatever purpose brought you here, you were depending on my…habit to ensure that I would be available for an audience with you? This would indicate that, whatever that purpose is, it can't 'wait 'til another time.'"
"Yes, Spock, that would be entirely logical." Kirk sighed. "Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get cold feet over it." Spock felt his curiosity burgeon, becoming an almost physical sensation as he anticipated the possible directions the conversation might take. He could admit to himself that he was grateful that Jim had taken it upon himself to address the elephant that had recently taken up residence in the room that was their friendship. (Where was this penchant for metaphor coming from? He decided to attribute it to too long an association with Dr. McCoy. If nothing else, Spock found the man a convenient scapegoat.)
"This is kinda the first time I've found myself in this position. I mean, in the past, I wouldn't even think about having a conversation about whether or not I should pursue a relationship. It would just sorta happen. I knew the signals. They'd know the signals." Kirk had taken up a position close to the exit, one shoulder leaning into the wall, his arms crossed in front of him, his head slightly down. Looking up, he leveled an intense and questioning gaze at the Vulcan. Spock swallowed. Now that they were coming to the point, he felt an unaccountable urge to prevaricate.
"Relationship, sir?" At the moment, it seemed a safer topic to address than…'signals.' Kirk tossed out his hand in an expansive gesture.
"Yes, this…thing, whatever it is, that's between us lately. You could cut the tension with a knife."
"A knife, sir?" Spock rather thought he deserved the glare that Kirk sent his way.
"For the love of Pete, Spock! Now's not the time to play dumb! If you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of baring my soul, here. You know, the next time Bones calls you an obtuse green-blooded robot, don't expect me to stick up for you." Interesting. That must've been a new one, because Spock didn't remember McCoy ever using that particular insult, at least not to his face. And McCoy had no qualms about insulting him in person.
"I apologize, Jim. My usual reaction to discussions of an emotional nature is to distance myself. Believe that it is not my intention to actually distance myself from you."
"God, I know this has gotta be uncomfortable for you, Spock. But if I didn't get this out in the open, I was gonna go nuts."
"And it would be illogical on my part to allow your sanity to deteriorate if there were something I could do to prevent it." There. He trusted his captain to see the opening for what it was. And he did not disappoint.
"Is that so, Spock?" Smirking was, Spock believed, the proper description for the look on Kirk's face. "Yes, falls under the whole first officer's responsibilities category, doesn't it? Listening to your captain rant about how he can't go a day without having…un-captainish thoughts about his first officer. Feeling it every time he enters a room and you're there, and knowing it without even having to see you. How I'm scared to death I could be ruining what could quite possibly be one of the best friendships I'll ever have, but I have to try it anyway…are you smiling?" Spock quickly regained control of the corners of his mouth, which had begun to twitch. Some reassurance was in order.
"Please Jim, don't stop. I assure you I am entirely amenable to the direction this conversation is taking."
"You're enjoying this!" Jim accused in a reproachful tone. Spock raised one eyebrow.
"I would've thought that was the reaction you were hoping for, Jim."
"Well, yeah, but I think you're also enjoying watching me squirm! You really are a pointy-eared bastard, you know that?" Kirk concluded with fond exasperation.
"I will neither confirm nor deny either of those statements." Spock had recently begun to realize that gently teasing his friend was a surprisingly satisfying pastime. Kirk tried to look offended, but quickly gave it up, relaxing into a slightly incredulous chuckle. He then proceeded to leave himself wide open for one last ribe. Just one more, and then, Spock promised himself, he would apply himself with due diligence to further exploration of the possibilities raised by Jim's confession.
"Aw, hell, Spock, when you do that thing with your right eyebrow, you don't know how much it makes me want to jump your bones."
"Jim, I fail to see the connection between my facial expressions and your desire to startle Dr. McCoy."
fin