The Vampire Talent Show
Intro : hello everyone thanks for reading please feel free to comment/review. The basic story is Caius too like Bella in my previous story "Fell" under a bus and died when he and the bus "Fell off a cliff". after a while Jane, Marcus and Aro started getting a little lonely, especially when Demetri realised his relationship with Felix was a tad stronger than he taught and they ran off to Vegas to get married. So the Volturi are looking for new members to join the Volturi, and are looking for any vampire talented to do it hence "The Vampire Talent show" like duhh.
p.s to make this better I brought the nomads ( Laurent, James and Victoria) back to life. WHY ? I heard you ask and the answer is "because I can bitch", that line is going to be used a lot so when you see it say it out loud.. Practice run.
Edward : because I can bitch
Say it hehe, if your young and your mother is listening say "Bith" instead of "Bitch".
The Volturi are holding it at some stage and loads of vampires turned up because,.. Because they can bitch.( LOL this is my new catch phrase).
The Rules Of The Talent Show
.1. You must be a Vampire
.2. You must be cool
.3. You must be nice to the Volturi
.4. There is no forth rule
The Vampire Talent Show
"The Volturi are sitting in there big Chairs on a stage and are calling up all the Vampires that are auditioning, Jane, Marcus and Aro are the judge's and if the three of them say STOP well then like stop.. Why ? Because they can bitch"
"Aro stands up"
Aro : Hello my brothers and sister thanks very much for coming. Again please read the rules and we will be happy to watch your auditions. When we call your name come to the stage and do your talent and we'll see who's going to be THE WINNER OF THE VAMPIRE !! TALENT !! SHOW!!-
Jane : He's worse than Ryan Secreast
Marcus : I know like jeez calm down swear they were getting paid for this
Random vampire : WERE NOT GETTING PAYED ?
Marcus : uhhhhh.
Jane :of course you think were just going to kidnap the winner and throw them in a bag forever
Marcus : is that not the plan
Jane : "cough" shut the "cough" f**k "cough" up
Marcus : why ?
Jane : BECAUSE YOU CAN BITCH !
Aro : And the first act….Kate Denali
"Kate walks up"
Jane : So what your talent
Kate : I shock people
Jane : what like in soap opera's like when Brad got with Kelly
"The Volturi cry"
Aro : WHY BRAD WHY ????
Marcus : what was wrong with Naomi
Marcus : I hate brad
Jane : I hate Kelly
Aro : kill them after this
Jane and Marcus : woohoo-
Kate : Nooo. Like I can Electcute people like this
"Kate shocks Aro"
Aro : AHHHHHHHHH.. WHAT !. IS ! . THE ! MATTER ! WITH ! YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..
Jane : yes I agree.. We have open wires for your talent
Marcus : so BYE !
Jane, Aro and Marcus : Stop
"Kate walks off stage, buzzing everything in sight with her anger"
Kate : stupid lamp BUZZ. Stair BUZZ -
Aro : OK . James Nomad
"James gets up"
Marcus : And your talent is ??
James : I can track stuff
Marcus : what like food ?
James : yes. I can smell almost anything
Marcus : well go on
"James puts his nose up to Jane"
James : I'm getting a strong smell off fish off you
"Everyone laughs at Jane, and she burns James to death"
Aro : ok. Next Alice Cullen
"Alice steps up"
Aro : and your talent ?
Alice : I can see the future
Aro : really ?
Alice : based on what people decide
Marcus : How ?
Alice : Because I can Bitch !
Aro : and what is Jane going to do ?
Alice : she is going to at this minute…… rape Edward
Alice : wait now Emmett
Alice : wait Edward
Alice : Emmett
Alice : Edward
Alice : Emmett
Alice : Edward
Alice : Emmett
Alice : Edward
Alice : MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN !!!!!!
Jane, Marcus and Aro : Stop
Alice : Emmett, Edward .. JASPER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jane : go away like NOW
Aro : Next…. Zafrina Amazon
"Zafrina steps up"
Jane : and what can you do ?
Zafrina : I can create any place you want and make you think your there-
Aro : RAINBOW PONY ISLAND !!!!!!!
Marcus : CAREBEAR FIELD
Jane : EDWARD CULLENS BEDROOM !
Zafrina : well. I can bring you to rainbow pony island, with care bears and grass and bring Edward ?
Aro, Jane and Marcus : that would complete my life
"Zafrina does just that, Marcus makes daisy chains with the care bears, Aro rides ponies on rainbows and Jane rides (well rapes) Edward"
Aro, Jane and Marcus : that was…. Great !
"Zafrina steps down"
Jane : I'm still light headed
Aro : and next …. DRACULA !
Jane and Marcus : what ?
"Dracula steps up"
Aro : And……. Your talent is
Dracula : I can say cool vampire stuff with a kind of German/Russian accent
Jane, Marcus and Aro : I'm intreeged
Dracula : I vant du zrink your vlood
Jane : WOW great…….. Next ?
Dracula : I vno tha vhis is znot svery entertaining zut-
Jane : shut up. You sound like that weird piazza man from italy GET OFF THE STAGE
Dracula : Zut-
Jane : GO !!!
Dracula : I'll zet vu zater
Aro : Ok…. Edward Cullen
"Edward steps on stage"
Marcus : so Edward have you a nick name ?
Edward : like what ?
Marcus : Eddie, Ed, -
Dracula from audience : VZWARD
Jane : LEAVE !!!!
Edward : well bella sometimes calls me Bronzey baby ?
Jane : ok .. Before I rape you again whats your talent ?
Edward : I can read minds
Aro : How ?
Edward : because I can bitch !
Marcus : ok . So what are we all thinking
Edward : well Aro is thinking about his rainbow pony saffire and when he will see her again, Marcus is thinking about how sad he is the Caius ran off with demetri and not him and Jane is thinking of me and silently singing the tom jones song sex bomb
Marcus : SEX BOMB SEX BOMB YOU'RE MY SEX BOMB
Aro : BABY YOU CAN TURN ME ON
Jane : Ow
Edward : Ow
Audience : Ow
Marcus : Ok.. That is VERY impressive thanks
Aro : OK next is …….. Laurent
"Laurent gets up"
Jane : Talent ?
Laurent : well I can say ABOSOULEY LETHAL and MOUTHWATERING sexingly and I tell jokes
Jane : amaze me ?
Laurent : Elevators smell different to a midget
"Alice glares"
Laurent : Two goldfish in a tank one says to the other how do you drive this thing
Marcus, Jane and Aro : STOP JEEZ STOP THE VERBAL ABUSE !
Laurent : but -
Jane : that's enough Bob Marly next ?
Aro : Ok were getting tired of these shitty acts so were going to call one random name from the list and like that's it .. SO Renesmee Cullen
"Renesmee steps up"
Jane : WHAT IS IT WITH THE CULLENS.. Whats your talent
Renesmee : I can show you things with my eyes
Aro : Oooooooooooooooooooh interesting
"Aro, Jane and Marcus huddle up and Renesmee plays for them the memorie of her hunting"
Jane : Boring anything else?
Renesmee: like ??
Aro : OOH GOD IT HAS TO BE TITANIC
Renesmee : plays titanic
Marcus : sorry it's a little blurry.. Can you update the quality?
"Two hours, and three endless sobless tears later Renesmee stops"
Marcus : if you think about it .. Shes a PORTABLE DVD PLAYER !
Jane : Amazing-
Aro : Ok well were going to narrow it down to 3 people and in the next show we'll tell you who won so that's all from THE VAMPIRE TALENT SHOW-
Jane : shut up
Aro : why ?
Jane : Because you can bitch
THE END OF PART 1 OF 2
That's the end of this part like duhhh. But tell me who out of everyone you seen you would like to come 1st, 2nd and 3rd and which vampire you would like to see do a talent .. Chanx